It hurts. I wish I could erase those feelings.

No, I don't want to erase them.

But, I want to erase them after all.

It's impossible. I can't.

I feel like I'm in a loop I'll never escape.

While I was feeling anguished, another man I don't see much appeared.

A man invited to the Royal Palace as a guest. Sion Nanaohgi.

A former Tarim tactician. The main culprit of causing us trouble when Tarim advanced south last year.

I haven't forgotten about that time, so when I first heard about that I felt hazy for some reason. However, I tried to swallow it, since His Highness invited him to be his subordinate.

His superior ability has already been proven, and it's much better than him being taken away by a foreign country.

But discourteously, he won't take the oath of a va.s.sal to make sure of His Highness.

That's the man Sion Nanaohgi is.

With a few words from him, the place froze.

Of all things.

"You like His Highness Friedrich's abs, don't you"

He said such words to Lidi.

Ebs… Abs!?

When I heard those words I reflexively looked at Lidi.

I unconsciously checked for her reaction, but she didn't deny it, on the contrary she nodded with a flushed face.

I learned of her preference for the first time.

I'd have never imagined she would like that.

It was a blind spot. It was an extreme blind spot.

She talked in detail about how she likes abs split in six, but regrettably I don't have anything like that.

I specialize in magical arts.

I didn't worry about them, and I didn't think they were necessary. So I've never trained my body properly.

Alex laughed that I should train at least a little, but I ignored it as something not worth worrying about. And yet, upon hearing what Lidi likes, I unconsciously looked down on my stomach.

It felt vexing to not have what Lidi finds desirable.

I'd have never imagined the fact that I don't train my body would come back to bite me. Even if I regret it, it's too late.

However - I'd thought I fully understood that, yet after all I was shocked by the words that came out of Lidi's mouth.

Because, Lidi liking His Highness's abs means nothing but that she has opportunities to see them.

The scene of seeing abs of the opposite s.e.x can naturally only takes place at night – in the bedroom.

I knew His Highness and Lidi loved each other, but the words that that showed the reality of their love affairs made me want to cry. Because at the same time I caught sight of secretly hidden possession marks on her neck, I took further damage.

Despite her embarra.s.sment, she happily said she's going to where His Highness is and excitedly left us.

Even though I felt like I'd collapse on the spot, I connected to His Highness via telepathic communication and told him Lidi's heading to him.

His Highness's thoughts were so thoroughly in good mood I immediately understood he's delighted.

I'm envious.

I can't help but envy His Highness who can receive her wholehearted feelings.

And thinking of my feelings for her, I felt so unseemly and pathetic that I just wanted to disappear.

".. She's a lovely person, isn't she"

"Eh?

The moment I cut off the telepathic communication, Nanaohgi muttered a few words.

He was looking at Lidi's back.

Looking over her steadfastly walking towards the chivalric order headquarters Nanaohgi had a sad expression on his face, like he was looking at something nostalgic.

"Nanaohgi?"

When I called out to him, Nanaohgi looked my way.

"Sion is fine. Lord William. No, I understand it's disrespectful, but I thought Princess Consort is a very lovely person"

"…"

While following Lidi's back with his eyes, Sion muttered.

"She's a cruel person, isn't she"

"What…?"

When I fixed my eyes on Sion wondering what he's saying, he once again looked at me and meaningfully raised the corners of his mouth.

"I'm talking about Princess Consort. She captivates everybody with her innocent smile, but in fact she can see only one person. Just a look from her would be a salvation, and yet she mercilessly doesn't even try to see anybody but him"

"…"

Of course I understood Sion's everybody was directed at me.

Aah. My feeling got exposed to a person I meet for the first time, huh.

I can't even hide them properly, so why does the person herself not notice at all.

It's laughably foolish.

It's a bother to deny. Everybody except her is aware of my feelings anyway.

That's why I answered carelessly.

"… That's how she is"

But I think.

If my beloved was a woman whose words and att.i.tude deliberately raised everybody's hopes I wouldn't have been charmed in the first place. I wanted to be loved by her because she's an earnest woman with straightforward feelings.

And if I now saw her making advances at men other than His Highness… Surely even the long-lived love would die down. That's why this is fine.

She might be dense and cruel, but I love her because she only looks at one person.

That also means a day when she looks at me will never come.

But rather than changing, I think Lidi is fine as she is.

That's why I said.

"I'm fond of how she is now. And I respect His Highness. That's all"

When I said it clearly, Sion made an astonished face and saying, Is that so, cast down his eyes.

"Excuse me. It seems I was looking down on you a little"

"It doesn't matter what you think, just don't misunderstand strangely"

"Yeah, I understand"

Sion nodded slightly and showed a thin smile.

"It'll be alright. There's a saying that time heals all wounds, and it is by no means a lie"

I'm the evidence.

Putting his finger on his lips, Sion said so.

It lasted only a moment, but Sion cast a lonesome glance at the sky. Nevertheless he completely erased it the next moment.

"Are you…?"

"Who knows? It's an old story. Well then, I'll excuse myself now. I have a job His Highness entrusted me. I feel bad to waste time on unnecessary talks. I'd be very grateful if you could forget the talk from before"

"Ah… Yeah"

His Highness's request. Told that, I couldn't stop him.

I looked at Sion's back as he left.

The expression he showed before. He told me to forget, but I wonder if he too had a painful experience with falling in love.

And I wonder if he's overcome that.

He had an air about him that couldn't be easily defeated with words.

I don't know what kind of woman won his heart and then turned her back on him, but he surely was serious. Understanding that, I couldn't get angry at him for stepping on my toes.

"Aah…"

The files in my hands feel even heavier than before.

I wonder if one day I will be able to laugh about my past like him.

I can't imagine it at all, but I hope such a day comes.

Thinking that, I shook my head.

"… No, that's wrong. I don't wish for that"

I don't think these feelings will disappear with time.

I don't want them to disappear.

Because, if they disappeared just like that, why would I have to be in such pain now.

Surely, I'll always hold these feelings in my heart. No matter what happens.

It's true that I want to forget. It's also true that thinking of her dressed in the wedding dress I desire to get over it.

But, I realize.

To live with these feelings. To not let go of them no matter how much my heart screams or what I need to sacrifice.

I realize this is my honest desire.

"Lidi, I only love you"

Those words didn't reach anyone.

Embarra.s.sed by immersing in sentimentality, I began trudging towards my office in the Magician Division headquarters.