The Collected Joe Abercrombie - The Collected Joe Abercrombie Part 255
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The Collected Joe Abercrombie Part 255

His rasping breath echoed back from the canvas. 'I thought I told you not to talk.'

'I've a queue.'

So much for nearly there. His cock was already wilting. He struggled to his feet, sore head brushing against the ceiling of the tent. She was one of the cleaner ones, but still the air had a cloying feel. Too much sweat and breath, and other things, inadequately smothered by cheap flower-water. He wondered how many other men had already been through here tonight, how many more would come through. He wondered if they pretended they were somewhere else, she was someone else. Does she pretend that we are someone else? Does she care? Does she hate us? Or are we a procession of clocks to be wound, carrots to be peeled, cows to be milked?

She had her back to him, shrugging her dress on so she could shrug it off again. He felt as if he was suffocating. He dragged his trousers up and fumbled his belt shut. He tossed coins on a wooden box without counting, tore his way out through the flap into the night and stood there, eyes closed, breathing the damp air and swearing never to do this again. Again.

One of the pimps stood outside, apparently unbothered by the water gently dripping from the brim of his hat, with that knowing and slightly threatening smile they have to wear like uniforms. 'Everything to your liking?'

My liking? I seem unable even to come in the allotted time. Most men are capable of that level of social interaction, at least, if no other, are they not? What am I, that I must debase and ruin even the one decent emotion I have? If one can call an entirely unhealthy obsession with another man's wife decent. I don't suppose one can. Well, probably he could.

Gorst looked at the man. Really looked, right in his eyes. Through that empty smile to the greed, and ruthlessness, and limitless boredom behind.

My liking? Shall I guffaw, and hug you like a brother? Hug you and hug you and twist your head all the way around, and your stupid fucking hat with it? If I beat your face until it has no bones in it, if I crush your scrawny throat with my hands, will that be a loss to the world, do you think? Will anyone even notice? Would I even notice? Would it be an evil deed, or a good? One less worm to get fat burrowing through the shit of the king's glorious army?

Gorst's mask must have slipped for a moment, or perhaps the man was more attuned by years of practice to hints of violence in a face than the cultured members of Jalenhorm's staff and Kroy's headquarters. His eyes narrowed and he took a cautious step back, one hand straying towards his belt.

Gorst found himself hoping the man would pull out a blade, excitement flaring briefly at the thought of seeing steel. Is that all that excites me now? Death? Facing it and causing it? Did he even feel the slightest renewed stirring in his sore groin at the possibility of violence? But the pimp only stood there, watching.

'Everything is fine.' And Gorst trudged past, boots squelching in the muck, away between the tents and into the mad carnival that sprang up behind the lines, as if by magic, whenever the army stopped for more than a couple of hours together. As full of bustle and variety as any market of the Thousand Isles, as full of blinding colour and choking fragrance as any Dagoskan bazaar, every need, taste or whim catered for a dozen times over.

Fawning merchants held swatches of bright cloth against officers too drunk to stand. Armourers battered out a shattering anvil music while salesmen demonstrated the strength, sharpness or beauty of wares nimbly replaced with trash when the money was handed over. A major with a bristling moustache sat frozen in double-chinned belligerence while a painter dashed off a shoddy representation by candlelight. Joyless laughter and meaningless babble hammered at Gorst's aching head. Everything the best, the finest, the bespoke and renowned.

'The new self-sharpening sheath!' someone roared. 'Self-sharpening!'

'Advances to officers! Loans at first-rate rates!'

'Suljuk girls here! Best fuckery you'll ever get!'

'Flowers!' in a voice somewhere between song and scream. 'For your wife! For your daughter! For your lover! For your whore!'

'For pet or pot!' a woman shrieked, thrusting up a bemused puppy. 'For pet or pot!'

Children old long before their time darted through the crowd offering polishing or prophecy, sharpening or shaving, grooming or gravedigging. Offering anything and everything that could be bought or paid for. A girl whose age could not be reckoned slipped all around Gorst in a capering dance, bare feet mud-caked to the knee. Suljuk, Gurkish, Styrian, who knew of what mongrel derivation. 'Like this?' she cooed, gesturing at a stick upon which samples of gold braid were stapled.

Gorst felt a sudden choking need to weep, and gave her a sad smile, and shook his head. She spat at his feet, and was gone. A pair of elderly ladies stood at the flap of a dripping tent, handing out printed papers extolling the virtues of temperance and sobriety to illiterate soldiers who had already left them trampled in the mud for a half-mile in every direction, worthy lessons gently erased by the rain.

A few more steps, each an unimaginable effort, and Gorst stopped in the track, alone in the midst of all that crowd. Cursing soldiers slopped through the mud around him, all stranded like him with their petty despairs, all shopping like him for what cannot be bought. He looked up, open-mouthed, rain tickling his tongue. Hoping for guidance, perhaps, but the stars were shrouded in cloud. They light the happy way for better men. Harod dan Brock, and his like. Shoulders and elbows knocked and jostled him. Someone help me, please.

But who?

'You can't say that civilisation don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way'

Will Rogers Dawn When Craw dragged himself from his bed, cold and clammy as a drowned man's grave, the sun was no more'n a smear of mud-brown in the blackness of the eastern sky. He fumbled his sword through the clasp at his belt then stretched, creaked and grunted through his morning routine of working out exactly how much everything hurt. His aching jaw he could blame on Hardbread and his lads, his aching legs on a lengthy jog across some fields and up a hill followed by a night huddled in the wind, but the bastard of a headache he'd have to take the blame for himself. He'd had a drink or two or even a few more last night, softening the loss of the fallen, toasting the luck of the living.

Most of the dozen were already gathered about the pile of damp wood that on a happier day would've been a fire. Drofd was bent over it, cursing softly while he failed to get it lit. Cold breakfast, then.

'Oh, for a roof,' whispered Craw as he limped over.

'I slice the bread thin, d'you see?' Whirrun had the Father of Swords gripped between his knees with a hand's length drawn, and now he was rubbing loaf against blade with ludicrous care, like a carpenter chiselling at a vital joint.

'Sliced bread?' Wonderful turned away from the black valley to watch him. 'Can't see it catching on, can you?'

Yon spat over his shoulder. 'Either way, could you bloody get on with it? I'm hungry.'

Whirrun ignored 'em. 'Then, when I've got two cut,' and he dropped a pale slab of cheese on one slice then slapped the other on top like he was catching a fly, 'I trap the cheese between them, and there you have it!'

'Bread and cheese.' Yon weighed the half-loaf in one hand and the cheese in the other. 'Just the same as I've got.' And he bit a lump off the cheese and tossed it to Scorry.

Whirrun sighed. 'Have none of you no vision?' He held up his masterpiece to such light as there was, which was almost none. 'This is no more bread and cheese than a fine axe is wood and iron, or a live person is meat and hair.'

'What is it, then?' asked Drofd, rocking back from his wet wood and tossing the flint aside in disgust.

'A whole new thing. A forging of the humble parts of bread and cheese into a greater whole. I call it ... a cheese-trap.' Whirrun took a dainty nibble from one corner. 'Oh, yes, my friends. This tastes like ... progress. Works with ham, too. Works with anything.'

'You should try it with a turd,' said Wonderful.

Drofd laughed up snot but Whirrun hardly seemed to notice. 'This is the thing about war. Forces men to do new things with what they have. Forces them to think new ways. No war, no progress.' He leaned back on one elbow. 'War, d'you see, is like the plough that keeps the earth rich, like the fire that clears the fields, like-'

'The shit that makes the flowers grow?' asked Wonderful.

'Exactly!' Whirrun pointed at her sharply with his whole new thing and the cheese fell out into the unlit fire. Wonderful near fell over from laughing. Yon snorted so hard he blew bread out of his nose. Even Scorry stopped his singing to have a high chuckle. Craw laughed along, and it felt good. Felt like too long since the last time. Whirrun frowned at his two flapping slices of bread. 'Don't think I trapped it tight enough.' And he shoved 'em in his mouth all at once and started rooting through the damp twigs for the cheese.

'Union showed any sign of moving?' asked Craw.

'None that we've seen.' Yon squinted up at the stains of brightness in the east. 'Dawn's on the march, though. Reckon we'll see more soon.'

'Best get Brack up,' said Craw. 'He'll be pissy all day if he misses breakfast.'

'Aye, Chief.' And Drofd trotted off to where the hillman was sleeping.

Craw pointed down at the Father of Swords, short stretch of grey blade drawn. 'Don't it have to be blooded now?'

'Maybe crumbs count,' said Wonderful.

'Alas, they don't.' Whirrun brushed the heel of his hand against its edge, then wiped it with his last bit of crust and slid the sword gently back into its scabbard. 'Progress can be painful,' he muttered, sucking the cut.

'Chief?' Far as Craw could tell in the gloom, and with Drofd's hair blown across his face by the wind, the lad looked worried. 'Don't reckon Brack wants to get up.'

'We'll see.' Craw strode over to him, a big shape swaddled up on his side, shadow pooling in the folds of his blanket. 'Brack.' He poked him with the toe of his boot. 'Brack?' The tattooed side of Brack's face was all beaded with dew. Craw put his hand on it. Cold. Didn't feel like a person at all. Meat and hair, like Whirrun said.

'Up you get, Brack, you fat hog,' snapped Wonderful. 'Before Yon eats all your-'

'Brack's dead,' said Craw.

Finree could not have said how long she had been awake, sitting on her travelling chest at the window with her arms resting on the cold sill and her chin resting on her wrists. Long enough to watch the ragged line of the fells to the north become distinct from the sky, for the quick-flowing river to emerge glittering from the mist, for the forests to the east to take on the faintest texture. Now, if she squinted, she could pick out the jagged top of the fence around Osrung, a light twinkling at the window of a single tower. In the few hundred strides of black farmland between her and the town a ragged curve of flickering torches marked out the Union positions.

A little more light in the sky, a little more detail in the world, and Lord Governor Meed's men would be rushing from those trenches and towards the town. The strong right fist of her father's army. She bit down on the tip of her tongue, so hard it was painful. Excited and afraid at once.

She stretched, looking over her shoulder into the cobwebby little room. She had made a desultory effort at cleaning but had to admit she was pathetic as a homemaker. She wondered what had become of the owners of the inn. Wondered what its name was, even. She thought she had seen a pole over the gate, but the sign was gone. That's what war does. Strips people and places of their identities and turns them into enemies in a line, positions to be taken, resources to be foraged. Anonymous things that can be carelessly crushed, and stolen, and burned without guilt. War is hell, and all that. But full of opportunities.

She crossed to the bed, or the straw-filled mattress they were sharing, and leaned down over Hal, studying his face. He looked young, eyes closed and mouth open, cheek squashed against the sheet, breath whistling in his nose. Young, and innocent, and ever so slightly stupid.

'Hal,' she whispered, and sucked gently at his top lip. His eyelids fluttered open and he stretched back, arms above his head, craned up to kiss her, then saw the window and the glimmer of light in the sky.

'Damn it!' He threw the blankets back and scrambled out of bed. 'You should've woken me sooner.' He splashed water from the cracked bowl onto his face and rubbed it with a cloth, started pulling yesterday's trousers on.

'You'll still be early,' she said, leaning back on her elbows and watching him dress.

'I have to be twice as early. You know I do.'

'You looked so peaceful. I didn't have the heart to wake you.'

'I'm supposed to be helping coordinate the attack.'

'I suppose someone has to.'

He froze for a moment with his shirt over his head, then pulled it down. 'Perhaps ... you should stay at your father's headquarters today, up on the fell. Most of the other wives have already headed back to Uffrith.'

'If we could only pack Meed off along with the rest of the clothes-obsessed old women, perhaps we'd have a chance of victory.'

Hal soldiered on. 'There's only you and Aliz dan Brint, now, and I worry about you-'

He was painfully transparent. 'You worry that I'll make a scene with your incompetent commanding officer, you mean.'

'That too. Where's my-'

She kicked his sword rattling across the boards and he had to stoop to retrieve it. 'It's a shame, that a man like you should have to take orders from a man like Meed.'

'The world is full of shameful things. That's a long way from the worst.'

'Something really should be done about him.'

Hal was still busy fumbling with his sword-belt. 'There's nothing to be done but to make the best of it.'

'Well ... someone could mention the mess he's making to the king.'

'You may not be aware of this, but my father and the king had a minor falling out. I don't stand very high in his Majesty's favour.'

'Your good friend Colonel Brint does.'

Hal looked up sharply. 'Fin. That's low.'

'Who cares how high it is if it helps you get what you deserve?'

'I care,' he snapped, dragging the buckle closed. 'You get on by doing the right thing. By hard work, and loyalty, and doing as you're told. You don't get on by ... by ...'

'By what?'

'Whatever it is you're doing.'

She felt a sudden, powerful urge to hurt him. She wanted to say she could easily have married a man with a father who wasn't the most infamous traitor of his generation. She wanted to point out he only had the place he had now through her father's patronage and her constant wheedling, and that left to his own devices he'd have been demonstrating hard work and loyalty as a poor lieutenant in a provincial regiment. She wanted to tell him he was a good man, but the world was not the way good people thought it was. Fortunately, he got in first.

'Fin, I'm sorry. I know you want what's best for us. I know you've done a lot for me already. I don't deserve you. Just ... let me do things my way. Please. Just promise me you won't do anything ... rash.'

'I promise.' She'd make sure whatever she did was well thought out. That or she'd just break her promise. She didn't take them terribly seriously.

He smiled, somewhat relieved, and bent to kiss her. She returned it halfheartedly, but then, when she felt his shoulders slump, remembered he'd be in danger today, and she pinched his cheek and shook it about. 'I love you.' That was why she had come up here, no? Why she was slogging through the mud along with the soldiers? To be with him. To support him. To steer him in the right direction. The Fates knew, he needed it.

'I love you more,' he said.

'It's not a competition.'

'No?' And he went out, pulling on his jacket. She loved Hal. Really she did. But if she waited for him to get what they deserved through honesty and good nature she'd be waiting until the sky fell in.

And she did not plan to live out her days as some colonel's wife.

Corporal Tunny had long ago acquired a reputation as the fiercest sleeper in his Majesty's army. He could sleep on anything, in any situation, and wake in an instant ready for action or, better still, to avoid it. He'd slept through the whole assault at Ulrioch in the lead trench fifty strides from the breach, then woken just in time to hop between the corpses as the fighting petered out and snatch as fine a share of the booty as anyone who actually drew steel that day.

So a patch of waterlogged forest in the midst of a spotty drizzle with nothing but a smelly oilskin over his head was good as a feather bed to him. His recruits weren't anywhere near so tough in the eyelids, though. Tunny snapped awake in the chill gloom around dawn, back against a tree and the regimental standard in one fist, and nudged his oilskin up with one finger to see the two men he had left hunched over the damp ground.

'Like this?' Yolk was squeaking.

'No,' whispered Worth. 'Tinder under there, then strike it like-'

Tunny was up in a flash, stomped down hard on their pile of slimy sticks and crushed it flat. 'No fires, idiots, if the enemy miss the flames they'll see the smoke for sure!' Not that Yolk would've got that pitiable collection of soaked rot lit in ten years of trying. He wasn't even holding the flint properly.

'How we going to cook our bacon, though, Corporal?' Worth held up his skillet, a pale and unappetising slice lying limp inside.

'You're not.'

'We'll eat it raw?'

'Can't advise it,' said Tunny, 'especially not to you, Worth, given the sensitivity of your intestines.'

'My what?'

'Your dodgy guts.'

His shoulders slumped. 'What do we eat, then?'

'What have you got?'

'Nothing.'

'That's what you're eating, then. Unless you can find something better.' Even considering he'd been woken before dawn, Tunny was unusually grumpy. He had a lurking sense he had something to be very annoyed about, but wasn't sure what. Until he remembered the dirty water closing over Klige's face, and kicked Yolk's embarrassment of a fire away into the dripping brush.