'Bring my daughter-in-law around,' said Mrs Sun, 'and I will reward you handsomely.'

The nun looked about them to ensure that they were alone, and lowered her voice.

'I want you to go out and buy one of those erotic scrolls, and in three days' time I will be able to deal with this for you.'

With these words the nun went on her way. Mrs Sun purchased a scroll as instructed and awaited the nun's return, which duly occurred three days later.

'We must preserve the utmost secrecy about this,' said the nun. 'Neither of the young people must know what we are planning.'

She proceeded to cut out the figures of the two lovers in one of the paintings, then asked for three needles and a pinch of moxa. All of this she wrapped up in a white paper bundle, on the outside of which she wrote some strange wriggly lines that looked like the traces of an earthworm. Then she told Mrs Sun to find a way of getting her daughter-in-law out of the way while she herself went into the bedroom, removed the young woman's pillow, slit a hole in it and inserted her package, stitching it up again and putting it back in its original place. Having done this, the nun departed.

That evening, full of hope, Mrs Sun prevailed on her son to sleep in his nuptial bed and posted an old serving-woman outside to spy on the couple. Late into the night, the woman heard Sun's wife call her husband by his intimate name (a rare event), but Sun did not so much as reply. After a little while, the wife spoke to him again and this time Sun uttered an audible groan of disgust.

Caption

She cut out the figures of the two lovers.

Mrs Sun went into the room herself at dawn to find husband and wife sleeping with their backs to each other, and she knew that the nun's magic had been ineffective. She called her son aside and tried to talk him around, but the mere mention of his wife's name threw him into a temper and made him gnash his teeth. His mother scolded him angrily for this, and walked off in great displeasure.

The next day, the nun returned and was greatly puzzled when she was told that her magic had failed. The old serving-woman who had spied on the couple gave her a full account of what she had seen and heard. The nun smiled.

'No wonder! You told me it was the wife who had grown cold towards her husband, so I was working on her. Now it seems that the wife's feelings have changed for the better, and it is the husband who is in need of my assistance. Allow me to perform the magic again, for the two of them. I assure you that we will be successful this time.'

The mother agreed to this. She procured her son's pillow, they repeated the procedure, and yet again she made her son promise to sleep in his wife's room. Late that night, a great deal of tossing and turning could be heard from their separate beds, followed by the recurring sound of coughing, as if neither of them could sleep. After some time, they could be heard whispering to each other in one bed, but it was impossible to make out exactly what they were saying. Finally, as dawn was breaking, there was a lot of audible giggling and murmuring of sweet endearments. The old serving-woman reported all of this to Mrs Sun, who was delighted. The nun came and was handsomely rewarded.

From that day forth, the Suns were a happily married couple, as harmonious as the proverbial lute and zither. They are now in their thirties, have a son and two daughters, and for over ten years have not had a single disagreement. If ever their friends ask them what it was that wrought the change, they laugh and say, 'Who knows! Things changed! Before the change, the merest sight of a shadow of the other would bring on a fit of temper. Since the change, the slightest sound of the other's voice fills us with joy! We ourselves have no idea what happened!'

91.

A PRANK.

A certain fellow of my home district, a well-known prankster and libertine, was out one day strolling in the countryside when he saw a young girl approaching on a pony.

'I'll get a laugh out of her, see if I don't!' he called out to his companions.

They were sceptical of his chances of success and wagered a banquet on it, even as he hurried forward in front of the girl's pony and cried out loudly, 'I want to die! I want to die...'

He took hold of a tall millet stalk that was growing over a nearby wall and, bending it so that it projected a foot into the road, untied the sash of his gown and threw it over the stalk, making a noose in it and slipping it round his neck, as if to hang himself. As she came closer, the girl laughed at him, and by now his friends were also in fits. The girl then rode on into the distance, but the man still did not move, which caused his friends to laugh all the more. Presently they went up and looked at him: his tongue was protruding from his mouth, his eyes were closed. He was quite lifeless.

Strange that a man could succeed in hanging himself from a millet stalk. Let this be a warning to libertines and pranksters.

Caption

The man still did not move.

92.

ADULTERY AND ENLIGHTENMENT.

The Patriarch Luo was from the town of Jimo. He had passed his childhood in great poverty, and when it fell to his family to provide an able-bodied male for guard service on the northern frontier, he was the one chosen. There he lived for several years, during which time a son was born to him. The frontier-post commandant had always been extremely kind to him, and when he was transferred as Colonel to the western province of Shaanxi, he wanted to take Luo with him. Luo entrusted his wife and son to the care of his good friend Li and travelled west with his superior.

It was three years before he had an opportunity to see his family again. The Colonel wanted a letter delivered to the northern frontier and Luo volunteered to go, requesting leave to visit his wife and children at the same time, which the Colonel readily granted.

Luo was greatly relieved to find his wife and son in good health, but was somewhat bemused to see a pair of men's shoes beneath the bed. He went to give thanks to his friend Li, who entertained him cordially with wine. His wife insisted how wonderfully kind Li had been, and Luo was profuse in his expressions of gratitude.

The next day, he said to his wife, 'I have to deliver my commanding officer's letter today, and won't be back this evening. Don't bother to wait up for me.'

He went out, mounted his horse and rode away. But instead of delivering the letter, he hid nearby and in the dead of night returned home. He heard his wife and Li talking together in bed, flew into a great rage and broke down the door. The two of them fell to their knees and begged him to spare their lives. Luo had already drawn his sword, but he put it back in its sheath and addressed the following words to his friend: 'I took you for a decent man, but now I have seen the truth for myself. Why, your blood would sully my sword! I will make you an offer: take my wife, take my son, take my military position and duties too. I shall leave you my horse with all its trappings, I shall leave you my weapons, and go my own way.'

And off he went.

The local people reported the strange facts of the case to the Magistrate, who had Li flogged and extracted from him a full confession of adultery. But since there were no witnesses, no one to testify to the truth of his story in any way, and since Luo himself had in the meantime vanished entirely and remained unfindable despite an extensive search, the Magistrate suspected the adulterers of having murdered him and subjected the pair of them to a prolonged inquisition. A year later, they both died from the ill effects of severe torture, and the son was sent back to the family home in Jimo under official escort.

Some time later, a woodcutter from the garrison town of Stone Casket was up in the hills when he came upon a Taoist hermit sitting in a cave. This hermit was never seen to beg for alms, and he soon came to be regarded by the local people, who brought him offerings of food, as a holy man and a living marvel. Someone eventually recognized him as Luo, the Colonel's former aide. Devotees started coming in droves and gifts of food filled the cave, but he refused to touch any of it and seemed to find the clamour of humanity offensive. With time his visitors became fewer and fewer, and as the years went by, the tangled bushes outside the cave grew into a thicket so dense that passers-by could only peep through and catch a glimpse of the hermit, who always sat immobile in the exact same spot.

A long interval of time elapsed, and he was seen to leave his cave and go wandering on the mountainside. But the minute someone approached him, he disappeared. And when the locals looked inside the cave, they were amazed to see him sitting there as formerly, his clothes covered with layers of dust. Going Caption

He put his sword back in its sheath.

back a few days later to have another look, they saw him still sitting there, with two Jade Icicles hanging from his nose. They knew from this venerable sign that he had indeed finally been 'transformed'. They built a temple in his honour, and during the third month of every year the place was thronged with pilgrims coming to burn joss at his shrine. His son came, and they honoured him with the title 'Little Patriarch' and presented him with all the offerings brought by pilgrims. To this day, Patriarch Luo's descendants come to the temple once a year and are given the offerings.

When Liu Zongyu of Yishui told me this story in detail, I laughed and said, 'Nowadays believers are not interested in leading saintly lives, they all want to become Instant Buddhas! Tell them from me that this is one true path to Instantaneous Buddhahood: put down your swords!'

93.

UP HIS SLEEVE.

A certain Taoist named Gong (he had no other names and no one knew where he was from) once requested an audience with the Prince of Lu, but the Prince's gate-men refused to announce his presence. One of the Prince's senior eunuchs came out, and when the Taoist made him a bow and begged him to hear his plea, the eunuch, seeing how wretchedly tattered his clothes were, sent him curtly about his business. When he returned, the eunuch flew into a rage and had him forcibly escorted away, instructing one of his underlings to follow the man and give him a good beating. When they came to a deserted spot, the Taoist took out two hundred taels of gold.

'Take this gold to your master,' he said, smiling to himself, 'and tell him that I do not really want to see the Prince at all. It is just that I have heard what a wonderful park he has at the back of the palace, full of the most beautiful plants and trees, exquisite pavilions and galleries, among the finest anywhere in the world. Truly I should count myself a happy man if he would agree to show me round the park.'

He gave the servant a few taels of silver, and the man gladly transmitted his request (and the bribe). His master, the senior eunuch, was now only too delighted to receive the Taoist at the rear gate of the palace and show him around the Prince's garden. They climbed to the upper storey of one of the pavilions, and the eunuch was leaning out over the window-sill when suddenly the Taoist gave him a little push and the eunuch felt himself first falling and then hanging in midair, suspended from the waist by nothing more than the flimsiest tendril of some clinging vine. When he looked down he saw beneath him a giddy height, and hearing the faintest sound as of the vine beginning to snap, he let out a terrified scream. In a matter of seconds, several of his fellow eunuchs arrived on the scene in a state of extreme consternation to find him dangling at a great height from the window. Climbing up into the pavilion, they discovered the end of the vine attached to the window-sill. They would have lowered him down to the ground but the vine seemed too weak, and although they searched everywhere for the Taoist, he had vanished without trace. At their wits' end they went in to report the matter to the Prince, who came to investigate for himself. He was utterly perplexed by what he saw, and gave orders to spread rushes and wads of cotton floss on the ground and then to cut the vine. Everything was prepared, when suddenly the vine snapped of its own accord and they saw that the eunuch had never been more than a foot off the ground. A titter of incredulous laughter broke from the assembled eunuchs.

The Prince now gave orders that the whereabouts of the Taoist should be ascertained. It was eventually discovered that he was lodging in the residence of a gentleman named Shang, but when one of the Prince's men went there to have words with him, he found that the Taoist had gone out and had not yet returned. He encountered him on his way back, and took him to see the Prince, who entertained him and asked him to give a demonstration of his powers.

'I am nothing but a country bumpkin, sire,' said the Taoist. 'I have no special skills. But since you have been so kind as to entertain me, allow me to present a little dancer. Let this be my humble offering.'

So saying, he produced a beautiful lady from within his sleeve and placed her on the ground, where she kowtowed to the Prince. The Taoist asked her to perform the piece known as 'The Banquet at Jasper Pool', in honour of His Highness. After a brief introductory monologue from the lady, the Taoist produced a second figure, who introduced herself as the Queen Mother. And then, one after another, he produced all the Queen's fairy attendants ending with a weaving maid, who showed the Prince a celestial robe, a dazzling garment woven in golden brocade. The Prince could not believe that it was genuine and wanted to inspect it.

'You must on no account touch it!' cried the Taoist. But the Prince paid him no heed and held it up to take a closer look. Sure enough, he saw that it was of a seamless weave such as could never have been woven by mortal hands.

'I wished to show you my humble devotion, sire,' said the Taoist sadly, 'and was able to borrow this treasure for a while from the heavenly realm. Now it has been sullied, and I shall never be able to return it to its rightful owner.'

The Prince, thinking the performers must be celestial maidens, wished to detain some of them. But the moment he looked at them more closely he saw that they were all in fact singing girls from his own harem. Then it occurred to him that the song they had just been singing was one he was not familiar with. Sure enough, when he asked them about it they replied that they themselves had not known what it was they were singing.

The Taoist put the celestial garment on the fire and whisked the charred remains into his sleeve. On further inspection, his sleeve proved to be quite empty. The Prince came to feel a deep respect for the Taoist, and wanted to install him in his palace.

'I am a creature of the wilds,' replied the Taoist. 'For me, your palace would be a cage. I have more freedom in Scholar Shang's residence.'

The Taoist regularly left the palace at midnight and returned to his lodgings, although from time to time the Prince was able to prevail upon him to stay overnight. At the Prince's banquets, the Taoist would make flowers bloom out of season. Once the Prince asked him, 'I have heard it said that Immortals still have a need for human attachment. Is this true?'

'This may be true of Immortals. But I am not one of their kind. As for me, my own heart is like a block of lifeless wood.'

Once when the Taoist stayed overnight in the palace, the Prince sent a woman from his harem to test him out. She went into his room and called to him several times, without eliciting any response. She lit a candle and saw him sitting cross-legged on the couch, his eyes closed. She shook him, whereupon one of his eyes opened a slit and then closed again. She shook him again, and he started snoring. She pushed him with some force, and this time he tumbled down on to the ground, but remained sound asleep, snoring like thunder. She rapped him on the forehead, but merely hurt her own finger, while his head made a hollow sound like a metal cauldron.

She went in to report all of this to the Prince, who told her to try pricking the Taoist with a needle, which she did. But the needle would not enter his flesh. She tried pushing him again, and by now he had become so heavy she could not shift him at all. A dozen men were sent with orders to lift him up and throw him back down on to the ground. He was like a stone weighing a ton, and they were scarcely able to move him. In the morning, they found him lying there on the ground, still fast asleep. When he awoke, he smiled and said, 'I must have had a nightmare and fallen on the ground, without even knowing it.'

From then on, if ever he was sitting or lying down, the ladies of the palace would prod him for fun. The first time they did so, he would be soft, but gradually his flesh grew hard to the touch, like iron or stone.

Often the Taoist would not return to his lodgings in Scholar Shang's house until after midnight, by which time his host would already have locked the door. And yet in the morning, when he came to open it again, the Taoist would be asleep in his room.

Now, this Scholar Shang had once had a close liaison with a sing-song girl by the name of Mercy, and the two had sworn to marry one day. Mercy had a beautiful voice and was widely acclaimed as an instrumentalist. The Prince of Lu came to hear of her and had her brought to his palace to become part of his harem, thus tearing her away from the heartbroken Shang. Shang asked the Taoist one evening if he had ever set eyes on Mercy during his visits to the palace.

'I have seen all of the Prince's ladies,' was the Taoist's reply. 'But I don't know which one of them is Mercy.'

Shang described her in some detail, enough for the Taoist to be able to identify her. Then he begged him to take her a message.

'I am a man of religion,' joked the Taoist. 'I can hardly be a carrier of love letters.'

Shang continued to plead with him, until finally the Taoist held out the capacious sleeve of his gown and said, 'Very well then, if you really want to see her, hop in!'

Shang peeped inside the sleeve and, beholding a space as large as a room, went down on his hands and knees and crept in, finding himself in a luminous chamber, as spacious as the reception hall of a mansion, fully furnished with tables and couches. Somehow the space caused him to experience no sense of confinement or oppression. The Taoist made his way to the palace and sat down for a game of Go with the Prince. When he saw Mercy come into the room, he made as if to brush away a speck of dust with his gown and hey presto! she was whisked into his sleeve without anyone having noticed the slightest thing. Shang was sitting there lost in idle reverie when suddenly he saw a beautiful lady float down from the eaves of his 'room'. He recognized her at once as Mercy, and the two of them were soon wrapped in the ecstasy of reunion.

'This is a very special occasion,' said Shang, 'and we must commemorate it in verse.'

He began to improvise the first line of a poem, as he did so inscribing it calligraphically on the wall of their room: Deep in the Prince's palace, you were lost for so long without trace; Mercy continued: Today in wonder I behold again my loved one's face.

Shang wrote the third line: The world within the magic sleeve is great indeed; And Mercy concluded: It nourishes our love, it feeds our deepest need.

Just as they finished the poem, five men burst in upon them, wearing eight-cornered hats and pink robes. Neither of the Caption

The Taoist sat down for a game of Go with the Prince.

lovers knew who these men were. Without a word they seized Mercy and led her away, while Shang watched in stupefied amazement.