The Collected Joe Abercrombie - The Collected Joe Abercrombie Part 11
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The Collected Joe Abercrombie Part 11

'Well enough, thank you, Lord Marshal.'

Varuz shifted uncomfortably on the bench. 'My latest student, Captain Luthar . . . perhaps you know him?'

'We are acquainted.'

'You should see his forms.' Varuz shook his head sadly. 'He has the talent, alright, though he will never be in your class, Sand.' I don't know. I hope some day he'll be just as crippled as I am. 'But he has plenty of talent, enough to win. Only he's wasting it. Throwing it away.' Oh, the tragedy of it. I am so upset I could be sick. Had I eaten anything this morning.

'He is lazy, Sand, and stubborn. He lacks courage. He lacks dedication. His heart is just not in it, and time is running out. I was wondering, if you have the time of course,' Varuz looked Glokta in the eye for just an instant, 'whether you might be able to speak to him for me.'

I can hardly wait! Lecturing that whining ass would be the realisation of all my dreams. You arrogant old dolt, how dare you? You built your reputation on my successes, then when I needed your help you cut me off. And now you come to me, and seek my help, and call me friend?

'Of course, Marshal Varuz, I would be glad to speak to him. Anything for an old friend.'

'Excellent, excellent! I'm sure you'll make all the difference! I train him every morning, in that courtyard near the House of the Maker, where I used to train you . . .' The old Marshal trailed off awkwardly.

'I will come as soon as my duties permit.'

'Of course, your duties . . .' Varuz was already getting up, evidently keen to be on his way. Glokta held out his hand, making the old soldier pause for a moment. You needn't worry, Lord Marshal, I am not contagious. Varuz gave it a limp shake, as though worried it might snap off, then he mumbled his excuses and strode away, head held high. The dripping soldiers bowed and saluted as he walked past, somewhat embarrassed.

Glokta stretched out his leg, wondering whether to get up. And go where? The world will not end if I sit here a moment longer. There is no rush. No rush.

An Offer and a Gift.

'And, forward!' bellowed Marshal Varuz. Jezal lurched at him, toes curling round the edges of the beam, trying desperately to keep his balance, making a clumsy lunge or two just to give the impression of his heart being in Four hours of training a day were taking their toll on him, and he felt beyond mere exhaustion.

Varuz frowned and flicked Jezal's blunted steel aside, moving effortlessly along the beam as though it was a garden path. 'And back!'

Jezal stumbled back on his heels, left arm waving stupidly around him in an attempt to keep his balance. Everything above his knees was aching terribly from the effort. Below the knees it was much, much worse. Varuz was over sixty, but he showed no signs of fatigue. He wasn't even sweating as he danced forward down the beam, swishing his steels around. Jezal himself was gasping for air as he parried desperately with his left hand, badly off balance, his right foot fishing in space for the safety of the beam behind him.

'And, forward!' Jezal's calves were agony as he stumbled to change his direction and shove a blow at the infuriating old man, but Varuz did not move back. Instead he ducked under the despairing cut and used the back of his arm to sweep Jezal's feet away.

Jezal let out a howl as the courtyard turned over around him. His leg smacked painfully against the edge of the beam, then he sprawled on his face on the grass, chin thumping into the turf and making his teeth rattle. He rolled a short distance then lay there on his back, gasping like a fish snatched suddenly from the water, leg throbbing where it had collided with the beam on his way down. He would have yet another ugly bruise in the morning.

'Awful, Jezal, awful!' cried the old soldier as he sprang nimbly down onto the lawn. 'You teeter about the beam as though it were a tightrope!' Jezal rolled over, cursing, and started to climb stiffly to his feet. 'It is a solid piece of oak, wide enough to get lost in!' The Lord Marshal illustrated his point by whacking at the beam with his short steel, making splinters fly.

'I thought you said forward,' moaned Jezal.

Varuz' eyebrows went up sharply. 'Do you seriously suppose, Captain Luthar, that Bremer dan Gorst gives his opponents reliable information as to his intentions?'

'Bremer dan Gorst will be trying to beat me, you old shit! You are supposed to be helping me to beat him!' That was what Jezal thought, but he knew better than to say it. He just shook his head dumbly.

'No! No indeed he does not! He makes every effort to deceive and confuse his opponents, as all great swordsmen must!' The Lord Marshal paced up and down, shaking his head. Jezal considered again whether to give it all up. He was sick of falling into bed exhausted each night, at a time when he should have been just starting to get drunk. He was sick of waking up every morning, bruised and aching, to face another four interminable hours of running, beam, bar, forms. He was sick of being knocked on his arse by Major West. Most of all he was sick of being bullied by this old fool.

' . . . A depressing display, Captain, very depressing. I do believe you are actually getting worse ...'

Jezal would never win the Contest. No one expected him to, himself least of all. So why not give it up, and go back to his cards and late nights? Wasn't that all he really wanted from life? But then what would mark him out from a thousand other noble younger sons? He had decided long ago that he wanted to be something special. A Lord Marshal himself perhaps, and then Lord Chamberlain. Something big and important anyway. He wanted a big chair on the Closed Council, and to make big decisions. He wanted people to fawn and smile around him and hang on his every word. He wanted people to whisper, 'There goes Lord Luthar!' as he swept past. Could he be happy being forever a richer, cleverer, better-looking version of Lieutenant Brint? Ugh! It was not to be thought of.

' . . . We have a terribly long way to go, and not enough time to get there, not unless you change your attitude. Your sparring is lamentable, your stamina is still weak, and as for your balance, the less said about that the better ...'

And what would everyone else think if he gave up? What would his father do? What would his brothers say? What about the other officers? He would look a coward. And then there was Ardee West. She seemed to have been much on his mind during the past couple of days. Would she lean so close to him if he didn't fence? Would she talk to him in such soft tones? Would she laugh at his jokes? Would she look up at him with those big, dark eyes, so he could almost feel her breath on his face- 'Are you listening, boy?' thundered Varuz. Jezal felt a bit of his breath on his face alright, and a deal of spit too.

'Yes, sir! Sparring lamentable, stamina weak!' Jezal swallowed nervously. 'Less said about balance the better.'

'That's right! I am beginning to think, though I can hardly believe it after the trouble you have put me to, that your heart really isn't in this.' He glared into Jezal's eyes. 'What do you think, Major?'

There was no reply. West was slumped in his chair, arms folded, frowning grimly and staring into space.

'Major West?' snapped the Lord Marshal.

He looked up suddenly, as though he had only just become aware of their presence. 'I'm sorry, sir, I had become distracted.'

'So I see.' Varuz sucked his teeth. 'It seems that nobody has been concentrating this morning.' It was a great relief that some of the old man's anger had been deflected elsewhere, but Jezal's happiness was not long-lived.

'Very well,' snapped the old Marshal, 'if that's the way you want it. Starting tomorrow we will begin each session with a swim in the moat. A mile or two should do it.' Jezal squeezed his teeth together to keep from screaming. 'Cold water has a wonderful way of sharpening the senses. And perhaps we need to start a little earlier, to catch you in your most receptive frame of mind. That means we begin at five. In the meantime, Captain Luthar, I suggest that you consider whether you are here in order to win the Contest, or simply for the pleasure of my company.' And he turned on his heel and stalked off.

Jezal waited until Varuz had left the courtyard before losing his temper, but once he was sure the old man was out of earshot he flung his steels against the wall in a fury.

'Damn it!' he shouted as the swords rattled to the ground. 'Shit!' He looked around for something to kick that wouldn't hurt too much. His eye lighted on the leg of the beam, but he misjudged the kick badly and had to stifle the urge to grab his bruised foot and hop around like an idiot. 'Shit, shit!' he raged.

West was disappointingly unimpressed. He got up, frowning, and made to follow Marshal Varuz.

'Where are you off to?' asked Jezal.

'Away,' said West, over his shoulder, 'I've seen enough.'

'What does that mean?'

West stopped and turned to face him. 'Amazing though it may seem, there are bigger problems in the world than this.'

Jezal stood there open mouthed as West stalked from the courtyard. 'Just who do you think you are?' he shouted after him, once he was sure he was gone. 'Shit, shit!' He considered giving the beam another kick, but thought better of it.

Jezal was in a foul mood on his way back to his quarters, so he stayed away from the busier parts of the Agriont, sticking to the quieter lanes and gardens to the side of the Kingsway. He glowered down at his feet as he walked, to further discourage any social encounter. But luck was not on his side.

'Jezal!' It was Kaspa, out for a stroll with a yellow-haired girl in expensive clothes. They had a severe-looking middle-aged woman with them, no doubt the girl's governess or some such. They had stopped to admire some piece of minor sculpture in a little-visited yard.

'Jezal!' Kaspa shouted again, waving his hat above his head. There was no avoiding them. He plastered an unconvincing smile onto his face and stalked over. The pale girl smiled at him as he approached, but if he was meant to be charmed he didn't feel it.

'Been fencing again, Luthar?' asked Kaspa pointlessly. Jezal was sweating and holding a pair of fencing steels. It was well known that he fenced every morning. You didn't need a fine mind to make the connection, which was fortunate, because Kaspa certainly didn't have one.

'Yes. How did you guess?' Jezal hadn't meant to kill the conversation quite so dead, but he passed it off with a false chuckle, and the smiles of the ladies soon returned.

'Hah, hah,' laughed Kaspa, ever willing to be the butt of a joke.

'Jezal, may I introduce my cousin, the Lady Ariss dan Kaspa? This is my superior officer, Captain Luthar.' So this was the famous cousin. One of the Union's richest heiresses and from an excellent family. Kaspa was always babbling about what a beauty she was, but to Jezal she seemed a pale, skinny, sickly-looking thing. She smiled weakly and offered out her limp, white hand.

He brushed it with the most perfunctory of kisses. 'Charmed,' he muttered, without relish. 'I must apologise for my appearance, I've just been fencing.'

'Yes,' she squeaked, in a high, piping voice, once she was sure he had finished speaking. 'I have heard you are a great fencer.' There was a pause while she groped for something to say, then her eyes lit up. 'Tell me Captain, is fencing really very dangerous?'

What insipid drivel. 'Oh no, my lady, we only use blunted steels in the circle.' He could have said more, but he was damned if he was going to make all the effort. He gave a thin smile. So did she. The conversation hovered over the abyss.

Jezal was about to make his excuses, the subject of fencing evidently exhausted, but Ariss cut him off by blundering on to another topic. 'And tell me, Captain, is there really likely to be a war in the North?' Her voice had almost entirely faded away by the end of the sentence, but the chaperone stared on approvingly, no doubt delighted by the conversational skills of her charge.

Spare us. 'Well it seems to me . . .' Jezal began. The pale, blue eyes of Lady Ariss stared back at him expectantly. Blue eyes are absolute crap, he reflected. He wondered which subject she was more ignorant of: fencing or politics? 'What do you think?'

The chaperone's brow furrowed slightly. Lady Ariss looked somewhat taken aback, blushing slightly as she groped for words. 'Well, er . . . that is to say . . . I'm sure that everything will . . . turn out well?'

Thank the fates! thought Jezal, we are saved! He had to get out of here. 'Of course, everything will turn out well.' He forced out one more smile. 'It has been a real pleasure to make your acquaintance, but I'm afraid I'm on duty shortly, so I must leave you.' He bowed with frosty formality. 'Lieutenant Kaspa, Lady Ariss.'

Kaspa clapped him on the arm, as friendly as ever. His ignorant waif of a cousin smiled uncertainly. The governess frowned at him as he passed, but Jezal took no notice.

He arrived at the Lords' Round just as the council members were returning from their lunchtime recess. He acknowledged the guards in the vestibule with a terse nod, then strode through the enormous doorway and down the central isle. A straggling column of the greatest peers of the realm were hard on his heels, and the echoing space was full of shuffling footsteps, grumblings and whisperings, as Jezal made his way around the curved wall to his place behind the high table.

'Jezal, how was fencing?' It was Jalenhorm, here early for once, and seizing on the opportunity to talk before the Lord Chamberlain arrived.

'I've had better mornings. Yourself?'

'Oh, I've been having a fine time. I met that cousin of Kaspa's, you know,' he searched for the name.

Jezal sighed. 'Lady Ariss.'

'Yes, that's it! Have you seen her?'

'I was lucky enough to run into them just now.'

'Phew!' exclaimed Jalenhorm, pursing his lips. 'Isn't she stunning? '

'Hmm.' Jezal looked away, bored, and watched the robed and fur-trimmed worthies file slowly to their places. At least he watched a sample of their least favourite sons and paid representatives. Very few of the magnates turned up in person for Open Council these days, not unless they had something significant to complain about. A lot of them didn't even bother to send someone in their place.

'I swear, one of the finest-looking girls I ever saw. I know Kaspa's always raving about her, but he didn't do her justice.'

'Hmm.' The councillors began to spread out, each man towards his own seat. The Lords' Round was designed like a theatre, the Union's leading noblemen sitting where the audience would be, on a great half-circle of banked benches with an aisle down the centre.

As in the theatre, some seats were better than others. The least important sat high up at the back, and the occupants' significance increased as you came forward. The front row was reserved for the heads of the very greatest families, or whoever they sent in their stead. Representatives from the south, from Dagoska and Westport, were on the left, nearest to Jezal. On the far right were those from the north and west, from Angland and Starikland. The bulk of the seating, in between, was for the old nobility of Midderland, the heart of the Union. The Union proper, as they would have seen it. As Jezal saw it too, for that matter.

'What poise, what grace,' Jalenhorm was rhapsodising, 'that wonderful fair hair, that milky-white skin, those fantastic blue eyes.'

'And all of that money.'

'Well yes, that too,' smiled the big man. 'Kaspa says his uncle is even richer than his father. Imagine that! And he has just the one child. She will inherit every mark of it. Every mark!' Jalenhorm could scarcely contain his excitement. 'It's a lucky man that can bag her! What was her name again?'

'Ariss,' said Jezal sourly. The Lords, or their proxies, had all shuffled and grumbled their way to their seats. It was a poor attendance: the benches were less than half full. That was about as full as it ever got. If the Lords' Round really had been a theatre, its owners would have been desperately in search of a new play.

'Ariss. Ariss.' Jalenhorm smacked his lips as though the name left a sweet taste. 'It's a lucky man that gets her.'

'Yes indeed. A lucky man.' Providing he prefers cash to conversation, that is. Jezal thought he might have preferred to marry the governess. At least she had seemed to have a bit of backbone.

The Lord Chamberlain had entered the hall now, and was making his way towards the dais on which the high table stood, just about where the stage would have been, had the Round been a theatre. He was followed by a gaggle of black-gowned secretaries and clerks, each man more or less encumbered with heavy books and sheaves of official-looking papers. With his crimson robes of state flapping behind him, Lord Hoff looked like nothing so much as a rare and stately gliding bird, pursued by a flock of troublesome crows.

'Here comes old vinegar,' whispered Jalenhorm, as he sidled off to find his place on the other side of the table. Jezal put his hands behind his back and struck the usual pose, feet a little spread, chin high in the air. He swept an eye over the soldiers, regularly spaced around the curved wall, but each man was motionless and perfectly presented in full armour, as always. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for several hours of the most extreme tedium.

The Lord Chamberlain threw himself into his tall chair and called for wine. The secretaries took their places around him, leaving a space in the centre for the King, who was absent as usual. Documents were rustled, great ledgers were heaved open, pens were sharpened and rattled in ink wells. The Announcer walked to the end of the table and struck his staff of office on the floor for order. The whispering of the noblemen and their proxies, and that of the few attendees in the public gallery over their heads, gradually died down, leaving the vast chamber silent.

The Announcer puffed out his chest. 'I call this meeting,' he said, in slow and sonorous tones, as though he were giving the eulogy at a funeral, 'of the Open Council of the Union . . .' he gave an unnecessarily long and significant pause. The Lord Chamberlain's eyes flicked angrily towards him, but the Announcer was not to be robbed of his moment of glory. He made everyone wait an instant longer before finishing, ' . . . to order!'

'Thank you,' said Hoff sourly. 'I believe we were about to hear from the Lord Governor of Dagoska before we were interrupted by luncheon.' The scratching nibs of quills accompanied his voice, as two clerks recorded his every word. The faint echoes of the pens merged with the echoes of his words in the great space above.

An elderly man struggled to his feet in the front row close to Jezal, some papers clasped before him in shaky hands.

'The Open Council,' droned the Announcer, as ponderously as he dared, 'recognises Rush dan Thuel, accepted proxy of Sand dan Vurms, the Lord Governor of Dagoska!'

'Thank you, sir.' Thuel's cracking, wispy voice was absurdly small in the vast space. It barely carried as far as Jezal, and he was no more than ten strides away. 'My Lords-' he began.

'Speak up!' called someone from the back. There was a ripple of laughter. The old man cleared his throat and tried again.

'My Lords, I come before you with an urgent message from the Lord Governor of Dagoska.' His voice had already faded to its original, barely audible level, each word accompanied by the persistent scratching of quills. Whispers began to emanate from the public gallery above, making it still harder to hear him. 'The threat posed to that great city by the Emperor of Gurkhul increases with every passing day.'

Vague sounds of disapproval began to float up from the far side of the room, where the representatives from Angland were seated, but the bulk of the councillors simply looked bored. 'Attacks on shipping, harassment of traders, and demonstrations beyond our walls, have compelled the Lord Governor to send me-'

'Lucky us!' somebody shouted. There was another wave of laughter, slightly louder this time.

'The city is built on but a narrow peninsula,' persisted the old man, straining to make himself heard over the increasing background noise, 'attached to a land controlled entirely by our bitter enemies the Gurkish, and separated from Midderland by wide leagues of salt water! Our defences are not all they might be! The Lord Governor is sorely in need of more funds ...'

The mention of funds brought instant uproar from the assembly. Thuel's mouth was still moving, but there was no chance of hearing him now. The Lord Chamberlain frowned and took a swallow from his goblet. The clerk furthest from Jezal had laid down his quill and was rubbing his eyes with his inky thumb and forefinger. The clerk closest had just finished writing a line. Jezal craned forward to see. It said simply: Some shouting here.

The Announcer thumped his staff on the tiles with a look of great self-satisfaction. The hubbub eventually died down but Thuel had now been taken with a coughing fit. He tried to speak but was unable, and eventually he waved his hand and sat down, very red in the face, while his neighbour thumped him on the back.

'If I may, Lord Chamberlain?' shouted a fashionable young man in the front row on the other side of the hall, leaping to his feet. The scratching of the quills began once again. 'It seems to me-'

'The Open Council,' cut in the Announcer, 'recognises Hersel dan Meed, third son and accepted proxy of Fedor dan Meed, the Lord Governor of Angland!'

'It seems to me,' continued the handsome young man, only slightly annoyed by this interruption, 'that our friends in the south are forever expecting a full-scale attack by the Emperor!' Dissenting voices were now raised on the other side of the room. 'An attack which never materialises! Did we not defeat the Gurkish only a few short years ago, or does my memory deceive me?' The booing increased in volume. 'This scaremongering represents an unacceptable drain on the Union's resources!' He was shouting to be heard. 'In Angland we have many miles of border and too few soldiers, while the threat from Bethod and his Northmen is very real! If anyone is in need of funds ...'

The shouting was instantly redoubled. Cries of 'Hear, hear!', 'Nonsense!', 'True!' and 'Lies!' could be vaguely made out over the hubbub. Several of the representatives were on their feet, shouting. Some vigorously nodded their agreement, some violently shook their heads in dissent. Others yawned and stared around. Jezal could see one fellow, near to the back in the centre, who was almost certainly asleep, and in imminent danger of slumping into his neighbour's lap.

He allowed his eyes to wander up, over the faces ranged around the rail of the public gallery. He felt a strange tugging in his chest. Ardee West was up there, looking straight down at him. As their eyes met she smiled and waved. He was smiling himself, with his arm halfway up to wave, when he remembered where he was. He pushed his arm behind his back and looked around nervously, but was relieved to find that no one important had noticed his mistake. The smile would not quite leave his face though.

'My Lords!' roared the Lord Chamberlain, smashing his empty goblet down on the high table. He had the loudest voice Jezal had ever heard. Even Marshal Varuz could have learned a thing or two about shouting from Hoff. The sleeping man near the back started up, sniffing and blinking. The noise died away almost immediately. Those representatives left standing looked around guiltily, like naughty children called to account, and gradually sat down. The whispers from the public gallery went still. Order was restored.

'My Lords! I can assure you, the King has no more serious concern than the safety of his subjects, no matter where they are! The Union does not permit aggression against its people or property!' Hoff punctuated each comment by smashing his fist down in front of him. 'From the Emperor of Gurkhul, from these savages in the North, or from anyone else!' He struck the table so hard on this last comment that ink splashed from a well and ran all over one of the clerks' carefully prepared documents. Calls of agreement and support greeted the Lord Chamberlain's patriotic display.

'As for the specific circumstance of Dagoska!' Thuel looked up hopefully, chest still shaking with suppressed coughs. 'Is that city not possessed of some of the most powerful and extensive defences in the world? Did it not resist a siege by the Gurkish, less than a decade ago, for over a year? What has become of the walls, sir, the walls?' The great room fell quiet as everyone strained to hear the reply.