"Hey," I say back, surprised.

"Ready for tonight?" she asks.

I nod. "You?" Brooke nods too. We stare at each other awkwardly.

This might be my last chance to spill my guts to her. I have to know for sure our friendship is gone before I let it slip away forever. "I don't know what happened to us, Brooke," I say before she can walk away. "We've been best friends forever. I thought the four of us could survive anything thrown our way. And as ugly as things have gotten, I miss your laugh, the way you critique an outfit, your no-nonsense answers. I miss us." I search her blank face. "Do you think there is any chance we could go back?"

Brooke just looks at me. "I'm sorry things have gotten so out of hand," she admits, and for a split second I think maybe, just maybe, Brooke wants to fix our friendship too. Then she says, "But people change. I've changed. I'm happier now. I like doing this show and I like what Marleyna brings to it." She seems to be searching for the right words to say and for once she doesn't sound bitter when she says them. She's actually telling the truth. "I miss you guys sometimes, but I can't go back. I don't want to be part of the Charlie show anymore. I like the spotlight too much."

I feel flushed. So that's it then. Right from Brooke's mouth. She thinks our friendship revolves around me and I always thought our friendship revolved around keeping everyone happy. Maybe we really have changed. Either that, or we never really knew each other, even after all these years. Instead of zinging her, I just say: "Good luck tonight."

"Girls! You're on in five!" Addison yells as she rounds the hallway.

Brooke smiles. "You too."

We walk in silence through the kitchen into the dining room. Hank grabs Brooke and Marleyna and leads them to the front door and gives them some final instruction. Kayla checks my mic again.

Addison seats Keiran, Hallie, and me at a table in the center of the room. There's already a platter of cookies and glasses of iced tea. I know both will go untouched. "The crew will be out here, but Susan and I will be in the back," Addison reminds us. "Since we're live we don't want to catch anyone on camera accidentally. Ryan will be behind the counter the whole time unless he's serving you."

I look at Hallie and Keiran. They're as worked up as I am. They have all the trademark signs. Keiran is chewing her hair again and Hallie's neck gets a rash whenever she freaks out. I sweat. A lot. My hands are actually slimy. Eww.

"We're on live in four!" Phil announces.

My heart starts to palpitate.

"Your mics are on," Addison says and gives us a knowing look. "When we say 'in one' start talking nonchalantly about anything you want. About a minute after the show starts, after the opening credits, we'll signal Marleyna and Brooke. Good luck, girls." Addison crosses her fingers and then she's gone.

"In three!"

"In two!"

"IN ONE!"

"We're live! Credits rolling."

My heart is racing. We're live. As in, on the air and millions of people are watching. No editing. No reshoots. We've got twenty-two minutes to fill. Twenty-two of the most important minutes we've ever shot. And if we get them right, our TV careers will be finito.

Keiran surprises us by speaking first and breaking the ice. "Could it be any hotter today? Mom says it's supposed to be the hottest summer we've had in years. The almanac says it's going to be a scorcher."

"At least we live near the beach," I say lamely. "Although a pool in the backyard doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now either."

A few seconds later, the door jingles and we look up. Marleyna and Brooke come in animatedly. They see us and walk over.

"Hi," Brooke says flatly.

"Hi," Keiran says back. "We're glad you guys could come." She motions to the empty chairs.

They look at each other. "I really didn't want to," Marleyna says stiffly, looking at me. "Especially after how you treated me at the photo shoot the other day."

"I was harsh," I apologize. "We've all been angry and I guess we've been taking it out on you, Marleyna." She refuses to look at any of us.

"Will you guys take a seat?" Hallie asks. "We really want to talk about things."

"We don't want it to go on like this," Keiran presses. "It's time to stop acting like preschoolers, don't you think?"

Brooke looks sort of surprised and it makes me wonder what she and Marleyna planned to talk about tonight. They knew this was a confrontation episode. Did they just think this would be another headline-making blowup? It kills me to apologize, but we have to keep things going as long as possible and if that means groveling to Marleyna for ten minutes, then that's what we have to do.

"Marleyna, why don't we at least listen to what they have to say?" Brooke suggests. "The movie doesn't start for an hour anyway."

Marleyna sighs. "Fine." She sits down, arms crossed, and she looks glumly at the plate of cookies.

"Great," Keiran says happily. "Let's get it all out on the table starting at the very beginning..."

"BREAK!" Hank yells.

Addison runs out. "Girls, that was perfect! Great timing too. We'll be back in ninety seconds. There'll be three more commercial breaks during the show. You're doing great!"

The five of us don't speak to one another as the makeup artist retouches up our shiny faces.

"This is such a waste of an episode," Marleyna says eventually. "It's not like this is going to solve anything. We're done with you three and as the mags prove, we don't need to be a fivesome. Brooke's and my scenes kill on their own. We don't need to do lame street fairs or go horseback riding. Our scenes have drama. That's what the audience wants."

Hallie picks at a cookie. "Sorry to hear you find us in the way, Marleyna. I thought we were making progress here."

"We're back in fifteen!" Hank yells. "Ten! Five! We're on!"

During the next segment all the way to the commercial break, Keiran takes the ball and runs with it. I've never seen Kiki so focused. She's like a moderator on The View. We go back and forth-who's to blame, who's not, who hurt who, who's not hurt, who feels slighted, blah, blah, blah, with Keiran interjecting where it's needed and saying things like, "How does it make you feel, Brooke, to hear Charlie say that?" Brooke and Marleyna spend the whole time acting as if someone kidnapped their puppy. They're wounded, sad, and trying to work a major sympathy card. But Keiran doesn't let them off the hook. "Marleyna, you can admit you haven't liked us from the beginning," Keiran says. "We won't be offended. It's pretty obvious."

"Commercial break!"

"Kiki, you rock," Hallie marvels.

Keiran is glowing. "I don't know what's come over me. Maybe we should have been doing live shows the whole time."

"You're the queen of zingers. Have you been practicing in front of the mirror?" I ask. Brooke and Marleyna are too busy whispering to one another-probably going over their strategy-to pay attention to what we're saying.

"Girls, we're back in ninety seconds," Phil reminds us.

I look at Hallie and Keiran. We have less than ten minutes to go. Addison looks over at us and nods. The reporters are busy taking notes in the doorway. They're going to get more than they bargained for now. I see Susan on her cell. She waves.

This is it. There is no turning back. It's now or never.

"And ten! Five! We're back!" Phil informs us.

Keiran has more than held her own. It's my turn to pounce. "I guess this meet-and-greet was a waste of time," I say. "We should have known nothing was really going to change. You two like how things are."

"What's not to like?" Brooke asks me. "Marleyna and I have a great time together. We're not competitive. We're not trying to be the star. We respect each other. Marleyna respects me and our friendship in a way you guys never did."

I could make a dig, but there's no time. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Brooke," I say. "We've changed, I guess. We don't want the same things that you do. None of us do." I look at the girls. "We're tired of the games and the backstabbing."

Here it comes. Here I go. I take a deep breath. I've got to say it. "We want out."

Brooke looks confused. "Out of what?"

I close my eyes for a second. Just say it. Say the words. "Out of this show."

Brooke laughs nervously. The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. "What show?" her voice cracks. "You mean our friendship, right? You don't want to be friends anymore?"

I shake my head. "No, I mean the show. You can have it. It's all yours."

"She's lost her marbles," Marleyna says shrilly. "We're here to talk about the friendship! The one you girls think I stole from you."

"We're here to talk about us," Keiran informs her. "You're not part of that equation, but you are part of the reason our friendship has collapsed. But I'm not angry anymore. I should really thank you for it."

"Excuse me?" Marleyna snaps.

Hallie gives her a small smile and jumps in. "What Kiki is trying to say is that you reminded Charlie, Keiran, and me what friendship is all about-it's being there for each other. Putting each other first. Not putting a show before your friends' needs. And that's why we've decided we want off this merry-go-round. You can have it. We don't want to be part of it anymore."

Brooke is panicked and is still trying to keep us on point. "You can't just disappear! We're in the same town, same school, our parents are friends. We're going to see each other."

Now that we've gotten the ball rolling, it's gaining momentum. There is no stopping it. "We're tired of being pawns in a game we don't want to play. We hate the lies and the fabrications, just like my date, Danny, said a few weeks ago to the papers. The Cliffs is all about staging things. The producers pick locations and set us up for catfights and confrontations, like this one. They add new characters without telling us."

I look at Marleyna. "They make us repeat dialogue."

"You're lying," Brooke hisses and stares directly at the cameras. "They're lying!"

"It's true," Keiran says. "They said I was too drab to be on the show. They wanted to drop me because my story line," she uses air quotes, " 'wasn't exciting enough.'"

Brooke is shaking her head back and forth. Marleyna is speechless.

"Go to commercial! Go to commercial!" I hear Hank whisper. "COMMERCIAL!" he says loudly.

Susan is on the floor in seconds. She storms over and looks like she wants to flip the table we're sitting at. Addison runs in behind her. "WHAT do you girls think you're doing?" she says, her voice booming, and I literally start shaking. "We're live. LIVE. Do you girls know what that means? Everyone at home is hearing you spew this rubbish! We do not talk about being on the show while we're on the show." She looks at me icily. "And we don't talk about what it takes to put on such an elaborate production. You three are heading into dangerous breach of contract territory here."

I'm shaking, but I manage to say, "I don't think it's breach of contract if we can prove we've been lied to this whole time." Susan looks momentarily flustered, but I can tell. She knows I'm right.

"Back in five!" Hank yells. There is a ton of commotion behind us. Addison's phone is ringing. The reporters are writing furiously. Kayla pulls a camera in for a close-up.

"FIX THIS," Susan yells at us, but I can see she's shaking too. "Fix it or... or... you'll regret it for the rest of your lives. You'll never work in television again, and that will be the least of your problems!" She whirls around and answers her phone. "Yes? Yes, sir," she says calmly. "I'm taking care of the situation as we speak."

"What are you doing?" Brooke hisses. "You're going to get yourselves kicked off the show."

"Good," Marleyna mumbles.

"Isn't that what you want anyway?" I dare Brooke to answer. "You said you're sick of the Charlie show."

Under the table, Hallie grabs my sweaty hand. Hers is shaking too. This is rough, but we can do it. We're in the home stretch now and Susan can't stop us.

"And four! Three! Two! One! We're on!"

I go in for the kill. "This show is not reality. To those watching and loving it, know what is going on here. We're scripted reality. The Fire and Ice Network treats us like puppets. We get paid to pretend to be people we're not." I look at Keiran and Hallie. "And we're not going to lie to you anymore. We're done."

The three of us rise from the table and remove our mics.

"What are they doing?" Phil freaks. "Stop them! We're live."

Susan appears in the doorway looking as red as a tomato. She doesn't seem to care anymore that the cameras are rolling. "Charlotte, I will tell you this one last time: If you walk out that door you'll never work on this network or any network again," she says, sounding eerily calm. "None of you will. Your career, your college dreams, it will all be over."

I don't look at her. The three of us place our mics and battery packs on the table.

"Addison!" Susan sounds shrill now. "Do something! You're letting them ruin your show! Talk. They'll listen to you."

Addison doesn't move. "I think they've made their decision, don't you?"

Susan looks on helplessly.

Brooke grabs my arm. "Are you crazy?"

"Goodbye, Brooke," I tell her, and she just stares at me, like a ghost of someone she once knew.

"Charlotte, don't do this," Susan tries again, looking suddenly very nervous.

"We have six minutes to fill!" Phil is freaking out.

But I can barely hear any of them. Hallie, Keiran, and I make a chain and walk out the door, and don't look back.

epilogue.

A New Reality Our walk-out was three weeks ago. Getting fired wasn't as easy as removing our mics, of course. As threatening as Susan was, she still raced out the door after us and begged us to come back. We told her there was nothing left to say. The reporters on set were right behind her. They all wanted exclusives, but we agreed to give one interview, at that moment, if they wanted it. Once Susan heard us say that, she knew we weren't joking. She headed back to Milk and Sugar, hugging her jacket tightly to her chest, her high heels click-clacking down the street. That was the last time I saw her.

Lawyers handled the rest of the dirty work. Even though we were in breach of contract, our lawyers were able to successfully argue that the network was deceptive in their true motives when they hired us. Fire and Ice agreed to let us out of our remaining episodes if we'd agree not to publicly speak about the show anymore. (The fallout from the interview we had already given caused major ripples at the network. I read in Newsday that all future reality show programs that Susan is in charge of are currently on hold while the network makes decisions about what to do with her.) Addison made good on her promise to kick her reality television career to the curb. She gave notice at Fire and Ice the day after our live episode and immediately started sending out grad school applications to half a dozen schools on the East Coast. Addison said Susan didn't try to stop her. Susan suspected her of having something to do with our live meltdown, but she couldn't come out and accuse Addison of anything when her own head was possibly on the chopping block. The dirt Addison had on Susan's show tactics was enough to get Susan fired on the spot. So Addison struck a deal too-she wouldn't talk about what went down behind the scenes if Susan didn't give her a hard time about breaking her contract.

Two weeks ago, Hallie, Keiran, and I gathered at the Crab Shack to say goodbye to Addison in person. Her huge collection of Vera Bradley traveling bags was packed and she was taking the train from Greenport back to New York before spending a few weeks with her family in Connecticut.