Rules Of Civility - Rules of Civility Part 35
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Rules of Civility Part 35

And give, for wild confusion, peace

Oh hear us when we cry to thee

For those in peril on the sea.

Awe and applause.

Dicky: You scoundrel! Look at the girls. They're weeping. In ecstasy. It's a dirty trick. (Turning to me) And you, my love? Hidden talents?

Me: What about you, Dicky?

All: Yes. What about you!

Susie: Don't you know?

Me: I don't think so.

Susie: Go on, Dicky. Tell them.

Dicky looked at me and blushed.

Dicky: Paper airplanes.

Me: Great Caesar's ghost.

As if to bail him out, the drummer wrapped up a Krupa-like solo with six booms on the kettle and then the whole band was swinging. It was like the drummer had jimmied open the door and the others were stealing everything in the house. Dicky was the one who was ecstatic now. When the vibraphonist began playing in triple time, Dicky swung around in his chair and his feet ran in place. His head did a few quick rotations, as if he couldn't decide whether he should be shaking or nodding it. Then he goosed me.

Some people are born with the ability to appreciate serene and formally structured music like Bach and Handel. They can sense the abstract beauty of the music's mathematical relationships, its symmetries and motifs. But Dicky wasn't one of them.

Two weeks before, to impress me, he had taken me to Carnegie Hall to hear some Mozart piano concertos. The first was a pastoral designed to let the spirit flower in a nocturnal breeze. Dicky fidgeted like a sophomore in summer school. At the end of the second, when the crowd began applauding and the old couple in front of us stood, Dicky practically leapt from his seat. He clapped with wild enthusiasm and then grabbed his coat. When I told him it was just the intermission, he looked so crestfallen that I had to take him immediately to Third Avenue for a burger and a beer. It was a little place I knew where the owner played jazz piano accompanied by a stand-up bass and a high school snare.

This low-rent introduction to small group jazz was a revelation for Dicky. The improvisational nature of it was grasped by him instinctively. Unplanned, disorderly, unself-conscious, it was practically an extension of his personality. It was everything he liked about the world: You could smoke to it, drink to it, chatter to it. And it didn't make you feel guilty for not giving it your full attention. In the nights that followed, Dicky had a gay old time in the company of small group jazz and he gave me credit for it-not always in public, but when it mattered, and often.

-Will we ever go to the moon? he asked, as the vibraphonist acknowledged applause with a tilt of the head. It would be so marvelous to set foot on another planet.

-Isn't the moon a satellite? asked Helen with her innately unsure erudition.

-I should like to go, Dicky confirmed to no one in particular.

He sat on his hands and reflected on the possibility. Then he leaned sideways and kissed me on the cheek.

-. . . And I should like you to come.

At some point, Dicky shifted to the other side of the table to talk with TJ and Helen. It was a sweet display of self-confidence, as he no longer felt the need to entertain me or to advertise his claim on my attentions. It goes to show that even a man who craves constant approval can attain self-assurance through a little hanky-panky.

As I returned one of Dicky's winks, I saw a ragtag crowd of WPA types collecting around the table behind him. In their company was Henry Grey. It took a moment for me to recognize him because he was ill shaven and had lost some weight. But he didn't have trouble recognizing me. He came right over and leaned on the back of Dicky's empty chair.

-You're Teddy's friend. Right? The one with the opinions.

-That's right. Katey. How's the pursuit of beauty coming?

-Rotten.

-Sorry to hear that.

He shrugged.

-Nothing to say and no way to say it.

Hank turned to watch the band for a moment. He nodded his head more in agreement with the music than in time with it.

-Got any cigarettes? he asked.

I pulled a pack from my purse and held it out. He took two cigarettes handing one back to me. He tapped his ten times against the tabletop and then tucked it behind an ear. The room was hot and he was beginning to sweat.

-Listen. What do you say we go outside?

-Sure, I said. But give me a second.

I went around the table to Dicky.

-That's the brother of an old friend. We're just going out for a smoke. All right?

-Of course, of course, he said, showing off his burgeoning self-confidence.

Though just to be on the safe side, he draped his jacket over my shoulders.

Hank and I went outside and stood under the club's canopy. It wasn't winter yet, but it was plenty brisk. After the cozy quarters of the club, it was just the ticket for me. But not for Hank. He looked as physically uncomfortable as when he had been inside. He lit his well-packed cigarette and inhaled with unapologetic relish. I was getting the picture that Hank's lean and agitated physique might not be a manifestation of his struggles with color and form.

-So, how's my brother? he asked, flinging his match into the street.

I told him I hadn't seen Tinker in two months and that I didn't even know where he was-though I guess my tone was a little sharper than I intended, because Hank took another drag and studied me with interest.

-We had a run-in, I explained.

-Oh?

-Let's just say I finally figured out he wasn't everything he presented himself to be.

-Are you?

-Close enough.

-A rare specimen.

-At least I don't go around implying I went straight from the cradle to the Ivy League.

Hank dropped his cigarette and scuffed it out with a sneer.

-You've got it all wrong, spider. The scandal here isn't that Teddy plays it off like an Ivy Leaguer. The scandal is that that sort of bullshit makes a difference in the first place. Never mind that he speaks five languages and could find his way safely home from Cairo or the Congo. What he's got they can't teach in schools. They can squash it, maybe; but they sure can't teach it.

-And what's that?

-Wonder.

-Wonder!

-That's right. Anyone can buy a car or a night on the town. Most of us shell our days like peanuts. One in a thousand can look at the world with amazement. I don't mean gawking at the Chrysler Building. I'm talking about the wing of a dragonfly. The tale of the shoeshine. Walking through an unsullied hour with an unsullied heart.

-So, he's got the innocence of a kid, I said. Is that it?

He grabbed me by the forearm as if I wasn't getting the point. I could feel the imprint of his fingers on my skin.

-When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: and when I became a man- He let my arm drop.

-. . . More's the pity.

He looked away. For the second time, he reached behind his ear for the cigarette that he'd already smoked.

-So what happened? I asked.

Hank looked at me in his discerning way-always weighing whether he should deign to answer a question.

-What happened? I'll tell you what happened: My old man lost everything we ever had, bit by bit. When Teddy was born, the four of us lived in a house with fourteen rooms. Every year we lost a room-and moved a few blocks closer to the docks. By the time I was fifteen, we were in a boardinghouse that leaned over the water.

He held his hand out at a forty-five-degree angle so I could picture it.

-My mother had her heart set on Teddy going to this prep school our great-grandfather went to-before the Boston Tea Party. So she squirreled away some cash and combed his curls and plied his way in. Then, in the middle of Teddy's first year, when she went to the cancer ward, my old man found the stash and that was that.

Hank shook his head. One got the sense that with Hank Grey there was no confusion as to whether one should shake or nod.

-It's like Teddy's been trying to get back in that fucking prep school ever since.

A tall Negro couple was coming down the street. Hank put his hands in his pockets and gestured with his chin toward the man.

-Hey, buddy. You got a smoke?

He said it in his abrupt, unfriendly way. The Negro didn't seem put out. He gave Hank the cigarette and even lit the match, holding his big black hand around the flame. Hank watched the couple walk away with reverence, as if he had newfound hope for the human race. When he turned back to me, he was sweating like he had malaria.

-It's Katey, right? Listen. Do you have any dough?

-I don't know.

I felt in Dicky's blazer pockets and found a money clip with several hundred dollars. I considered giving Hank the whole thing. I gave him two tens instead. As I took the money out of the clip, he unconsciously licked his lips, as if he could already taste what the money would become. When I handed him the bills, he squeezed them in his fist like he was draining a sponge.

-Are you going back inside? I asked, knowing that he wouldn't.

By way of explanation, he gestured toward the East Side. The gesture had an air of finality, like he knew we wouldn't be seeing each other again.

-Five languages? I said before he left.

-Yeah. Five languages. And he can lie to himself in every one of them.

Dicky, the crew, and I stayed well into the night and were rewarded accordingly. Just past the witching hour, musicians began arriving with instruments under their arms. Some of them rotated onto the stage while some propped up the wall. Others sat at the bar, making themselves available to acts of charity. At around one, a group of eight musicians including three trumpets began the beguine.

Later, as we were leaving, the big Negro who had played the saxophone in the ensemble intercepted me at the door. I did my best to hide my surprise.

-Hey, he said in a monastic octave.

But as soon as I heard his voice, I knew who he was. He was the saxophonist we'd seen play at The Hotspot on New Year's Eve.

-You're Evelyn's pal, he said.

-That's right. Katey.

-We haven't seen her round in awhile.

-She moved to L.A.

He nodded his head in heavy understanding, as if by moving out to Los Angeles Eve was somehow ahead of her time. And maybe she was.

-That girl's got an ear.

He said this with the appreciation of the too oft misunderstood.

-If you see her, tell her we miss her.

Then he retreated back to the bar.

It made me laugh and laugh.

For on all those nights in 1937 when we had frequented jazz clubs at Eve's insistence, and she had cornered the musicians to bum cigarettes, I had attributed it to her shallower impulses-her desire to shed her midwestern sensibility and mingle in the Negro's milieu. While all that time, Evelyn Ross was a jazz lover of enough subtlety that the musicians missed her when she was out of town?

I caught up with the others outside, giving a little prayer of thanks to no one in particular. Because when some incident sheds a favorable light on an old and absent friend, that's about as good a gift as chance intends to offer.