CHAPTER 36.

GRACE.

Adam still worked hideously long hours. Between his work and her studies, Grace felt their life resembled two ships pa.s.sing in the blackest of nights. And on rare occasions when she found herself alone with him, the distance only seemed to widen. Conversation turned unbearably awkward.

What is it? Why won't he talk? Grace's mind raced, erecting all sorts of fearful scenarios. She expected #2 to surface any minute. She wasn't wrong.

"Talk to him." #2 seemed to choose her words carefully, maybe taking her supportive promise seriously, for once.

"I'm scared." Grace's voice sounded small and far away. She sat on the barstool in the kitchen. The clock over the sink read 1:00...two hours before the kids came home.

"That's why you need to talk to him," #2 said.

Before Grace could rationalize another protest, the phone rang. Grace jumped. Glancing at the caller ID, she froze. "It's him."

"Answer it," #2 said, voice firm.

Grace stared at the portable phone.

"Answer the d.a.m.n phone." #2's tone grew more insistent.

Raising the device to her ear, she pushed talk.

A long moment pa.s.sed. She forgot to say h.e.l.lo.

"Grace? Are you there?"

Twisting hair around her finger, she exhaled and breathed a faint, "Yes."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine. How are you?" Lame. Grace's mind blurred.

"Exhausted." Adam said then went silent.

She searched for words while blank airtime blared through her head. More moments pa.s.sed.

Adam broke the silence. "Look, why don't you and I go to Mario's tonight?"

She could barely swallow, hating sentences that started with look-always bad news. "Just the two of us?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Grace's hands were damp. Even the soles of her feet felt sweaty. "Any special reason?"

"No. Just thought we could use a night out."

Her anxiety increased. "Okay." Her voice sounded like Olive Oyl.

"See you tonight," Adam said and hung up.

"See ya," Grace replied to the dial tone. She remained on the barstool, unwilling or unable to move. She lowered her head to the counter, using her folded arms as a pillow.

"Just breathe," #2 said.

A much-needed reminder Grace wasn't completely alone.

She plopped a frozen pizza in the oven for the kid's dinner as Adam walked through the door. Dropping his briefcase on the counter, he crossed the kitchen to where she stood and pulled her into his arms. Oh please let this last, Grace thought, feeling the familiar warmth of his body.

He kissed her hair and stood back. "I need to change clothes," he said through a stiff smile.

The color drained from her face as she looked into his conflicted eyes. Regret? Guilt? Grace felt a lump build in her throat. In a minute her eyes would fill. She thought her mother dying was the worst thing that could ever happen.

She was wrong.

What would she do without Adam? It had to be another woman. What else could it be? She choked back the thickness in her throat and set the timer for the pizza.

"Don't go there." #2 said, timing perfect. "Just hear him out."

"Okay," Grace managed.

The atmosphere at Mario's felt much lighter than the heaviness at home, although Grace still found breathing difficult. After being seated Adam ordered a bottle of their favorite cabernet. Tension hung around their table like static cling on polyester. The bread sticks and wine were served. Adam tasted the wine and nodded to the waiter, who filled their gla.s.ses. He twirled the stem of the goblet between his fingers, hesitated, and then sat the gla.s.s down.

Grace held her breath. She'd become an expert breath-holder.

"I need to tell you something." Adam shifted in his seat.

"Oh G.o.d." Grace felt tears build again.

"What?" Adam actually looked surprised.

"What do you mean, what?" She felt a knife p.r.i.c.k the skin near her heart. Tears were spilling down her cheeks.

"I haven't said anything yet."

"You're leaving us, aren't you?" The words spat out of her mouth, unable to be contained any longer. Her elbows dug into the table, her balled fists covered her mouth. Her body shook.

Adam took a deep breath. "Yes," he said quietly.

Grace's eyes widened. The knife plunged and twisted. She felt faint and almost knocked over the bottle of wine when she grabbed her water, wrapping both hands around the sweaty gla.s.s. The cold burned her fingers. Releasing her hold, she patted her face, the coolness welcome on her hot cheeks.

"Who is she?" Grace a.s.sumed #2 had taken over. She would never have the courage to ask such a bold question.

"Who's who?" Adam looked frazzled and a bit unnerved.

"Who's the woman? d.a.m.n it!" Grace's jaws clenched, venom shot from her eyes. "It's Lindsay, isn't it?" How could he humiliate her like this? And at Mario's, no less. She had seriously underestimated his emotional integrity.

"What are you talking about?" Adam looked at her like she'd suddenly morphed into Linda Blair.

"Can we leave?" Why was she asking his d.a.m.n permission? Grace stood. She had to get out of the restaurant. She needed air.

"We just got here. Settle down. People are staring."

"You think I give a flyin' rat's a.s.s?" Her knees threatened to buckle. For sure #2 had taken charge. She'd never scream flyin' rat's a.s.s in a restaurant. Well, good for #2.

Adam rose and gently pushed Grace down toward her chair. "Will you lower your voice?"

If her knees hadn't been shaking so violently Grace could have resisted Adam's move. She sat. "Let me get this straight," she said, her eyes glaring ice daggers at him. She lowered her hand to her lap to steady the knee knocking. "You tell me you're having an affair and you want me to settle down?"

"An affair? Gracie, are you out of your freakin' mind?" Adam appeared genuinely shocked.

"Don't call me Gracie!" Fresh tears boiled up and over. She vacillated between blind rage (new feeling) and a searing pain in her chest (old feeling). "How could you? And what about the kids?"

"How could I what?" Adam's eyes flashed almost as hot as Grace's. He grabbed her hands before she could pull them away. "Listen to me." He spoke slowly and deliberately, his voice angry. "I'm not having an affair. Do you understand me?"

"You just...hiccup...said you were...hiccup." Each spasm felt like an implosion in her lungs. d.a.m.n hiccups...so lame at a time like this.

Adam sighed and spoke softly. "No, I didn't say that."

Grace's thoughts pounced around her head like paintb.a.l.l.s. She raised her eyes to his.

"You're not...hiccup...having an affair?"

"C'mon, Grace. Really?" Adam tightened his grip.

"You're not having an affair." She needed to hear the words another thousand or so times. The hiccup spasm eased. Her "fight or flight" state relaxed somewhat. Then she remembered and pulled her hands free from his grasp. "You said you're leaving us!"

"I have to go to Beijing." Adam's tone was flat.

Grace's mind drifted through fog. "Beijing?"

"We can make it work." Adam reached again for her hand.

"Make what work?" She watched him smooth his thumb over her hand.

"I've got to set up the office over there. We tried to do it from here, but the ground work needs to be done in person," Adam said. "Then I've got to put together a staff, train them, and supervise the operation for the first six months...." Adam's voice trailed off.

Her mind pushed away the fog. "Six months?" Grace gasped. "Six months?"

Adam cleared his throat. "Yeah."

Grace's brain pixilated. Minutes before she'd felt she'd been handed a death sentence, had it pardoned, and then slapped back on again. She opened her mouth, but the brain-freeze held. She reached for her wine gla.s.s and took several large gulps.

He reached across the table to stop her, but Grace moved quicker and pulled the gla.s.s to her chest.

"Don't do that, Grace. Remember the margaritas?"

"That was on an empty stomach, so shut up."

Adam leaned back in his chair.

"I mean...back off." She tried to smooth over #2's smart-a.s.s harshness.

Adam remained silent.

"How long have you known?" Random puzzle pieces dropped into place like scattered raindrops, splashing the surface of her fuzzy mind. Her heart hurt and her face felt steamy.

"A couple of weeks. Maybe three." Adam's gaze was direct for a change.

She narrowed her eyes. "Is that why you've been so distant?"

"Distant? I haven't been...." His words fell off, his expression losing some of its defensiveness. "This has been difficult, you know?"

"Ya think?" She felt some strength return, or maybe she was still riding #2's sharp-tongued Harley.

"Oh, so you can tease but I can't?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Grace said. "And how do you think the kids are going to handle this?"

Adam sighed. "I'd say that depends on how we handle it."

"We? You mean me, don't you?" Bitterness crept into her voice.

"I mean we, but yeah, you'll be the one dealing with them."

Grace considered adding another "ya think" but changed her mind. "I can't believe you're doing this to me." How could she manage without her woobie? For six months?

"d.a.m.n it, Grace. It's business. It's not directed at you." Adam obviously had his defense prepared. "The company's arranged for you and the kids to come over for a visit. That should help break up the time."

She could see Adam had struggled with the issue, but feeling particularly immature, added on another layer of guilt. "You do know how much you're going to miss the kids, don't you? That's time you can't get back. E-ver."

Adam ran both hands through his hair, then shook his head and reached for the wine bottle. "Here, have some more."

"Think I will." Her tone sarcastic, she raised her gla.s.s for a refill. She stared into the small candle centerpiece and watched the flickers of light dance around the checkered tablecloth. She felt angry and yes, there was fear. But something new cha-chinged her emotional register. Something she couldn't identify. Something different from the pansy-a.s.sed-scared-s.h.i.tless category she knew all too well.

"What do you say we order?" Adam picked up the menu.

Grace shrugged.

"I think I'll have the lasagna. What would you like?"

Without so much as a glance at the entrees, she added two words. "The same."