"What's that?"

I shook my head. "Did you offer a joint because you have one?"

Immediately Gavin was patting his suit pockets until he came out with a shiny, silver cigarette case. He popped it open to reveal a string of pretty, professionally-rolled joints. I fumbled one out and cracked the window before lighting it up.

"I'll figure out a way around this, Noah, I promise you. I'm not going to let you spend a day in prison."

The air from the window was cold and wet on my face, the earth still soaked from showers during the night. Gavin's high-grade pot definitely helped. I felt the anxiety in my body melting into itself and disappearing. I felt myself letting go of control, and anger. For the time being, it was the only positive sensation I had to hold on to.

We didn't speak another word to each other for the rest of the drive into Seattle. I wasn't even sure how long the drive was; part of it felt endless. Hands in my pockets, I followed Gavin through the pristine skysc.r.a.per lobby and could hear the whispers and feel the stares, but I couldn't get up the energy to care. I let them hit me and kept my eyes on the back of Gavin's suit as we entered the elevator and rode up to the offices of the label.

We walked into the conference room to find Ash lounging, bored, in one of the chairs. Quinn stood against the wall opposite him. They weren't talking. I caught Quinn's eyes when we entered the room, and I saw his face fall when he looked at mine, like he could read everything that had happened in the car. He looked sick.

Gavin stood near Quinn and leaned on the table. I kept walking past him, heading for the windows. I didn't say a word to either of them.

"Guys, we've got some bad news. The DA is proceeding with charges against Noah. He'll probably have to turn himself in by the end of the week." Gavin wasted no time.

After that, I blanked the whole thing out and let my stoned mind get caught up on watching the speedy, mutating clouds forming over the mountains and the bay. I could only hear Quinn's raging, tearful voice, but not the words he was saying-nor Ash's bitter, shorter ones. It wasn't long until I didn't hear Ash's voice in the room at all.

Quinn came up behind me, his reflection in the gla.s.s hazy. I turned to face him. His face was red, eyes already full of tears. He looked angry, like he wanted to fight me. It actually made my shoulders tense up.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this," he said in a shaky voice. "We can't just let this happen to you, Noah."

The sight of my best friend crumbling under this pressure started to break the haze of numbness around my head. Pain began pulsing in my chest. I felt my lip quivering when I responded. "There's nothing else we can do, man."

"We have to-" Quinn couldn't continue. He cried freely, clenched fist pressed against his lips, until I took a couple steps toward him with an open arm. He threw his arms around me tightly. My neck and shoulder grew damp with his tears.

"This isn't over," said Gavin. As sad as his voice was, it still had a fire to it.

I didn't argue with him. I would never tell either of them, but for that moment in the conference room, the feeling of giving up filled me with a sense of sweet relief. Prison would be horrifying, but what else was new? My life had always had horror in it. This rock star thing-this was a lucky prize I was never supposed to have gotten in the first place, let alone keep.

People had been trying to beat me down into the dirt since I was a kid. Put me in my place. Make sure I didn't get any big ideas about who I was. And every single day I had fought them. Some days harder than others, sure; and there was no perfect record to speak of. But I fought. I always promised myself I would fight.

Right then, though, I didn't want to fight anymore. I was tired, and this fight was so big. And what was I fighting for now, anyway? A band that didn't want me. A career that wouldn't exist once the dust settled. And an empty bed, an empty home. Whatever Laurel might have felt for me, I wasn't so sure it was going to survive me being a felonious ex-rock star. And why should it? She deserved much better.

I had nothing. I had no one. And now, I was probably headed to prison.

As glad I was it had happened, I suddenly wished Laurel had never met me.

~ Fifteen ~

Laurel

Once I got my travel plans cleared through the magazine, nothing was left except to see Noah and tell him I would be gone a few days. It was a conversation I was not looking forward to; I couldn't shake the dread that clung to me with every step as I got up, showered, and prepared for the day.

My flight to LA left first thing in the morning, so I told Noah we should have a nice dinner and go see what was jumping at the Graveyard Club if he felt up to it. He didn't text me back right away, but when he did, it was with a promise he'd take care of dinner. All I needed to do was show up.

Ringing the doorbell at his house, I could already smell the spices inside. Noah opened the door to me, but he was the reverse image of the man I expected to see. Something dark and pale had overcome the skin of his face, and his eyes had that gla.s.sy look of insomnia I recognized all too well. But he was smiling, happy to see me, and bent to pick me up in a tender bear hug. He sighed against my body like he hadn't held it in a while.

"This was a good idea," he said. "Thank you."

I tightened my grip around his neck and planted kisses on his beard and cheek. "I hate to give away my secret, but most people actually eat meals, like, a few times a day... I can't take credit."

Noah pinched and squeezed me in the spots he now knew were ticklish as h.e.l.l, and I kicked, squealing, trying to get out of his strong grasp. But there was no chance for that unless he wanted to let me go. He tortured me a few seconds and dragged me inside the house, closing the door behind us.

"Smells like curry," I said as I took off my jacket.

"It's from the Indian place around the corner," said Noah with a nod of his head. "I... don't really cook much, as you can imagine."

"Good thing you're rich enough to get someone to cook for you," I said. "And not a prisoner of Ramen Island like the rest of us."

Noah's eyes shifted from side to side. "Right, sure. On a totally unrelated note, do not look in the cabinets above the stove, okay?"

I burst out laughing at the look on his face, half-embarra.s.sed, like he was fifteen and I'd just found his p.o.r.n stash. On my tiptoes I leaned up and kissed him and asked him for a piggy back ride to dinner. He laughed at me a few seconds but then shrugged and flipped me over his shoulders for the short walk to the kitchen, claiming every grasp of my inner thighs was 'for balance'. The small dining room table he had near the sliding back door was filled with different containers of Indian food, two plate settings, and open beers. A bunch of mismatched candles flickered throughout the room, on the counter and table and windowsills.

"This is beautiful," I said.

"You sound surprised," he said, nuzzling into my neck. His beard tickled my skin, but his lips quickly undid it.

"A little, I guess. This is... no one does things like this for me," I said.

"Well, now someone does," said Noah, brushing the hair out of the side of my face. He kissed the side of my cheek and held out my chair for me as I smiled up at him.

It wasn't expected, but it certainly wasn't unwelcome, to discover that sitting at a table having dinner with Noah was every bit as delightful as anything else we did together. For half a minute, I actually felt normal. When was the last time I actually sat down and had dinner-with anyone, even a co-worker? Half the meals I ate were on the go, and the other half were quick fixes scrounged up at two AM to keep me through another night of edits.

But sitting across from Noah, enjoying my food, sharing laughter with him, it was recharging my soul in ways I hadn't realized I was lacking. There was never a dull moment between us, or hardly even a lull in the conversation. We both had enough experience in the industry that we could talk to one another with lingo and insider knowledge that often kept me, at least, alienated from a lot of people.

Lots of people saw the music industry as a thing you dream about when you're a young idiot, a place for children to get filthy rich acting out their stupid fantasies. And sure, lots of the stars in every genre were kids who had no idea what was going to happen to them when their popularity faded. But behind the scenes, it wasn't kids-it was people like me and Noah, who did start out chasing fantasies, and ended up sewing ourselves into the foundation of what we loved. It was difficult to explain that kind of thing to someone who had spent their time following the school-college-marriage-kids life plan handed out to us when we were young.

I didn't have to explain anything to Noah. He just understood.

We were on our fourth beer each, and Noah on his third serving of Indian, when things got a little quiet. It wasn't uncomfortable; quite the contrary. It was more comfortable than I'd felt in years. I felt home.

Lost in my own feelings, though, I hadn't noticed Noah's mood shift. When his voice finally came from across the table, it was with a heaviness he clearly couldn't hide anymore. "Laurel, look, I've got to tell you something."

I'd had my feet propped up on one of the empty dining chairs. Shifting to face him, I put my beer down. "Of course. What's up?"

He stared at his plate, like he didn't have the strength to lift it and look at me. I could see him lick his lips. "I had a meeting with Gavin today, and... he told me..." Noah bit his lip and forced himself to continue. I could feel my heart beating faster with every second. "He told me the DA is going ahead with charges against me for Sun Fest. I might... I might be in jail by the end of this week."

My heart dropped. Even though the news wasn't totally unexpected, it dropped like a dead weight into the water of my mind.

"f.u.c.k, Noah... Oh my G.o.d."

Noah looked up at me finally and his eyes were angry, but also filled with pain and sadness. "I'm sorry, Laurel. I should never have..." He took a deep breath. "I should never have brought you into all of this."

"No," I said, jumping up from my chair to kneel down in front of him. "You didn't. None of this is your fault." The guilt in my heart started bubbling, molten. I had to comfort him somehow. "I knew who you were when I saw you in the club that day, and I still wanted to meet you. You didn't bring me into anything, I'm a grown woman. I brought myself."

He stared at me, thinking, and blinked hard a few times. His throat shifted as he swallowed hard. "Laurel, I... I really care about you. I know that sounds stupid coming from me, and I don't understand it fully myself, but it's the f.u.c.king truth. I care about you and I feel like a complete piece of s.h.i.t getting hauled off to jail just when I've found you..."

My heart froze in my chest, hearing Noah's words. Tears welled up in my eyes in an instant, my mouth open in shock. "Noah, I care about you too. I care a lot. I figured it was just me, being a stupid... girl... falling for a rock star..."

"Is that how you think of me? A rock star?" It was a painful question.

"No," I said. "But I thought that was how you saw yourself. I didn't imagine you for a minute actually... actually connecting with me."

Noah leaned forward with his hand in my hair. "But it's not just me, right? You feel it too?"

I grasped his hand in mine. "Of course I feel it. But I don't understand it."

"Well, at least we both suck at this," said Noah with a self-effacing laugh.

"We can suck at it together," I said with a teary smile.

Noah returned it as he leaned down and kissed me. It was tender, sweet, and slow. I could feel my tears pressing up against his skin.

After the kiss, guilt overcame me and I shook my head as I stared at the floor. He'd been so honest with me, how could I continue to hold back the truth of myself? "I have to say something unpleasant too, Noah."

And when I looked up at him in that moment, there was no question whether I had the courage to tell him who I was. I didn't. Not yet, anyway.

Instead, I started with the smallest disappointment. After all, I had no idea what I was going to find in LA. There was no reason to destroy this until I had to. "I have to fly out of town for a couple of days for work. I leave tomorrow morning."

Noah's face dropped and my heart cracked in my chest. I squeezed his hands tighter. "Oh, sure, that's okay sugar. As long as you're not just saying that because of... because of what I just said..."

"f.u.c.k no," I said, leaning down to kiss him. "No, no, no. The trip was already planned before I got here. What you said tonight was... perfect."

Noah smiled at me, but it was sad.

"I'm really f.u.c.king sorry... the timing of this is just awful." I rubbed the side of his face. "I want to stay here with you during this. But this trip is... it's crazy important. I wouldn't be going if it wasn't. It's only for two days, tops."

Noah stared at me, thinking silently. He ran a thumb over my face and lips and brought me in for a sweet kiss. "As long as you f.u.c.k me one more time before you go."

I flushed and smiled against his lips. "I didn't realize that was even up for debate."

Noah's next kiss was instantly ravenous, pulling me up onto his lap in the chair. Already I could feel his c.o.c.k beneath me, half-hard and getting more swollen by the second. We kissed each other with an intensity, almost a fear, a fear that the world was going to be totally different when we stopped. So we just didn't stop.

Grinding me on his lap, Noah reached underneath and pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it somewhere into the dark kitchen. He had no trouble unclasping my bra. Likewise, I scrambled to get his shirt off his gorgeous body, and moaned into his mouth when I finally felt the bare skin of his chest against mine. Noah ran his hands up and down my bare back, sliding them into my jeans to squeeze my a.s.s and rub me against his d.i.c.k.

Without taking his mouth off me, he gripped my a.s.s and stood up. Reflexively, I wrapped myself around him and let him carry us both to the clean-smelling black and white tile of the kitchen floor. Noah worked between our bodies to unfasten first his jeans, and then mine, wiggling them down my body and kicking them into a heap at our feet. His fingers ma.s.saged my c.l.i.t as he kissed me and I writhed underneath him. He pushed two of them inside me and found my wetness was already waiting for him. After a few teasing, deep pumps, he withdrew them and positioned the head of his hard c.o.c.k at my entrance.

There was no condom this time, and he hesitated for just a moment as if to give me time to object. But I wanted it this way, too. I wanted to feel him, skin on skin. And almost as important, I trusted him, and wanted him to know that.

When he finally pushed his length inside me, I nearly came right there, arching my back and crying out his name against his mouth. He bit my lip as he buried his c.o.c.k in my p.u.s.s.y and held it there, bottoming out, as he kissed me pa.s.sionately. Keeping his body and mouth on mine, Noah slowly began to pump his hips just enough to withdraw his huge c.o.c.k a few inches before sliding smoothly back inside to fill me completely. I hitched my legs around his hips and felt him b.u.mp my spot with every single stroke of his c.o.c.k inside me, and it was almost more pleasure than I could take.

There was desperation in the way we clung to each other, in the way we refused to let our bodies get more than a few millimeters apart at any given time. Even though the pleasure building in my body needed a release, I also never wanted Noah to stop. I wanted to lie here beneath him, making love, forever.

I could see his face clenching and knew he was getting close. Noah's kisses got hungrier, his thrusts shorter and harder. His hands held me tight against his sweating body.

"Come with me," he whispered against my mouth. "Laurel, come with me."

His hot wet tongue danced on my lips and I moaned loudly, feeling my o.r.g.a.s.m build. "I'm almost there," I told him breathlessly.

"I want to feel you..."

"Oh, f.u.c.k, Noah!"

Waves of ecstasy shot suddenly through my body and I screamed out. The o.r.g.a.s.m hit me like a lightning bolt, my inner muscles clenching Noah's hard c.o.c.k as he pumped it inside of me. As I writhed underneath him, he tangled one hand in my blonde hair and held me still as he came, his final thrusts deep and hard enough to send aftershocks through my muscles.

Spent, he collapsed on top of me, still buried within my hot core. He laid his face next to my head and entwined his fingers in mine, panting onto the sweaty skin of my neck.

I looked over at Noah, face lit softly in the candlelight. His eyes were closed, and his gorgeous face looked completely at peace. Gone was the tension around his eyes.

I made myself remember every detail of that moment, deeply afraid I would never get the chance to see it again.

~ Sixteen ~

Laurel

L.A., this cesspool of heat and dust and weird fake smiles that made everything disorienting-I hated it. The Pacific Northwest was one thing, but I couldn't stand California. Give me the upfront brashness of East Coasters over this granola crunch, pa.s.sive-aggressiveness any day.

My hatred only made me more determined to get my job done as quickly and boldly as possible. The plane ride from SeaTac was short, but it gave me plenty of time to double-check the data I had already found. And in doing that double-check, I found myself more certain than ever that Noah was telling the truth about what happened at the festival.

I kept trying to tell myself my feelings for him were incidental. Part of me was scared it was just another lie to soothe the ache of the truth. Maybe I had turned into a s.h.i.t journalist who didn't know what the f.u.c.k she was doing. Maybe I had fallen so deeply for Noah that I couldn't see past the web of lies he was trying to spin me. But deep down I could feel that wasn't right. I had fallen deeply for Noah-and Noah was not a cold-blooded killer. Both of those things existed independent of each other, and I was going to prove it.

Even if proving it meant I lost Noah forever.