I felt my status as the second son of a duke was cursed because I couldnt say confidently she was my woman. Watching the crown prince and her dancing closely, I felt like I was falling into hell.

I felt an ominous feeling. I felt as if the ground on which I was standing was cracking open with a squeaking noise. Although I didnt see it properly, I felt some anxiousness in my ladys eyes looking at the crown prince. In a break with her erstwhile fear of the crown prince, she seemed calm and cautious, although she didnt show any affectionate expression. Of course, she could try her best to be loyal to the crown prince as the daughter of the Monique family, but I didnt feel good about her changed attitude. Indeed, it made my blood run cold.

I couldnt see my young lady who went dancing with Carsein.

Where did she go?

Forgetting my original purpose of gathering information, I began to search for her and barely found her, but her look and attitude was rather weird. Her serious look, stern eyes, and twisted smile were strange. I had never seen her laughing like that. It was neither graceful, nor a bright smile that thrilled me. It was something like a ceremonial fake smile.

My heart ached. I fell in love with her messed-up look. Even if she showed a deep darkness within herself, I thought she was fine as long as she looked at me only. As I already saw her healed once, I felt heartbroken when I saw her making such a ceremonial smile at them.

Dont smile like that, Tia. Dont be sad, my lady. What the heck is going on? Who messed you up like this, huh? Who the hell broke my precious ladys heart?

While I was escorting this hurt lady home, I asked her what was wrong with her several times, but she didnt reply, which I regretted. When I saw the nail marks on her palms, anger surged within me. I gently pulled her hands and kissed the deep cuts on her palms.

Dont be sick, dont get hurt, my precious and precious young lady.

I think I know less and less about you these days, Tia. I feel like youre trying to fly to a place where I cant catch you.

Trying not to show my sorrow, I spoke to her softly. Although I thought she was always the same girl, I felt she was rather unfamiliar to me after she returned from the estate.

I havent changed anything, but I was always afraid that Tia, who grew up rapidly, might leave me. I could hardly sleep as I was so nervous, but I comforted myself by thinking that I could confine her to a place that only I knew as a last resort, just in case.

Damn it! Now it was harder for me to see her messed-up behavior. I fell in love with her gloomy character, but she changed to a bright personality. I was scared. I began to lose self-confidence gradually. Since I havent gotten out of the darkness yet, can I hold onto Tia who already started to shine on her own?

I looked down at the silver-haired girl who already fell asleep, leaning on my shoulder.

What should I do about you, my lady?

When I thought she just needed to be by my side, I didnt hesitate, but I want to win over her heart. Instead of your blind trust in me as a child or your warm gaze on me, I would like to hear you saying, I love you.

What should I do? I have a crush on you. What should I do? Im afraid I cant get away from you anymore.

Tia.

I wanted time to stop forever, but the vibration of the wagon suddenly stopped. Looking out through the half-open window, I saw someone approaching the wagon, holding a lamp. It was the marquis waiting for his daughter.

Oh, youre really loved by your father, my lady.

I looked at Tia, sleeping and breathing comfortably.

Tia, wake up. Were at your house now.

Whispering into her ear, I shook her shoulders gently. But the little girl didnt wake up, as if she was tired.

When I tried to wake her up again, I suddenly saw her pink lips slightly open under her sharp nose and her silver eyelashes. My heart was pounding suddenly. Somehow I couldnt take my eyes off her lips. My mouth went dry.

After hesitating for a moment, I slowly extended my arms and touched her pink lips.

Whew!

After holding back a sigh nervously, I carefully wiped her soft and dry lips. My heart thumped when I felt her warm breathing at my fingertips.

I quickly looked out the window. The swaying lantern light was getting pretty close to the wagon. I instinctively closed the window and grabbed her dishevelled hair in one hand. With a trembling heart, I leaned my face close to my dear ladys. As my face was getting closer, my heart was pounding fast. What if Tia woke up because of my thumping heartbeat?

When my mouth was close enough to feel her breathing, I closed my eyes gently and finally, my lips touched hers.

I felt as if my heart stopped. It was more satisfying than everything I had received from the girl so far. When I felt her warm breathing, I gently kissed her lips that were softer than feathers and a babys skin. At that moment I didnt feel lonely, and my icy heart melted. Tias warmth, which I felt through that gentle kiss, was something I desperately longed for.

Um. She made a smile while asleep.

I feel warm. Her whispering that came out from her soft lips and filled my emptiness with her warmth. If I could have my way, I wanted to stay with her like now forever.

The moment I disengaged myself from her wistfully, the carriage door was opened suddenly. The marquiss eyebrows stood stiffly when he found his sleeping daughter. I hesitated a bit when I saw him unconsciously taking her out of my arms coldly and her snuggling into his chest unconsciously.

Am I doing fine now?

On the way back home inside the carriage, I gently wiped my lips.

When I recalled the texture of her lips, I suddenly had a deep thirst. A little while ago, I felt like I had the whole world, but I was now craving for much more than that.

I want to have you, my lady. Can you come to me, Tia?

Can you just look at and think of me like I think of you, and stay by my side? Huh?

Please, my lady!

Allen?

Only

One month after my 17th birthday, I was busy preparing for the birthday party for the crown prince, the first such since I joined the government. I was too busy to see my lady for a while.

Just like yesterday, I took a nap as I was too tired with handling a backlog of work, when I felt somebody reaching out to me. I suddenly felt wide awake. Who was it?

Opening my eyes, I grabbed someones wrist. The moment I pushed her on the sofa and grabbed her by the neck, I was stunned by the familiar colors before my eyes. The person before me was not an assassin. She was none other than my girl, Tia.

Her disheveled silver hair and trembling golden eyes caught my eye. I missed her face so much. Even though I was snowed under with work, I recalled her face several times a day. I had a strong thirst for something when she looked up at me with her big eyes wide open. Her pink lips that I remember kissing sometime ago tempted me strongly.

I want to have you. I want to touch. Cant I kiss you again, Tia? Huh?

In fact, I had been growing anxious little by little by then. I saw that darkness within her, which thrilled me several years ago, in her eyes.

No, dont do that. Just look at me. Dont see anyone else. Dont have anyone in your heart unless youre going to have me in your heart.

I was upset when she tried to pull her wrist from me. You didnt act like this before, right? Why are you trying to avoid me now? Dont do that, Tia. Dont leave me. Dont push me out. Im still here in the same place. Why are you trying to move away from me? Dont leave me alone in the dark.