Oh! the agony of them several minutes, while these thoughts wuz rampagin through my destracted brain.

Oh! if pardners only knew the agony they bring onto their devoted companions, by their onguarded and thoughtless acts, and attentions to other females, gin without proper reseerch and precautions, it would draw their liniments down into expressions of shame and remorse. Josiah wouldn't have gone with her if he had known the number of knots she wuz a goin', no, not one step -- then why couldn't he have found out the number of them knots -- why couldn't he? Why can't pardners look ahead and see to where their gay attentions, their flirtations that they call mild and innercent, will lead 'em to? Why can't they realize that it haint only themselves they are injurin', but them that are bound to 'em by the most sacred ties that folks can be twisted up in? Why can't they realize that a end must come to it, and it may be a fearful and a shameful one, and if it is a happiness that stops, it will leave in the heart when happiness gets out, a emptiness, a holler place, where like as not onhappiness will get in, and mebby stay there for some time, gaulin' and heart-breakin' to the opposite pardner to see it go on?

If it is indifference, or fashion, or anything of that sort, why it don't pay none of the time, it don't seem to me it duz, and the end will be emptier and hollerer then the beginnin'.

In the case of my pardner it wuz fashion, nothing but the b.u.t.terfly of fashion he wuz after, to act in a high-toned, fashionable manner, like other fashionable men. And jest see the end on't why he had brought sufferin' of the deepest dye onto his companion, and what, what hed he brought onto himself -- onto his feet?

Oh! the agony of them several moments while them thoughts was a rackin' at me. The moments swelled out into a half hour, it must have been a long half hour, before I see far ahead, for the eyes of love is keen - a form a settin' on the gra.s.s by the wayside, that I recognized as the form of my pardner. As we drew nearer we all recognized the figure -- but Josiah Allen didn't seem to notice us. His boots was off, and his stockin's, and even in that first look I could see the agony that was a rendin' them toes almost to burstin'. Oh, how sorry I felt for them toes! He was a restin' in a most dejected and melancholy manner on his hand, as if it wuz more than sufferin' that ailed him -- he looked a sufferer from remorse, and regret, and also had the air of one whom mortification has stricken.

He never seemed to sense a thing that wuz pa.s.sin' by him, till the driver pulled up his horses clost by him, and then he looked up and see us. And far be it from me to describe the way he looked in his lowly place on the gra.s.s. There wuz a good stun by him on which he might have sot, but no, he seemed to feel too mean to get up onto that stun; gra.s.s, lowly, una.s.sumin' gra.s.s, wuz what seemed to suit him best, and on it he sot with one of his feet stretched out in front of him.

Oh! the pitifulness of that look he gin us, oh! the meakinness of it. And even, when his eye fell on the Deacon a settin' by my side, oh! the wild gleam of hatred, and sullen anger that glowed within his...o...b.. and revenge! He looked at the Deacon, and then at his boots, and I see the wild thought wuz a enterin' his sole, to throw that boot at him. But I says out of that buggy the very first thing the words I have so oft spoke to him in hours of danger:

"Joisiah, be calm!"

His eye fell onto the peaceful gra.s.s agin, and he says: "Who hain't a bein' calm? I should say I wuz calm enough, if that is what you want."

But, oh, the sullenness of that love.

Says Ezra, good man -- he see right through it all in a minute, and so did Druzilla and the Deacon -- says Ezra, "Get up on the seat with the driver, Josiah Allen, and drive back with us."

"No," says Josiah, "I have no occasion, I am a settin' here,"

(looking round in perfect agony) "I am a settin' here to admire the scenery."

Then I leaned over the side of the buggy, and says I, "Josiah Allen, do you get in and ride, it will kill you to walk back; put on your boots if you can, and ride, seein' Ezra is so perlite as to ask you."

"Yes, I see he is very perlite, I see you have set amongst very perlite folks, Samantha," says he, a glarin' at Deacon Balch as if he would rend him from lim to lim, "But as I said, I have no occasion to ride, I took off my boots and stockin's merely -- merely to pa.s.s away time. You know at fashionable resorts," says he, "it is sometimes hard for men to pa.s.s away time."

Says I in low, deep accents, "Do put on your stockin's, and your boots, if you can get 'em on, which I doubt, but put your stockin's on this minute, and get in, and ride."

"Yes," says Ezra, "hurry up and get in, Josiah Allen, it must be dretful oncomfortabe a settin' down there in the gra.s.s."

"Oh, no!" says Josiah, and he kinder whistled a few bars of no tune that wuz ever heard on, or ever will be heard on agin, so wild and meloncholy it wuz -- "I sot down here kind o' careless.

I thought seein' I hadn't much on hand to do at this time o' year, I thought I would like to look at my feet -- we hain't got a very big lookin' gla.s.s in our room."

Oh, how incoherent and over-crazed he was a becomin'! Who ever heard of seein' anybody's feet in a lookin' gla.s.s -- of dependin'

on a lookin' gla.s.s for a sight on 'em? Oh, how I pitied that man!

and I bent down and says to him in soothin' axents: "Josiah Allen, to please your pardner you put on your stockin's and get into this buggy. Take your boots in your hand, Josiah, I know you can't get 'em on, you have walked too far for them corns. Corns that are trampled on, Josiah Allen, rise up and rends you, or me, or anybody else who owns 'em or tramples on 'em. It hain't your fault, n.o.body blames you. Now get right in."

"Yes, do," says the Deacon.

Oh! the look that Josiah Allen gin him. I see the voyolence of that look, that rested first on the Deacon, and then on that, boot.

And agin I says, "Josiah Allen." And agin the thought of his own feerful acts, and my warnin's came over him, and again mortification seemed to envelop him like a mantilly, the tabs goin' down and coverin' his lims -- and agin he didn't throw that boot. Agin Deacon Balch escaped oninjured, saved by my voice, and Josiah's inward conscience, inside of him.

Wall, suffice it to say, that after a long parley, Josiah Allen wuz a settin' on the high seat with the driver, a holdin' his boots in his hand, for truly no power on earth could have placed them boots on Josiah Allen's feet in the condition they then wuz.

And so he rode on howewards, occasionally a lookin' down on the Deacon with looks that I hope the recordin' angel didn't photograph, so dire, and so revengeful, and jealous, and -- and everything, they wuz. And ever, after ketchin' the look in my eye, the look in his'n would change to a heart-rendin' one of remorse, and sorrow, and shame for what he had done. And the Deacon, wantin' to be dretful perlite to him, would ask him questions, and I could see the side of Josiah's face, all glarin'

like a hyena at the sound of his voice, and then he would turn round and ossume a perlite genteel look as he answered him, and then he glare at me in a mad way every time I spoke to the Deacon, and then his mad look would change, even to one of shame and meakinness. And he in his stockin' feet, and a pertendin' that he didn't put his boots on, because it wuzn't wuth while to put 'em on agin so near bed-time. And he that sot out that afternoon a feelin' so haughty, and lookin' down on Ezra and Druzilla, and bein' brung back by 'em, in that condition -- and bein' goured all the time by thoughts of the ignominious way his flirtin' had ended, by her droppin' him by the side of the road, like a weed she had trampled on too hardly. And a bein' gourded deeper than all the rest of his agonies, by a senseless jealousy of Deacon Balch -- and a thinkin' for the first time in his life, what it would be, if her affections, that had been like a divine beacon to him all his life, if that flame should ever go out, or ever flicker in its earthly socket -- oh, those thoughts that he had seemed to consider in his own mad race for fashion -- oh, how that sa.s.s that had seemed sweet to him as a gander, oh how bitter and poisonous it wuz to partake of as a goose.

Oh! the agony of that ride. We went middlin' slow back -- and before we got to Saratoga the English girl went past us, she had been to the Sulphur Springs and back agin. She didn't pay no attention to us, for she wuz alayin' on a plan in her own mind, for a moonlight pedestrian excursion on foot, that evenin', out to the old battle ground of Saratoga.

Josiah never looked to the right hand or the left, as she pa.s.sed him, at many, many a knot an hour. And I felt that my pardner's sufferin from that cause was over, and mine too, but oh! by what agony wuz it gained. For 3 days and 3 nights he never stood on any of his feet for a consecutive minute and a half, and I bathed him with anarky, and bathed his very soul with many a sweet moral lesson at the same time. And when at last Josiah Allen emerged from that chamber, he wuz a changed man in his demeanor and liniment, such is the power of love and womanly devotion.

He never looked at a woman durin' our hull stay at Saratoga, save with the eye of a philosopher and a Methodist.

X.

MISS G. WASHINGTON FLAMM.

Miss G. Washington Flamm is a very fashionable woman. Thomas Jefferson carried her through a law-suit, and carried her stiddy and safe. (She wuz in the right on't, there haint no doubt of that.)

She had come to Jonesville for the summer to board, her husband bein' to home at the time in New York village, down on Wall street. He had to stay there, so she said. I don't know why, but s'pose sunthin' wuz the matter with the wall; anyway he couldn't leave it. And she went round to different places a good deal for her health. There didn't seem to be much health round where her husband wuz, so she had to go away after it, go a huntin' for it, way over to Europe and back ag'in; and away off to California, and Colorado, and Long Branch, and Newport, and Saratoga, and into the Country. It made it real bad for Miss Flamm.

Now I always found it healthier where Josiah wuz than in any other place. Difference in folks I s'pose. But they say there is sights and sights of husbands and wives jest like Miss Flamm.

Can't find a mite of health anywhere near where their families is, and have to poke off alone after it. It makes it real bad for 'em.

But anyway she came to Jonesville for her health. And she hearn of Thomas Jefferson and employed him. It wuz money that fell onto her from her father, or that should have fell, that she wuz a tryin' to git it to fall. And he won the case. It fell. She wuz rich as a Jew before she got this money, but she acted as tickled over it as if she wuzn't worth a cent. (Human nater.) She paid Thomas J. well and she and Maggie and he got to be quite good friends.

She is a well-meanin', fat little creeter, what there is of her.

I have seen folks smaller than she is, and then ag'in we seen them that wuzn't so small. She is middlin' good lookin', not old by any means, but there is a deep wrinkle plowed right into her forward, and down each side of her mouth. They are plowed deep.

And I have always wondered to myself who held the plow.

It wuz'nt age, for she haint old enough. Wuz it Worry? That will do as good a day's work a plowin' as any creeter I ever see, and work as stiddy after it gits to doin' day's works in a female's face.

Waz it Dissatisfaction and Disappointment? They, too, will plow deep furrows and a sight of 'em. I don't know what it wuz.

Mebby it wuz her waist and sleeves. Her sleeves wuz so tight that they kep' her hands lookin' a kinder bloated and swelled all the time, and must have been dretful painful. And her waist -- it wuz drawed in so at the bottom, that to tell the livin' truth it wuzn't much bigger'n a pipe's tail. It beat all to see the size immegatly above and below, why it looked perfectly meraculous. She couldn't get her hands up to her head to save her life; if she felt her head a tottlin' off her shoulders she couldn't have lifted her hands to have stiddied it, and, of course, she couldn't get a long breath, or short ones with any comfort.

Mebby that worried her, and then ag'in, mebby it wuz dogs. I know it would wear me out to take such stiddy care on one, day and night. I never seemed to feel no drawin's to take care of animals, wash 'em, and bathe 'em, and exercise 'em, etc., etc., never havin' been in the menagery line and Josiah always keepin'

a boy to take care of the animals when he wuzn't well. Mebby it wuz dogs. Anyway she took splendid care of hern, jest wore herself out a doin' for it stiddy day and night and bein'

trampled on, and barked at almost all the time she wuz a bringin'

on it up.

Yes, she took perfectly wonderful care on't, for a woman in her health. She never had been able to take any care of her children, bein' VERY delicate. Never had been well enough to have any of 'em in the room with her nights, or in the day time either. They tired her so, and she wuz one of the wimmen who felt it wuz her DUTY to preserve her health for her family's sake. Though WHEN they wuz a goin' to get the benefit of her health I don't know.

But howsumever she never could take a mite of care of her children, they wuz brought up on wet nurses, and bottles, etc., etc., and wuz rather weakly, some on 'em. The nurses, wet and dry ones both, used to gin 'em things to make 'em sleep, and kinder yank 'em round and scare 'em nights to keep 'em in the bed, and neglect 'em a good deal, and keep 'em out in the brilin'

sun when they wanted to see their bows; and for the same reeson keepin' em out in their little thin dresses in the cold, and pinch their little arms black and blue if they went to tell any of their tricks. And they learnt the older ones to be deceitful and sly and cowerdly. Learnt 'em to use jest the same slang phrases and low language that they did; tell the same lies, and so they wuz a spilin' 'em in every way; spilin' their brains with narcotics, their bodies by neglect and bad usage, and their minds and morals by evil examples.

You see some nurses are dretful good. But Miss Flamm's health bein' so poor and her mind bein' so took up with fashion, dogs, etc., that she couldn't take the trouble to find out about their characters and they wuz dretful poor unbeknown to her. She had dretful bad luck with 'em, and the last one drinked, so I have been told.

Yes, it made it dretful bad for Miss Flamm that her health was so poor, and her fashionable engagements so many and arduous that she didn't have the time to take a little care of her children and the dog too. For you could see plain, by the care that she took of that dog, what a splendid hand she would be with the children, if she only had the time and health.

Why, I don't believe there wuz another dog in America, either the upper or lower continent, that had more lovin', anxus, intelligent, devoted attention than that dog had, day and night, from Miss Flamm. She took 2 dog papers, so they say, to get the latest information on the subject; she compared notes with other dog wimmen, I don't say it in a runnin' way at all. I mean wimmen who have gin their hull minds to dog, havin', some on 'em, renounced husbands, and mothers, and children for dog sake.

You know there are sich wimmen, and Miss Flamm read up and studied with constant and absorbed attention all the latest things on dog. Their habits, their diet, their baths, their robes, their ribbons, and bells, and collars, their barks -- nothin' escaped her; she put the best things she learned into practice, and studied out new ones for herself. She said she had reduced the subject to a science, and she boasted proudly that her dog, the last one she had, went ahead of any dog in the country. And I don't know but it did. I knew it had a good healthy bark. A loud strong bark that must have made it bad for her in the night. It always slept with her, for she didn't dast to trust it out of her sight nights. It had had some spells in the night, kinder chills, or spuzzums like, and she didn't dast to be away from it for a minute.