Chapter 50 - I like you (Translated and edited by Xing)

Tang Xue's cold war with Yu Yan lasted till the last day of the province skating champions.h.i.+p.

The last day was the figure skating finals. Tang Xue sat in a corner of the audience. She wore a hat and a mask and had wrapped herself in thick layers like a dumpling.

There were numerous figure skating fans in the audience. When they saw Yu Yan appear, they burst into applause. Yu Yan had once clinched gold in the National Youths' Singles. Though he was not as well-known as some famed athletes, there were still many people closely following his news. Recently, someone claimed to have bought his gold medal on IdleFish. This was voted by a certain forum to be one of the top ten jokes of the year.

Yu Yan's face was pale and he appeared tired. When Tang Xue saw him like this, she began to feel self-reproach. Perhaps she should not have taken her anger out on him. After all, it was not his fault for having a strong-willed and overbearing mother. He was a victim himself rather than being an accomplice.

Yu Yan's song choice for his free skate today was a jazz piece. Though the music was rich, sensual and riveting, he executed a performance awash with melancholy. Tang Xue was no expert in music but she could sense that he was not happy. She felt extremely upset and was overwhelmed with the urge to rush down and apologize to him.

She was still feeling torn over this when suddenly, Yu Yan's skates slipped against the ice at the end of a triple Axel jump. He fell towards the ice uncontrollably.

Crash—Tang Xue seemed to hear the heavy thud of fragile human body ramming against the icy hard surface.

She leapt to her feet.

Figure skating was as dangerous as it was beautiful. When athletes land in the midst of a fast spin, they must bear an impact that is several times their weight. One could imagine the pain that Yu Yan was feeling now.

Nevertheless, without hesitation, he immediately climbed to his feet and continued skating.

While some people were silent, there were a greater number of people who were clapping.

After the compet.i.tion was over, Tang Xue wanted to find Yu Yan. However, she saw him waved to his mom. She sighed, got up and left.

When Tang Xue returned to her dorm at night, she spotted Yu Yan standing outside the dormitory building.

Wearing a tracksuit, he stared blankly into s.p.a.ce as he stood under the streetlight. As usual, his figure was tall and slender but his side profile appeared pale and drawn.

As Tang Xue approached, he happened to turn and their eyes met.

After staring at each other for a while, the two of them spoke at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

Tang Xue scratched her head uncomfortably and asked, "Why are you apologizing?"

Yu Yan was stumped for a moment. He said, "I'm apologizing for my mom. Though I'm not sure what she said to you… Tang Xue, please don't be angry anymore."

"It's fine." Tang Xue shook her head. "Actually, I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. My bad." Tang Xue felt a little sheepish after her apology. She s.h.i.+fted her gaze away from him to a distant gra.s.s patch in the dark.

Yu Yan watched her face without saying a word. Once again, silence fell between them. This chapter is a labour of love that should not be found outside of teafragrance[dot]wordpress[dot]com.

The silence stayed till Tang Xue remembered what happened to him earlier. She opened her mouth and asked, "Does your body still hurt?"

Yu Yan quickly shook his head. "Not anymore."

"Mm, but you still have to see the doctor. It's quite common to fall while figure skating. So many world-famous athletes have fallen before; don't take it to heart."

"Tang Xue," Yu Yan suddenly called her name.

"Mm?" Tang Xue returned her gaze to his face. She felt that his eyes were troubled and not as clean and soft as usual. Seeing him this way, she felt an inexplicable sadness.

Yu Yan asked Tang Xue, "Between your dream and love, if you can only choose one, what would you choose?"

Tang Xue opened her mouth and suddenly understood his dilemma. A surge of unhappiness welled up in her heart. She looked him in the eyes and in a somewhat dismayed tone, asked, "Can't we choose to have both?"

"No."

Tang Xue thought about it seriously for a moment. Finally, she gave a heavy sigh. "I'll probably choose my dream."

When Tang Xue revised with Li Yubing that night, she was distracted and kept staring blankly into s.p.a.ce.

Li Yubing only thought that she was exhausted and said, "Go sleep if you're tired."

Tang Xue snapped out of her daze, propped her chin on a hand and looked at him.

Li Yubing liked how she watched him attentively like this—it was as if there was only him in her eyes.

"Li Yubing, let me ask you a question," Tang Xue said.

"Shoot."

"If you can only choose one between your dream and love, what would you choose?"

Li Yubing watched Tang Xue with narrowed eyes and asked, "Why are you asking this?" Could it be that this brat wanted to give up her dreams for Yu Yan? Mm, well done.

Tang Xue pressed him for a reply, "Quick, tell me what you would choose."

Li Yubing shook his head after mulling over the question for a moment. "It's a trick question. There's only one correct answer that you're forced to choose."

"Oh?"

"The cost of choosing one is to give up the other, isn't it?"

Tang Xue nodded, "Yes."

"If you give up love for your dream, you'll attain your dream; but if you give up your dream for love, you end up with nothing."

Tang Xue was bewildered. "Why?"

"Because if you give up your dream for love, you'll end up pinning the loss of this dream on your love. You'll feel that you gave up so much for this person. The further you drift away from your dream, the greater the resentment towards your love. Little by little, any affection would be worn away till nothing is left." Like a professional swindler, Li Yubing had a wise and profound look on his face. After he said this, he added, "Trust me, such is human nature."

Tang Xue felt that what Li Yubing said made a lot of sense. She became even more depressed and asked Li Yubing, "Li Yubing, do you have a dream?"

"When I was young, my dream was to bully you."

Tang Xue was speechless. "Can you stop mentioning the past… What about now? What's your dream now?"

"My dream now…" The way Li Yubing said this was loaded with meaning. He lowered his head and curved up both sides of his lips. He smiled without saying a word.

My dream now is still to bully you.

A few days later, Yu Yan would be heading to Beijing to partic.i.p.ate in the Grand Prix of China[1]. He asked Tang Xue if she could send him off.

He always hoped to receive the same treatment as Li Yubing and kept trying to compete with him.

Tang Xue sent Yu Yan to the airport. There, the two of them had lunch.

They had beef ramen for their meal. It was too salty and not tasty at all.

Later on, in many days to come, this meal would be one etched in Yu Yan's memory. It was salty to the point of being painful. Inedible, even. However, he slowly ate everything in tiny bites, reluctant for the meal to end.

After they finished eating, they sat facing each other at the table in silence.

Silence had become the norm between them since an unknown period of time ago. It seemed as if something had thoroughly changed but both of them were unwilling to face this fact. Translated by Xing for teafragrance[dot]wordpress[dot]com and no other sites.

Yu Yan suddenly took out a box from his bag and pushed it in front of Tang Xue.

"What's this?" Tang Xue asked.

"It's for you. Open and have a look."

Tang Xue opened the box and found a vintage copper world globe in it. The world globe was exquisitely made and with a soft brush of her fingers, began to spin livelily.

Tang Xue continued to lightly spin the globe. "This looks like it has some years on it."

"Mm, it's my grandfather's birthday gift to me when I was five."

Tang Xue was puzzled. "Why are you giving me this?"

Yu Yan lowered his head and suddenly smiled at some unknown thoughts. "Actually, from young till now, my biggest dream is to travel the world. I want to travel to every country that exists and see for myself for how people all over the globe live."

Tang Xue was stunned.

"I started learning figure skating at six. Everyone said that I was a prodigy. Being a prodigy means that you can't fail to live up to everyone's expectations. You have to work even harder and put in even more effort. My energy is all poured into figure skating. I don't have any chance to go out and explore the world at all." At this point, Yu Yan exhaled and gave a resigned smile. "Figure skating is not my dream but it is a dream that many others hold. That's why I'll persevere on."

Tang Xue felt a wave of sadness and comforted him. "There'll definitely be chances for you to travel the world in the future."

Yu Yan lowered his head and looked at the time. "Let's go."

Tang Xue sent him to the security gate. When they were about to part, Yu Yan asked, "Tang Xue, can I hug you?"

Tang Xue immediately went forward and enveloped him in a hug.

Yu Yan hugged her tightly. He closed his eyes and drew in a fervent breath, losing himself in the warmth of the moment.

"Tang Xue," Yu Yan suddenly called her name.

"Mm?"

"I…"

I like you.

At first sight. At second sight, I found myself liking you even more.

I've seen you happy and I've seen you sad. I've seen you arrogant and I've seen you crestfallen. I've seen you mischievous and I've seen you furious. Regardless of your mood, I like them all.

I really like you.

And now I have to give you up.

"I'm going." Yu Yan inhaled deeply and in the end, said nothing else.

"Mm. Have a safe trip."

Yu Yan let go of her and took hold of his luggage. He turned and walked towards the security gate. As he left, Tang Xue heard him whisper, "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry, for giving you up.

As Tang Xue watched his leaving figure, her eyes reddened. She suddenly called out, "Yu Yan."

Yu Yan's body stilled.

"You know what?" Tang Xue said behind him, "Anyone else would have made the same decision. You don't have to apologize."

Yu Yan turned and gazed at her. "Tang Xue, do you feel a sharp pain in your chest?"

"I…"

"If you don't feel your chest ache, it means that you never liked me."

Tang Xue was startled.

"Tang Xue, don't try to fool yourself."

Translator's Notes:

[1] I translated 中國花樣滑冰大獎賽 (zhōng guó huā yàng huá bīng dà jiǎng sài) as the Grand Prix of China. But it's only one word away from being the Cup of China (a real, official figure skating compet.i.tion) in Chinese, which is 中國杯花樣滑冰大獎賽 (zhōng guó bēi huā yàng huá bīng dà jiǎng sài). The word for "cup" is missing and I'm not sure if it's intended or not.

Goodbye, Yu Yan. If readers.h.i.+p suddenly plummets, I think I know why.

I flipped through the first few chapters and cringed a little how awkwardly translated they are. I really have to go back and revise those translations when I'm done since this is a novel worth multiple rereads. Thank you for sticking with me till now ?

Also, thank you to all lovely readers who commented, especially those who take effort to comment almost every chapter. I do read every single comment and enjoy reading everyone's thoughts. It also makes me really happy to know that people are enjoying the story and that the chapter updates are making someone's day.