"LettingtheeffingcarabinierieffuptheR.V."

"HaveyoutriedgivingorderstotheItalianarmy?"

Hesniffedasareply.Hehimselfwasanex-S.A.S.sergeant,nownearingforty, whowouldneverinhisservicedayshavedreamedofobeyingacivilian.Hecould moveacrossanyterraininawaythatmadeachameleonlookflamboyant,andhe hadthreetimestrackedandliberatedavictimbeforetheransomhadbeenpaid, thoughnoone,noteventhevictim,wasquitesurehow.TonyVinewasthemost secretiveofthewholetight-lippedbunchandanythinghedidn'twanttotell didn'tgettold.

Itwashewhohadwarnedmeaboutknivesinsiderolled-upmagazines,andI'd guessedhe'dknownbecausehe'dcarriedonethatwayhimself.

Hishumorconsistedmostlyofsarcasm,andhecouldhardlygetasentenceout withoutanoilingoff.u.c.k,s.h.i.t,andp.i.s.s.Heworkednearlyalwaysonpolitical kidnapsbecausehe,likePucinelli,tendedtodespisepersonalandcompany wealth.

"Ifyou'reeffingpoor,"he'dsaidtomeonce,"andyouseesomecapitalist s.h.i.ttingaroundinaRoller,it'snotsoeffingsurprisingyouthinkofwaysof levelingthingsup.Ifyou'redowntoyourlastbitofgoatcheeseinSardinia, maybe,orshortofbeansinMexico,alittlekidnapmakeseffingsense."

"You'reromantic,"I'danswered."WhataboutthepoorSardinianswhosteala childfromapoorSardinianvillage,andgrindallthepoorpeoplethereinto poorerdust,forcingthemalltopayouttheirpitifulsavingsforaransom?"

"Noone'seffingperfect."

Forallthathe'dbeenagainstmejoiningthefirminthefirstplace,andin spiteofhisfeelingsuperiorineveryway,wheneverwe'dworkedtogetherithad beenwithoutfriction.Hecouldfeelhiswaythroughthepsychesofkidnappers asthroughaminefield,butpreferredtohavemedealwiththefamiliesofthe victims.

"Whenyou'rewiththem,theystayinoneeffingpiece.IfItellthemwhatto do,theyfalltoeffingbits."

Hewasathishappiestcooperatingwithmeninuniform,amongwhomheseemedto commandinstantrecognitionandrespect.Goodsergeantsranthearmy,itwas said,andwhenhewantedtohehadtheairabouthimstill.

NoonewasallowedtoserveintheS.A.S.foranextendedperiod,andoncehe'd beenbouncedoutbecauseof.a.ge,he'dbeenbored.Thensomeonehadmurmuredin hisearaboutfightingterroristsadifferentway,andLibertyMarkethadnever regrettedtakinghim.

"IputyouinforSundaymidnightontheblower,didyousee,insteadofme?"he said.

Inodded.

"Thewife'sgotthiseffinganniversarypartyorganized,andlikeas...o...b.. midnightI'llbep.i.s.sed."

"Allright,"Isaid.

Hewa.s.shortforasoldier:usefulforpa.s.singasawoman,he'dtoldmeonce.

Sandy-haired,blue-eyed,andlightonhisfeet,hewasafanaticaboutfitness, anditwashewhohadpersuadedeveryonetofurnish(anduse)theiron-pumping roominthebas.e.m.e.nt.Heneversaidmuchabouthisorigins:thetougherpartsof London,fromhisaccent.

"Whendidyougetback?"Iasked."LastIheardyouwereinColombia."

"Endoftheweek."

"Howwasit?"Isaid.

Hescowled."Wewinkledtheeffinghostagesoutsafe,andthenthelocal strengthgotexcitedandshotthes.h.i.toutoftheterrorists,thoughthey'dgot theireffinghandsupandwerecomingoutpeaceful."Heshookhishead."Never keeptheirbulletstothemselves,thosesavages.Effingstupid,thewhole s.h.i.ttinglotofthem."

Shootingterroristswho'dsurrenderedwas,ashe'dsaid,effingstupid.Thenews wouldgetaround,andthenextbunchofterrorists,knowingthey'dbeshotif theydidandalsoshotiftheydidn't,wouldbemorelikelytokilltheir victims.

IhadmissedtheMondaymeetingwherethatdebaclewouldhavebeendiscussed, butmeanwhiletherewasmyownreporttowriteforthepickingoverofBologna.

IspentallSat.u.r.dayonitandsomeofSundaymorning,andthendrove seventy-fivemileswestwardtoLambourn.

PopsyTeddingtonprovedtoliveinatallwhitehousenearthecenterofthe village,ahouseseemingalmostsuburbanbutsurprisinglyfrontingagreat amountofstabling.Ihadn'tuntilthatdayrealizedthatracingstablescould occuractuallyinsidevillages,butwhenIremarkedonitPopsysaidwitha smilethatIshouldseeNewmarket,theyhadhorseswherepeopleinothertowns hadgarages,greenhouses,andsheds.

Shewa.s.standingoutsidewhenIarrived,loomingoverafive-footmanwhoseemed gladoftheinterruption.

"Justseetothat,Sammy.TellthemIwon'tstandforit,"shewa.s.saying forcefullyasIopenedthecardoor.Herheadturnedmywayandamomentary "who-are-you?"frowncrossedherforehead."Oh,yes,Alessia'sfriend.She's aroundtheback,somewhere.Comealong."Sheledmepastthehouseandbehinda blockofstabling,andwearrivedsuddenlyinviewofasmallrailedpaddock, whereagirlonahorsewa.s.slowlycantering,watchedbyanothergirlonfoot.

Thelittlepaddockseemedtobesurroundedbythebacksofotherstablesand otherhouses,andthegra.s.swithinithadseenbetterdays.

"Ihopeyoucanhelpher,"Popsysaidstraightly,asweapproached."I'venever knownherlikethis.Veryworrying."

"Howdoyoumean?"Iasked.

"Soinsecure.Shewouldn'trideoutyesterdaywiththestring,whichshealways doeswhenshe'shere,andnowlookather,she'ssupposedtobeuponthat horse,not.w.a.tchingmystablegirlriding."

"Ha.s.shesaidmuchaboutwhathappenedtoher?"Iasked.

"Notathing.Shejustsmilescheerfullyandsaysit'sallover."

Alessiahalfturnedaswedrewnear,andlookedveryrelievedwhenshesawme.

"Iwasafraidyouwouldn'tcome,"shesaid.

"Youshouldn'thavebeen."

Shewaswearingjeansandacheckedshirtandlipstick,andwa.s.still unnaturallypalefromsixweeksindimlight.Popsyshoutedtothegirlriding thehorsetoput.i.tbackinitsstable."Unless,darling,you'dlike..."shesaid toAlessia."Afterall?"

Alessiashookherhead."Tomorrow,Iguess."Shesoundedasifshemeant.i.t,but IcouldseethatPopsydoubted.SheputamotherlyarmaroundAlessia's shouldersandgaveherasmallhug."Darling,dojustwhatyoulike.Howabouta drinkforyourthirstytraveler?"Tomeshesaid,"Coffee?Whisky?Methylated spirits?"

"Wine,"Alessiasaid."Iknowhelikesthat."

Wewentintothehouse;antiquedarkfurniture,wornIndianrugs,fadedchintz, avistaofhorsesthrougheverywindow.

PopsypouredItalianwineintocutcrystalgla.s.seswithacasualhandandsaid shewouldcooksteaksifwewerepatient.Alessiawatchedherdisappear kitchenwardsandsaiduncomfortably,"I'manuisancetoher.Ishouldn'thave come."

"You'requitewrongonbothcounts,"Isaid."It'sobviousshe'sgladtohave you."

"IthoughtI'dbeallrighthere...ThatI'dfeeldifferent.Imean,thatI'dfeel allright."

"You'resureto,inawhile."

Sheglancedatme."ItbothersmethatIjustcan't...shakeitoff."

"Likeyoucouldshakeoffdoublesepticpneumonia?"

"That'sdifferent,"sheprotested.

"Sixweeksofnosunlight,noexercise,nodecentfoodandasteadydietof heavysleepingpillsishardlyarecipeforphysicalhealth."

"ButI...it'snotjust...physical."

"Stilllesscanyoujustshakeoffthenonphysical."Idranksomewine."Howare yourdreams?"

Sheshuddered."HalfthetimeIcan'tsleep.IlariasaidIshouldkeeponwith sleepingpillsforawhile,butIdon'twantto,itrevoltsmetothinkofit...

ButwhenIdosleep...Ihavenightmares...andwakeupsweating."

"Wouldyoulikeme,"Isaidneutrally,"tointroduceyoutoapsychiatrist?I knowquiteagoodone."

"No."Theanswerwasinstinctive."I'mnotmad,I'mjust...notright."

"Youdon'tneedtobedyingtogotoadoctor."

Sheshookherhead."Idon'twantto."

Shesatonalargesofawithherfeetonacoffeetable,lookingworried.

"It'syouthatIwanttotalkto,notsomeshrink.Youunderstandwhathappened, andtosomestrangedoctoritwouldsoundexaggerated.YouknowI'mtellingthe truth,buthe'dbeworryinghalfthetimeifIwasn'tfantasizingordramatizing orsomethingandbelookingforwaysofputtingmeinthewrong.Ihadafriend whowenttoone...shetoldmeitwasweird,whenshesaidshewantedtogiveup smokinghekeptsuggestingshewasunhappybecauseshehadrepressedincestuous longingsforherfather."Sheendedwithanattemptatalaugh,butIcouldsee whatshemeant.Psychiatristswereaccustomedtodistortionandevasion,and lookedfortheminthesimplestremark.

"Idothinkallthesamethatyou'dbebetteroffwithexperthelp,"Isaid.

"You'reanexpert."

"No."

"But.i.t'syouIwant...Oh,dear,"shebrokeoffsuddenly,lookingmostconfused.

"I'msorry...Youdon'twantto...Howstupidofme."

"Ididn'tsaythat.Isaid..."Itoostopped.Istoodup,walkedover,andsat nexttoheronthesofa,nottouching."I'lluntieanyknotsIcanforyou,and foraslongasyouwantmeto.That'sapromise.Alsoapleasure,notach.o.r.e.

Butyoumustpromisemesomethingtoo."

Shesaid"What?"glancingatmeandaway.

"ThatifI'mdoingyounogood,youwilltrysomeoneelse."

"Ashrink?"

"Yes."

Shelookedathershoes."Allright,"shesaid:andlikeanypsychiatristI wonderedifshewerelying.

Popsy'ssteakscametenderandjuicy,andAlessiaatehalfofhers.

"Youmustbuildupyourstrength,mydarling,"Popsysaidwithoutcensure.

"You'veworkedsohardtogetwhereyouare.Youdon'twantallthoseambitious littlejockey-boyselbowingyouout,whichtheywillifthey'vehalfachance."

"ItelephonedMike,"shesaid."Isaid...I'dneedtime."

"Nowmydarling,"Popsyprotested."Yougetstraightbackonthetelephoneand tellhimyou'llbefitaweektoday.Sayyou'llbereadytoracetomorrowweek, withoutfail."

Alessialookedatherinhorror."I'mtooweaktostayinthesaddle...letalone race."

"Mydarling,you'veallthegutsintheworld.Ifyouwantto,you'lldoit."

Alessia'sfacesaidplainlythatshedidn'tknowwhethershewantedtoornot.

"Who'sMike?"Iasked.

"MikeNoland,"Popsysaid."ThetrainersheoftenridesforinEngland.Helives here,inLambourn,uptheroad."

"Hesaidheunderstood,"Alessiasaidweakly.

"Wellofcourseheunderstands.Whowouldn't?Butallthesame,mydarling,if youwantthosehorsesback,it'syouthatwillhavetogetthem."

Shespokewithbrisk,affectionatecommonsense,hallmarkofthekindand healthywhohadneverbeenatcrackingpoint.Therewasasortofquiverfrom whereAlessiasat,andIroseunhurriedlytomyfeetandaskedifIcouldhelp carrytheemptydishestothekitchen.

"Ofcourseyoucan,"Popsysaid,risingalso,"andthere'scheese,ifyou'dlike some."

AlessiasaidhorsessleptonSundayafternoonslikeeveryoneelse,butafter coffeewewalkedslowlyroundtheyardanyway,pattingoneortwoheads.

"Ican'tpossiblygetfitinaweek,"Alessiasaid."DoyouthinkIshould?"

"Ithinkyoushouldtrysittingonahorse."

"SupposeI'velostmynerve."

"You'dfindout."

"That'snotmuchcomfort."Sherubbedthenoseofoneofthehorses absentmindedly,showingatleastnofearofitsteeth."Doyouride?"sheasked.

"No,"Isaid."And...er...I'veneverbeentotheraces."

Shewasastonished."Never?"

"I'vewatchedthemoftenontelevision."

"Notthesameatall."Shelaidherowncheekbrieflyagainstthehorse's.

"Wouldyouliketogo?"

"Withyou,yes,verymuch."

Hereyesfilledwithsuddentears,whichsheblinkedawayimpatiently."You see,"shesaid."That'salwayshappening.Akindword...andsomethinginsideme melts.Idotry...Ihonestlydotrytobehavedecently,butIknowI'mputtingon anact...andunderneaththere'sanabyss...withthingscomingupfromit,like cryingfornothing,fornoreason,likenow."

"Theact,"Isaid,"isOscarcla.s.s."

Sheswallowedandsniffedandbrushedtheunspilledtearsawaywithherfingers.