Giddiness.

Fear.

Hope.

Hugging myself, I continue, afraid of joining the crowds. I'm not that brave yet, despite the knowledge that we can stay here, if we want to. Todd and I can go home or move somewhere else or ... whatever we want.

It's over.

I want to scream out of emotion and instead, grow a little intimidated when I peer into yet another room with two clumps of people. Six are gathered around a hearth, laughing and talking, including Petr.

My heart nearly leaps out of my chest at the sight of him. He's surrounded by men who look a lot like him: military haircuts and muscular frames. He's smiling and happy, his features glowing as he seems to be engaged in some sort of animated story that has his friends in stitches.

Petr has a life filled with all kinds of people. Todd may have been joking about insecurity, but a flicker of it slides through me. Who am I, a newcomer who blows him off, to the people he's known all his life? To old girlfriends from college or the sons and daughters of other wealthy people?

I don't like the self-doubt. It's not normal for me. I also must acknowledge the prospect that I've pushed him away often enough that he may no longer be interested in me, now that I have the ability to give him the time of day.

I almost laugh at myself. The irony of my situation isn't lost on me, nor is the guilt at knowing I might've lost him because I was too afraid to take a chance before.

He doesn't notice me. Catching myself staring, I continue on towards the kitchen and arrive to discover the food tables start in the hallway outside the massive cooking space. The adjacent sunroom is packed with tables laden with food as well, and I wade through the delicious treats and entrees towards the scene behind the house.

There are bonfires everywhere on the veranda, large fire pits blaze with flames taller than I am. They're surrounded by sitting areas. Beyond the space, a path running along the property line is lit by bright Christmas lights.

Their backyard has been converted into a winder wonderland. There's a snow maze at the center, hayrides going around the property, an ice skating rink, and a cocoa station at the foot of the stairs of the veranda. People are everywhere, though not as many as attended the Thanksgiving feast.

I laugh. For once, I don't care if everyone around me thinks I'm crazy, but I've never seen anything so spectacular or beautiful in my life.

"Claudia!" I turn at Anton's gruff voice. He has a cup of strong smelling cinnamon-apple cider in hand. "I am pleased you came."

"It's good to see you, Anton," I reply with a smile. I creep closer to the nearest bonfire instinctively as a cold blast of winter air hits me. "This is amazing!"

"Wait until you see the reindeer." He starts forward. "Come!"

I hesitate. He's wearing a coat, but mine is hanging in the coatroom. Not wanting to disappoint him, I trail anyway, shivering when we leave the veranda. He leads me down a lit path towards an area off to the side where a simple wooden fence corrals five of the reindeer he's so proud of. They have a small barn behind them.

"Real reindeer!" Anton proclaims and stands aside, sweeping his arm towards the animals. "They are on loan for Christmas."

"They're beautiful!" I murmur and approach the railing. There's a bucket of apples on my side. I reach in to grab one and hold it out to the nearest animal.

At once, all five crowd around. Soft muzzles and warm puffs of breath brush across my hands. I reach down for more apples. Delighted by the sight and softness of their fur, I grin.

"I finished your secret project," I tell him over my shoulder. "I brought it with me to show you."

"Did you see your other projects?" he asks with a mischievous smile.

"I did coming in. It's awesome to see them brought to life like this."

"There are more on the trees and on the family floor and all the guest rooms."

Pleased by the fact he really did like them, I trace my fingers down the furry neck of one reindeer, awed by the thickness of the downy coat. I'm shaking from cold but too enamored by the animals to care.

"Baba, you dragged her out in the cold with no coat on," Petr chides his father.

My awareness of everything heightens to the point I feel like I might shatter. For a few seconds, I forget to breathe. My heart slams into my chest like a jackhammer. Since talking to Simon, I've tried over and over to think of what to say to Petr when I saw him again, how to tell him I'm ready for that dinner without sounding ... weird. Or desperate. Or too eager.

A reindeer nipping my fingers breaks the spell, and I bend down for another apple.

"I'm all right," I say through chattering teeth.

His scent sweeps over me, accompanied by a jacket warmed by his body heat. He drapes his coat over my shoulders. I shiver for a different reason, start to object, then sink into the warmth.

"And you should've called me to pick you up," Petr chides me.

"We are both in trouble now," Anton says, amused. "I will leave you to sort this out." I hear the snow crunch beneath his feet as he leaves.

"I can take care of myself," I murmur then curse myself. I wanted to come across friendlier than I have been in the hopes there's something between us on Petr's end, too.

"I'm aware." He chuckles. He draws abreast of me, and I sneak a glance up at him. His hands are in his pockets, or I'd be debating whether or not I should take his hand the way he did mine last time I was here.

Come to think of it, I have no clue how to tell him I'm interested and that the past and danger I never revealed to him in the first place is no longer an issue. My euphoria at the chance of an us quickly turns into anxiety and uncertainty when I realize I don't know how it's going to happen when I put so many roadblocks between us.

"Glad you made it," he says.

"Thanks."

"I kinda thought might not come."

I sigh. "I know. I'm a jerk."

He chuckles. "Never. But you are stubborn."

"For a good cause," I retort coolly and give him a look.

"I know." He's smiling down at me with warmth that melts my insides.

If I want to take a chance on him, I can. I do but am paralyzed. I don't even know how to begin.

"Petr?" a woman's voice comes from behind us. "Is this the girl Baba keeps talking about?"

We both turn to face the gorgeous brunette with Petr's eyes. I recognize his sister, Katya, from her pictures. She's eyeing me like I'm some sort of new species of reindeer. Trailing her, hand in hand, is a handsome man with chiseled features, a high and tight and dark hair, whose assessment of me is briefer, cooler.

"How long have you been seeing each other?" Katya asks with the territorial edge of a protective sister.

"Seven weeks," Petr answers.

"We're not," I reply simultaneously.

Katya crosses her arms and looks between us. "What does that mean?"

"It means it's none of our business, baby," her husband replies softly and wraps an arm around her. There's amusement deep in his gaze, and he's looking at Petr curiously. "I'm Sawyer. This is Katya," he says and stretches an arm towards me.

"Claudia." I shake his hand.

Katya looks ready to say something else, thinks better of it, and rests her head back on her husband's shoulder.

The quiet is awkward, and my face grows warm. Do I read anything into Petr's claim we've been somewhat of a something or ... is he teasing his sister?

"Okay, I have to say it," Katya says finally. "If you're anything like Petr's bitch of an ex, I will find you and make you pay if you hurt him. It wouldn't be the first time I've beat up his girlfriend."

I smile, understanding and sharing the concern she has for her brother.

"Kitty-Khav is my little defender." Petr wraps his arms around his sister and gives her a bear hug until she objects. "Little being the operative word."

"Sawyer taught me how to take you down, Petr!" she snaps.

I watch them wrestle for a moment, entertained. She gives up after a brief struggle then embraces her brother. He leans his head down to whisper something to her, and her gaze settles on me briefly.

"Petr's a good guy. If he likes you, there's a reason," Sawyer says, calm where Katya is ready to drag me into the snow maze for a brawl. "He's been hurt enough, though. He acts tough but he's a softy."

I listen, amazed by how close Petr's family is. I don't mind the warnings; they're looking out for someone who is by far the sweetest, best man I've met. Petr deserves to be surrounded by people like this.

But me? Do I remotely fit in? Usually comfortable chit chatting with strangers, I'm drawing a blank around Sawyer and Katya. And Petr, too.

"I think our first official date is next week," I manage finally. "Dinner I think."

Petr's attention shifts to me at the words. He releases his sister and meets my gaze with intent interest. "Interesting. Am I invited?" he jokes.

"Yes," I murmur, face warm.

Before he can say anything else, we're joined by two others.

Petr shifts to stand beside me without touching me. His nearness is enough to make me fevered, oblivious to the cold that had me shaking in my boots moments before.

"These are a couple of the members from my old team, Riley and Carter," Petr introduces us.

I shake their hands. Riley is huge with a quick smile and Carter tall and bald headed despite the chilly weather.

"Guys, this is Claudia. She's ..." Petr drifts off.

"Don't ask. It's complicated," Katya supplies.

Neither of the men appears fazed. I'm flustered, though. It's an honor to meet people in Petr's life, but when I have no idea where exactly I stand, it's stressful.

"Baba wants you and Sawyer in the house, Katya," Riley says.

"Doesn't he always." She sighs and glances at Petr. "You be good. You, too, Claudia." With Sawyer in tow, she returns to the veranda.

"Us, too," Riley adds with a wink at Petr. "See you in a few."

I'm beginning to suspect Baba is manipulating things sometimes.

We watch the two men return to the veranda. Petr faces me, and I become even more aware of the distance between us. Inches, if that. I stare at his wide chest for a moment before meeting his gaze finally.

"Dinner?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"I figured next week is okay, since you have the party through the weekend," I reply.

"You're serious."

"Unless the offer is no longer open," I add. It's hard to breathe and talk again. "I thought I'd save you the trouble today of asking."

"If I remember, you said you couldn't go until you'd dealt with something."

I clear my throat. "It's over. Dealt with. Done." The declaration makes my soul quiver, along with the reality that I don't have any idea what to do now that I'm free of the past.

He's quiet, hard to read. I search his face, on the verge of hyperventilating at the idea I might have assumed too much.

"It's okay if you don't want to anymore," I add somewhat breathlessly. "I've been a pain in the ass to you. I don't know how you toler-"

Petr kisses me. I freeze at the sudden pressure of his warm lips, familiar fear floating through me before I remind myself the nightmare is over and this is what I want. He is what I want. With some timidity, I lean against his hard frame and start to relax, opening to him. As before, his kiss is slow and gentle, testing me, exploring the depths of my mouth with his velvety tongue. He tastes of cider and cinnamon tonight, a purely holiday flavor.

His arms wrap around me, surrounding me with heat and strength that fills me with both yearning and relief. I rest my palms on his chest and indulge in how incredible his muscles and warmth feel through the soft sweater.

Petr cups my neck with one hand, his thumb running back and forth along the sensitive area of my neck below the ear.

He withdraws without moving away, his face inches from mine and hand moving to my cheek. "You are serious," he murmurs.

"I am. If it's not too late."

"No." He smiles, and the skin around his eyes crinkles. "So this means ... what?"

I feel stripped bare, emotionally raw beneath his intensity, and so wildly ecstatic and scared, I can't breathe or speak for a moment. "It means ... I'm scared but ... I also want to fall with you. No more running or ask-me-tomorrows. I want ... this. Us."

"I like that." His smile grows warmer. "You sleeping over tonight?" He winks.

My face flares red, and I duck my head, hugging him instead with a laugh. I have no idea how to answer the question or even if he's asking what I think he is. I'd sleep with him in a heartbeat, I think, based on how much emotional restraint and hope I've stored up praying for the miracle that happened today. There's no part of me that doesn't want to take every chance I can with him. After starving myself from living, from risks and emotions and hope, I'm starving for the man who embodies everything I ever dreamt of.

"We'll see," I find an answer at last.

He tips my chin up and kisses me again, this time without the slow restraint he's shown before. Hunger ignites inside me, driven on by the promise of passion and intensity I experience in his kiss.

When he pulls away again, I'm a wet noodle in his arms, breathless, dazed and happier than I've ever felt in my life.

"Come on. I'll introduce you to some more people." He grins, his face and eyes glowing, takes my hand and tugs me towards the house.

We enter the mansion. In a whirlwind of introductions and my own scattered thoughts, I meet what seems like every soldier he's ever served with and all the relatives in town for the holidays. I barely have a chance to get a word in with anyone, which suits me, because I'm not sure if I can string together a sentence. I barely register the different faces and names.

It's not until I spot Todd and a couple other guys that I excuse myself from Petr's side to talk to my brother.