Ruthless: A Mafia Step-Brother Romance - Ruthless: A Mafia Step-Brother Romance Part 39
Library

Ruthless: A Mafia Step-Brother Romance Part 39

He tastes so good, and I kiss him back, the passion between us mounting. I want him so bad, now more than ever, and I moan into his mouth.

"I want you," he whispers between kisses, his mouth trailing down my neck, over my collarbone, down along the fabric of my top as he pulls up the bottom of it. He exposes my stomach, still smooth but with a slight bump, to his mouth, and I want more than anything to lose myself in him again.

But I can't.

I push him away, his back hitting against the other side of the hallway, and I run out the door.

Chapter 25.

I sit on my bed, my headphones on. I just need to blare out all the badness, all the sorrow and loss.

Four months, and the morning sickness hasn't totally gone away, though I think at least part of it is due to missing him.

Wanting him back in my life.

I haven't heard from Kaiden since that horrible day, but the memory of his hands and mouth on me once more ignited that passion I'd quelled with the anger and rage of being abandoned.

But he didn't mean it.

If he did, I would've heard from him by now.

I flip through the adoption pamphlet Becky gave me, but I don't feel right about it. I don't feel right about any of it. I should've been more careful, more cautious, but he had me wrapped around his finger.

And now I'm paying the price.

Tossing the pamphlet aside, I sigh and pick up my phone. Even my old favorite songs aren't perking me up. Maybe I should try to find something more upbeat.

But when I turn on the screen, there's a text from a number I don't recognize. Probably another stupid reminder about some clothing sale I accidentally signed up for.

But when I swipe down, my heart stops.

Princess, I know I don't deserve you, but I want to. More than anything. Can we talk?

Tears spring to my eyes, and I don't know if it's the hormones or not, but I swipe them away quickly. My lower lip trembles, and the rest of the world is forgotten.

I stare for so long at that message, reading it over and over again. My heart starts racing, my palms going sweaty as I wonder what to say.

He's just going to blow you off, I chide myself, but I don't want to believe it. Not this time. Not now.

If ever I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, it has to be now.

Talk about what? I reply, and the second I hit send, I start wondering if it's too terse.

If he's going to think I'm still mad.

You are still mad, my subconscious reminds me, but that doesn't stop me from staring at my phone. Every time the screen goes black again, I swipe it back on, the anticipation killing me.

Luckily, he doesn't keep me waiting for long.

I want to make it up to you. Can we meet? You know our spot on Big Bear Lake?

Big Bear Lake?

That was where...

I shake my head free of the memory of his mouth lingering so near to mine, and swallow. My mouth feels dry, my breathing increased. Big Bear Lake is still a seven-hour drive if traffic is good.

Do I really want to put myself in that position?

But even as I antagonize over it, I'm texting him back.

When?

This weekend?

And nothing within me can stop me from sending back: OK.

I put the phone down, staring up at the ceiling.

What am I doing? Why does my heart keep tugging me towards pain?

But for the first time in so long, I find a restful sleep, a smile upon my lips and the image of Kaiden in the front of my mind.

Chapter 26.

The drive is long, giving me ample time to fret about what I'm doing. What choices I'm making.

I could've just flown, but I was afraid that I'd get there and be stuck with no way out, and I wanted options. That was worth the extra time.

Plus, it gave me an opportunity to mull over in my head precisely what I'm going to say to him. Or, more accurately, what he's planning on saying to me.

He wouldn't invite you all the way out here if it wasn't for a good reason, I remind myself, and I know it's true.

For all the things I could say about Kaiden, he wouldn't waste my time and my energy like this unless it was important. He has something planned, I just don't know what.

He made it pretty clear that being with him is too dangerous for me to handle, and now that I have a baby on the way?

Do I really want to get involved with the life he leads?

But then, he did go back to the old home, away from all of his 'friends' and associates, and he gave away his nest egg. But wouldn't that just make him want to break the law more?

I didn't bother asking what job he was working at when I came to see him because I was afraid of the answer.

Is that the life you want, Abigail? I ask myself, and I don't honestly know the answer to that. I'm getting close to the lake, and the beauty of the location manages to quiet my thoughts for a few blissful moments. There's a certain serenity to it, a peacefulness, and excitement and fear can't completely quash that.

We never had a cabin up here, we weren't as lucky as that, but there was a rental that our parents' friends had once in a while at the east end of the lake, and I drove the mildly familiar roads towards it.

I had dressed in a simple pair of pants and a sweater, knowing the lake would be cool this time of year, but I have the window down, the breeze blowing in my face. I never managed to get used to the brown hair and went back to blonde once more a few days after I saw Kaiden.

Maybe he just reminded me of who I was, and I like that girl. I don't want to be someone else.

And for all he's done... I don't want him to be someone else either.

But when I pull up in the driveway, and see him standing there in a fitted suit, my mouth hangs open in shock.

He still has the tattoos, still has the piercings and that deadly seductive glint in his eyes, but he's cleaned up, his hair slicked back, and my panties instantly grow wetter.

"Fucking Kaiden," I mutter to myself under my breath as he comes to the door, opening it for me and offering me his hand.

"Princess," he greets me, his dark voice so rich and alluring, "your Prince Charming has been waiting."

I have to bite down on my lower lip to keep it from trembling, blinking more rapidly to keep the tears from building in the corner of my eyes. The sun is beginning to set, the clouds in the sky turning beautiful pink and purples, only highlighting how much like a fairy tale this feels like.

He wraps his fingers within mine, guiding me towards the boat that waited for us at the docks. It isn't the same one that we'd been in all those years ago, but it's close. Small and intimate.

He hands me a life jacket, and I laugh, but the look he gives me says not to protest, and I put it on, watching him do the same. It's funny to me to see him being so cautious, especially after all we've been through.

He helps me into the boat, following after me, our knees brushing against one another's as he begins to row us out. He's been silent, and I don't know what to say. I'm a bit apprehensive about being away from dry land, but the water is a brilliant purple, the color of the sky reflected back at us, trees all around and giving us some privacy.

It's not until we're a good ways from shore that he puts aside the oars and looks at me earnestly.

"I owe you an explanation."

"You do," I say, though I'm having a harder time being upset with him.

His being my Prince Charming, my hero... it brings back so many powerful memories, so many memories I'd tried to bury over the years.

"I thought I was protecting you. That's why I ran. This time, the last time... I didn't want to corrupt you, drag you down with me, Abby. Look at me. I'm a mess without you," he says, nervously running his hand through his hair. It's endearing to see him so addled, though I try not to show it.

Instead, I just stare, waiting for him to continue.

"When I left, you were still just a kid. It would've been wrong to stay, to believe that there could've been something between us."

"I was fifteen, Kaiden," I say with a roll of my eyes, "and you were only eighteen. We were both just kids."

"Yea, well, most people aren't going to look at it that way. Especially since... us... we were never supposed to be. Can you imagine what our parents would have said?"

"I try not to," I admit.

"Exactly! And the people of the town? They'd look at me like I was some... predator. So I left, I did the right thing, Abby. I wanted to give you a chance, to be your own person. To find a guy your own age and..."

"And what?"

"I don't know, get together, fall in love. The things you're supposed to do."

Tears flood my eyes, and I don't know if I'm angry, hurt, or just sad.

"I was already in love."

"A crush," he says, brushing it off. "That's... that's all I thought it was, and if I was gone, then you could move on."

My lower lip trembles, but he doesn't stop.

"But I couldn't get you off my mind, and I got fired from my first job. That's when Ryder found me. I was desperate not to come back, not to ruin your life, and he took advantage of that. Groomed me to be his right-hand man, taught me everything he knew. I was only working with him a year when he took me out into the desert and made me watch him shoot his last second, Abby. After that, I knew I couldn't come back and lead him to you."

That was why he stopped visiting?

He reaches out, touching my knee, and I suck in a breath.

"So I did what I had to. I survived, and I tried to find pleasure where I could, but you don't know how bad I wanted to just come home. I told them... I told them my family was all dead. I don't know if they believed me, but that's why I didn't stay after the funeral. It... it was why I didn't want you to live with me, but I just couldn't stand the thought of you being homeless and without anything," he says, his voice breaking.

"I agreed to take the fall for him because I thought it would be easier for all of us. Easier for me. I was selfish. I thought it would make it easier not to see you, but it didn't. Abby, every day since I left home," he says, leaning in, his hand touching my face and wiping away a tear I didn't know had fallen, "all I could think about was you. The way you make me feel."

My lip trembles, and his thumb traces along it.

"Axel told me I had to kill Ryder in order to rescue you, to get out of these charges. That was the deal, but when I got to the house, I couldn't do it. I was trying to figure something else out when Ryder came up behind me. He knocked me out, and the only reason he didn't shoot me was because he said I wasn't worthy of a quick death. That I wasn't half the man his old partner was."

Kaiden's breathing grows heavier, his voice turning husky.

"He tied me up, started cutting me. Said he was going to pull my guts out all slow like, but he must've still been on some powerful sedatives, because his knots were sloppy and I was able to get out and kill him before he got that far."

He licks his lips, his tongue ring glinting and teasing me for a second.

"Axel said he'd let you and me go, scot-free, but Abby, these aren't the people that let things go. This will always be over my head. Always."

I look at him, tears blurring my vision.

"I don't care," I whimper, and he leans in, his hand still caressing my face tenderly. "I don't care about any of that, I just want you! I've always wanted you!"

He shakes his head, and he sounds so sad.

"Abby, I'm not the man you deserve. I can never be your hero, not after what I've done. Not after the things I've had to do."