There are orders that I must take you home now.

I look up at him and suddenly feel the light flicker again. It soon dies out. Why him? Are we not to take another one of my vaders men?

It is best if I accompany you. Orders are rules, his voice is firm but not unkind.

I wait a moment. I dont want to go with just you, it wasnt meant to be hard but it comes out a little too domineering.

His face reddens. I can see the light in his eyes diminish. I will meet you on deck.

He turns and leaves me. I feel anger fill my heart and I want to behead him for everything he has done to me in the past few hours. I turn into my room to ready myself. It takes me less than a few minutes to realize that I could.

I stand on the deck viewing the River Rhine and wondering at the evening stars above. I second guess heaven now, I second guess Nadejes teachings now, and I wonder if when I die, God would be there or if I would just disappear from pain, vanish into the sky, like one of those many twinkling stars. Free to shine when I wanted, as I wanted.

I hear the sound of footsteps coming closer, and turn to see Zenith stop a few feet from me. His eyes are all question and face expressionless.

Ready?

It takes a moment for me to make myself move, but I nod. He does not start off immediately, and it is a few seconds before he does. He turns away and I follow him willingly. He leads without much attention to me it seems, and his strides are a little faster than before, like he is trying to show me his discontent. I keep up but stay at a distance behind, feeling his resentment is unreliable. He steps down the platform and some cargo carriers pass by without much notice of us. I once more scan the lines of people still streaming in. He pauses at the bottom of the platform and waits for me there for further instructions.

There is a street crossing through Mabrahders street, and at the end you turn to the right onto Worthier. I cannot tell you from therebut I could navigate us once we are in Worthier.

He eyes some men as they pick up boxes for their families. And where are we going to, specifically?

I swallow. Must you know? It is my home, not yours.

He turns. It is as good as mine if we are to be tied together by the church.

I look away feeling insulted. You do no good to remind me, or Nadeje. I think of what he would have done at those words if he heard. Probably nothing, considering his peaceful state, but he could become mildly possessive.

Zenith sets his jaw, then turns on his heel and moves on. I do not follow immediately but wait a few seconds until he is at a bearable distance.

The light around us is of the torches and lamps carried by the people, and it seems to fade and grow depending on the space between us and the crowds. The volume is low, but speaking is there to make up for the silence between Zenith and I. As we walk, I still search the faces and forms for those two blue eyes and the dark hair I know well.

He is not hereI push aside the thought and continueYou must face the factI let out a breath and walk on as I find myself drawling behind too long.

Suddenly, there is a sharp brush against my side as a man runs up and steps beside Zenith. It stops him, and they turn to each other and engage in a conversation I cannot hear. The man is a short and spindly, about in his late thirties, and he holds a pouch in his belt. After a few exchanged nods from the men, Zenith turns and heads back for me. There are orders that I must take you to one of the lower chambers now. We must wait out the expedition to bring you home until tomorrow or later this daywhatever the hour may be.

I feel my heart falter and frown up at him in resentment. Under what premises?

He looks at me as though I am being intensive. I do not know, perhaps your vader received an epiphany.

I do not welcome his sarcasm. Why must wesurely he provided you with a message that was fit for my Come, there is no such message for you and you know it well. He steps forward and eyes our surroundings as though wary of it.

I do not step back. Zenith He takes hold of my wrists and continues to gaze past me. It is dangerous here, we must return for your safety.

The He cuts me off by stepping past me. He releases only one of my wrists and draws me along with the other. I tug my hand back a little, not wanting his grip on me, but he is of course stronger. He leads me back through the places we had come and the tense stance of his shoulders and hold makes me feel he senses something I dont. I let him pull me along knowing it is useless to try to refuse him. I try to think of another way to get him distracted, when a man drops a box across his way and vegetables and fruits tumble out over the ground.

Hands go after the food, creating a mess of obstacles in our path. Zenith mutters under his breath and after a moment he drags me around the clattering disorder. The disruption is worthwhile to see the irritation on his face, but also leaves me wanting to give help to the man who lost his cargo. Then, I realize I had seen produce.

Zenith, the boxes unloaded from the shipthey are filled with foodthe people are Your vader took it upon himself to feed the starvation. It is paid by the court.

I frown and glance back to see what we left behind, but the confusion is already clearing and the liter cleaned away. I realize his voice had been dry.

You do not approve of it?

His hand tightens on my wrist. I never attempted to put that idea into your head My heart is racing with the speed he is pulling me at now. I am compelled to think so.

He seems to grow debatable. Let me get you there safe and then you can push all the questions you have onto my plate.

I twist my wrist and his grip loosens a bit. I do not settle for silence, not minding the procedure but minding the order to do so. And you think he is contrary to our people.

Suddenly, he jerks to a stop and turns on me. Are you trying to insult me or make me apologize?

I feel my stomach churning but force out the words. Neither.

He tightens his jaw. He is not like me.

I look him in the eyes and I see it is true. That is why I cannot love you.

He releases me. You need to see it from my perspective.

I feel my heart waver at my freedom. And you need to from mine.

Then, by luck or blessing, a man bumps between us and Zenith is forced backwards. I see him through a family which passes and his expression is half worry and half anger. His eyes flicker to and from the spaces to get through, and they soon find mine.

His face is firm and warning and I feel the tension on his shoulders being lifted and set onto mine. I know this is my last chance. I step back. He sees the movement and I feel him grow rigid. It cant wait. I bolt. I know not if it is better or worse that I race into the crowds to be mixed in. I push past people and frantically look about me for somewhere to escape on the other side of the group. There is a gap but I hesitate. If he was running around to the side I planned to emerge from Lyra!

I hear his call over the reckless noise of the crowd, now awakened by our hassle. I race through it with no other hesitation. Once I am there, I search for another plan to follow realizing I have none. I feel a faltering sensation inside me and know fear is taking control and I must focus. I cant remember what is happening and the thudding in my chest hardens. I ignore it. Where? I stare ahead of me and something tugs inside in indication.

The water.

I feel my heart soar but hesitate once more. Where would I hide? The darkness of the boats shadows catches my view. I feel that Zenith must be close by now and with one last glance at my object, I run. Thankfully, the water is not that far from my place and my run is not to be endured for long. I do not hesitate at the waters cold, and hurriedly rush my feet into the rivers edge. It is stiller and the current not as torturous to me as I had feared. I shove my way through the thick force of the undertow and manage to free myself of my shoes as they are sucked up by the silt. I splash through and become knee deep before I feel the full force against me as it sucks at my clothes. I slosh through and reach the side of the ship at waist deep. I hide here and let the relief flood through me as I regain my breath. I touch to the boat and remain there as I tremble lightly from either the cold or the anxiety.

I feel the waters density around me and suddenly feel the impact of it on my body. I breathe restlessly as I feel the freezing temperature and the wetness soaking into my clothes. The water is peaceful but I know its power and this frightens me. My head begins to thud and I force away the remembrance of my weakness.

I look in the direction from where I came and try to locate Zenith or any of my vaders officers. I do not see him and the uneasiness twists in my stomach. I return to the feeling of the water around me, and look now closer to my place about the boat.

To my right and above, the platform is full of sounds from men traveling up and down with the loads. I move carefully and to the farther side of the boat so that not in view of any passers if a search went out. The water lets me move slowly, and so even if I wanted to I couldnt make too many wrong moves or giveaways of my shelter here. I stick close to the boat and stop to stay and hide when in a safer place. The loneness of the open space to my side makes me feel a little encircled and I find myself listening to the water rush for comfort.

I am here for only at most two minutes without sensing anything out of hand. I realize the current is not the only sound I hear. I listen closely to the noises around me. There is the soft wading of something splashing through the water only a distance behind me and I know it is not just the current. I feel my head thudding and my heart joins it in unison. The water ripples the slightest bit against my hand and I move against the boat. There is another slosh of water, and I cautiously turn.

My eyes find a dark form moving mutely through the water. Its head lifts as my eyes find it, and we see each other. I cannot make out the detail from my place, but as I stare I can see the structure of the shape is a man. He freezes as I do. I let fear grip me and the silent river seems to quiet further for our connection to be distinguished. I watch him, the trepidation causing my body to feel every sensation around me. The air and cold water chills my skin and the quake in my chest grows with my heart beat. He is as frozen as I am, the dark water hiding most of his lower body and being cloaked by his shadow. I feel the search of his eyes as he tries to recognize me and in return I study him. I feel a light twinge in my stomach but cant pay attention to it. The tremor in my body leaves me feeling helpless. Then, the connection between us seems to lighten. As we stare, something shifts in my gaze and I feel my body strengthen. The frame and agility of his body becomes familiar to me. I stop.

The world stills. NoI feel my body grow in energy as I feel the intuitional magnetism inside. I feel my heart flutter with recognition. It isnt There is no doubt about it. I know it is.

I rush forward. As soon as he sees me move, he does too. I desperately tear forward through the water, splashing and fighting to get somewhere in it. The water seems too thick around me and resists my hurried movements. I frantically pull myself with my hands and run forward feeling sluggish. It takes forever, but he is in front of me. I throw myself and jump up in the water, grasping my arms to his neck as his go around me trapping me close.

Nadeje! I gasp it out into the air behind him as I clutch him like my tie to the earth. He catches me to him as though I might blow away, and the fitting of our bodies is faultless. I breathe gaspingly from my run and let him revive me with the support of my weight.

Lyra, he breathes.

I grip him tightly and feel the solidity of his frame along mine, his dimensions oddly more discernible through the wet clothes soaked and stuck to our bodies. He holds me stilly, not doing anything but feeling me against him for verity. I settle against him and forget all else from him. We wait here at least a minute without interruption, not wanting anything to pull us apart, then he tightens and I slip my arms down against his chest and replace them with my hands. He gently loosens and I hide my face in his neck, not wanting to look out on the world, just to be here.

He shelters me against him and the clearer feeling of his body gives me a source of surety of my place with him, and the lost feeling disappears on instant. I gently slide my hands up a bit and feel his hair, and the allowance to do so secures me further. He gingerly feels his hands to my waist and I let out a small breath with their delicacy. I feel the want to be embraced fully and gently slide my hands down his neck and chest, letting them rest beneath his arms. The water rises with my release, and he pulls me close and against him. I let him cloak me with his form, not wishing any element to enter my small refuge. I relax and let go, letting the air come to me, not me pull in the air.

Lyra I weaken at his small groan and lie unmoving against him. He cuddles me close.

He lets me stay here a few moments, leaving me to rest in my place. Then, he tenderly urges me up and I lean my head against his neck, my hands settling over his hips without any tenseness. I listen to his breaths and the soft thump of his heartbeat, and wish to listen to it always.

Beloved Lyra, it is soft and gently spoken.

Yes, I whisper back.

He leans his head down to mine. Youre safe he breathes it with relief, as though it had been tormenting him. I lightly move my hands up a bit and he curls me closer, causing my heart to jump. I went back for you and couldnt find you I feel the reminder of the loss and press closer. I went to look for you.

He pushes his head to mine. Dont do that again, he sounds hurt, scared and unbelievably apprehensive. I promise myself I wont.

I nod. He snuggles his head against mine and I almost smile. I met my vader, it comes out before I bid it to and I feel my throat tighten.

He quiets. He didnt hurt you?

I shake my head lightly in assurance.

His face brushes the side of my portrait as he tilts his closer. He was fair?

I think a moment, and sadly bury my face closer. I dont want to see him again.

He seems uncertain. Leifde?

I feel my eyes sting. I dont want him to take I hesitate and there is a pause. You.

He lays his face along my neck and I relax. You are with me now, he whispers. You will be forever.

I tense a little unwantedly.

He moves at this. If that is want you want, only.

I ease again to let him know I am alright and I try to make it come out. Yes, I say it gently.

He pushes closer. Imy Lyra he breathes deeply against my hair and I drift into him. For the first time I feel the water around us and realize how I had forgotten. He lightly trails his face along my skin but lifts it. We are disallowed then?

I do not want to speak of it, but I know I have to.

MybirthrightsGilchit is not that you arentit is that you are of Spanish He exhales and it stops me. I am here for you.

It loosens something inside me, but I do not loosen my grip on him. You know we are not safe here though?

He lifts his head from me and gently responds. I know.

I glance up at him and he is watching me fondly, it gives me a precious feeling. I look into his irises and feel their luminous color shift before me from dark to light, it is breathtaking. I let it out without intent. Your eyes are lovely.

He smiles a bit and I feel pleasure at this even as I feel mortified by my absentminded statement. He warmly looks into mine, though I feel he sees deeper. You complement mein many ways.

I find the mixed message in it and feel myself blush. We should go I peek back up from my shy and he is now gazing around us for peril.

It is not so distant from the shorebut it is quiet here, I listen intently to his calm observation and continue to watch him. It still does not give us perfect sight of our surroundingsbut I feel we are safe herethoughwe should go He looks back down to me and I lift my face from his chest a bit more to get ready to leave. He watches me a moment and the connection between us deepens. I feel the churning inside and the drawn sensation which I cannot close my eyes to and the moment ticks by only to give another of indecision. He slowly bends his head down a little and a shadow covers my face from the faint light above in the boat. I watch him as he leans, and with sureness of my allowance, he rushes it and dips his head down and pushes his lips to mine.

His fall quickly but gently along mine, landing perfectly on the curves of my mouth and catching my upper lip between his. My eyes close, and for once that nervous feeling inside does not make me dizzy. I still weaken. He holds me faithfully in his arms, and the secure fastening around me is assuring. He remains here a moment, then he fervently tilts his head and his lips move over mine. I had thought he would have released me and the action catches me a little off guard. I feel a longing inside make me want to reach for him more, but I refrain myself out of the knowing that we must be reserved here. I let him kiss me and follow willingly. He squeezes me to him. His body feels unnaturally heated from the cold water and I realize I am trembling; from the cold or his touches I know not which.

He deepens it. Now I know the tremble is from him. I feel his arms shift a little and his hand firmly scoops the back of my neck. My pulse pounds as he presses closer and I feel the weight of my body vanish at his ease to move me. I feel his dedication to me with every move, and I dream for more. I remember our surroundings and desperately try to control myself.

Nadeje! I force it out in a small gasp as his lips lift from mine between kisses. He kisses me warmly and I gently press against his chest with my hands. His mouth parts from mine at my plea. We have to go my breathless whisper is meaningless to the emotions inside me, but one emotion fights at the rest; one of expectation and fear. I know Nadeje does not have this feeling.

He captures my lips again and I allow him, not willing it to end but not wanting to finish it here. He crushes me closer, and slowly, still kissing me, he walks through the water. I feel my heart waver and the beat hastens to the rate of my spinning head. I whimper into his mouth and he kisses me strongly as I feel the water moving slowly around our legs.

LyraI make out the word with the movement of his lips and dont know how to feel.

I weaken further as he steps forward and the water drags me against him, and shortly I feel the nervous sentiment has returned. A darker shadow crosses over us, and gradually I feel something solid form behind my head and shoulders. I feel him press me back to the side of the boat, and as he steps in I feel I should suffocate at the pressure he gives me. I breathe fine, but my exhale rattles out from his closeness. His kisses are captivating, though I drift to his hands as I feel him carefully move them up to my face. The kisses are somewhat easier coming now, as the boat supports me so that I am closer to being level in height with him. He moves his lips over mine with assertion, and I am fully absorbed in his passion. The water is still and like ice around us apart for his occasional forward lean to me making small ripples spread about our waists. The heat created in the space between us is unfamiliar yet consoling. I kiss him back, not knowing anything else but him in these moments.

Beloved Lyra, he breathes it as our lips slip and he tenderly bows his head and transfers his face down to my neck. The heat of his face brushes along my neck and spills painfully over my skin as he moves. It sends chills through my blood and I treasure the moment delicate to me. He feverishly pushes his lips to my neck and the feeling sears my skin with its willingness.

Nadeje I feel it tremble out as I breathe without meaning for it to. I blush as he lifts his lips and kisses me again higher up my neck. My skin prickles at his exhale, gusting out over the underside of my jaw. He trails his face lightly up my neck and I am relieved until he leaves a tiny peck beneath my ear.

Then, he finds my lips again and remains there. I let out a small groan and he falters at the sound of it as though I have pierced him with something sharp and deflecting. I grip him a little and he leans into me so that I am entirely overawed. I dont want thisthe thought appears without any meaningwe shouldnt be doing thismy heart beats double its speedbut I do want himI feel him kiss me soothinglyand thisI battle only a second before the considerations are forgotten, and I let him lead me. His lips stroke mine cordially like silk.

Beloved Lyragentlest Lyra he whispers it to me as our lips brush together and apart. Dearest to me My Nadeje, I tell him it lightly, feeling close to a faint as I speak against his lips.

He kisses me, once, twice, three timesI dont want him to stop or continue. I am lost, unaware of anything but what he does. There is a hush as his lips are lifted, then come back down as though not ready yet. He pushes close as he kisses me hotly, then, his lips lighten. They vanish.

Marry me, he releases it through the breakage of our lips connection. It gasps into my face like he needs air and like the words had been suffocating him. For a moment I think I dreamed it, but as the hush between us continues, I know I have not.

I open my eyes to his and look at him as he does me. I fear he has said something he does not mean and that it was out of the blindness of our passionate engagement, but I am saved as I see I am wrong. His eyes are stormy and severe, thirsty and starved looking as they watch me sincerely with meaning. He breathes recklessly. I feel the blissful joy of it, and the truth of his meaning makes my heart soar. I cant open my mouth, or at least control it, for my lips are parted from the need of breath and shock of his statement. My every sensation inside stops except for the new one I feel at his words. All the longing, the need, the craving for his kissesthey are gone. All that remains is disbeliefthat and hesitant joy.

I watch him helplessly, and seeing the look in my eyes, he inclines his head and puts his lips to mine. It is still needful, loyal, loving, and heatedbut something is missing. He kisses me intensely and I feel my heart waver. What was it? I try to feel the missing piece and am distracted. His kiss is truthful, earnest and needfulit is pureand open to me...for me. There were no more secrets. Between man and wife, secrets become hushed topics, not secrets if the love is concrete. He kisses me and I feel his words echo in my head. Marry me Nadeje, I gasp at a point of space between us. It is not fearful or shaky, it is desirable, loving.

He kisses me again and the feel is intoxicating. I feel his hands slip around my neck, then go back to my face, then lace behind my head, then return to my face as though not sure of where to place himself. The thought enters me that, I know not where to place him either. I nod into him as he rests them in a position beneath my jaws, cupping my face, and he seems to be assured by it. I find the place, and it is in the center of my heart. He presses close and I finally cant help it and let my hands travel to the closing of his shirt to fiddle with the collar. He groans at this and I feel his struggle to not reach for more of me. Then, he parts our lips and lays his face to mine to pause.

Gilch he does not respond a moment, then nuzzles back in. I let out a trembling breath and the impact of it meets his skin, causing him to tense and then relax again. I feel him plant a kiss on my lower lip and breathe out in sudden remembrance. My vader He continues to run his face along mine and kisses me once.

HeNadeje it is unsafe for you here I whisper it to him in sudden fear and he kisses me with a light brush.

I am not ignorant of that fact, it is gentle and soft.

I shake my head and he presses closer as I separate us a little. Nadejehe would hurt you if he found you with meor withouthe hates SpanishpleaseI cant let you be hurt.

He kisses me. I would never, his lips hint mine. Ever, he kisses me lightly. Let that happen.

I weaken to his promise, but feel something now guarding my loss of control. We have to go Where? it is not hurtful, yet it pierces me inside as I realize it; there is nowhere safe, at least not here.