"I have given my husband a copy of these lines this morning, proposing that we devote one hour for the special purpose of dedicating ourselves to the Lord. May we do it with unfeigned hearts. I feel humbled on account of the past; resolved at the present; and encouraged for the future.--Having occasion to administer reproof, I spoke with greater severity than the circ.u.mstances required. O when shall I possess that self-government, which tempers every word and action. Though suffering from indisposition, my mind is kept in peace.

Unworthy as I am, Christ is precious."

ADDRESSED TO MY LITTLE JOHN, THIS DAY SEVEN YEARS OLD.

Linked with the memories of the day, Your name the first appears; "A little stranger," did they say, "A transient visit comes to pay,"

And still we hail your longer stay Though now 'tis full seven years.

My lovely boy, your sojourn here, Awakens anxious care; Your tender mind aright to rear; Your steps to guard from danger near; Oh! might the G.o.d of mercy hear, And bless a mother's prayer.

Know then, my child, G.o.d speaks to-day, "My son, give me thy heart."

Oh! will you not without delay, In secret go to G.o.d and pray, That he would take your sins away, And His pure love impart?

I'm sure He loves to hear you pray; To-day then, do begin; He'll hearken unto what you say, And never turn His ear away, But answer you from day to day, If you will give up sin.

I love you, John, you know I do; G.o.d loves you more than I; As once on Samuel, now on you He calls, O may you answer too; "Speak, Lord," Thy servant's heart renew, For at Thy feet I lie.

Good children ever are inclined Obediently to live; Humble, and teachable, and kind, They wish to know the Saviour's mind, And often seek that they may find, What G.o.d alone can give.

"As I went to meet my cla.s.s it was suggested, as it was also the last time, 'Who hath reaquired this at your hands?' Is it from an enemy?

or am I in a wrong position? The people seem to prosper, and the Lord gives me liberty among them; but often has a cloud gathered over my spirit when I have been going to meet them. O Lord, remove my doubts, and guide me by Thy counsel. I wish to sink into Thy will; use me or lay me aside; only let Thy will be done.--The last week has been to many a season of high enjoyment; but for myself, although I rejoice in the success of missions, my soul has not yet learned to preserve its centre in the midst of the excitement, which on such occasions often falls to my lot. Mr. and Mrs. Isaac were with us from Monday till Wednesday; and on Friday afternoon, the Yorkshire bard, James Montgomery, Esq., with several other friends, was with us at tea.

My mind was kept in peace, and during singing and prayer I found it profitable. Mr. Montgomery presided at the Missionary Meeting, which by some is p.r.o.nounced the best they ever attended. Surely it was the presence of the Great Head of the Church, which made it so.--We had a blessed season at the cla.s.s. Afterwards I went to Albion Street School. A cla.s.s of girls retired with me into the little room, for the purpose of conversation and prayer: while they listened the tears started in their eyes. I feel deeply concerned for their salvation.

The work is Thine; these souls are Thine; help me, Lord, to do Thy work faithfully; that success may follow. This morning I was much exercised."

Afflictions sanctified Are blessings kindly given; They, who the fiery test abide, Receive an inward heaven.

That Kingdom, Lord, be mine, Just as Thy goodness wills; A heart renewed, a will resigned, A soul, that Jesus fills.

Then, every grace shall grow; Its fruits in beauty shine; From love shall every action flow, And all the praise be Thine.

"I have been to see after two of my members, over whom I fear I have cause to mourn. One was gone out, yet could not come to cla.s.s! The other was in bed! I fear there is a dearth of spiritual feeling. Lord, give me wisdom and faithfulness.--After collecting for the Missions, I visited a member of mine in the hospital, and prayed with several of the afflicted in the ward. The person, whom I went to see some time ago, is recovering, and wishes to join with us.

"Kirkby. I arrived here yesterday about ten o'clock, after a delightful journey; and am resolved, that change of scene shall make no difference in my religious feelings; unless, by the opportunity of retirement, I get closer to the Lord. My hearing is a little dull, but my prayer is, that this affliction may be sanctified; and removed, when the Lord pleases. Christ in me is the source of my happiness. I hunger after righteousness; more faith--humility--meekness--love.

O how beautiful are the fruits of grace! The rich cl.u.s.ters of the heavenly vine, invite my longing taste.--Spent two nights at Follifoot, with Miss B. I went with the resolution of conversing with her on the necessity of a change of heart; and on reflection have no ground of condemnation; only, I might have used greater earnestness.

My time has pa.s.sed more pleasantly than I antic.i.p.ated. We took a walk through the park to the late residence of a gentleman, who has been obliged to leave the country, in consequence of his own extravagance, and imprudence. His beautiful mansion is sinking in ruins; and loathsome reptiles are its only occupants. Such is earthly grandeur; and such the man, that makes not G.o.d his refuge. The grounds are delightful; but for want of proper cultivation, begin to show evident marks of the curse:--thorns and thistles springing up in abundance.

Molly accompanied me back with the grey pony; and, as she walked by my side, I warned her to flee from the wrath to come.--Walked to Pannal; here I found need of watchfulness, and courage; all--in nature's night; blessed with earthly good; but dest.i.tute of heavenly peace. I prayed with the family each evening; and spoke to each member, with the exception of Mr. ----, on the need of preparation for another world; but my efforts were feeble. My happiest hours have been spent in retirement, and solitary walks; one of which, was extremely delightful. The picturesqueness of the scenery, combined with smiling heavens, conspired to raise my mind to Him, whose forming hand has adorned all nature, and has raised my soul from death to life. The scene vividly called to remembrance my beloved cousin Ann; with whom on this very spot, I had pa.s.sed some of the happiest moments of my life. I felt what I cannot put into words. On my return to York, I found Eliza, bathing her face after the application of leeches; and Mary, putting John to bed, in the measles. Such is life! It is the Lord, and to His will, I would patiently submit."

XI.

A DYING SCENE.

"PRECIOUS IN THE SIGHT OF THE LORD IS THE DEATH OF HIS SAINTS."--Psalm cxvi. 15.

How solemn, and instructive, is the scene of death! What a satire upon the pride, pomp, and vanity of the world! and yet, when relieved by the cheering experience of divine truth, what a blessed confirmation of all that the Bible tells us! The utterances of the dying Saint, come home to our hearts with peculiar force. It is as if the spirit of the departing, having reached the boundary of time, and looking forth on the unclouded scene beyond, shouted back to its companions yet enveloped with the mists and gloom of earth: "It is all true, you have only to follow on a little further, and the glorious prospect will burst upon you." Mrs. Lyth seems to have carefully treasured the last words of those, who, within the circle of her acquaintance, died in the Lord; and in the case of particular friends, these notices sometimes extend to several pages: as if she delighted to linger on the borders of another world, and to catch a momentary glimpse of its happiness, and the distant sound of the harpers, harping with their harps. An example occurs in the course of the following extracts.

"At the two o'clock cla.s.s, many were in tears; while others testified of the Lord's goodness. We were, as one of the little hills of Zion, refreshed by the dew from above. In the evening I remained at home, intending, if the way opened, to go and see my cousin Elizabeth, who is very ill. John is recovering; Eliza is still unwell, but I will leave them in the Lord's hands.--A little before six, I left my cousin Elizabeth much better, and happy in G.o.d. She told me that in the night she could scarcely refrain from singing:--

'Here we raise our voices higher, Shout in the refiner's fire, Clap our hands amid the flame, Glory give to Jesus' name.'

"On a.n.a.lysing the feelings of my heart, I find a disposition to brood over trifling grievances; this robs my peace, and encourages an unfavourable opinion of those who occasion them. This is surely some of the filthiness of the spirit from which I must be cleansed: I feel ashamed of it; Lord, deliver me.--Have been to see f.a.n.n.y McD. She is very ill in body, but when asked respecting her soul, she said, 'I have had a feast to-day while alone with Jesus, my Redeemer.' She is one of the Lord's jewels, like Lazarus, enclosed in a casket of rags. After hearing Mr. Vevers preach from 'we must all appear at the judgment-seat of Christ,' I dreamt I saw the heavens melting with fervent heat. I felt no condemnation, but began to pray earnestly.

The impression, which this has made on my mind, has awakened increased earnestness--A stranger came into the cla.s.s, who was much affected; gladly would I have travelled in birth for her, until Christ was formed in her heart; but our time was limited, and she went mourning away. From thence I went to Albion Street School, to converse with some of the children; several of them wept. In the evening I attended St. John's Church. I can enjoy a Gospel ministry in the church, as well as the chapel: true religion destroys every wall of part.i.tion.--I received a very affecting letter from cousin Penelope. Elizabeth is in a very afflicted, but happy state. During the night I have been wakeful, and much drawn out in prayer; but felt reproved for having purchased something which I could have done without. I acknowledge my weakness. May the Lord give me a deeper sense of my responsibility, as the steward of His manifold gifts.--Retired from the bustle of the city to Eastfield House. I took a walk to the village, and called to see Miss H. on my way to the cla.s.s-meeting. We joined in social prayer, when my friend exclaimed, 'I will believe, I do believe.' It was a blessed season;--a time of the breaking of bonds.--Cousin Samuel came with a gig, to convey me to Sinnington. I found my dear cousin ready to take her flight to a better world; or as she herself says:

'Gladly would I flee away, Loosed from earth, no longer stay.'

She has given up all, and is now patiently waiting her dismissal. It is a privilege to sit by the bedside of one thus fully prepared, and sanctified through the merits of Christ. 'Glory be to G.o.d,' she exclaimed, 'though it has cost me many tears for my unfaithfulness, the Lord has forgiven me: yet I believe it will lesson that eternal weight of glory I might have had.' Being asked if she had no wish for earth, she replied, 'O no, not one: I have but one wish, and that is, to be fully ripe for glory:' and added, 'I should like to talk to you of the preciousness of Jesus, but I cannot.' While we were alone, she stretched out her withered arms, and drew me to her side; then holding me fast, she said, 'Let me request of you, my dear cousin, that you will stay a little with my sisters when I am gone: it is my dying request.' I promised I would, if possible. Could I do less? She added, 'they have no one to comfort them, and, when they are low, they are very low indeed: it will relieve my mind if you will.' O Thou, whose I am, and whom I serve, direct my way. I have said, place me where Thou wilt, only let Thy providence guide my steps.--I left my William poorly, and am hoping soon to hear from home: meanwhile, I am encouraged while bringing them to the throne of grace. Thank G.o.d, for the privilege of casting my care upon Him! I feel He cares for me.

Prayer by the side of my afflicted cousin has been a blessing to my soul. Surely I am privileged:--

'The chamber, where the good man meets his fate, Is privileged beyond the common walk Of virtuous life, quite on the verge of heaven.'

This morning, when asked how she was, she replied, 'This has been a precious night; the Lord has promised me, He will be with me to the end.' Her cough was very troublesome, but she said, 'I feel no disposition to murmur, but I cannot help moaning. The Lord is very precious.' Part of the day she lay greatly composed, with her hands clasped. On entering the room she accosted me with: 'I am hard toiling to make the blest sh.o.r.e. I have been much hara.s.sed by the enemy, who tells me I shall be cast away; but I rest on the blood and righteousness of Christ: I have nothing else to trust in.' After a severe fit of coughing she said, 'The toil of life will there be o'er:' and again, 'Thankful I take the cup from Thee,' &c. In the afternoon I visited old Martha H., whom I found in a happy, and thankful frame of mind; all her cry is, 'Bless the Lord! bless the Lord!' So, at both ends of the village, G.o.d is fitting up His jewels.

I walked on to the churchyard, and there found as many of my old acquaintances, as are now living in the village. I felt the solemn influence of a.s.sociation with the dead.--Hearing of a poor afflicted sinner, I went to see him; he appeared to welcome my visit, but insensible to his condition. During the night I could not sleep, but got upon my knees, and earnestly besought the Lord to give me a clear witness of His sanctifying power. He blessed me with a humble, settled confidence, and sweet peace.--Cousin had a restless night; the enemy was again permitted to try her sorely; but during the day, she was enabled to tread him down under her feet. 'I'll trust Him with my all,' she said, 'I'll trust Him with my all.'--The poor man above-mentioned, sent for me, apparently in an agony for the salvation of his soul; but whether it is the fear of death and its consequences, or sorrow for his sin, how difficult to determine! I endeavoured to show him that he was a helpless, undone sinner; and that all his hope was in the merits of Christ: staid with him nearly two hours, during which he seemed earnestly seeking mercy. I saw him again in the afternoon, but he was not in such agony. He thinks the Lord will not cast him off. The thought of the dying thief, alone, gives me room to hope.

Oh! would'st Thou, Lord, the veil remove, And manifest Thy pardoning love.

But how? Only through Christ, wilt Thou exalt the riches of Thy mercy by preparing this poor sinner's heart, and s.n.a.t.c.hing him as a brand from the burning.--Visited the poor man again, and came home thankful, that I had the opportunity to do it. He now resolves on the side of virtue. Oh! that his decision may be sustained by the strength of the Lord!--Cousin was oppressed with sickness during the night, but her cry was; 'Help me to suffer as a Christian.'--When I asked how she was, she said, 'I have had a sweet night-so many precious promises brought to my mind. Praise the Lord; 'to them that believe, He is precious.'--Much worse, able to say little. In the evening she desired me to pray; it was truly a blessed season. When I rose, she exclaimed:

'We'll shout by turns the bursting joy, And all eternity employ In songs around the throne!'

'Glory be to G.o.d, cousin, we shall; yes, we shall.'--This morning I awoke a little before three, and got upon my knees. He, who slumbers not, was present to bless me. At ten I accompanied my friends to chapel: a blessed sermon! I was so much affected while Mr. C. was speaking of the Lord's ability to deliver us from our spiritual foes, that I could do nothing but weep for joy. My enemies seemed all vanquished, by the revelation which my faith realized of the power of G.o.d.

'Faith, mighty faith, the promise' _saw_.

O may I never doubt again. I feel all peace, and tranquility, but no particular joy: I perceive myself nothing; but through the blood of Jesus, I claim salvation. Elizabeth is increasingly weak, but enjoys great peace. She was unable to turn herself; but after an ineffectual attempt, upheld by the power of G.o.d, she exclaimed, 'Praise the Lord!

I _cannot_ praise Him enough: though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.' This evening I overheard, 'Precious G.o.d,' 'Salvation,' 'My Jesus.' Then turning her head, she said, 'Since I have been afflicted, the enemy has tried many ways to take away my shield; but the Lord has stood by me, and I believe I shall come off more than conqueror.'--About two o'clock we thought she was dying; she stretched out her hand to each of us, and drew us near, to kiss her; then shouted as loud as she could, 'Glory be to G.o.d! I am going to glory; glory be to G.o.d!' About five she revived again. One said, 'Jesus is near,' she responded, 'Glory, He is, He is'--I was with her from two in the morning; she was restless, and in much pain, until about nine o'clock; when she changed for death. Conscious that she was dying, she desired to be placed in a chair, and shouted with all the strength she had, indeed louder than we could have supposed her capable of, 'Glory be to G.o.d!' 'Glory be to G.o.d!' many times, until her strength was exhausted. She breathed till eleven, and then, without moving hand or foot; without a sigh or a groan; her happy spirit took its flight to the paradise of G.o.d. Thus died Elizabeth Stables, in the thirty-fifth year of her age. It had been for some time my prayer, that the Lord, if it pleased Him, would grant her an easy pa.s.sage, and permit her to depart in the day-time. In this He has mercifully heard me. Before the crisis arrived, I felt a degree of timidity; and therefore, when I rose from my bed, I bowed myself before the Lord, before entering the room. He graciously dispersed my fears, and filled my heart with peace. To me the scene of dissolution was exceedingly solemn. May my last end be like hers!--I followed the remains of dear Elizabeth to the grave, to which we consigned them 'in sure and certain hope of a joyful resurrection.' Surely this hope has preserved me from yielding to useless tears, as on former occasions;--for I loved her. Henceforth may it be my constant study to be found ready, that, like her, I may triumph in the prospect of dissolution.--Visited two or three afflicted persons in the village, perhaps for the last time: may I find them all again in the day of eternity. Took tea with Mrs. B. and her daughter, whom I would gladly have persuaded to accept the offers of mercy; but the grace of G.o.d alone can affect the heart.--After an absence of six weeks I returned home: the day was fine. Truly mercy follows me. Through courtesy to a friend, I wounded my own soul by yielding to converse on subjects, which no way tended to promote fervency of spirit. I felt humbled in consequence, and as if I could not lift my heart to G.o.d; but before the close of the service, which I afterwards attended, the Lord graciously softened my hardness down--melting me into tears.--I close the year fully bent upon giving myself to G.o.d. While I write, I enjoy peace. O Thou that seest me, Thyself unseen, direct my pen, and guide me to Thyself. Here on my knees I surrender myself to Thee; if Thou discoverest any guile in me, reveal it to me, and make me wholly thine. Surrounded with Thy presence, O fill me with Thy love! From henceforth, may I dwell in the secret place of the most High, and abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

If fleeting moments silently report Each action, motive, and unuttered thought; May this fair page no added witness bring Of time mis-used, as musing thought may spring.

No, rather let my muse abstracted turn; Forget to muse, and of my Saviour learn That rare humility, so highly prized By Him, who sees the heart all undisguised.

From Him my subject come, my thought proceed; To Him my motive tend, my action lead: In all, I henceforth think, or speak, or do, The glory of my G.o.d be kept in view.

"1829.--I am permitted to enter another year, but who can tell the event? Suffice it; I can now say, I am Thine, and am resolved to form my life, whether long or short, by Thy precepts. This morning an alarm is spread through the city--'The Minster on fire.' 'Shall there be evil in the city, and the Lord hath not done it?' O Thou, who canst alone educe good out of seeming evil send, forth Thy light and truth.--Visited Mrs. F----s, we had a blessed interview: Heaven shed its rays around us. Here I proved that in Jesus difference of age is lost: all ages and sects can in Him unite.--The greater part of this day has been spent in reading, praying, visiting the sick, and the public means of grace: all of which have been sources of profit to my soul. How great are my privileges! I think I am stripped of all dependance upon them; but fear I do not make that improvement of them which I ought. Thankful I am for the decision I feel; but stand in doubt of myself, should a storm of persecution arise, whether I should be able to endure the fiery test. Clouds gather round about; the signs of the times portend a season of trial; my heart, while I write, says, 'I will be Thine:' but Thou knowest how unstable I am,--Three strangers came to the cla.s.s; two of them were much affected. I want to feel more deeply for souls, and to do every thing with a single eye. I have several times been to visit an afflicted neighbour, who has often been warned to put away his sins; but is yet unsaved. Never did I see friends more solicitous for the conversion of a relative; his poor afflicted wife prays, and entreats most earnestly, with tears: it has to me been an affecting scene. O may her prayers be answered!--Another week gone; a week of mercy, warning, blessing, inward exercise, and peace. On Tuesday night, I witnessed the deathbed scene of a neighbour: dying is hard work. At the funeral on Friday these lines were much impressed upon my mind:--

'So live, that, when thou tak'st thy last long sleep.

Dying, may'st smile, when all around thee weep:'

I quoted them amongst the friends of the deceased, and added such words as were given me at the time. There was a deep silence: what was the impression I leave; I only discharged a duty, and could only reach the ear, but do Thou, whose instrument I am, effectually touch each heart, and save them all. Penelope informs me, that the poor man I visited when in Sinnington, has begun to attend the house of G.o.d. May his good desires end in sound conversion.--I visited poor f.a.n.n.y; with tears of joy starting in her eyes, she said, 'Glory be to G.o.d, I feel my soul so happy, that I would fly if it were possible.' Truly in this home of poverty, the power of divine grace is exemplified. I have also seen neighbour G. for the fourth time; it is delightful to visit her: she appears fully sensible of her state, and has received a little comfort; but not the clear witness of her acceptance.--In consequence of sickness, I laid a little longer than usual; but my meditations were sweet. For a time my mind was borne as on eagles' wings, far above the things of earth; I seemed to breathe the atmosphere of heaven, and to commune with Jesus in heavenly places: this baptism delightfully sustained my mind through the trials of the day.--Probably this is the last Sabbath of my residence in York. Some think we are missing the path of providence: I do not know; but this I can say, I am willing to stay, or willing to go, and earnestly desire, that the will of G.o.d may be done in me and by me, whether in public or retirement.

In silence, lo! I sit To hear Thy gentle voice; And lowly at Thy feet, Share Mary's nappy choice: Speak as Thou wilt, but speak within, And make my nature wholly clean.

This day of hallowed joy, The day the Lord arose, Thy glorious power employ, And vanquish all my foes; To me the power of faith impart, And reign triumphant in my heart.

Another week has elapsed, and we are still in York. O Lord, direct our path, and guide us by Thy counsel. I would leave all in Thy hands: I think I do.

XII.