The unfortunate Clapper again exploded. Uncle Gutton rose to his feet.

The ready Jarman saved the situation.

"'Ear! 'ear!" cried Jarman, banging the table with the handles of two knives. "Silence for Uncle Gutton! 'E's going to propose a toast. 'Ear, 'ear!"

Mrs. Clapper, seconding his efforts, the whole table broke into applause.

"What, as a matter of fact, I did get up to say--" began Uncle Gutton.

"Good old Uncle Gutton!" persisted the determined Jarman. "Bride and bridegroom--long life to 'em!"

Uncle Sutton, evidently pleased, allowed his indignation against Minikin to evaporate.

"Well," said Uncle Gutton, "if you think I'm the one to do it--"

The response was unmistakable. In our enthusiasm we broke two gla.s.ses and upset a cruet; a small, thin lady was unfortunate enough to shed her chignon. Thus encouraged, Uncle Sutton launched himself upon his task.

Personally, I should have been better pleased had Fate not interposed to a.s.sign to him the duty.

Starting with a somewhat uninstructive history of his own career, he suddenly, and for no reason at all obvious, branched off into fierce censure of the Adulteration Act. Reminded of the time by the maternal Sellars, he got in his first sensible remark by observing that with such questions, he took it, the present company was not particularly interested, and directed himself to the main argument. To his, Uncle Gutton's, foresight, wisdom and instinctive understanding of humanity, Mr. Clapper, it appeared, owed his present happiness. Uncle Gutton it was who had divined from the outset the sort of husband the fair Rosina would come eventually to desire--a plain, simple, hard-working, level-headed sort of chap, with no hity-t.i.ty nonsense about him: such an one, in short, as Mr. Clapper himself--(at this Mr. Clapper expressed approval by a lengthy laugh)--a gentleman who, so far as Uncle Gutton's knowledge went, had but one fault: a silly habit of laughing when there was nothing whatever to laugh at; of which, it was to be hoped, the cares and responsibilities of married life would cure him. (To the rest of the discourse Mr. Clapper listened with a gravity painfully maintained.) There had been moments, Uncle Gutton was compelled to admit, when the fair Rosina had shown inclination to make a fool of herself--to desire in place of honest worth mere painted baubles. He used the term in no offensive sense. Speaking for himself, what a man wanted beyond his weekly newspaper, he, Uncle Gutton, was unable to understand; but if there were fools in the world who wanted to read rubbish written by other fools, then the other fools would of course write it; Uncle Gutton did not blame them. He mentioned no names, but what he would say was: a plain man for a sensible girl, and no painted baubles.

The waiter here entering with a message from the cabman to the effect that if he was to catch the twelve-forty-five from Charing Cross, it was about full time he started, Uncle Gutton was compelled to bring his speech to a premature conclusion. The bride and bridegroom were hustled into their clothes. There followed much female embracing and male hand-shaking. The rice having been forgotten, the waiter was almost thrown downstairs, with directions to at once procure some. There appearing danger of his not returning in time, the resourceful Jarman suggested cold semolina pudding as a subst.i.tute. But the idea was discouraged by the bride. A slipper of remarkable antiquity, discovered on the floor and regarded as a gift from Providence, was flung from the window by brother George, with admirable aim, and alighted on the roof of the cab. The waiter, on his return, not being able to find it, seemed surprised.

I walked back as far as the Obelisk with the O'Kelly and the Signora, who were then living together in Lambeth. Till that morning I had not seen the O'Kelly since my departure from London, nearly two years before, so that we had much to tell each other. For the third time now had the O'Kelly proved his utter unworthiness to be the husband of the lady to whom he still referred as his "dear good wife."

"But, under the circ.u.mstances, would it not be better," I suggested, "for her to obtain a divorce? Then you and the Signora could marry and there would be an end to the whole trouble."

"From a strictly worldly point of view," replied the O'Kelly, "it certainly would be; but Mrs. O'Kelly"--his voice took to itself unconsciously a tone of reverence--"is not an ordinary woman. You can have no conception, my dear Kelver, of her goodness. I had a letter from her only two months ago, a few weeks after the--the last occurrence. Not one word of reproach, only that if I trespa.s.sed against her even unto seven times seven she would still consider it her duty to forgive me; that the 'home' would always be there for me to return to and repent."

A tear stood in the O'Kelly's eye. "A beautiful nature," he commented.

"There are not many women like her."

"Not one in a million!" added the Signora, with enthusiasm.

"Well, to me it seems like pure obstinacy," I said.

The O'Kelly spoke quite angrily. "Don't ye say a word against her! I won't listen to it. Ye don't understand her. She never will despair of reforming me."

"You see, Mr. Kelver," explained the Signora, "the whole difficulty arises from my unfortunate profession. It is impossible for me to keep out of dear Willie's way. If I could earn my living by any other means, I would; but I can't. And when he sees my name upon the posters, it's all over with him."

"I do wish, Willie, dear," added the Signora in tones of gentle reproof, "that you were not quite so weak."

"Me dear," replied the O'Kelly, "ye don't know how attractive ye are or ye wouldn't blame me."

I laughed. "Why don't you be firm," I suggested to the Signora, "send him packing about his business?"

"I ought to," admitted the Signora. "I always mean to, until I see him.

Then I don't seem able to say anything--not anything I ought to."

"Ye do say it," contradicted the O'Kelly. "Ye're an angel, only I won't listen to ye."

"I don't say it as if I meant it," persisted the Signora. "It's evident I don't."

"I still think it a pity," I said, "someone does not explain to Mrs.

O'Kelly that a divorce would be the truer kindness."

"It is difficult to decide," argued the Signora. "If ever you should want to leave me--"

"Me darling!" exclaimed the O'Kelly.

"But you may," insisted the Signora. "Something may happen to help you, to show you how wicked it all is. I shall be glad then to think that you will go back to her. Because she is a good woman, Willie, you know she is."

"She's a saint," agreed Willie.

At the Obelisk I shook hands with them, and alone pursued my way towards Fleet Street.

The next friend whose acquaintance I renewed was Dan. He occupied chambers in the Temple, and one evening a week or two after the 'Ortensia marriage, I called upon him. Nothing in his manner of greeting me suggested the necessity of explanation. Dan never demanded anything of his friends beyond their need of him. Shaking hands with me, he pushed me down into the easy-chair, and standing with his back to the fire, filled and lighted his pipe.

"I left you alone," he said. "You had to go through it, your slough of despond. It lies across every path--that leads to anywhere. Clear of it?"

"I think so," I replied, smiling.

"You are on the high road," he continued. "You have only to walk steadily. Sure you have left nothing behind you--in the slough?"

"Nothing worth bringing out of it," I said. "Why do you ask so seriously?"

He laid his hand upon my head, rumpling my hair, as in the old days.

"Don't leave him behind you," he said; "the little boy Paul--Paul the dreamer."

I laughed. "Oh, he! He was only in my way."

"Yes, here," answered Dan. "This is not his world. He is of no use to you here; won't help you to bread and cheese--no, nor kisses either. But keep him near you. Later, you will find, perhaps, that all along he has been the real Paul--the living, growing Paul; the other--the active, worldly, pushful Paul, only the stuff that dreams are made of, his fretful life a troubled night rounded by a sleep."

"I have been driving him away," I said. "He is so--so impracticable."

Dan shook his head gravely. "It is not his world," he repeated. "We must eat, drink--be husbands, fathers. He does not understand. Here he is the child. Take care of him."

We sat in silence for a little while--for longer, perhaps, than it seemed to us--Dan in the chair opposite to me, each of us occupied with his own thoughts.

"You have an excellent agent," said Dan; "retain her services as long as you can. She possesses the great advantage of having no conscience, as regards your affairs. Women never have where they--"

He broke off to stir the fire.

"You like her?" I asked. The words sounded feeble. It is only the writer who fits the language to the emotion; the living man more often selects by contrast.

"She is my ideal woman," returned Dan; "true and strong and tender; clear as crystal, pure as dawn. Like her!"

He knocked the ashes from his pipe. "We do not marry our ideals," he went on. "We love with our hearts, not with our souls. The woman I shall marry"--he sat gazing into the fire, a smile upon his face--"she will be some sweet, clinging, childish woman, David Copperfield's Dora. Only I am not Doady, who always seems to me to have been somewhat of a--He reminds me of you, Paul, a little. d.i.c.kens was right; her helplessness, as time went on, would have bored him more and more instead of appealing to him."