"I'm okay. Just got a lot on my head right now. Feeling a little down."

"Talk to me. What's going on?"

"I messed up everything, Ma. I came down here and lost my focus. I started dating this girl, Lexi. And I really, really like her, Ma, but I kept feeling guilty about liking her so much because of Tameka."

"Baby, there's nothing wrong with meeting another girl that you like-"

I interrupted her because I wanted to get it all out, didn't want to forget one detail. "I mean, I respect Tameka and I want to handle my responsibility...you know, as a man and take care of my kid..."

"Did you tell Tameka how you feel...that you met someone else?"

"No, I didn't."

"Did you tell this other girl...what's her name?"

"Lexi."

"Did you tell Lexi about Tameka and that you were about to become a father?"

"No, ma'am. I just kept juggling both of them and hoping that I never had to tell either of them anything. But tonight, it all exploded in my face."

"What happened?"

"Tameka showed up here, in Grambling. I had no idea that she was coming. She popped up at the restaurant where I was having dinner with Lexi and her parents-"

"So you've met this girl's parents?"

"Yes. I went to her hometown for the Fourth of July weekend and made a complete fool of myself. But that's another story," I told her. "But tonight, I was having dinner with them again, and I really think her father was starting to like me-"

"You must really like this girl if you're trying to impress her father."

"I do really like her, Ma, but can I finish the story?"

She was driving me crazy with the interruptions. I had so much to tell her and I needed to get it all out.

"Of course, I won't interrupt again."

"Anyway, I'm having dinner with Lexi and her parents, and Tameka pops up out of nowhere, waddles over to the table and practically let the whole world know that I was her baby daddy-"

"Well, you are her baby daddy, sweetie." She chuckled.

"Ma, I was trying so hard to impress Lexi's father. And he was finally warming up to me, even after the fiasco in Jackson, Mississippi. He had already been skeptical about me...thinking that I wasn't good enough for his daughter or something-"

"Well, you can lose that thought. You are good enough! You're a spectacular young man with a bright future. Your father and I are proud of your accomplishments. You've made good grades in school, received a full scholarship to a four-year college-"

"And got a girl pregnant..."

"Okay, you made a mistake, sweetheart. We all make mistakes. I have news for you. You're going to continue to make mistakes as long as you live. But you have to correct your mistakes and move on. That's why, for your first year in college, your father and I will handle your financial responsibilities as far as the baby's concerned, just like we said. When the baby's born, you will be an active part of his or her life. I'm talking about spending quality time and bonding with the child as much as possible. Next school year, you will get a part-time job so that you can handle your responsibilities on your own. It's not the end of the world, Vance."

"Feels like it."

"Let me tell you where you went wrong, honey. And then maybe you can focus again," Mom said. "It wasn't fair to Tameka to keep her hanging on...hoping and wishing that you, her and the baby were going to be this big happy family once the baby was born-"

"I couldn't-"

"Let me finish," she interrupted. "You knew long before you went away to school that you weren't in love with that girl. I knew it because I know you. There was no spark in your eyes or excitement in your voice when you spoke about her. Not like this new girl. Yet, you tried so hard to be noble...to do the right thing and that just means that you have character. All that's wonderful, but, baby, in essence you strung her along...."

"I didn't want to hurt her feelings."

"Sometimes we hurt people more when we're not honest with them. And you weren't very honest with Tameka and as a result you ended up hurting her more. You created a mess. And now you have this new girl, Lexi, who is walking around campus thinking that she's the only girl in your life. But the truth is, you've got this huge secret that you don't even bother to share with her. You didn't give her a say in the matter. You took away her choices. What if she wasn't interested in dating a guy who had a baby on the way?"

"That's what I was afraid of...that she wouldn't want me. That's why I didn't tell her."

"It wasn't up to you to make that decision for her. She deserved an opportunity to make her own choices and you took that away."

"I didn't want to lose her."

"It wasn't just about you, sweetie, and that's how you made it. Nobody had any choices but you. You made choices for both of them and that simply wasn't fair."

"So how do I fix it, Ma? They both hate me right now. They won't answer my calls or my text messages."

"What is it that you want, honey? You tell me."

"I want to do the right thing and be a father to my child when he or she gets here. I want to continue to be friends with Tameka. I want her to forgive me. But I don't think a relationship is the best thing for us right now."

"Okay."

"And I want Lexi to be my girl. Ma, I really like her. She's smart, she's athletic and she's funny. I can be myself around her. I can say what I wanna say and she doesn't get all weird-acting like other girls. And did I mention that she's pretty?"

"You didn't mention it but I figured that was one of her attributes." Mom laughed.

"I can't think of any girl that I have ever liked better."

"Okay. Your problems really aren't that huge, Vance. Here's what you have to do. Is Tameka still there?"

"I think so."

"You've got to get some one-on-one time with her. You do everything you can to get with her before she leaves. You apologize profusely for being inconsiderate and dishonest. And then you let her know what your plans are...that you fully intend to take care for your child but a relationship with her is not what you would like right now. She's going to be hurt but years from now she'll respect you for it."

"That's not gonna be easy."

"Of course not. Some things in life just aren't easy, but what matters is that you do the right thing."

"What about Lexi?"

"If Lexi is this wonderful person that you say she is...she'll be all right. She'll come around. If it's meant to be, it will be. You apologize to her for being dishonest. You tell her how you feel about her and let nature take its course."

"What if she doesn't take me back? What if she doesn't accept my apology?"

"Sweetie, you're still young. You're handsome. There are a million other Lexis out there just waiting to get a shot at Vance Armstrong."

"But I don't want a million other Lexis...I want this one."

"Well, you have to let her know that," Mom said. "I hope you feel better, son."

"I do, Ma. Thank you. You're always there for me, no matter what. Even when I mess up."

"That's my job."

"I feel much better, but I got a lot of work to do."

"You can handle it, Counselor. I believe in you." I loved Mom's new nickname for me-Counselor. It sounded good, especially since some judge would be calling me that someday. It reminded me of why I came to Grambling in the first place-to get my undergrad studies over with so that I could go to law school and follow in my mother's footsteps.

I had my focus back. I knew what I had to do and I couldn't wait to get it done. The sooner I got to it, the sooner I could get on with my life. After hanging up with Mom, I gave Tameka's cell phone one last call. I would leave her a message and let her know that I wanted to meet her somewhere and talk, if she was interested in hearing what I had to say. For the tenth time, I received her voice mail and decided to leave her one last message.

"Tameka, it's Vance. Of course you already know that. I'm sure you're sitting there looking at the screen and pressing the *ignore' button every time you see my name. Um...I really need to talk to you...about our future and the future of our baby. I know it's late, but I was wondering if you could meet me in front of the football field at ten o'clock. That's thirty minutes from now. Anyway, I hope you show up."

I hung up. Hoped that Tameka would get my message in time.

twenty-seven.

Tameka Sean was the perfect gentleman when he drove me to Burger King for a bite to eat. After seeing Vance and his little girlfriend at the hotel's restaurant having dinner like it was nothing, I no longer wanted to eat at that restaurant. As a matter of fact, I lost my appetite altogether. Wanted to simply sleep the rest of the day away. I regretted coming to Grambling at all. I couldn't believe I'd let my friends talk me into the trip. It was so much better not knowing the truth. At least when I was in Atlanta I was happy. Coming here changed everything for the worse.

"You gotta answer his call at some point," Sean said as he watched me stare at the screen of my cell phone. Vance had called at least ten times, and each time I let it roll into voice mail. Unlike the other nine times, this time he left a message.

"I was so embarrassed today. I went strutting into that restaurant and left there feeling like a fool."

"No, I remember him looking like the fool. He had two cute girls standing there, and he didn't leave there with either one them."

"You thought she was cute?" I asked, remembering the caramel-colored girl who had called herself Vance's girlfriend.

"She was aiight." Sean grinned. "Not cute as you, though."

We sat in Calvin's daddy's SUV with Grambling University's Tiger Radio 91.5 playing softly on the stereo. Gerald Levert sang a sweet ballad as we sat in Burger King's parking lot, eating burgers and French fries.

"It's okay if you think she's cute. Vance obviously does, too." I forced a smile. Talking to Sean was easy. He was sweet. "Thanks for dinner, by the way."

"I wouldn't really call Burger King dinner. Especially for a pregnant woman who needs plenty of vegetables and fruits. You won't find any of those things in a Whopper. And the grease is gonna clog the baby's arteries."

"You sound like my mother."

"Well, somebody has to take Mel's place since she's not here. Somebody's gotta take care of you."

I wanted to call Mommy so bad when everything went down with Vance. After all, she was my best friend. But I couldn't let her know where I was. Not that she would kill me or anything. But I didn't want to put her in a bad position with my friends' parents. She would have to tell their parents where we were and I couldn't have that. She would be mad at first but she would understand.

"I wanted to call her today but I didn't want my friends to get into trouble."

"Yeah, that wouldn't be good. Your friends would be grounded for the rest of the summer, and my boy Cal wouldn't be able to hook up with your friend Jade. He really likes her, you know."

"Yeah? Well I think she likes him, too."

"And I like you, Tameka. I know a lot of crazy stuff happened today and you got a lot on your head, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. And when everything calms down, I'll still be here for you."

"Thank you."

I kept pretending that I wasn't anxious to check the voice mail message that Vance had left. I kept trying to use restraint and tell myself that I didn't care about what he had to say. But deep down inside, I wanted to hear his voice. Wanted to know if he was sorry, if he regretted his actions. Wanted to know where we stood and where we were going from here. I called my voice mail service. Listened to his message.

"He wants me to meet him on campus at the football field...at ten o'clock," I told Sean.

We both glanced at the digital clock on the dash of the SUV. It was nine-thirty.

"You wanna meet him? I'll drive you over there," said Sean.

"I wanna hear what he has to say." I shrugged. "I don't know...call me crazy."

"That's cool. Let's go."

As I walked across the football field, Vance sat in the middle of the bleachers wearing a tank top, basketball shorts and a cap on his head backward. He watched as I made my way toward him. When I reached him, he stood and helped me climb the few steps up into the bleachers. I sat down beside him and he grabbed my hand.

"I'm sorry, Tameka. I didn't mean to hurt you," he said and my heart instantly started to melt.

"I'm fine now," I said.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you," he said.

"What's up with that girl saying she was your girlfriend?"

He became quiet and looked away. When he turned back around, his eyes were watery. "Because she is my girl. At least she was before tonight."

His words cut through my heart like a sharp knife. Any hopes and dreams I had of a future with Vance were being destroyed at that moment.

I pulled my hand away. "You asked her to be your girl when you already had a girl?"

"Tameka, I really care about you...and the baby..." Vance pulled a pair of sunglasses out the pocket of his shorts; placed them on his face. "But I don't think that a relationship between us would be good right now. I mean, I want to be there for you when you have the baby and all. I want to have a relationship with my child...if you'll let me...and everything...but..."

"But you don't want me, right?" I asked. The tears that had built up in the corners of my eyes were threatening to fall. I tried with all my might to hold them back but they fell down my cheeks anyway.

"I think we should just be friends," he said. "Tameka, I think that you are so brave, just carrying a baby for all this time is a big deal. And I'm grateful to you for it. Grateful that you didn't abort him or her...."

"Her!" I said as the tears began to flow harder. They didn't care that I was trying to be tough. "It's a girl, Vance. Yes, I knew the sex of the baby for a long time and didn't tell you. I wanted to surprise you but what difference does it really make now, right? I've been doing that a lot lately...trying to surprise you...and every time I do, I'm the one who ends up with the surprise."