"God help me," Rory said, "but I know one, Jeremy!"
"Where?"
"On Zamalek Island between the Anglican cathedral and the Swedish Embassy. It's a very smart rental. The Villa Valhalla. You see-Chester, Johnny, and I came here loaded with money from bets on my fight in Fort Albany. Only problem..."
"What?"
"They won't rent it to enlisted personnel, or even an officer below the rank of colonel."
"You mean it's available by the week or month?"
"Yes, but if you even try something like that it could ruin your army career and put us behind bars."
"Jesus, Landers, I thought you had balls."
"There's balls and there's balls. The three of us are ready to go home in chains, but you're the son of an earl."
"What about Modi? Is he in?"
"Absolutely. He's our musician."
"Yurlob?"
"I wouldn't bring him in for a while. You know with the Sikhs it's no smoking and liquor and...he's real British Army. Wait now, Jeremy."
"Give me the details and swear the other lads to secrecy."
"You sure about this, Jeremy?"
"Yeah," he answered with an infectious smile that had won him many miles in the past.
Jeremy welcomed himself into Farouk el Farouk's office and, as coffee was ordered, he put on his father's most deliciously nauseous attitude. Farouk el Farouk was impressed with Chester Goodwood, and now the Lieutenant, for their persistence. His mind raced through his listings on what else he could possibly sell these people...in their own allowed environment...in place of the Villa Valhalla.
"My cards," Jeremy said laying a pair of them before the Egyptian. Farouk el Farouk squinted through his glasses and stared at the first one.
FIRST LIEUTENANT JEREMY HUBBLE SEVENTH NEW ZEALAND LIGHT HORSE.
He was about to reject Jeremy when the second card caught his attention massively and his eyes became nailed to it.
LORD JEREMY HUBBLE THE VISCOUNT OF COLERAINE.
"I have other credentials," Jeremy said, gazing out of the window. "I am a vice president and member of the board of directors of Weed Ship & Iron in Belfast, and my father is the Earl of Foyle."
Farouk el Farouk had to peer around gingerly to ascertain if this was real or a joke. Jeremy took it away from him by sliding a Cook's Travel draft over the desk made out for three hundred sterling.
"My expression of gratitude for your future services. Mr. Garfield, the manager, has cleared me and is expecting you to cash it."
Hand to heart, free arm extended like a baritone in mid-aria-"Lord Hubble, forgive me, but you know I must be extremely careful...I didn't realize...we will get Villa Valhalla prepared immediately. Do you have any special desires?"
"Hummm," Jeremy said nasally. "I want a tiptop hush-hush housekeeper, one who understands service to aristocracy."
"Sonya runs the villa for exceptional clients. She is requested constantly. She is a delight. Very well connected for anything you desire...dancers and more intimate company. I give you also George."
"Who the devil is George?"
"Only the best Terrier in Cairo. He is Christian, seventeen, and, I assure you, very well connected for anything."
"Yes, I don't want you to accept too much money from my lads. They may want to favor their girls but the food and beverage is on my account."
"We are well connected with only the best markets and alcohols."
"And, no problem with the police."
"I am very well connected with the police."
"I will pay you a hundred and fifty a week. I will pay half the week in advance and the other half at the end of the week, provided we continue to be satisfied."
"I am very well connected and I am your humble servant."
"Yes, so you are."
66.
FIELD MANUAL FOR MULE TRANSPORTATION.
Foreword.
The Golden Mule Rule: LOVE THY MULE AS THYSELF The mule's back is as of much value as your ass.
Each chapter will explain to you a simplified lesson on each phase in your relationship with your animal.
Before we get into individual chapters, here are a number of random facts and rules. You soldiers are about to partner up with the finest four-legged warrior the world has ever known.
The MULE has known combat for three thousand years.
The MULE was used by the Roman Legion.
Fourteen thousand MULES were used by the Spaniards in the Battle of Granada, which stopped the heathen Moslems from overrunning Christian Europe.
The MULE is the crown prince of mountain artillery.
Napoleon, himself, proudly rode a MULE.
Mules vs. Horses
Because the Seventh New Zealand Light Horse was formed as cavalry, you might believe you lost the beauty contest by becoming a MULE transport battalion. Consider these facts before you ask for a transfer to the infantry.
A MULE is more intelligent than a horse.
A MULE is stronger than a horse.
A MULE is more sure-footed than a horse.
In difficult terrain you can depend on the MULE's judgment to feel his way, whereas a horse in the same situation might just plunge over the edge.
A MULE has better eyesight than a horse.
A MULE does not panic anywhere near as quickly or as often as a horse in the same situation.
A MULE has far greater stamina than a horse. The packhorse may cover more miles in a single day but the pack MULE will go on day after day long after the horse has quit. The MULE will not quit until he/she is dead.
The MULE carries loads in terrain you can't take a horse.
A MULE carries more load than a horse.
A MULE does not spook under gunfire or brush fire.
Some MULES are as fast as horses.
A MULE can endure heat better than a horse.
A Few Tips on You and Your Mule
Dispense with all MULE jokes. MULE jokes are not funny.
Treat your MULE with kindness.
Always have oats in your pocket for your MULE as a reward.
Water your MULE from your hat so he/she will not overdrink.
See to the comfort of your MULE before you sleep. Spread hay for your MULE tell him/her you are grateful for the day's work he/she put in.
Tell your MULE you love him/her often.
Your MULE likes to be tickled under his/her eye with your fingers.
Your MULE is a dainty drinker. Do not let your MULE become a greedy drinker or it will unhinge his/her bowels.
If you must punish your MULE, your displeasure is usually enough. NEVER ABUSE YOUR MULE.
We LEAD our MULES. You do not drive them, unless you must drive yourself.
Do not use rope to shackle your MULE. Your MULE will chew the ropes. Use short chains. Your MULE will also chew wood. Do not tie your MULE so he/she can chew wood.
MULES drown if their load is not centered and it pulls them to one side or another. NEVER TOPLOAD YOUR MULE IN A WATER-CROSSING SITUATION.
The MULE is not a fastidious eater. In times of utmost shortages, the MULE will eat almost anything and survive. A horse would die from the same diet.
THE MULE IS A GREAT SENTRY, DAY AND NIGHT. YOU WILL BE QUITE SAFE FROM SURPRISE ATTACK OR AMBUSH BECAUSE YOUR MULE WILL GIVE YOU WARNING.
Random Little Doodads
Consider your MULE as a true cobber and partner. MULES seldom fret or scare. If only our mates had the same lovely temperaments.
MULES are not vicious. They are made that way by stupid handlers. (Wild mules which cannot be tamed are usually destroyed shortly after birth.) Give your Jack or Janet a pleasant name that he/she will enjoy and not a name of derision.
Because you are all people with backgrounds with horses, you will find many facts in the ensuing chapters are things you already know. As well as the differences between the two animals, there are numerous similarities.