"And he kissed you?"
I nod.
My stomach is tightening into knots. I never told anyone else about Dimitri, about my feelings for him. Everyone would know how wrong it is, and how stupid I was for fooling around with him only to get burned. But I told Joanna all about the cold shoulder he gave me and how much he hurt me.
"What about before?"
I chew on my lower lip. "We were just kids," I say with a shrug.
"You were eighteen and he was, what, twenty?"
"Twenty-one."
"Not really kids, Sarah."
"I know," I admit with a sigh. "But he seems different. And we've just been spending a lot of time together."
"Because you work for him now."
"Right. And it just... It just kind of happened."
"Was that the first time?"
I shake my head, and all at once, I almost just feel relieved. Even though she looks so shocked, and I'm dreading what she's about to say, just telling someone is a weight off my shoulders. My eyes dip down.
"It's not like we're really related."
"You grew up together."
"Not entirely. And we were always more friends than anything..."
She shakes her head, grabbing for her drink and taking a sip.
"Do you want to again?" I tilt my head and she clarifies, "Kiss him."
"Yea," I mutter. "But now's not the time for that. I mean, he's just lost his mom..."
She stares at me like I just said the stupidest thing.
"What are you talking about? He's a guy, Sarah. Fuck, it'd probably help him to get his mind off of it for a while."
I can't believe what I'm hearing. Of all the reactions I anticipated, that wasn't even on the list. My nose crinkles and I nervously tuck some of my blonde hair behind my ear.
"Are you serious?" I mutter, and I imagine his lips pressing against mine, the taste of cinnamon burning my mouth as his tongue flicks against mine.
"Sure. I mean, if you're both into each other, why not?"
"I might get hurt."
"Well yea, Sarah, that's a relationship for you. I've been dumped by how many guys since you've known me? And dumped even more. It stings, but you move on."
"But then I wouldn't have him in my life anymore."
"You didn't have him in your life for two years and you survived," she reminds me, and I know she's right. But Dimitri hurt me so bad before, I just don't know if I can go through that again. But the thought of it working out... That hadn't even really entered my mind.
I nab another piece of popcorn, tossing it in my mouth and chewing it slowly.
"Just show up to his house?"
"That's what you did last time, right?"
"Yea."
"And he didn't leave you again when you left without putting out?"
I laugh, my nose crinkled in distaste.
"Well, no. I had to keep seeing him at work. Though..."
Now I have her full attention. Joanna turns and looks at me curiously.
"Well, it's just... before we got the call, we were in my office and..."
"And... oh my God, you were making out in your office?"
My cheeks are burning with embarrassment. I've never really had another girlfriend to talk about sex stuff with. Not that there had been any sex stuff to tell before now. I've been too busy focusing on just staying above level to date, not that I had a lot of interest in it anyways.
"Holy fuck. You guys screwed?"
I sputter, shaking my head, my face hidden from her.
"We... No. I mean, almost, but then the call came..."
"Awkward," she said with a half-smile. "Talk about a massive cock-block."
I throw a pillow at her, hitting her in the side of her head, "Joanna! Your mouth is getting filthier by the minute."
She throws it back at me, threatening to knock over my popcorn before I catch it just in time.
"Yea, well, you're the one screwing your step-bro, so I'm hardly the dirtiest one here," she teases back, her words so light and lacking in judgement. It's a relief to talk about it, to hear it said so plainly, and I lick my lower lip, drawing it into my mouth.
"So you think he'd like if I just dropped over?"
"Hell yea. Damn, if my mom died, I'd be desperate for a distraction. Especially if I were a guy. It's not easy dealing with that, especially by yourself, you know?"
I nod, taking a deep breath.
"You don't mind if I go?"
She rolls her eyes.
"Get out of here. You don't need my permission to sleep with him. Just be careful."
Chapter 13.
I know that if I show up again and don't go through with it that things are going to get bad between us. Especially now that he knows that Rebecca was spying on him and I was helping her. I have no idea how much he knows about it, but it seems like more than enough to be justifiably upset.
I sit on the subway, watching the lights of the city flicker past, anxiety swirling in my stomach. It doesn't help that Joanna lent me this sexy black dress that I feel like I have no business in. I know I look pretty good in it, and it shows off my cleavage, but it still somehow feels weird.
No, what feels weird is that you're going to your step-brother's house in the middle of the night to try to seduce him. Again.
I try to shake off the thought but I know that's at the core of what's bugging me. But I can't get the thought of his body out of my mind. The way his mouth burned into mine, the hickey he gave me that I had to covertly hide for the funeral. It's like it's all out of some strange nightmare, yet I can't wake up.
I don't want to. Not before I know what he feels like, covering my body.
The memory sends a jolt through my spine and when we finally get to the stop near his place, I practically sprint off the train. My high heels make my strides shorter, my legs longer and shapelier, and I tug my jacket around me a bit tighter. I know what I'm wearing beneath it is scandalous, but the people of Brooklyn don't need to know that.
The beautiful exterior of his condo looms over me and I push in. This time I'm expecting the security guard, and my back straightens, my chin lifted just a little.
"Sarah Fairfax for room 1510, please. Mr. Brokov."
The security guard nods, calls up, and hesitates on the phone. What's Dimitri saying? If he's refusing me entry, I would be so humiliated, and some of my confidence leaves me.
The security guard covers the receiver with his palm and I move closer.
"Mr. Brokov wants to know if this is about his Uncle."
That jerk. I flush, my heart pounding faster in my chest at the reminder of our safeword, of what I'd said last time when I'd run off, away from him.
"No," I mutter. I wanted to sound more suave, more in control, but as always, Dimitri keeps me off guard and always has the upper hand.
"Yes, Sir," the security guard says before hanging up the phone. "Come with me, Ms. Fairfax," he says, moving towards the elevators. At least Dimitri's letting me up.
Though now I'm almost positive I shouldn't be here.
The fifteen floors pass even slower than they did last time, and by the time I enter the beautifully decorated hallway, I feel faint from the blood rushing from my brain. Every time he torments me and I simply get more and more turned on. I have to feel him. I have to just let go.
One night of pleasure, of letting myself experience something I've wanted for so long.
The walk to his door is excruciating, especially when I open the door and see his wicked grin. He's wearing a shirt and jeans, so I guess he hasn't been to bed yet.
I swat his shoulder. "Jackass," I murmur, and he locks the door behind me.
"You love it," he says, leading me in and pausing at the bar before thinking better of it. "Can't sleep?"
I shake my head, my coat still wrapped tightly around my torso. Though when I see his eyes trail down my body, lingering on my calves, I know he's confused.
"Going to a bar or something?"
"Not that I could even if I wanted to."
He rolls his eyes. "Girls a lot younger than twenty get into clubs here, Sarah."
"Oh, right." Of course they do. Other girls who are refined and sexy and confident enough to flirt their way in. Not girls like me.
He leans against the bar, staring at me, waiting for me to explain why I'm here but I don't really have words. I thought it'd go differently, like we'd just pick up from where we left off, but that was over a week ago, and so much has happened since then.
I step towards him, my hands trembling as I slowly let the coat fall open, revealing the black dress beneath. I felt so sexy getting into it, but now I'm just a shy, self-conscious mess.
"You said, last time, that... bad things happen if you have a booty call and don't..." I trail off. I sound so stupid, like a kid pretending she's a seductress.
Though when my gaze meets his, his eyes are filled with fire and temptation.
He pushes himself from the bar, licking along his lower lip. He stalks towards me, and the warmth from his grin has warped into something much more dangerous.
"Is that what you want?"
My heart races. My lower lip quivers.
I nod, and heat boils in my veins as his mouth crushes against mine. There's no sweetness, no exploration, just a hunger unlike anything I've ever experienced before. Not from him, not from myself. When our bodies meet, it's with a fury that's been contained for years.
He lifts me, hands gripping my ass as he takes me to his room, tossing me onto the bed like I weigh nothing. His breathing is hard as he stares down at me before he tugs up his t-shirt over his head, unveiling his muscles and tattoos once more.
The light is dim, but my eyes still race excitedly over them as his hands next go to work on his belt. The jangle of metal and leather fill the air as he steps towards me.
"You're not getting away this time," he swears, and I'm filled with a sense of dread and desire.
He's dangerous. I know that better than most. That fire in his eyes is going to burn us both before long, but I don't care. Not now.
He grabs for my waist over my coat, and I lean in to kiss him, but instead he steals the fabric belt from my jacket. I blink, surprised, but his hand is on my knee, caressing it, and I relax into his touch.
"I'm not going to let you run. You want this too fucking bad for me to believe you when you say that escape is what you want."
He wraps the belt around his hand before tying it around my bare ankle.
"Are you wearing panties?" he asks, and I can't even respond.
I'm breathing too fast, too hard, and I'm trying to remain sensible but it's no use. I'm a slave to my needs, and I shake my head no.
That earns a feral growl and a brief glance up my thighs, as if he could see even though they're still pressed together so tightly. He yanks them apart harshly, tying my right leg to the solid wood of the bed post.