_Sir C._ What have we here--the lawyers in dispute?

_Alscrip._ [_Entering._] You have not heard my last word yet.

_Rightly._ [_Entering._] You have heard mine, sir.

_Alscrip._ [_Whispering._] I'll make the five thousand I offered, ten.

_Rightly._ Millions would not bribe me--[_Coming forward._] When I detect wrong, and vindicate the sufferer, I feel the spirit of the law of England, and the pride of a pract.i.tioner.

_Alscrip._ Lucifer confound such practices! [_In this Part of the Scene, SIR CLEMENT, LORD GAYVILLE, LADY EMILY, CLIFFORD, and MISS CLIFFORD, form one Group._]

[_RIGHTLY opens a Deed, and points out a Part of it to SIR CLEMENT._]

[_MR. and MISS ALSCRIP carry on the following Speeches on the Side at which ALSCRIP has entered. And MR. and MRS. BLANDISH are farther back, observing._]

_Alscrip._ That cursed! cursed flaw.--

_Miss Als._ Flaw! who has dared to talk of one? not in my reputation, sir?

_Alscrip._ No, but in my estate; which is a d.a.m.ned deal worse.

_Miss Als._ How? what? when?--where?----The estate that was to be settled upon me?

_Alscrip._ Yes, but that _me_ turned topsey turvey--when _me_ broke into my room this morning, and the devil followed, to fly away with all my faculties at once--I am ruined--Let us see what you will settle upon your poor father.

_Miss Als._ I settle upon you?

_Mrs. Blandish._ This is an embarra.s.sing accident.

_Miss Als._ Yes, and a pretty help you are, with a drop chin, like a frontispiece to the Lamentations.

_Rightly._ [_Coming forward with SIR CLEMENT._] I stated this with some doubt this morning, but now my credit as a lawyer upon the issue.--The heiress falls short of the terms in your treaty by two thousand pounds a-year--which this deed, lately and providentially discovered, entails upon the heirs of Sir William Charlton, and consequently, in right of his mother, upon this gentleman.

_Lady E._ How!

_Lord G._ Happy disappointment.

_Sir C._ [_Aside._] Two thousand a-year to Clifford! It's a pity, for the parade of disinterestedness, that he opened his designs upon Emily, before he knew his pretensions.

_Lady E._ [_Aside._] Now, if there were twenty ceilings, and as many floors, could not I find a spot to settle my silly looks upon.

[_SIR CLEMENT observes her with his usual Shyness._

_Sir C._ [_Turning towards ALSCRIP._] Palm a false t.i.tle upon me? I should have thought the attempt beyond the collective a.s.surance of Westminster-hall--and he takes the loss as much to heart as if he bought the estate with his own money.

_Alscrip._ [_With Hesitation._] Sir Clement--what think you--of an amicable adjustment of all these businesses?

_Sir C._ [_Ironically._] Nothing can be more reasonable. The value of Miss Alscrip's amiable disposition, placed against the abatement of her fortune, is a matter of the most easy computation; and to decide the portion, Mr. Clifford ought to relinquish of his acquisition--Lady Emily--will you be a referee?

_Lady E._ [_Aside._] Yes, the lynx has me--I thought I should not escape.--[_To him._] No, sir; my poor abilities only extend to an amicable endeavour here. [_To MISS ALSCRIP._] And really, Miss Alscrip, I see no reason for your being dispirited; there may be many ready-made t.i.tles at market, within the reach of your purse. Or, why should not a woman of your consequence originate her own splendour? there's an old admirer of mine--He would make a very pretty lord--and indeed, would contribute something on his own part, to ease the purchase--The Blandish family is well with all administrations, and a new coronet is always as big again as an old one. I don't see how you could lay out part of your independency to more advantage.

_Blandish._ [_Aside._] Yes, but since flaws are in fashion, I shall look a little into things before I agree to the bargain.

_Miss Als._ [_Aside._] I'll die before I'll discover my vexation--and yet, [_Half crying._] no t.i.tle--no place.

_Lady E._ Depend upon it, Miss Alscrip, your place will be found exactly where it ought to be. The public eye, in this country, is never long deceived--Believe me--and cherish obscurity--t.i.tle may bring forward merits, but it also places our defects in horrid relief.

_Alscrip._ Molly, the sooner we get out of court the better--we have d.a.m.nably the worst of this cause, so come along, Molly--[_Taking her under the Arm._]--and farewell to Berkeley Square. Whoever wants Alscrip House, will find it in the neighbourhood of Furnival's Inn, with the n.o.ble t.i.tle of Scrivener, in capitals--Blank bonds at the windows, and a bra.s.s knocker at the door. [_Pulling her._] Come along, Molly.

_Miss Als._ [_Half crying.--Aside._] Oh! the barbarous metamorphosis--but his fl.u.s.terums for a week, will serve my temper, as a regimen. I will then take the management of my affairs into my own hands, and break from my cloud anew: and you shall find [_To the Company._] there are those without a coronet, that can be as saucy, and as loud, and stop the way in all public places, as well as the best of you. [_LADY EMILY laughs._] Yes, madam, and without borrowing your ladyship's airs.

_Als._ [_Pulling her._] Come along, Molly.

_Miss Als._ Oh you have been a jewel of a father.

[_The Company laugh._

[_Exeunt MR. and MISS ALSCRIP._

[_MR. and MRS. BLANDISH stay behind._

_Lady E._ Mrs. Blandish, sure you do not leave your friend, Miss Alscrip, in distress?

_Mrs. Blandish._ We'll not disturb the ashes of the dead--my sweet Lady Emily--

_Blandish._ Oh my sweet sister, none of your flourishes--In the present mood of the company, even mine would not do. Truth and sentiment have the ascendency. But let them alone; and they'll come round again.

[_Addressing the Company._] Flattery is the diet of good humour; and not one of you can live without it; and when you quarrel with the family of Blandish, you only leave refined cookery, to be fed upon sc.r.a.ps, by a poor cousin or a led captain.

[_Taking his Sister under his Arm._

_Mrs. Blandish._ [_With a Look of Courtship to the Company._] Oh! the two charming pairs!

_Blandish._ [_Pulling her away._] Oh! thou walking dedication!

[_Exeunt._

_Lord G._ Precious group, fare ye well. [_To SIR CLEMENT._] And now, sir, whatever may be your determinations towards me--here are pretensions you may patronize without breach of discretion. The estate which devolves to my friend--

_Rightly._ To prevent errors--is not his to bestow.

_Sir C._ What now--more flaws?

_Rightly._ The estate was his beyond the reach of controversy: but before he was truly sure of it, on his way to Hyde-Park, did this spendthrift, by a stroke of his pen, divest himself of every shilling--Here is the covenant by which he binds himself to execute proper conveyances as soon as the necessary forms can be gone through.

_Lord G._ And in favour of whom is this desperate act?

_Rightly._ Of a most dangerous seducer--a little mercenary, that, when she gets hold of the heart, does not leave an atom of it our own.

_All._ How!