The words were severe enough, but I am of opinion that, when you are really anxious to impress a criminal with a sense of his guilt, you ought not to p.r.o.nounce the sentence with your lips quite close to his cheek--since a kiss at the end of it, however accidental, weakens the effect terribly.

CHAPTER 11. PETER AND PAUL.

"As I was saying," the other Professor resumed, "if you'll just think over any Poem, that contains the words--such as,

'Peter is poor,' said n.o.ble Paul, 'And I have always been his friend: And, though my means to give are small, At least I can afford to lend.

How few, in this cold age of greed, Do good, except on selfish grounds!

But I can feel for Peter's need, And I WILL LEND HIM FIFTY POUNDS!'

How great was Peter's joy to find His friend in such a genial vein!

How cheerfully the bond he signed, To pay the money back again!

'We ca'n't,' said Paul, 'be too precise: 'Tis best to fix the very day: So, by a learned friend's advice, I've made it Noon, the Fourth of May.

{Image...'How cheefully the bond he signed!'}

But this is April! Peter said.

'The First of April, as I think.

Five little weeks will soon be fled: One scarcely will have time to wink!

Give me a year to speculate-- To buy and sell--to drive a trade--'

Said Paul 'I cannot change the date.

On May the Fourth it must be paid.'

'Well, well!' said Peter, with a sigh.

'Hand me the cash, and I will go.

I'll form a Joint-Stock Company, And turn an honest pound or so.'

'I'm grieved,' said Paul, 'to seem unkind: The money shalt of course be lent: But, for a week or two, I find It will not be convenient.'

So, week by week, poor Peter came And turned in heaviness away; For still the answer was the same, 'I cannot manage it to-day.'

And now the April showers were dry-- The five short weeks were nearly spent-- Yet still he got the old reply, 'It is not quite convenient!'

The Fourth arrived, and punctual Paul Came, with his legal friend, at noon.

'I thought it best,' said he, 'to call: One cannot settle things too soon.'

Poor Peter shuddered in despair: His flowing locks he wildly tore: And very soon his yellow hair Was lying all about the floor.

The legal friend was standing by, With sudden pity half unmanned: The tear-drop trembled in his eye, The signed agreement in his hand: But when at length the legal soul Resumed its customary force, 'The Law,' he said, 'we ca'n't control: Pay, or the Law must take its course!'

Said Paul 'How bitterly I rue That fatal morning when I called!

Consider, Peter, what you do!

You won't be richer when you're bald!

Think you, by rending curls away, To make your difficulties less?

Forbear this violence, I pray: You do but add to my distress!'

{Image...'Poor peter shuddered in despair'}

'Not willingly would I inflict,'

Said Peter, 'on that n.o.ble heart One needless pang. Yet why so strict?

Is this to act a friendly part?

However legal it may be To pay what never has been lent, This style of business seems to me Extremely inconvenient!

'No n.o.bleness of soul have I, Like some that in this Age are found!'

(Paul blushed in sheer humility, And cast his eyes upon the ground) 'This debt will simply swallow all, And make my life a life of woe!'

'Nay, nay, nay Peter!' answered Paul.

'You must not rail on Fortune so!

'You have enough to eat and drink: You are respected in the world: And at the barber's, as I think, You often get your whiskers curled.

Though n.o.bleness you ca'n't attain To any very great extent-- The path of Honesty is plain, However inconvenient!'

"Tis true, 'said Peter,' I'm alive: I keep my station in the world: Once in the week I just contrive To get my whiskers oiled and curled.

But my a.s.sets are very low: My little income's overspent: To trench on capital, you know, Is always inconvenient!'

'But pay your debts!' cried honest Paul.

'My gentle Peter, pay your debts!

What matter if it swallows all That you describe as your "a.s.sets"?

Already you're an hour behind: Yet Generosity is best.

It pinches me--but never mind!

I WILL NOT CHARGE YOU INTEREST!'

'How good! How great!' poor Peter cried.

'Yet I must sell my Sunday wig-- The scarf-pin that has been my pride-- My grand piano--and my pig!'

Full soon his property took wings: And daily, as each treasure went, He sighed to find the state of things Grow less and less convenient.

Weeks grew to months, and months to years: Peter was worn to skin and bone: And once he even said, with tears, 'Remember, Paul, that promised Loan!'

Said Paul' I'll lend you, when I can, All the spare money I have got-- Ah, Peter, you're a happy man!

Yours is an enviable lot!

{Image...Such boots as these you seldom see}

'I'm getting stout, as you may see: It is but seldom I am well: I cannot feel my ancient glee In listening to the dinner-bell: But you, you gambol like a boy, Your figure is so spare and light: The dinner-bell's a note of joy To such a healthy appet.i.te!'

Said Peter 'I am well aware Mine is a state of happiness: And yet how gladly could I spare Some of the comforts I possess!

What you call healthy appet.i.te I feel as Hunger's savage tooth: And, when no dinner is in sight, The dinner-bell's a sound of ruth!

'No scare-crow would accept this coat: Such boots as these you seldom see.

Ah, Paul, a single five-pound-note Would make another man of me!'

Said Paul 'It fills me with surprise To hear you talk in such a tone: I fear you scarcely realise The blessings that are all your own!

'You're safe from being overfed: You're sweetly picturesque in rags: You never know the aching head That comes along with money-bags: And you have time to cultivate That best of qualities, Content-- For which you'll find your present state Remarkably convenient!'

Said Peter 'Though I cannot sound The depths of such a man as you, Yet in your character I've found An inconsistency or two.

You seem to have long years to spare When there's a promise to fulfil: And yet how punctual you were In calling with that little bill!'