Published at 12th of November 2021 09:29:06 PM

Translator: Yonnee

Chapter 39

Im glad youre here now. No one comes here except for the maids who clean up sometimes. Just hide for a little while, okay?

Noir, who was nibbling on his food, raised his head and looked at me. His amber eyes seemed to understand everything I said.

[ Would it be easy for you to give it up? ]

The hand stroking Noirs back stopped suddenly as I remembered what Amoide had said back then.

Ill protect you for sure, okay? I wont send you away.

[ If youre going to go back on your words so easily, then just dont say anything in the first place. ]

The voice was so vivid that it felt like someone was whispering into my ear.

Ill never throw you away. I promise.

Meooow.

Noir gave a long cry as if to answer me.

A few days later, Raymond came to the Duchy for the usual check ups. After examining Amoide, Raymond went to me to examine my hand.

If you dont lift anything heavy or suddenly strain your hand, it should be fine soon.

Raymond took off the bandages and carefully checked my hands condition.

You wont need the bandages anymore.

Already?

Because of the shock I felt, my voice came out an octave higher. When Raymond looked at me in surprise, I put on a forced smile on my face.

Its nothing. I shook my head. I know its something that must be done.

I said this while holding the bandage tightly in my hand. It was my life line.

Im still feeling a bit of pain, so I think Ill still need the bandages.

Ah, so its like that, Raymond nodded, seeming as if he was convinced by my reason.

But really, my hands condition is nothing compared to Amoides state.

Raymonds expression darkened at my words.

But hes been doing better because of your medicine, right? So hell be fine soon. Right? I asked carefully.

Say yes. Please.

I looked at him with desperation in my eyes. The reason why Amoides illness was frightening was because we didnt really know what it was.

What Im doing isnt truly healing, Duchess.

He had a bitter smile on his lips.

What do you mean, Raymond?

Right now, its just a temporary measure to alleviate his symptoms.

Even basic treatment isnt possible. All I could do is just reduce the pain he feels and prevent extreme incidents from happening, as much as possible.

I actually used to work at a pharmacy, so I knew what the contents of the prescription were.

Pardon?

I felt guilty for a moment, but I schooled my features as I studied his reaction.

Its been a while since I worked there, so I dont know much anymore. I did help with the preparation of the formulations, but the terms are quite difficult.

I spewed out whatever believable excuse I could make, but it was still a struggle.

Yes, all the ingredients used in the prescription are strong painkillers and stabilizers. Theyre there to help relieve the pain and prevent seizures.

He took off his glasses and pressed his fingers over his temples.

However, if this prescription is taken often and over a long period of time, the effect will gradually weaken. Thats why the prescription will need to be increased as time passes as well.

Raymonds words were almost the same as what Walter had said.

[ Well Its a prescription for a person who has only a few days left to live. The purpose is to reduce their pain so they can pass on peacefully. ]

The more I listened to Raymond, the more it felt like my heart was being shattered to pieces.

Its impossible to treat because the cause of the illness is unknown.

Is there really no way to find out?

I dont think I am competent enough yet, Raymond said as he avoided my gaze.

Thats impossible. Your family has been serving as the Efret familys doctor for generations. Im sure theres no one else who could diagnose Amoide other than you, Raymond.

Having been the familys doctor for generations meant that they could provide specialized care.

Anyway, His Grace is still young, so Im trying my best to find a way. I do think hell get well soon.

Thank you, Raymond.

Then, inside my mind, I added, And Im sorry.

I wonder what came over me. Raymond had always been beside Amoide whenever he fell sick. It wasnt right that I suspected him of purposely tampering with Amoides medicine.

Are you feeling alright, Your Grace?

Yes? What are you

Ever since you fainted last time, Madam Camilla has been very worried.

It wasnt a big deal.

But truthfully, I was surprised, too.

I also cant believe I collapsed.

When I worked hard for hours on end to feed my siblings, I never fainted or collapsed from overwork. I was born with a naturally healthy constitution But I guess Ive been under a lot of stress lately.

Madam Camilla is always concerned about Your Graces health. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Shes worried that the words you hear around you might be bothering you.

My mental condition as well?

So she didnt only care about my body, but also my mind.

Im sure shes just saying that for show. Im not nave enough to believe what she said to Raymond.

Um, well thats very kind of her.

Raymonds expression changed subtly when I said this.

Would it have been better if I said I was grateful?

Somehow, the mood shifted, so I watched Raymonds reaction.

Raymond, perhaps theres something more you want to say?

Madam Camilla said that the Duchess seems to be a little different from before.

How so?

I could feel my stomach dropping to the ground. But I asked anyway, trying to keep an air of nonchalance.

Your Grace has been in worse shape for a while, but since then it seemed like youve become a different person.

I shifted on my seat, desperately keeping a hold of my pounding chest.

What do you mean by a different person? It sounds like a funny story.

Has anything happened to Your Grace recently? Perhaps there was something that traumatized you, or

Yep. A lot, even.

I gulped, swallowing the words I said in my mind.

No, not really.

The Madam even said that I could recommend a good place where Your Grace can go so that you could heal your mind.

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A good place?

I instantly straightened my posture.

What do you mean by that? What are you talking about?

A good place. For healing. Maybe Camilla thought Ive gone crazy

No way. Is it a mental institute?

Oh, no no. It wouldnt be a place that Your Grace would hate. Because its a place where only aristocrats are admitted, so the facilities and the medical staff are topnotch.

But Im not crazy?!

I screamed unconsciously because of the indignation I was feeling, and I saw Raymond flinch at my sudden outburst.

Ive seen this very scene in some freaking insane soap opera.

It was a story where a normal person was manipulated into becoming a crazy person and was locked up in a mental institute because the perpetrators wanted to seize that persons property.

I think there was also a story about holding a daughter-in-law in custody.

Ah, Im getting goosebumps.

No matter how crazy I seemed on the outside, Camilla really went as far as wanting to send me to a place like that?

I could hear the alarm bells ringing in my ears.

D-Did Mother really,reallysay that she wanted to send me there?

I cant believe this. It was worse than I imagined.

I confirmed with Raymond again.

It really would be better to get professional help, Your Grace.

Raymond sounded quite serious as well. It sounded like he was truly giving me medical advice.

Psychology is not my specialty, but its important for Your Grace to be diagnosed so that nothing bad would happen.

Like what?

Well, one of the patients I know of has been seeing endless illusions. He would say that his family was plotting to kill him, and that they often went after him carrying knives.

It was chilling just thinking about it. But that wasnt what I was asking about.

Im not insane, Raymond.

Of course, Your Grace is alright now, so theres nothing to worry about.

He spoke with a bright expression, but I could hardly reciprocate his smile.

Is there really nothing to worry about?

To me, it sounded like they were ready to ship me off as soon as I showed any sign of what theyd classify as the actions of a crazy person.

W-Wait a minute, Raymond. That place, isnt it really dangerous there? It wont do any good to force someone to go to a place like that.

Everyone is susceptible to mental burdens, Your Grace. Thats why any time anyone can lose their senses all of a sudden.

With that, Raymond was looking at me sharply. It really seemed like he was talking about the patients, not just me.

Its a good place for patients to get treated, he said with a solemn expression on his face.

Ah Im sorry.

Yes, there would be real patients there who truly needed treatment. I might not be one of them, but its true that there are people who need help.

I tried to keep myself calm, but I still had chills running down my spine.

You dont have to apologize, Your Grace. Any average person would be reluctant.

Yes.

Raymond smiled and stood up. He put on his hat and bowed politely to me before going out the door.

Click.

The sound of the door closing was louder than usual.

Goodness.

As soon as Raymond left, I sank to my seat and sighed deeply.

My trembling legs revealed the anxiety I was feeling. It was a good thing that my dress hid them from Raymonds view.

Come to think of it, Camilla being quiet for two long weeks seemed to have been a fatal hit on me.

I have to stay alert.

Camilla would definitely send me there the very next chance she gets.

Ah, this is really difficult.

I felt this way, but really, I was just too tired.

Not only do I have to look out for my neck, but I also have to worry about being locked up in a mental hospital!

Isnt it too much that the two paths I have are either the crazy route or the death ending?!

I wanted to cry. I really, really wanted to cry. But I needed to stay calm. I couldnt allow myself to become a crazy woman just as Camilla wanted.

Get your act together, Selena.

Now, I really needed to pull myself together and do what I had to do.

I had sunk so deeply on the sofa, as if Id already melded with the cushions, but I stood up suddenly.

I cant let this go.

If there was something I didnt know, all I had to do was find it out myself.