"What!" I say.

"Who she marryin'?" Mama asks.

Will fingers his hat, trying to look like he don't care. "I understand he is a colleague of Mr. Madden's. I didn't meet him."

"What happen to her brother?" Mama asks.

"He died a number of years ago."

"Did she send us a letter?" I ask.

"No," he says, and I know there's a whole lot of talking he's not doing.

"How's our girl lookin'?" Mama says. "She all growed up?"

"She is that." Will Stephens can't help but smile. "She's awfully pretty. Her hair is darker now, not as red, but her eyes... well, she looks right at you, same as before." pretty. Her hair is darker now, not as red, but her eyes... well, she looks right at you, same as before."

"Is she more like Beattie, or tall like f.a.n.n.y?" I say.

"She's tall as f.a.n.n.y, but she isn't skinny." He gets red when he hears hisself.

"She happy to be marryin' this man?" Mama asks.

He shrugged and shook his head. "Ah, Mae, I don't know much about women."

Mama makes us laugh: "Will Stephens, you men all the same. The whole bunch of you don't know much about women." Will looks like he getting ready to leave when Mama asks, "You see Marshall?"

"I did," he says. "He has grown up as well."

We look at him, and he knows we're asking for more, so he says, "I'm afraid I have nothing good to say about him."

The way Will says that, I get cold all over.

"And Miss Martha?" Mama ask.

"She is still in the hospital. Mr. Madden doubts that she will ever return home."

After Will goes, Mama and me talk. We both know something's not right. We wonder about Lavinia, why we don't get no letter. Why don't she write about the man she's marrying?

Mama's worried. What happens when Marshall comes home to run this place? She'd like to get her girls out of here, but Will Stephens already tells her he don't have the money. And I know what Mama worries most about. Does the same thing happen to them that happens to me?

Mama says it good that Ben and me are going to Will's farm. She's afraid that Benny will get hisself killed if Marshall ever goes after me again. But I think, If Marshall ever comes at me again, I don't need Benny to finish him off.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Lavinia

ALTHOUGH M MR. B BORAN WANTED TO marry immediately, Mr. Madden stood firm on our wedding date, set for the following June, a month after my seventeenth birthday. As time pa.s.sed, I had a growing concern with Mr. Boran. With others, he continued as a meek, mild-mannered individual, but away from their eyes, he was another man. When the two of us were isolated, he quickly became amorous and exhibited what to me was frightening behavior. His actions were no longer the innocent, albeit pa.s.sionate kissing of my hands; he had begun to touch me inappropriately, in ways that I would have thought were meant for husband and wife. Yet I wondered if, as his intended, I was meant to tolerate this. marry immediately, Mr. Madden stood firm on our wedding date, set for the following June, a month after my seventeenth birthday. As time pa.s.sed, I had a growing concern with Mr. Boran. With others, he continued as a meek, mild-mannered individual, but away from their eyes, he was another man. When the two of us were isolated, he quickly became amorous and exhibited what to me was frightening behavior. His actions were no longer the innocent, albeit pa.s.sionate kissing of my hands; he had begun to touch me inappropriately, in ways that I would have thought were meant for husband and wife. Yet I wondered if, as his intended, I was meant to tolerate this.

I did not know where to turn for help. Meg was as inexperienced as I, but more to the point, she had made it clear from the beginning that she did not wish to discuss anything about my relationship with Mr. Boran. I attempted a conversation with Miss Sarah, but I believe she thought I was seeking information about the wedding night and, embarra.s.sed, she cut short the subject. The next day she came to my room and gave me a pamphlet to read. Information in it implied that the union between married couples was, while performed by men, to be endured by women.

Meanwhile, Mr. Boran was becoming more and more adept at finding ways to get me alone. His excuses were varied: a letter that he wanted me to hear in private, a small gift he wished me to have. The Maddens always agreed to his requests and often, of an evening, retired early to give us our privacy. I discouraged his advances as best I could and tried to redirect him with conversation, but he was becoming more bold and demanding. During his lewd advances, I fought to control my outright disgust, and after, alone in my room, I promised myself to find a way out of this agreement. One night, in a moment of inspiration, I thought of our tutor, Mrs. Ames. I would ask her advice. Could I work as a governess? Did I have enough education to teach? but he was becoming more bold and demanding. During his lewd advances, I fought to control my outright disgust, and after, alone in my room, I promised myself to find a way out of this agreement. One night, in a moment of inspiration, I thought of our tutor, Mrs. Ames. I would ask her advice. Could I work as a governess? Did I have enough education to teach?

Her response was immediate. "My dear! Why would you want to do that?" In the one-way conversation that followed, she explained that teaching was an acceptable fate only if there was no alternative. She listed her reasons. First there was the issue of finding an amenable situation. Then there was always the fear of losing the position. "It happens all the time, and where does that leave a young woman? To be thrown out on the street? No, no, no! A girl such as yourself wants marriage."

Much discouraged, I decided that door was closed.

Then came the invitation to an evening ball at the Raleigh Tavern. Offered by Mr. Boran, it included Meg. By now Mr. Boran had sensed Meg's opposition to our engagement, and I believe this invitation was his effort to gain her goodwill. At first I did not know why she agreed so readily, as it was customary for her to refuse these social excursions. She surprised me further when she appealed to her mother to provide each of us with a new dress for the occasion. Delighted at the prospect of her daughter's interest in a social outing, Miss Sarah had the dressmaker in the very next day.

Meg had grown over the past year, though at fifteen, she remained short and slight. She had developed few feminine curves but was really quite pretty when she removed her eyegla.s.ses to accentuate her pert nose and large brown eyes. Her hair remained difficult to control, for it frizzed rather than curled, and only braids or tight combs could hold it in place. Pins gave her a headache, she said, so often as not, her hair did as it would.

Meg was as devoted to her study of biology as ever, but of late she appeared to have taken an interest in one young man. He was Henry Crater, the twin whom Marshall had pummeled a few years back. Meg claimed her interest in Henry was related strictly to nature study, for Henry, now at college, also studied botany. But recently, when he came by to exchange books on the subject, I noticed Meg's hair done up in combs. nature study, for Henry, now at college, also studied botany. But recently, when he came by to exchange books on the subject, I noticed Meg's hair done up in combs.

The night of the ball, before we dressed, I piled up my hair and dressed it prettily with white ribbon. On seeing it done, Meg handed me some yellow ribbon and asked that I do the same for her. She chatted away while I did so and, to my amus.e.m.e.nt, let it slip that she hoped to see Henry at the event.

After we were dressed, Meg and I studied each other. We had each chosen a fashionable dress of white lawn with empire waist, low square neckline, and small puff sleeves. For trim, I had chosen blue ribbon, while Meg had selected yellow embroidery. Under our skirts, we wore flesh-toned pantaloons edged to match our dresses. We gave each other high praise on our appearance, and when I saw Meg smile at herself in the mirror, I suspected that for the first time, she knew what it was like to feel pretty.

This was my first formal outing with Mr. Boran, and I must admit, though I was excited by a new experience, I wished myself in Meg's position. I knew from the moment Mr. Boran arrived with his carriage that the evening would provide a challenge. On the ride over, he would not take his eyes from me, and to my embarra.s.sment, he would not stop staring at the low cut of my gown. He repeatedly remarked at my beauty until Meg asked him to please find another topic. He fell silent, and I was relieved when we reached our destination. The Maddens were already there and came to greet us.

Mr. Boran did not wait but took me immediately to the dance floor. He moved with dexterity, but I was not put at ease when, with each pa.s.s, his eyes covered me in such a way that I feared how the evening might end. Clearly, he considered me his prize, and as this was our first public outing, I did not doubt that gossip circled the room. He did not want to leave the dance floor, so when I spied Meg off to the side, chatting with Henry, I insisted I needed a rest. But even then, to my frustration, Mr. Boran remained my shadow. I wanted to speak privately with Meg, to ensure that she would return home with us, but it wasn't until I had the inspiration to request some refreshment that Mr. Boran reluctantly left my side. Of course, this was the moment when Meg agreed to dance with Henry, and knowing this was a triumph for him, I did not hold them back. shadow. I wanted to speak privately with Meg, to ensure that she would return home with us, but it wasn't until I had the inspiration to request some refreshment that Mr. Boran reluctantly left my side. Of course, this was the moment when Meg agreed to dance with Henry, and knowing this was a triumph for him, I did not hold them back.

From the dance floor, Miss Sarah beamed her approval, first at Meg, then at me. To my relief, I saw Marshall making his way toward me. My first thought was one of safety, and I eagerly watched his approach. Marshall looked striking in a dark green velvet coat, matching vest, and white muslin cravat. He glanced but once at my form, bowed politely, then stood to my side looking out at the dance floor.

"You've never looked more beautiful," he said.

"Marshall ..." I began, but did not know how to proceed.

"What is it, Lavinia?" He leaned down to better hear.

"I'm afraid," I said.

"Afraid? Of what?" He looked directly at me, and at once I saw his concern.

"Marshall! It's good to see you watching out for Lavinia." Mr. Boran approached us with a newfound confidence. "I will see to her now," he added, offering me the drink. Marshall said not a word, and my heart plummeted when he bowed abruptly, then walked away.

"My dear," said Mr. Boran, "I have a favor to ask."

"Yes?"

"I promised Molly that I would bring you by the house tonight so she might see how beautiful you are."

"But what about-"

"I've already spoken to the Maddens. I told them we would return once we've satisfied Molly."

I looked across the dance floor and saw the Maddens laughing with another couple while Meg danced by with Henry. "Let me say good-bye," I said.

"No." He grasped my elbow. "We'll return. Come now, the carriage is ready."

"But I don't wish to go."

"You would disappoint Molly?" he asked.

I hesitated and looked around, trying to think of a way out.

"Well, I won't have her disappointed," he said, and pressing his fingers into my arm, he steered me through the packed room and out the door.

I was silent on the ride to his home, and I felt some relief when he ordered the carriage to wait in the front. He took me into a parlor, but as I feared, Molly was not home. When I realized that his housemaid was also away, I became truly frightened. "Mr. Boran-"

He did not wait. 'You will be my wife in a few short months," he said, as though offering an excuse for the attack he began. I fought as though my life depended on my virtue, and I might have lost had he not tripped on his breeches when I made my escape. I ran from the house, leaving behind my wrap, not caring that I was half undressed. When I reached the carriage, I grabbed at the door handle and sobbed directions to the driver. I screamed when I felt hands clutch me from behind. The horses jerked forward, but I would not release my hold on the carriage door and was dragged along until I lost my grip.

"Lavinia! It's me! It's me!"

It was only when I fell away from the carriage that I realized the man holding me was Marshall.

MARSHALL COVERED ME WITH HIS jacket, then took me home. Once there, he intended to leave me while he went for the Maddens, but, certain that Mr. Boran would reappear, I pleaded for him to stay. To my relief, Marshall waited while I went upstairs to change, and he promised to do so until the Maddens' return. When I came downstairs, I couldn't stop shaking until he poured me a large measure of brandy and had me drink it down. The liquid bit into me but helped settle me, and after a short while, since I was jacket, then took me home. Once there, he intended to leave me while he went for the Maddens, but, certain that Mr. Boran would reappear, I pleaded for him to stay. To my relief, Marshall waited while I went upstairs to change, and he promised to do so until the Maddens' return. When I came downstairs, I couldn't stop shaking until he poured me a large measure of brandy and had me drink it down. The liquid bit into me but helped settle me, and after a short while, since I was unaccustomed to liquor, it loosened my tongue. I told Marshall of the liberties Mr. Boran had taken, and I spoke openly of my revulsion at the thought of marrying him. Suddenly, I had a terrible thought. "Must I still marry him?" I asked. unaccustomed to liquor, it loosened my tongue. I told Marshall of the liberties Mr. Boran had taken, and I spoke openly of my revulsion at the thought of marrying him. Suddenly, I had a terrible thought. "Must I still marry him?" I asked.

"No, Lavinia. You are quite through with him," Marshall a.s.sured me.

"But I agreed to it," I said.

"And I never understood why," he answered.

"I thought it the only solution. The Maddens have been so good to me. I can't expect them to provide for me much longer."

"Vinny! Vinny!" Meg flew in with the Maddens close behind. She rushed to my side, then stopped and stepped back to look at me. "You've been drinking!" she said. "You smell of it."

"I gave her some brandy," Marshall said.

"Marshall!" Miss Sarah scolded.

"She had need of it," he said.

Meg began the questions. "Whatever happened, Vinny? Mr. Boran came to find Father. He was white in the face. He said some terrible things about you."

I turned to Marshall for help, but he was already leading Mr. Madden from the room. Miss Sarah took a chair opposite me and demanded to know the story. After I told her everything, Meg put her arms around my shoulders. That was when I began to weep.

THE ENGAGEMENT WAS ENDED, BUT I hated to have humiliated the Maddens with my failure. I felt especially guilty knowing that Mr. Madden had been a friend of Mr. Boran's; I knew how closely their work was related. I could only guess at the questions and the gossip that Miss Sarah was subjected to, and I could not think of a word to say to her as apology. No one told me the story the vile man circulated, but the little I did hear was evil enough to have half the town question the integrity of my character. How I regretted putting this family in such a position. I realized more than ever that I must soon make my own way. I hated to have humiliated the Maddens with my failure. I felt especially guilty knowing that Mr. Madden had been a friend of Mr. Boran's; I knew how closely their work was related. I could only guess at the questions and the gossip that Miss Sarah was subjected to, and I could not think of a word to say to her as apology. No one told me the story the vile man circulated, but the little I did hear was evil enough to have half the town question the integrity of my character. How I regretted putting this family in such a position. I realized more than ever that I must soon make my own way.

I determined to wait until my seventeenth birthday before I appealed once again to Mrs. Ames. I was hopeful that she might see my need more clearly and be willing to take some steps to help me secure a position as governess. With that in mind, I concentrated more than ever on my studies. Marshall never referred to that night, but embarra.s.sed to think of what he had witnessed, not the least being my near state of undress, I was more reserved with him. He continued to teach the Sat.u.r.day cla.s.s and once again joined the family for Sat.u.r.day dinners. appealed once again to Mrs. Ames. I was hopeful that she might see my need more clearly and be willing to take some steps to help me secure a position as governess. With that in mind, I concentrated more than ever on my studies. Marshall never referred to that night, but embarra.s.sed to think of what he had witnessed, not the least being my near state of undress, I was more reserved with him. He continued to teach the Sat.u.r.day cla.s.s and once again joined the family for Sat.u.r.day dinners.

Meg stood by me, as always. On a day not long after the ball, Mr. Degat, in a snide manner, questioned my part in the failed engagement. Meg cut him short by asking him about a particularly ugly piece of gossip that paired him with Mr. Alessi.

During that fall and winter, I welcomed my twice-weekly visits to Miss Martha. Her needs were such that mine paled next to hers, and each time I saw her eyes light up at my appearance, it let me know that I had something to offer.

Miss Martha was finally responding to treatment. The doctors had discovered that when laudanum was given four times a day, rather than just at bedtime, her outbursts all but disappeared. With this improvement, all other treatments were discontinued, and gradually, her behavior stabilized. There were times when I spoke to her of my daily affairs and she showed interest, appearing to comprehend my words. I did not include my concerns but told lighthearted stories based on village gossip. She listened intently and, during the telling, often took my hand and stroked it with what I took to be affection.

One day when she reached for my hand, I felt such warmth toward her that I wondered if that feeling was akin to what I might feel toward a mother. She noted my mood, and when my eyes welled up, she touched my hand to her face for the first time ever. Following that, my affection for her deepened, and I resolved to continue to see her no matter where my future might take me.

MAY ARRIVED, AND WITH ITS sweet greening, I tried to convince myself that my future was not as bleak as I had imagined. I still had sweet greening, I tried to convince myself that my future was not as bleak as I had imagined. I still had not written to Belle, for I held a deep hurt that she had not seen fit to tell me the reason for Will's visit-that of securing her for himself. But in truth, it was not the only reason I did not write. I knew there was no chance of returning to the family I loved, and the thought of further contact had become too heart-wrenching. not written to Belle, for I held a deep hurt that she had not seen fit to tell me the reason for Will's visit-that of securing her for himself. But in truth, it was not the only reason I did not write. I knew there was no chance of returning to the family I loved, and the thought of further contact had become too heart-wrenching.

I arranged to meet with Mrs. Ames the day following my seventeenth birthday. I decided that if she was unable to help me, I would prevail upon the Maddens one last time, to a.s.sist me in finding a family in need of a governess.

Meg was sixteen, the age when a girl's schooling was considered complete. It was expected that a young woman of that age fill her time with social obligations, but this being Meg, no one questioned when she announced that she would continue her study as before. Although we did not speak of it, Meg a.s.sumed I would go on with her, but I had already been given a year's grace. It was time for me to find employment.

About a week before my birthday, the mood in the household changed. For no reason that I could understand, the Maddens were more lighthearted in their approach to me; even Meg, normally oblivious to her parents, noted the difference. I guessed it had to do with their grat.i.tude for my visiting Miss Martha. Indeed, Miss Sarah remarked often how well her sister was doing and said she was certain it was I who had made all the difference.

Over the winter Marshall had begun to visit on Wednesday evenings to play cards with Meg and me. I remained most grateful for his rescue of me, and because of it, I found myself in frequent romantic daydreams that included him. They embarra.s.sed me, and afraid of giving myself away, I was often more reserved with him than I meant to be.

When Henry asked to join our midweek card party, I became more my old self. Henry initiated a cautious flirtation with Meg, and I began an easy banter with Marshall.

I WAS MELANCHOLY WHEN WAS MELANCHOLY WHEN I returned from the hospital the afternoon of my birthday. The day before, Miss Sarah had asked if there was I returned from the hospital the afternoon of my birthday. The day before, Miss Sarah had asked if there was anything special that I might like to mark the celebration. Nostalgic for the times the twins and I had shared an outdoor meal, I asked if I might take a simple afternoon dinner to share with Miss Martha. Miss Sarah seemed pleased with my request, and after she obtained permission from the hospital, she had Bess prepare a basket. anything special that I might like to mark the celebration. Nostalgic for the times the twins and I had shared an outdoor meal, I asked if I might take a simple afternoon dinner to share with Miss Martha. Miss Sarah seemed pleased with my request, and after she obtained permission from the hospital, she had Bess prepare a basket.

When I arrived, the hospital staff had set up a small table beside a bench in the shade of the mad yard, and I was told that Miss Martha and I had exclusive use of the yard for one hour. She was more alert than ever, and she watched closely as I covered the table with a white cotton cloth and set out blue and white china plates and silver cutlery. I had her sit beside me on the bench, then covered our laps with large linen napkins before we began our small feast of pickled asparagus, baked ham, fresh bread, and apple tarts topped with thick sweet cream. She waited until I began to eat, then delicately picked up her cutlery and began to sample the food.

While we ate, I spoke of the meals I had enjoyed in the outdoors at Tall Oaks. From the corner of my eye, I saw that she listened, so I indulged myself and spoke to her as though she understood everything. I immersed myself in memory and lived again the joy as the twins and I, sated from a basket feast, lay back onto soft pine needles. When I came back to present day, I told my silent dinner companion that this day was my birthday. I was seventeen, a grown woman. Miss Martha looked at me, dabbed her mouth with her napkin, and for the first time since her hospitalization, spoke a full sentence.

"When the captain arrives, Isabelle, we will leave for home," she said.

I stared at her. I waited for more, but it was as though the effort to formulate the thought had drained her. She looked about as if lost. Her napkin dropped to the ground when she rose from the table, and she did not retrieve it before she walked off. Later, when I said good-bye, she was still far away.

IMEANT TO GO STRAIGHT to my room to finish what I had been working on. I was preparing a list of my qualifications for the prospective employer whom I hoped Mrs. Ames would help me to find. When I disembarked from my carriage, I was surprised to find Marshall there to greet me. He took my basket from my arm and set it down. "Walk with me?" he asked. to my room to finish what I had been working on. I was preparing a list of my qualifications for the prospective employer whom I hoped Mrs. Ames would help me to find. When I disembarked from my carriage, I was surprised to find Marshall there to greet me. He took my basket from my arm and set it down. "Walk with me?" he asked.

"Is Meg coming?" I looked for her.

"No, not today."

"But Miss Sarah-"

"I have her permission."

I might have been apprehensive had he not such a pleasant look. He took my hand and linked it to his arm, then confidently set the two of us out on a path into the golden afternoon. In silence, we walked to the park, where Marshall seated me on a bench under a blooming dogwood tree. I glanced up at him uncertainly.

"Lavinia," he said, facing me, "I understand that you have once again demonstrated your kindness."