My name was Su Han, and I was... 30 years old this year. I still hadn't found anyone to marry.

Yes, I hadn't found one. It's not that I had never found one.

Once I met a girl named Zheng Xiaoguang in an online game called Flying Deity. She was lovely and kind. I liked her very much. Later, she became my girlfriend and the target I first thought of getting married with.

However, we finally broke up under the opposition of our family because of mundane issues, and because she felt extremely insecure... In short, although I felt sorry about her, I do not regret the choice of parting.

Especially knowing that she was married, my heart was completely calm.

The luck that brought us together was not strong enough I guess. Many people and things in this world were just like this. Just like my uncle's cousin. Just like me. In the end, we will all compromise with our family and marry a local girl whom our family agrees with, just like my cousin did. And in this way, most of them could live very well.

However, I hadn't met the local girl I was looking for. Therefore, I was still single.

Last year, my younger cousin of my third uncle's family also reached the marriageable age, and his family began to arrange blind dates for him. However, my younger cousin was very disobedient and did not like the five or six girls he met in the blind dates. But he insisted on bringing back a girl called "Xiaoyan" from another place.

Cousin said that she was a cla.s.smate he knew in college. He pursued her for two years before he won her heart. With such perseverance, he must love her very much.

Third uncle and aunt gave up changing his mind, so they agreed him to take the girl home. I also had the honor to meet the girl. She was very beautiful and polite. Her eyes were full of deep feeling when she looked at my cousin.

However, third uncle and aunt still didn't agree. They avoided Xiaoyan and took cousin to my house to persuade and educate him together with my parents and uncle's family. As for the rhetoric, I have heard it many times that year, such as "girls from other places are unreliable and have different living habits".

Of course, although I was impatient, I agreed with them. Therefore, I chose to take the side of the seniors.

As a result, my cousin was lectured for a night, and I had been standing outside the door. Finally, when he walked out of the room, I also told him about my att.i.tude. "Cousin, break up with that girl."

"Brother, do you also think that she's not good?" My cousin was very sad.

Thinking of the girl's look at my cousin, I didn't want to say anything against my will. I just patted him on the shoulder and said, "She's good. But you just don't match. Letting go earlier is good for you and her."

Cousin shook his head. "No, I can't leave her. She will not be able to live. Without her, I would want to die. Brother, please help me, I beg you."

Saying things like "can't live" and "death" meant that he was just too young.

"Fool." I comforted him. "Think about our first brother. He is quite happy now, right?" Our sister-in-law was gentle and kind and gave birth to two sons for our first brother. His family, the four of them, did not have to leave S City when they paid visits to relatives, which was convenient and safe."

Cousin looked up at me, saying, "What about you, second brother?"

Me?

I smiled. "I am also quite good. I will go on a blind date next week. Maybe this time I'll meet a nice girl and I'll marry her. Therefore, brother, don't cry like a kid just because of this. Let it go. After that, you will all be fine."

That night, my cousin thought for a long time. He finally listened to everyone's advice and decided to break up with the girl named Xiaoyan.

In order to avoid troubles after the night, my third uncle and aunt decided to let me send Xiaoyan away immediately. They did not let my cousin go, probably because they were afraid that he would change his mind.

Since he decided to break up, it should be completely broken. I agreed to send Xiaoyan away. In fact, I just helped her to pick something and send her to the railway station.

When we arrived at the railway station, Xiaoyan asked me, "Is Su Qi really not coming? He won't even meet me for the last time?"

Su Qi was my cousin's name.

I thought when my cousin's family was not at home last night, leaving Xiaoyan alone, Xiaoyan probably had seen this coming. So I could see the sadness in her eyes, but I am not surprised.

"I'm sorry, he can't come because of an emergency." Looking at the sadness in her eyes, I didn't want to say something cruel. So I just made up a reason casually.

XiaoYan smiled at me. "Thank you, brother."

That smile actually reminded me of Xiaoguang. If I could break up with her face to face many years ago, would I see her helpless, sad, and painful smile?

When feeling lost, I heard the voice of Xiaoyan again. "Tell Su Qi that I'll hate him all my life."

A lifetime? At that time, I thought she was just talking. After all, one's life was too long, and she was only in her early twenties. Although she did hate him now, time would always dilute everything.

However, we all did not expect that Xiaoyan was more decisive than Xiaoguang.

On the fifth day I sent Xiaoyan away, my cousin suddenly heard news from college cla.s.smates—Xiaoyan cut her wrist.

After returning home, this determined girl chose to vent her pain in this way.

However, fortunately, the rescue was relatively timely. She was now out of danger and resting in the hospital. But we were still shocked and scared.

After all, it was a human life, and we almost became indirect murderers.

Later, I heard that she recovered very well. When she was discharged from the hospital, she let someone to send a message to my cousin. "As we said, we would die before we part. I have already died for you once, and I'll never have anything to do with you again."

It's really a girl who loved to the bones. My elder cousin, younger cousins, and I had never had a tragic and great love story like hers.

My cousin was very regretful. He stared blankly at his cell phone every day. No one knew what he was thinking.

After about a week, my cousin finally ran away from home resolutely after his parents kept sighing that the girl didn't know how to cherish herself and would never know how to cherish others.

He refused to contact his parents and other family members and only had my contact.

He asked me to help him report his safety to his family, and he would not go back home until he thought it over. If uncle and aunt went to capture him, he would even delete my contact information.

Therefore, his parents compromised and acquiesced in his conditions.

I thought he would go to Xiaoyan, but he would never go to Z city where Xiaoyan lived. He said, "I am ashamed to see her."

He added, "In fact, I really thought that she could be happy without me. But she did it for me... Brother, in fact, I never thought of betraying her. When you forced me to leave her, I planned not to get married all my life. Because I wanted to keep my promise to her, but I have no face to keep it now."

"Think different, and it will get better slowly." I tried to appease him, but when I said it, it sounded weak.

So, that day, although there was a long distance between us, in my cell phone, I clearly heard my cousin crying all night.

"Brother, do you know? Her family also despises me. Her family had introduced her to a man who is better than me in any way, but she only wanted me."

"Brother, I feel that I have lost the only girl who can make me feel happy. I will never like others again."

"Brother, do you really think you are happy?"

I didn't know why my eyes were suddenly filled with tears while hearing him say these things.

Another year pa.s.sed, and my mother's younger sister's daughter, Shanshan, also began to fall in love. She was a sunny girl, but she was shy when facing the person she liked.

In fact, a long time ago, she told me that she had a crush on her high school cla.s.smate, Yang Fan. Now, finally, the two had come together.

I am very happy for her because it was very satisfying that she chose Yang Fan, a native of S city. I heard that his family's conditions were also good, which fully met the requirements of our family.

Sure enough, my sister's family did not object and supported Shanshan very much.

But the good times did not last long. Before long, Shanshan told her mother that Yang Fan's family did not agree with them.

This surprised me, because Shanshan and Yang Fan were both from S City and cla.s.smates. What was wrong with them?

They didn't expect that Shanshan said, "Yang Fan's family is in good condition. His brother got married last year. It was a marriage between families of equal social rank."

I was a little confused. "What does this have to do with you?"

Shanshan cried. "Yang Fan's mother said that the eldest daughter-in-law offered a 120-centare-house and a car worth more than 500,000 yuan when they married. But I... I..."

She did not have so much money to offer.

Her mother was very angry. "What about Yang Fan? Didn't he say anything to help you?"

Shanshan hurriedly explained, "Of course he helped me, but... After all, it's his mother, and he could not turn against his mother."

I nodded and was also agree with this. After all, I also gave up Xiaoguang because of this.

But her mother said, "A man should be filial, but he should protect the person he likes more."

Even my mother supported my younger aunt. "If Yang Fan really likes you, he would at least fight for you. You didn't force him to turn against his family."

So, Shanshan listened to them and asked Yang Fan to talk to his mother.

I didn't know whether Yang Fan had fought for Shanshan after that. All I know was that about a month later, Shanshan came back and said with tears, "Yang Fan and I quarreled. I just wanted him to take me to see his family. Maybe they would accept me slowly, but he said his family didn't want to see me, and he could do nothing about it. I was just angry and said a few words to force him, and he said that I was unreasonable and could no longer be with me."

I just wanted to persuade Shanshan that she was too radical. It was really bad—it was tantamount to forcing Yang Fan to choose between her and his parents. It was too willful and selfish.

But her mother flew into a rage. "What did they mean. Do they really think their son is great? Or they think no one wants you? They don't want to see you. Do I want him to be my son-in-law?"

My mother was also very unhappy. "As a man, Yang Fan only blamed on his family and you for these problems. Such a man has no sense of responsibility and will not bear responsibility. Shanshan, you should give up."

But in the beginning, when I broke up with Xiaoguang, my mother clearly didn't say so.

She advised me to give up Xiaoguang "in time", and said that this was good for her. But she wanted Yang Fan to hold on. When Yang Fan chose to give up just like I did, she said he had no sense of responsibility and did not take responsibility.

I suddenly wondered why my mother had such double standards.

To be honest, I was just like Yang Fan. I was a person who had no sense of responsibility and bore no burden.

Shanshan cried very sadly, and she did not eat well for the next few days. Not only my sister-in-law and mother but also I felt very distressed to see her being like this.

My mother advised her. "Eat more. Look at you. Yang Fan didn't come to see you, and he's so heartless. Why are you missing him?"

Hearing this, I felt funny.

Mother had double standards again.

At that time, Xiaoguang hurt her feet, and mother didn't let me take a look. Now she blamed Yang Fan for not coming to see Shanshan.

Shanshan did not care about the advice of my mother and sister-in-law. She just cried every day, and her eyes became swollen because of the tears. Because my family and my sister-in-law's family were very close, my mother often asked me to accompany her. So, I could often see her sad and inedible.

"Do you like him so much?" I asked.

Shanshan replied without thinking. "Yes! He is the only boy I want to be together with for a lifetime."

After saying so, she cried again.

I looked at her as if I was looking at Xiaoguang through her. I tried to comfort her, only to find that I had nothing to say.

Maybe my aunt couldn't bear to see her being so sad. She even decided to borrow money from my mother to buy Shanshan a "decent" dowry.

I still remembered what my aunt said when she borrowed money. "Ah, what can I do? I only have this only daughter. I hope she can be happy. I'm even willing to take out my heart, not to mention the money."

Mother also sighed. "You gave birth to a daughter, but it seems like you owe someone else one life."

I know what my mother meant—the dowry my aunt prepared for Shanshan was her life savings.

But she was willing to give it, because she only wanted Shanshan to get what she wanted. Her painstaking efforts reminded me of Zheng parents who promised to let me bring Xiaoguang back to S City to live.

I didn't understand this painstaking effort until now.

However, my aunt's painstaking efforts did not touch Yang Fan's family at all, and Shanshan broke up with Yang Fan. My aunt ordered her to have blind dates only in the future and stop thinking about Yang Fan, "things" that were "not men at all".

I didn't know if this also scolded me. I only remembered Shanshan's red eyes shed tears again. At that time, I seemed to understand Xiaoguang's despair and Xiaoyan's determination.

However, my younger cousin and I, even my older cousin who was very happy now, had all made unforgivable mistakes in this world—we had all hurt the girls who loved us deeply.

Even though we thought we had released our hands "in time"; in fact, the injuries we inflicted on them were all the same. Because of their different personalities, their ways of releasing the pain were different.

Although Xiaoguang was not that determined as Xiaoyan, and I was not sure whether she cried like Shanshan, I could at least confirm one thing now—I made a big mistake to her. Even if she was married and had a very happy life, she should not forgive me.

Especially I not only failed her but also hurt her parents.

At last, I thought it through and soon fell in love with a girl I met in a blind date. Her name was Ranran, and she was not very beautiful. She also had a bit of a temper. In short, she was completely different from the girl I imagined to spend my life with.

The reason why I chose her was also very simple. She was the type my mother appreciated. My mother said that my personality was a little soft, which was suitable for a girl with a "backbone" like her.

She really had her own ideas and could do things quickly. After establis.h.i.+ng the relations.h.i.+p between her as boyfriend and girlfriend, she began trying to control my life.

In fact, I went to work and then home every day, and I seldom go to dinner with my friends. So I felt that I had nothing to for her to control. But she asked me to report my plans to her every day.

Once, I couldn't help complaining to my mother, who then said, "Silly boy. She cares about your performance."

Haha, really?

Ranran and I had been in love for about a month, and she began to urge me to discuss with my family to marry her as soon as possible.

In fact, I quite understood her. After all, we were not young. But at that time, I was already a little afraid of her. I was afraid of marrying her, and that my future life would be completely controlled by her.

So, I lied. I promised her to say it, but in fact, I began to gradually distance myself from her.

I hid from her, just as I hid from Xiaoguang.

However, she was not Xiaoguang after all. She even found me at my company without asking what I was doing. She questioned me in public, which almost made me the joke of the company.

Only then did I realize that Xiaoguang, who was neglected by me at that time, was not as insecure as I thought. The girl named Ranran was really insecure.

As a result, I did not want to see her or talk to her. But she soon told the problem to my mother through the one who introduced her to me.

My mother asked me, "Why did you deliberately neglect Ranran?"

I explained, "I don't think she and I are very suitable. She likes to control my life too much, and she has always lost her temper recently."

However, my mother was very angry. "You always ignore her and don't want to take her home. She's a girl, and her youth is limited. Can she wait forever? You made her feel insecure. Aren't you ashamed to blame her for losing temper to you?!"

But when I was with Xiaoguang, she obviously didn't advise me that way.

I chuckled. My mother had double standards again.

In fact, as I grew older, I had gradually understood what I missed in the past few years.

When I thought of Xiaoguang, I could no longer be as calm as I was at the beginning. If I hadn't known she had married long ago, I might not have been able to control myself to find her and confess to her what I had done wrong.

However, time would not go back, and she and I were over.