CYRUS. (Significantly.) Unless you're stopped.

CARVE. And who's going to stop me? All the laws of this country added together can't make me take my collar off if I don't want to.

CYRUS. What about arresting you for bigamy? What about Holloway? I fancy at Holloway they have a short method with people who won't take their collars off.

CARVE. Well, that will only be another proof that the name of this island is England. It will be telegraphed to the Continent that in order to prove to herself that she possessed a great artist, England had to arrest him for bigamy and shove him into prison.... Characteristic!

Characteristic!

ALCAR. (Who has moved across to JANET.) Mrs. X, can you--

JANET. (Rising to CARVE, winningly.) Now--Ilam. You're only laying up trouble for yourself, and for me too. Do please think of the trial.

You know how shy you are, and how you tremble at the mere thought of a witness-box.

CYRUS. I can believe it.

CARVE. (Smiling at JANET.) I've got past shyness. I think it was the visit of my fine stalwart sons yesterday that cured me of shyness. I doubt if I shall ever be shy any more.

JANET. (Appealingly.) Dearest, to please me!

CARVE. (Curt now for the first time, with a flash of resentment.) No.

JANET. (After a slight pause; hurt and startled; with absolute conviction, to LORD LEONARD ALCAR.) It's no use. He's made up his mind.

EBAG. I have an idea that I can persuade--

JANET. (Hotly.) Excuse me. You can't.

EBAG. I have an idea I can. But (hesitates) the fact is, not in the presence of ladies.

JANET. Oh. If that's all--(walks away in a huff.)

EBAG. (To JANET.) My deepest apologies.

(LORD LEONARD ALCAR shows JANET out)

TEXEL. Well, well! What now?

EBAG. (To CARVE.) You remember Lady Alice Rowfant?

CARVE. (Taken aback.) That doesn't concern you.

EBAG. (Ignoring this answer.) Pardon me if I speak plainly. You were once engaged to marry Lady Alice Rowfant. But a few days before your valet died you changed your mind and left her in the lurch in Spain.

Lady Alice Rowfant is now in England. She has been served with a subpoena to give evidence at the trial. And if the trial comes on she will have to identify you and tell her story in court. (Pause.) Are you going to put her to this humiliation?

(CARVE walks about. Then he gives a gesture of surrender.)

CARVE. The artist is always beaten! (With an abrupt movement he pulls undone the bow of his necktie.)

(The stage is darkened to indicate the pa.s.sage of a few minutes.)

SCENE 2

(CARVE is attempting to re-tie his necktie. LORD LEONARD ALCAR is coming away from door back. JANET enters from door, L.)

JANET. (Under emotion, to CARVE.) Then you've done it! (CARVE ignores her.)

ALCAR. Yes, and I feel like a dentist.

JANET. You've sent them all away.

ALCAR. I thought you'd like me to. Mr. Ebag took charge of Mr. Texel.

Your cousin Cyrus was extremely upset.

JANET. What did she say?

ALCAR. Who say?

JANET. Lady Alice Rowfant, of course. Oh! You needn't pretend! As soon as Mr. Ebag asked me to go out I knew he'd got her up his sleeve.

(Weeps slightly.)

ALCAR. (Very sympathetically.) My dear young lady, what is the matter?

JANET. (Her utterance disturbed by sobs--indicating CARVE.) He'd do it for her, but he wouldn't do it for me!

ALCAR. I a.s.sure you, Lady Alice Rowfant has not been here.

JANET. Honest?

ALCAR. No. The mere mention of her name was sufficient.

JANET. That's even worse! (Rushing across to CARVE and pettishly seizing his necktie. CARVE submits.) Here! Let me do it--for goodness sake! Great clumsy! (Still tearful--to LORD LEONARD ALCAR as she ties the necktie.) Somehow I don't mind crying in front of you, because you're so nice and fatherly.

ALCAR. Well, if I'm so fatherly, may I venture on a little advice to you two? (To CARVE.) You said you didn't want to be Ilam Carve. Don't be Ilam Carve. Let Ilam Carve continue his theoretical repose in the Abbey and you continue to be somebody else. It will save a vast amount of trouble, and n.o.body will be a penny the worse. Leave England--un.o.btrusively. If you feel homesick, arrange to come back during a general election, and you will be absolutely unnoticed. You have money. If you need more, I can dispose of as many new pictures as you like to send.

JANET. I don't want him to paint any more pictures.

ALCAR. But he will.

JANET. I suppose he will. Why is it? As if we hadn't had enough bother already through this art business!

ALCAR. Yes. But artists are like that, you know.

JANET. (Affectionately reproachful to CARVE.) Child! Look how nicely I've tied it for you. (Shakes him.) Whatever are you dreaming about?