First, she would never do to another woman what the nameless woman had done to her mother. She would avoid married men at all costs.

Second, if love could destroy a person the way it had destroyed her mother, then she'd stay single all her days. She would never be like her mother, saddled down with a child and begging some man to stay. Absolutely not. Single and independent, responsible all by herself to keep the spark of joy alive within her.

Sure, she'd dated before. Guys like Dirk Bennett, who were good for nothing more than pa.s.sing the time. Still, she had kept her heart too far buried to worry about losing it to any man.

But all that changed when she met Tim.

Don't fall for him, she'd warned herself. The professor was a married man, a man already given over, heart and soul, to his wife.

But ever since she'd come back to school that fall, Angela had known for certain Tim's heart was no longer given over to the woman he'd married.

It was given to her.

She drew in a slow, cleansing breath. She had nothing to 140 worry about. Tim would be back. Because no matter how he'd annoyed her last night, no matter where he was this morning, no matter how far she'd fallen from the person she'd intended to be, she wasn't letting go of what she'd found. She felt safe in his arms, safer than she'd felt since she was a child. He was witty and charming, a brilliant writer and teacher with a charisma that had drawn her from the first day.

Other than her father, Tim was the only man she'd ever really loved. The only man granted permission to see completely into her soul.

Angela closed her eyes and imagined the heartbreak his wife must be suffering.

For just an instant she felt the pierce of guilt and regret, and she thought about the television preacher's words from the night before. Redemption. As if people like Tim and her might have a chance to make things right with a holy G.o.d.

She rolled over on her side and stared out the window of her apartment. She wasn't worried about G.o.d or redemption or anything but being with the man she loved.

Besides, she'd already found heaven. It wasn't some faraway place in the clouds where she might go when she died.

It was right here in the arms of Professor Tim Jacobs.

141.

Kari LET HERSELF INTO Brooke's house and called out to her sister. "I'm here."

"Good." Brooke darted out of her upstairs bedroom and smiled over the railing.

"Thanks. You're a lifesaver. Our sitter's never canceled on us like this."

"No problem. Where're the girls?"

"Hailey's already asleep. Maddie's got a fever. She's resting in bed, but not quite out yet. I'm almost ready. Be down in a minute." "Okay."

Kari looked around. New carpet, new furniture. She yawned and headed for the living room. Something about Brooke's pristine house made Kari feel strangely out of place in her jeans and sweater. She cozied up in a leather recliner and wondered about her older sister. She was not glamorous or even particularly beautiful, but something about her exuded confidence and energy. She stood out in a room. Kari leaned back and stared at an elegantly tasteful art piece on the opposite wall. It had always been that way with Brooke, even back when she was in high school and still attended church 142 with the rest of them. She'd always insisted on the best. Back then she was one of the best swimmers in the state and played captain on the school's state championship volleyball team.

Kari remembered asking her once whether she prayed before compet.i.tion. A strangely foreign look had filled Brooke's expression. "Not really. I just imagine myself winning, and then I go out and win."

That was how Brooke lived to this day. Married to Peter West, one of the top internists at St. Anne's Hospital, and months away from having her medical license to practice pediatrics, Brooke had always played out her life as smoothly as one of her sporting events.

For Brooke, everything from her job and her gorgeous estate home to her adorable little blonde daughters had been a simple matter of imagining herself winning and then going out and doing it. Being the best. Having the best. All without even a remnant of the faith she'd been brought up in.

Kari thought about her own life and inhaled slowly. It didn't seem fair.

Brooke came lightly down the stairs dressed in a conservative black evening gown. She smiled at Kari and sat in the big chair beside her. "You look seventeen."

Kari's eyebrows lifted. "Me?"

Brooke nodded. "Maybe it's the jeans."

"Maybe." They studied each other for a minute, a comfortable silence between them.

"Ashley told me you saw Ryan."

Kari bit her lower lip and gazed out the window into the dark night. "At church the other day."

"Well?" Brooke raised a single eyebrow, and the corners of her mouth lifted.

"How did it go?"

Kari adjusted her position so that she could see Brooke better. "Meaning?"

Brooke hesitated. "Meaning the guy's been in love with you 143 since the beginning of time. He's single, gorgeous ... you know what I mean.

How'd it go?"

Anger grabbed Kari's heart, and she crossed her arms, pinning them against her body. "I think you're forgetting something." "What?" Her sister's expression was blank.

"I'm married, Brooke. Remember? Doesn't that count for anything?"

Brooke uttered a short laugh. "Is that what you call it?" She leaned over her knees and locked eyes with Kari. "Listen, little sister. By the time a guy moves in with his girlfriend and asks for a divorce, marriage is just a technicality."

Kari's anger doubled. "It's more than a technicality to me. I made a promise before G.o.d and everyone."

Brooke rolled her eyes and smiled sadly. "So that's what this is about. Some commitment to an all-powerful G.o.d who wouldn't have the sense to release you from a marriage like yours?"

Kari's jaw dropped, and her eyes opened wide. "Brooke, listen to you! How can you say that?"

"It's true."

Kari had no idea Brooke had fallen this far in her faith. "Don't you believe even a little?"

There was a hesitation. "Of course I believe. It's how we were raised."

"I'm not talking about how we were raised." Kari splayed her fingers over her chest. "I'm talking about a relationship with G.o.d." She paused, searching Brooke's face. "That's what keeps' me going. Even when I don't think I'll last another minute."

Brooke studied her and nodded slowly. "So you're not going to divorce him?"

"No. I told you that."

"But I thought the Bible gives you a way out if your husband's sleeping around?

Isn't that right?"

"Never mind." Kari held her hand up. "You don't get it."

"I get it. Your husband is a two-timing jerk who can't keep his pants zipped up.

No matter what else happens, you'll never be 144 able to trust him again." Brooke lowered her voice. "I'm sorry. All I'm saying is that I think the Bible gives you a way out in this case. "

"I'm not looking for a way out." Kari struggled to keep from screaming. "I want my marriage to work. Is there something wrong with that?"

A single cry came from upstairs, and Brooke looked toward Maddie's room. When the child fell silent again, Brooke turned to Kari. "Her fever's down a bit, but she's still feeling sick."

"Are you worried?" Kari's tone softened. "She's seems to be sick a lot lately."

Brooke shrugged. "It's just a bug. Nothing a little pain reliever won't help."

Compa.s.sion eased the lines on her forehead. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you mad with the Ryan comment. Obviously it's too soon to talk about you and him."

Kari took a breath to explain that no matter how ridiculous her determination to remain married might seem, it was not a pa.s.sing phase. And Ryan Taylor had nothing to do with the situation, especially now that she let the air leak out in an exasperated sigh. This was obviously not the time to go into all that, not while her sister was getting ready to leave. Besides, what was the point of explaining when she knew Brooke would disagree? "You didn't mean anything by it." Kari's tone was terse. "It's okay."

Resting her hands on her knees, Brooke frowned. "No, I don't think it is. What were you going to say?"

Kari sighed again. What did it matter anyway? "I have to tell you something."

"Tim's already filed?" It was less of a question than a statement.

Kari shook her head, and her eyes narrowed. "I'm pregnant, okay?" She met Brooke's eyes once more. "I took the test Sunday."

Her sister's mouth hung open for a moment, and her face grew a shade paler. "Does Tim know?"

145.

"No." Tears clouded Kari's vision. "He hasn't called since I left-well, once when I was gone, but he just told Mom he wanted a divorce."

Brooke sat very still as if she were weighing her words. "Are you ... you know ... are you going to keep it?"

"Brooke!" What was her sister thinking? Brooke couldn't possibly think she'd have an abortion. And did that mean Brooke thought abortions were okay?

"I'm sorry." Brooke let out a heavy sigh. "What I mean is, if Tim's been promiscuous, there could be disease involved. And with everything else you're going through, the last thing you need is an unwanted pregnancy."

A strangled laugh escaped Kari's throat. "I can't believe I'm hearing this." She stared out the window for a moment and then back at her older sister. "Let's get one thing clear, Brooke. I'm not one of your patients. And you should know better than to say such a thing to me." Her hand slipped to her abdomen as she continued. "The timing may not be ideal, but I want this baby more than you or Ashley or anyone else knows."

"All right, all right." Brooke held up a hand. "I won't bring it up again." She paused. "How far along are you?"

Kari sank deeper into the chair. Didn't her family know her at all? "Almost three months."

Brooke seemed to let that sink in for a moment. Then she crossed the room and knelt down, slipping her arm around Kari's shoulders. "I'm sorry."

The muscles in Kari's back relaxed, and tears filled her eyes again.

"You must be scared to death."

A tear fell on Kari's jeans, and she sniffed. "I just want things to be right with Tim and me." More tears trickled down Kari's cheeks. She offered Brooke a pitiful smile.

"Hey." Brooke squeezed Kari's hand. "I love you, even if I think you're crazy."

146 "I know." Kari wiped her cheeks with her fingertips. "I love you too."

Peter came bounding down the stairs and stopped short when he saw the two of them, Kari crying and Brooke huddled close by her.

Brooke was the first to speak. "Ready?" She gave Kari a final squeeze, stood, and flashed her husband a look that seemed to stop him from asking questions.

"Ready." "We'll be back before eleven." Brooke gazed upstairs once more. "Don't worry about Maddie. The medicine should hold her over until after we get back.

But if you get worried, you can page me."

Kari listened as Brooke and Peter pulled away. When they were gone, she drew the shades and plopped on the sofa. Now everyone in her family knew the truth.

"You'll be fine, Kari Baxter," Ashley had told her, giving her a heartfelt hug.

"Being a single mom's not so bad."

Kari winced now at the memory of how those words had stung her heart. She was not a single mom. And she wasn't Kari Baxter; she was Kari Jacobs. For better or worse, until death took one of them from the other. Why was everyone having such a hard time understanding that?

Tim would come around ... he had to.

Or maybe they were struggling with it because deep in the center of her heart, she was struggling too.

She thought about how often she'd called his university office today. Several times during his office hours and at least once between each cla.s.s. Times when the old Tim would have been at his desk.

Each time, the phone rang once, then kicked into the main office of the journalism department. Kari's first call had been at eight this morning.

"Journalism." The terse voice belonged to Eleanore, the blunt secretary who had served in the position for three decades.

147 Kari did not try to disguise her voice. "Hi, it's Kari Jacobs." She wondered if everyone in the department knew about Tim's affair. "Is my husband around? He should be in his office, but he's not picking up."

"I haven't seen him, Mrs. Jacobs." Eleanore paused. "I'll tell him you called.

Or I could give you his voice mail."

Kari was dying to ask more questions, find out if Tim was openly carrying on with his girlfriend or whether he was keeping his private life a secret from others in the department. But she stopped herself. What good could come from asking such a question? Besides, there was no guarantee she'd get the truth.