Oh, who was she trying to kid? He'd texted a message inviting her to dinner as if nothing had even happened. How could there be any hope of reconciliation if the man remained entrenched in denial?

The sudden knock at the door caused Savi to jump and then hold her breath. Fear. Who was she afraid of? Angelina remembered the woman's meltdown on Christmas morning and reached out to pat her hand. "I'll get it. I'm sure it's just Karla."

A moment later, after a peek through the peephole confirmed it, Angelina opened the door wide and held out her arms. Karla walked into them.

"I've missed you so much, Angie! You two have to work this out and come back home soon!"

The two hugged tightly. Angelina nearly gave in to tears. Instead, she managed to put a lid on the raw emotions threatening to overflow. "I've missed you, too, sweetie." She'd ignore the part about working it out. That ball was in her stubborn Italian's court right now.

Karla pulled away and scowled at Angelina. "Good Lord, woman! How much weight have you lost?"

She didn't realize she'd lost enough for it to be noticeable, and she certainly could stand to lose a few pounds, but she'd left her appetite behind with Marc. If Luke didn't make her eat when they shared a meal once a day, she'd have lost even more.

Most days, Luke was busy with his horses and furniture making. She'd lined up some new catering jobs, not realizing until then how much she'd missed her clients and her business. A local restaurant was letting her use their refrigerator and freezer during the off-season until she could get back into her house in Aspen Corners. She also pitched in mucking stalls and refilling water and feed containers to help repay Luke for giving her a safe place to land.

In an effort to deflect the conversation away from her problems, Angelina patted Karla's expanding belly. "Probably about as much as you've gained. Karla, you look absolutely radiant."

Karla's blue eyes flashed. "Well, I'd be a whole lot more radiant if Adam would stop trying to wrap me in cotton balls to keep me safe. We haven't had sex in weeks. How will I ever survive this deprivation until six weeks after the baby is born?"

Angelina took Karla's hand, needing that connection to her friend more than ever, and led her toward the kitchen table indicating a chair. "Sit. Has he said why he's refusing to have sex?"

"Oh, I know why. It's just not a logical reason."

Angelina didn't want to pry, but Karla looked at her and then Savi, who had been preparing another pot of water for the three of them to enjoy some herbal teas. Karla shared, "Adam and his first wife lost their only baby at birth."

Savi turned toward Karla, her hand shaking so badly she had to place the empty mug she'd just taken from the cupboard down on the counter with a thud. "How awful. I can't imagine what I'd have done if anything happened to Mari."

Angelina stroked Karla's arm. "You have to admit that would mess with anyone's head."

"I know, but Adam's not being rational about it. He thinks he did something while having too-rough sex with Joni that caused the baby's umbilical cord to wrap around their son's neck, but Doctor Palmer explained to him again this morning that it was just a freak occurrence. She said babies turn somersaults all the time without anything going wrong and without it having anything to do with sexual activity." Karla's face suddenly grew concerned, and she stroked her belly. Angelina stroked her arm, not realizing how much women had to worry about when pregnant.

"But he's blamed himself ever since, and nothing either of us says has changed his mind. He's the most stubborn-"

"He's afraid of losing you or the baby."

Savi's soft-spoken words captured both Angelina's and Karla's attention. At a dinner party at Marc's after Adam and Karla had come home from their honeymoon, Savi had been intimidated by Adam. Apparently, going to the club last week had changed her opinion of him if she was now defending him.

"Karla, the man lost his first wife to cancer, and before that, his baby died. I think we can understand how worried he might be that he could lose someone else he loves."

Karla stroked her protruding belly and sniffed loudly. "Okay, I'm being a brat. I'll concede there's a perfectly logical reason for him to feel the way he does." She met Savi's gaze again with tear-filled eyes. "But I have needs! He's opened up this whole new world to me, and now I can't even get him to touch me."

Angelina thought she must be exaggerating. "Not even gently?"

Karla grinned a bit sheepishly. "Okay, I'm also being overly dramatic. Occupational hazard. Yes, he'll touch me." Karla closed her eyes and smiled. "He strokes my belly in a long, sweeping motion when he cradles me against him, and he talks to them-us."

Angelina ignored the pang of jealousy as she watched Karla's face transform. The love of her life. A baby on the way. Karla had it all.

Still, Angelina couldn't quite picture the big Marine in question talking to his baby in the womb that way. Would Angelina ever experience that scene with Marc? She cleared the knot in her throat. "That sounds really sweet to me."

Karla opened her eyes and gazed at Angelina. "Oh, it is, and I love it. But it only turns me on even more and makes me want him to touch me in other places. As soon as he realizes I'm getting into it, he stops as if I'm going to break or explode or something, and he pushes me away. Man, how I wish he'd let me explode again. I'm so frustrated I could-"

Savi spoke up again. "Karla, be patient with him." The other women turned their attention to her. "It sounds as if he has some guilt and abandonment issues. You aren't going to be able to reason with him. His perceptions of the situation are based on what are, to him, very valid reasons. They are just different from yours."

Savi had been a social worker before she'd fled to Colorado last December. The mention of abandonment issues brought home something Angelina had read about online while learning about the lingering emotional baggage sometimes experienced by adults who had been adopted. She so wanted to ask questions and find out how she might be able to reach out to Marc during his identity crisis, but- The teapot whistled. Angelina rose and helped pour tea, carrying two of the mugs to the table while Savi brought her own. The three of them sat in silence and doctored their mugs with sugar; Savi added cream to hers.

Perhaps Savi could help Angelina understand Marc's issues without her having to reveal why she wanted to know. She'd seen some of the symptoms of abandonment in herself as well, stemming from the loss of her father almost eight years ago.

"Savi, how would fear of abandonment stemming from a childhood event affect an adult?"

"It's often worse for someone who suffered a traumatic abandonment incident at a young age."

Marc had lost his mother and been adopted at the age of three. "What if he was too young to even remember what happened?"

"Even pre-cognitive children form impressions of their environment that can haunt them later." Savi's gaze grew distant a moment before she refocused. "Any traumatic loss of a loved one can lead to recurring problems later in life until the person deals with that loss and works through it. Incidents with being abandoned again as adults can trigger those suppressed or forgotten feelings, even if they don't consciously remember the original abandonment or understand why they feel the way they do."

That certainly seemed to be the case with Marc. "How might someone with a fear of abandonment react?"

Savi stirred her tea slowly, weighing her words. "Often, they've come to expect everyone in their life will abandon them. They may even jump the gun to avoid the inevitable break-up. It's easier to accept they weren't the victim of another abandonment if they leave the other person first."

Karla's eyes opened wider. "Or they do things to drive the other person away, shut them out, to keep from being hurt again!"

Savi nodded. "The expectation of being abandoned again becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Before Angelina said something too personal about Marc, Karla chimed in again. "Adam was sixteen when his father was killed. Could that have triggered him to have issues at a later age?"

"Possibly. His later losses of the baby and eventually of Joni just reinforced that sense of losing the people he loved. He probably experienced a sense of being out of control. I'm not saying this happened, mind you. I haven't spoken with him enough to know, but he may even have gone into survival mode, cutting himself off from others emotionally."

Karla nodded and grinned. "He tried to, at least. I managed to batter down his defenses, but it took a very long time."

"Not surprising. At the very least, he's going to do all he can to make sure that the people he loves will survive whatever may come their way. That's a daunting responsibility."

"He's a Marine. He feels that responsibility to all of us in his newly formed 'family' every day."

"Right. He isn't going to jeopardize your health and safety, no matter what. Often they can go from survival mode to hyper-controlling, not realizing there are things beyond his control."

Karla snorted. "You try telling him he isn't in control." Her eyes widened. "Dear Lord! I didn't realize how deep-seated this could be. I have my work cut out for me, don't I?"

When her face broke out in another grin, Angelina had little doubt Karla would bring Adam to his knees before this baby was born.

At the moment, though, Angelina wanted to direct the conversation more to Marc's issues without revealing whom she was asking about. She wouldn't break her promise to keep Marc's past a secret until he was ready to tell their friends. She'd just have to ask questions that appeared to relate to herself.

"I lost my papa when I was seventeen. I never really thought about that leading to later relationship problems-" Something suddenly became clearer to her, too. "I always avoided attachments with men, letting my brothers keep most of them away. When I finally trusted one enough to enter into a more intimate relationship with me, he shattered that trust and abused me." She didn't want to think about Allen Martin either. With Marc, though, maybe she'd fallen too quickly. Did the kink dynamic lower her defenses or otherwise get her involved with him too quickly? Or had her leaving Marc been more of a self-preservation tactic, seeing as how he had been distancing himself from her all these months? Had she just wanted to beat him to the finish line of this relationship?

Dio, which one of them was messed up the most by the losses of loved ones? But Angelina, for one, didn't want to keep repeating this cycle. "What might help ease that fear of abandonment?"

"Developing a sense of trust."

She laughed, but the sound was bitter even to her ears. "Well, let's not start out with anything too easy."

Savi gave her a sympathetic smile. "I know. I struggle with the same problem, albeit for a different reason."

So many women at the club seemed to have issues with past abuse. Karla and Grant were the exceptions, as far as she knew.

Without a doubt, Marc didn't trust Angelina. She'd inadvertently played right into his negative expectations by leaving him, the very thing he feared most. Maybe that's why he hadn't called or reached out to her. At the time, she'd thought leaving him might be the wake-up call he needed, but instead she may only have succeeded in causing Marc to distance himself further to avoid more pain and hurt.

She'd only managed to meet Marc's very low expectations.

Savi's voice drew her back to the conversation at hand. "Karla, I suggest you talk with Adam. Express your needs to him in a non-threatening way."

Karla smiled. "You mean I can't grab his cock and demand that he service his horny wife-Now?"

Angelina grinned until she watched the color drain from Savi's face before she picked up her mug to take a sip. Savi set the mug down again. "No. That wouldn't be very helpful."

Karla reached out and touched Savi's hand, but the woman pulled back. "Sorry, Savi. I was just kidding. Or maybe not. I'd love to get that close to his...him again." She grinned. No, clearly Adam didn't stand a chance.

Savi regained her composure. "When you talk with him, try to identify his needs, Karla. If you can get him to go back to any of the major losses in his life, have him tell you what might have helped him then."

She wrinkled her forehead. "I don't think he wants to talk about those times in his life."

"Well, if he doesn't let it out-or recognize that it has had such an impact on him-he's going to have trouble getting beyond having those distorted perceptions that are holding you both back from having the intimacy you need."

Angelina felt lightheaded. She'd messed everything up with Marc. Rather than try to understand his needs, she'd tried to force him to meet hers. How could she undo the damage now?

"Angie, are you okay?"

Angelina looked up at Karla and nodded. She forced herself to smile, hoping she masked some of her inner turmoil. Great. Now she was the one wearing the mask.

She turned to Savi. "How do you get someone to remember something buried too deep?"

Savi scrutinized her for a moment. "Well, some have tried regression therapy, hypnosis, and other techniques. I'm not sure there's empirical evidence showing that those things work, but there have been some who reported individual successes." When Savi looked at her, Angelina was sure that sharp counselor's mind could see right through her cover.

Angelina wished she could go to the club tonight to talk with Marc again, but she'd promised to watch Marisol so that Savi could have another session with Damian. The difference in Savi today from when she'd first met her on Christmas morning was astounding. Savi had a spark in her eyes that hadn't been there earlier.

Angelina remembered her own first sessions exploring this kink lifestyle with Marc. He'd definitely lit a flame inside her, too. Images of her being chained to the center post as he flogged her left an aching emptiness inside that no one would ever fill.

No one except Marc.

She closed the door on those memories. Too painful.

Savi needed her time with Damian at the club tonight more than Angelina needed to try and patch things up with Marc. Besides, she knew where to find Marc any time she wanted him. Clearly, this analysis approach wasn't something she would try to do on her own, though. What if she failed and only hurt Marc even more?

Chapter Fifteen.

Marc swung the ice axe above his head and heard it sink into the ice with a satisfying ka-thud before he maneuvered to the next ledges. His shoulders ached and his biceps strained as he pulled himself up the frozen face of Lodgepole Falls. The sharp crampons on his boots sank into the ice below him, helping him gain traction on the slippery surface. Sweat broke out on his forehead with his efforts. While he'd been out here on the mountain nearly three weeks, using his store manager's hunting cabin as base camp, he hadn't challenged himself this hard during the entire trek.

The sun was warmer today than he'd expected, but the temperatures were still cold enough, despite the fact that it was mid-March already. Escaping as far as he could into nature where no one could invade his thoughts or physical space, he had chosen this particular site based on his experience with it and his ability-even in these late-season, thinner ice conditions. He'd also chosen to climb solo. No partner, no rope; pushing his own limits.

Probably not the wisest move he'd made lately either. He hadn't been climbing all winter, and his muscles weren't at peak conditioning. He'd feel the consequences tonight for sure. Not to mention he was having a damned hard time focusing on this climb and not on what-or rather whom-he was running from.

At least the hero ice made it easy for him to look capable of doing something right. Every placement sank into the soft ice on the first swing.

But some fucking hero he was. He couldn't save himself, much less win the girl.

The exertion of reaching the next foothold blotted out all thoughts but those needed to ensure his safety.

Almost. Adam had texted him over the weekend saying Angelina was visiting Denver.

She'd left him. Packed up and moved out. Okay, so she'd said she'd be gone when he got back from Italy, but he hadn't believed she'd do it.

What the fuck had happened to his controlled, orderly life?

No amount of soul-searching these past few weeks had helped him sort this out. Normally, the mountains held all of the answers, but they were sadistically silent this time.

When he met Angelina last fall and she moved in with him, he knew he'd found the only woman he would ever be able to love. But the love he had to offer hadn't been enough for her. Just when he thought he'd gotten his shit together, a couple of weekends with his family in Aspen turned his life upside down. Now Angelina was gone.

Hell, could he even say the people in Aspen were his family? He had no clue who he was, where he came from. His life was full of secrets and lies, not unlike the ones he'd perpetrated on Angelina and even Pamela. Neither had deserved that, but maybe that's all he knew. As long as the lies were told with good intentions, they wouldn't hurt anyone.

But that was yet another lie he told himself. Both women had been hurt by him.

He kicked into the ice to plant the front points of his crampons and then stood on them before swinging the axe again. Missed. Merda. He'd been climbing nearly an hour and already was exhausted. His muscles strained as he fought to land the axe on the next try.

He hadn't climbed with wrist-attached tools for years, because they gave him the screaming barfies, a feeling somewhere between wanting to scream and wanting to barf at the same time when he lost circulation to his hands because of the straps.

He grinned. Not unlike the pain he felt when Angelina had topped him and removed that first nipple clamp. No wonder she didn't like those things. But she'd taken the pain for him many times, and he'd sucked it up for her.

He swung the axe again. Got it. Now the other one. Ka-thud. Success on the first attempt! He pulled himself up, the steel points on the toes of his boots easily sinking into the plastic-like ice. The temperatures and sunlight had warmed up the ice enough to make climbing a breeze. Not that brittle ice he encountered on colder days.

Sweat trickled down his back as he continued to strain muscles he'd neglected for months. Maybe describing ice climbing as a breeze wasn't the right term. He hadn't been gone more than a few days at a time since Angelina had moved in. He hadn't wanted to be away from her that long.

Now she was gone, and he'd been out here for weeks. He took a moment to let the raw beauty surround and envelop him. The wind whistled through the spruce and fir trees below in the valley between the peaks. A hawk screeched overhead. He spotted it, despite the glare of the sun, soaring on air currents as it sought its next meal.

Women weren't like the mountains he loved. These rocky slopes were predictable, constant. Okay, not really, but they were a helluva lot more stable than the women in his life had been. Maybe more stable than any of the people in his life had ever been.

Out here, away from people, Marc felt at peace. From what Solari had said, he'd been running to nature for comfort and solace his whole life.

So why couldn't he find either today?

Thoughts of his biological father brought on memories of Gino. Even though Siena wasn't the same as their birthplace in Brescia, he'd been haunted by dreams of Gino ever since he'd returned from Italy. Disjointed images of Gino. Always the big brother, good and bad. They'd fought, as brothers often do, especially just before Gino enlisted, but Marc was surprised that more of the memories he'd been flooded with lately were of a Gino he'd forgotten about since that time. The Gino who had always tried to guide and protect him. In the absence of a healthy paternal role model in their early years, Gino had assumed that role. Despite being only three years older, Gino had taught the young Marco a lot about life and how to build character.

"Don't let them see you cry."