Oh! Susannah!

by Mark Ambient.

ACT I.

_Scene. The Doctor's consulting room. Ground floor, 13 Marmalade Street, Pimlico. (See Scene Plot.)_

_(Aurora. the slavey, discovered laying out Doctor's letters lovingly on his writing table; she kisses each one as she lays it down--all are in blue envelopes.)_

Aurora. They're all for 'im--the dear doctor. Won't 'e be pleased when 'e comes back and finds all this little lot! 'E went off quite sudden two days ago. Gone to see a patient, I expect, none ever comes 'ere, so 'e must go to them, _(crosses L., looks in mirror)_ Oh, why was I born so rudely 'ealthy? _(on sofa)_ I would like to be 'is patient. I'd a-bear anythin' with the dear doctor to see to me, 'e's got sich a sorft 'and. _(jumps off sofa and stands C. looking at aunt's picture, curtseys)_ I wonder if she's 'is fancy? 'Er with the diamond combs. You ain't the only one, my lady, with diamond combs! I'll struggle with yer.

_(produces combs from her pocket)_ Tenpence a pair--in the Strand, _(going to put them on, stops)_ No, I'll wait till 'e comes 'ome. They're all for 'im, the dear doctor--all for 'im!

_(end of sofa)_

_(Enter Tupper, a fat little page.)_

Tupper. I say, Aurora. the missus is a'goin' to do the thing in style this afternoon, two fiddler blokes--an' a planner an' a programme o' the dances pinned up over the mantelpiece over 'ead.

_(picks up cigarette end off ash tray and smokes it)_

Aurora _(down C.)_ Lor, you don't say! An' printed invitations an' all. _(takes card from mirror)_ 'Ark at this! "Mrs. O'Hara requests the honor of Doctor Sheppard'ss company--"

Tupper. 'E won't come back for that. I wish 'e would.

Aurora. Why not, Tupper? Where's 'e gone? _(comes C.)_

Tupper. Gie us a kiss, an' I'll tell yer.

Aurora. _(moving away)_ A kiss! There's bloomin' cheek! I never did!

Tupper. _(coming to her)_ Oh yes, you did--only larst Friday, an'

it's Friday agin, an' what's more, it's _Lady_ Day.

Aurora. _(innocently)_ Is it, Tupper? Well, as it's _Lady Day_.

_(puts her cheek up, aside)_ It's all for 'im! _(kiss Bus.)_ Now tell me.

Tupper. 'E's gorn to get married, _(goes down r. puffing cigarette hard)_

Aurora. _(with concern)_ No, Tupper, don't say that! _(changes her tone)_ I mean, 'ow do you know?

Tupper. _(turning round)_ Gie us another, an' I'll tell yer!

Aurora. Go hon!

Tupper. I will when I got summat to go hon with. _(comes to her)_

Aurora. _(impatiently)_ Oh, there, then! _(kissed him--aside)_ They're all for 'im!

Tupper. Well, as you know, _(gets on table)_ Aurora. the doctor's a wonderful gentle gentleman, as gentle as--well, there 'e is gentle!

Aurora. _(more impatiently)_ I know that. I give you them kisses to tell me summat I don't know.

Tupper. Well, I'm goin' to. When 'e was packing to go away, 'e was that excited 'e couldn't 'ardly strap the bag.

Aurora. Well, what o' that? A gentleman can get excited without gettin' married, yer silly kid! _(goes to steps)_

Tupper. Ah, but 'e put on a new frock coat, an' a bran noo pair o' tra.r.s.ers----

Aurora. The dear doctor! I'll bet 'e looked a toff! _(start on steps)_

Tupper. An' then 'e 'ad a brandy and soda--wot for? _(up to couch)_

Aurora. 'Cos 'e was thirsty, o' course, yer silly kite.

Tupper. Thirsty! It was to bring 'im up to the scratch!

Aurora. _(aside)_ The scratch! My 'eart! My 'eart! _(top of ladder)_

Tupper. I bet my b.u.t.tons 'e's enj'ying 'is 'oneymoon in 'is noo clothes, an' forgotten all abart me an' mine. _(up stage R.)_

Aurora. _(curiously)_ _Your_ noo clothes?

Tupper. Yes, I was loored into these under false pretences. When Mrs. O'Hara engaged me, she says she'd let orf 'er ground floor to a very risin' doctor.

Aurora. So 'e is! The day _will_ come, 'e'll be the most risin'--_(gesticulates with feather-duster, on steps, nearly falls)_

Tupper. Do you want to 'ear abart my tra.r.s.ers, or do you not?

_(sits on couch)_

Aurora. Yes, Tupper, o' course I do--get 'em orf yer chest.

Tupper. Well, Mrs. O'Hara, _she_ sez, 'e'll find yer in clothes, she sez, an' think of all the gratooities----

Aurora. Great--who?

Tupper. Gratooities from grateful patients--shillins an'

'arf-crowns, she sez. Well, we been at it three months to-day--

Aurora. _(sadly)_ An' not a blessed patient 'as called yet.

_(comes down)_

Tupper. No, but the _tailor's_ called, lots o' times, an' larst time 'e was very cross--said 'e'd 'ave these clothes orf me if they wasn't paid for Lady Day. _(crosses to R. of table)_

Aurora. Oh! the person! Never mind; the day will come.

Tupper. The day 'as come! _(takes up pile of letters)_

Aurora. Well, never mind, look at all these--all from lady patients, _(sits in Doctor's chair, puts on his eye-gla.s.ses)_