"It looks like he can't put his weapon away right now," Blue told his wife. "I'm not sure I'd be able to do it myself if I were in his shoes." He turned back to Crash. "Can you do me a favour and at least lower it?"

Crash nodded, his eyes never leaving Lucy's handgun.

As Lucy reholstered her weapon, he lowered his.

"Good." Blue kissed his wife gently on the lips before he went back to the stove. "Lucy, meet Crash Hawken. You've heard me talk of him plenty of times."

Lucy's brown eyes widened as she turned to look at Crash again. "You're Lieutenant Hawken?"

"Crash, this is Lucy, my wife," Blue continued. "She's a detective with the Coronado police."

Crash swore softly.

"And you must be Nell Burns," Blue greeted Nell with a smile. "On the news, they're saying you were abducted. But it looks to me like you're here of your own free will."

Nell nodded. "Billy and I both thought that I'd be safer with hima"after the second attempt was made on my life."

Blue lifted his eyebrows as he looked at Crash. "Billy, huh?"

"Look, we're just going to turn around and walk out of here," Crash said. Blue McCoy's wife was a police detective. His current streak of dismal luck was absolutely unending.

Blue turned to his wife. "Yankee, you better plug your ears, because I'm about to ask a suspected felon to join us for dinner."

"Actually, I'm long overdue for a soak in the tub," Lucy said. "And your friend looks like he's got someplace he needs to be in a hurry." She nodded to Nell and Crash. "Nice meeting you, Lieutenant. Or was it Captain? I'm sorry, I've never been very good with names. I've already forgotten yours."

As Crash watched, she disappeared into the darkness of the other room. He could hear the sound of her footsteps going up a flight of stairs.

He could sense Nell standing right beside him, her anxiety nearly palpable. He ached to reach out and slip his arm around her shoulder, to pull her in close for an embrace. But doing that would undermine everything he'd worked so hard to do this afternoon-telling her how he wouldn't come back, making it sound as if he had a choice when the real truth was he honestly didn't think he'd live to see another sunset.

And touching her would also undermine all that he'd done today to separate from the tornado of emotions that threatened to throw him into uncharted territory.

"Tell me what you need me to do," Blue said simply.

Crash glanced in the direction in which Lucy had disappeared.

"She's not calling the SWAT Team, I promise. She knows we're friends."

"Are we?"

Blue turned back to stir his tomato sauce. "I thought so."

Crash looked at Nell, and forced himself to detach even more completely than he had earlier that afternoon, after he'd allowed himself one more kiss. One last kiss. This was one of the most difficult decisions of his life, but he knew it had to be done. "I need a place for Nell to stay that's safe," he said, as ready as he'd ever be to put the one person he cared more about than anyone on the planet into another man's hands.

The blond-haired SEAL nodded as he turned back to meet his gaze. "I'll see to that."

Nell's throat felt tight. Just like that, Crash was handing her over. Just like that, he was going to walk out of the house, into the darkness. And just like that, she was never going to see him again.

"Are you set for supplies?" Blue asked. "Ammunition?"

"I could use an extra brick of C-4, if you've got any lying around."

Blue didn't blink. "You know we're not allowed to bring that stuff home."

"I know the rules. I also know that when a team is called out on an op in the middle of the night, there's not always time to go back to the base to pick up supplies."

Blue nodded. "I can spare half a block. But unless you're intending to take out more than a single house, that ought to be enough."

Nell couldn't believe what she had just heard. A half a block of C-4 could "take out" an entire house? Crash had already used at least three entire blocks, strategically planting the bombs he had made around the edges of the clearing surrounding the cabin. If a half a block could destroy all that, then surely he'd already used enough to blow up the entire mountainside.

She'd realized with icy-cold shock that she'd figured out Plan B.

Crash was prepared to blow himself up if necessary, in order to take down Commander Mark Garvin.

Chapter 16.

The warm golden light of the kitchen seemed suddenly washed-out and much too bright. And Nell's ears were roaring so loudly, she almost couldn't hear as Blue said, "It's locked in the basement. I'll get it and be right back."

He vanished through the same door his wife had disappeared through earlier.

Nell fumbled for one of the kitchen chairs, nearly knocking it over in her haste to sit down. She actually had to put her head between her legs and close her eyes tightly to keep from falling over.

"Are you all right?"

Crash had crouched next to her. She could sense him, smell his familiar scent, hear the concern in his voice, but he didn't touch her. She didn't expect him to.

She shook her head no. "I'm in love with you." She opened her eyes and lifted her head slightly to find herself gazing directly into his eyes. Her words had shocked him. Her blunt non sequitur had penetrated the emotional force field he'd set up around himself. "I've been in love with you ever since that night you made me go sledding. You remember that night, don't you?"

He stood up, moving away from her. "I'm sorry, I don't."

She sat up, indignation replacing dizziness. "How could someone who's such a bad liar specialize in covert ops?"

He shook his head. "Nella""

"Let me refresh your memory," she told him. "That was the night you told me about Daisy coming to get you from that summer camp. Remember? That was the night you told me how it had felt to know, to really know that Daisy and Jake both wanted you around. You told me how strange it had felt to know that you were loved. Totally. Unconditionally."

He moved closer to the door, and she stood up, following him, angry and upset enough not to care any more that she was making him uncomfortable. This could well be the last time she ever spoke to him. If he had his way, it would be. Becausea"oh God!a"he believed that in order to bring down Garvin, he was going to have to die.

"Well, guess what?" she said, stepping in front of him so that he was forced to look at her. "Jake and Daisy are gone, but I'm here to carry on. I love you unconditionally. And I want you to come back to me after this is over."

To her total shock, she saw that there were tears in his eyes. Tears, and absolute misery. "I didn't want this to happen. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid." He ran his hands down his face, trying hard to get back into control. "If you love me, then I'm going to hurt you. And God help me, Nell, I don't want to hurt you."

Back in control was the last place Nell wanted him to be. She couldn't believe she'd managed to break through his detachment as much as she already had. She pushed, trying to see more, to get more from him. "So don't hurt me. How are you going to hurt me?"

He lowered his voice. "The odds of my surviving this altercation are low. I've known that from the start. If you love mea"and please, Nell, don't love mea"then I'm going to hurt you the same way Daisy hurt Jake." He met her gaze and she knew at last that she had uncovered the truth. He was doing unto others the way he wished they would do unto him. He was so terrified of losing someone he loved, he tried to keep himself from loving, he tried to shut all his feelings down. And he'd tried to keep her from loving him, to prevent her from being hurt as well.

Nell reached for him, touching his arms, his shoulders. "Oh, my God, is that really what you think? That Daisy hurt Jake by dying?"

His voice was ragged. "I know she did. If Jake had lived, he still wouldn't be over her, he still would be in pain, missing her every day for the rest of his life."

"Yes, Daisy made Jake hurt. Yes, he missed her right up to the moment he drew his last breath, but think of all she gave him along with that pain. Think of all those years, all the laughter they shared. I've never known two people who were as happy as they were. Do you really, honestly believe that Jake would've traded all that joy simply to avoid the pain he felt at the end?"

Nell touched the unrelenting lines of his face. "I can tell you absolutely that he would not have traded even one single moment, because I wouldn't trade, either. If I could, I wouldn't choose to go back and keep myself from falling in love with you. I don't care, even if you are hell-bent on killing yourself."

She stood on tiptoe, pulling his head down to kiss the grim line of his mouth. "There's one more kiss I'll always remember," she told him. She kissed him again, longer this time, lingering. "One more moment I'll cherish forever."

She kissed him a third time, and with a groan, he pulled her close, kissing her with all the passion and longing and sweet, sweet emotion he'd tried so hard to keep buried deep inside.

"Please," Nell whispered as he held her so tightly she could barely breathe. "Come back to me." She was begging again. This man had the power to force her to abandon her pride, force her to her knees. "Is avenging Jake's death really worth losing your own life?"

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" He pulled back to look at her, searching her eyes. "Don't you know I'm doing this for you?"

She shook her head, not understanding.

"Unless Garvin is in custody with absolute proof connecting him to his crimes, or unless he's dead, I'd never know for certain that you were safe."

She gripped his arms. "I'd be safe if you were with me."

An avalanche of emotions crossed his face. "I can't ask you to do thata"to come away with me, to run and hide, to spend the rest of your life hiding."

"Try asking!"

"That's no way to live!"

She wanted to shake him. "Getting yourself killed isn't living either, in case you haven't noticed!"

He shook his head. "This way I'll know you're safe."

"So you're doing this for me?" She couldn't keep her eyes from brimming with tears. "You're telling me that you're willing to die. For me"

"Yes."

"Why?"

He kissed her and she knew that he was telling her why. He loved her. He couldn't say the words, but she knew it to be true.

"If you're willing to die for me," she asked him, her heart in her throat, "then why won't you live for me?"

He just looked at her for several long seconds as Nell prayed her words would make him stop the chain of events he'd already set in motion.

But then he shook his head, turning away. Following his gaze, Nell saw that Blue had come back into the kitchen.

As Crash stepped back, away from her, Nell knew with a sudden wrenching pain that she'd lost. He wasn't going to stay. And he wasn't going to come back.

She pushed her pain away, refusing to stand there weeping as the man she loved walked away from her for the last time. She forced everything she was feeling, all that terrible emptiness and loss, far, far back, deep inside of her. She'd have plenty of time later on to mourn.

She'd have all the rest of her life.

She watched as Crash took the C-4 Blue had wrapped up for him and slipped it into one of his pockets. She watched as the two men shook hands. Did Blue know it was the last time he was going to see his friend? She watched, feeling oddly detached and remarkably in control as Crash paused in front of her.

Was this how he did it? Was this how he stayed so cool and reserved and distanced? It almost didn't hurt.

He kissed her again, his mouth sweet and warm, and she almost didn't cling to him for just another few seconds longer.

And when he walked out the door and vanished into the night, she almost didn't cry.

Crash left his car out by the main highway and travelled the last ten miles to the cabin on foot.

He sat in the darkness outside the cabin as one hour slipped into two, watching and waitinga"making sure that no one had approached the area while he had been gone.

He went into the cabin cautiously, then searched it to be doubly certain he was alone up here.

He was alone.

In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been so totally alone.

Normally, he didn't mind sitting quietly with his thoughts. But tonight, his thoughts wouldn't behave.

He couldn't stop thinking about Nell, about what she had said.

If you're willing to die for me, then why won't you live for me?

I love you, unconditionally.

Unconditionally.

When he closed his eyes, he saw her, her face alight, laughing at something Daisy or Jake had said. He saw her, her eyes filled with tears at the thought that she'd ruined one of Daisy's last sunsets. He saw her, blazing with passion as she leaned forward to kiss him. He saw her, that first time he'd seen her again in close to a year, sitting in the visitors' room at the jail, hands folded neatly on the table in front of her, her expression guarded, but her eyes giving away everything she was feeling, everything she hadn't dared to admit aloud until just hours ago.

She loved him. Unconditionally.

And he knew it was true. If she could sit there, loving him even as she visited him in jail, an accused murderer, then she truly did love him unconditionally.

As Crash got out his roll of wire and laid out his tools to rig the last of the explosives that would guarantee Garvin's death-and his own death as wella"he stopped for a moment.

Because when he closed his eyes, if he concentrated really hard, he could see a glimmera"just a tiny flickera"of his future.

If he didn't die here this dawn, he could have a future. It might not have been the future he'd always imagined, working for the Grey Group as a SEAL until he hit his peak, then moving into more standard career as a SEAL instructor until he was too old to do the job right.

He'd always figured he'd be with the Teams, or he'd be dead.

But now when he closed his eyes, he could see a shadowy picture of himself, a few years from now, with Nell standing at his side.

Loving him unconditionally, whether he was a SEAL or working nights at the counter of a Seven-Eleven. What he did didn't matter to her. And Crash realized that it wouldn't matter to him, either. Not as long as she was there when he came home.