Hurriedly we lit up and forming a circle facing outwards started to envelope ourselves in clouds of smoke. Soon we were all coughing like consumptives; it alleviated the situation but as soon as we stopped, the mozzies returned. To help them, Jerry starts lobbing over odd sh.e.l.ls. Running and eating, we dive into the muddy ditch, there in the dank dark we squat and eat mouthfuls of lovely hot stew, mixed with dead mosquitoes.

"What a terrible position," grumbled Edgington. "I've eaten many meals," he went on, "but Mosquito Stew, never."

"Eat as many as you can," I said, "better still, bite 'em."

The rims of our ears were now a ma.s.s of red lumps.

Edgington continues, "You never know, in France these might be a delicacy like frogs' legs."

Whoosh! Plonk! Whoosh! Plonk! Jerry is lobbing over 155mm sh.e.l.ls that we have been told to avoid.

"If you like tomato sauce, that tells me you're a carman's pull-up eater," I said.

"Wot's wrong with a carman's pull-up?" says Tume.

"I'll tell you," I said. "It's the tomato sauce...have you ever looked closely at the bottles? The tops are congealed with dirt and stale tomato sauce, they never wash the bottle out, they just squirt in fresh red c.r.a.p."

"How do you know, clever d.i.c.k?"

"I know because I was on a tomato sauce round, we used to go around with a lorry, me and a bloke called Len Brockenbrow, we had great petrol tins full of this red c.r.a.p, and a kerosene oil funnel. We'd stick all the bottles on the deck, I'd hold the funnel, Len would pour out the goo, and we never once see the bottles clean. I tell you there was stuff at the bottom of the bottle that was twenty years old; Len told me he once looked down the neck of a bottle and he saw an eye looking up at him."

"Was it the manager?" says Edgington.

"Anyways, there's only one good sauce to put on grub and that's Worcester," I said.

"Worcester? Burns the a.r.s.e off you," said Fuller.

"Good," I said. "I always wanted to get rid of mine."

Jock Webster interrupts. "None of you ignorant swines has any idea of sauces."

"Have you?"

"No, I'm an ignorant swine too, but if there is a sauce that compliments a meal it's HP."

"Harry p.r.i.c.kers," said Harry.

"Wot?" said Wilson.

"HP stands for Harry p.r.i.c.kers," he repeated.

"I wouldn't stand for that," I said.

Wheeee, plop, wheee, plop. More sh.e.l.ls, but they don't explode.

"Duds," says Trew.

"That or AP."

"AP?" says Edgington. "Wot's he want to fire Armour Piercing at us for?"

"It's the dinner they're after," I said.

"Gad, you're right," says Edgington, immediately seizing on the nonsense. "Once they can get a sh.e.l.l through the crust on a British Army Stew, the way is open to pour in reinforcements. In no time they would be behind the back of the cookhouse cutting off our supply of food, and bringing the Army Catering Corps to its knees."

"Imagine," I said. "Imagine what fixed-line Spandaus could do to a treacle duff. No, we'd have to surrender. We'd have to haul up the white pudding cloth, and hand over the entire plans of our Treasured Meat and Veg Stew. For England the war would be over."

"Never," said Harry. "We could get to the colonies, Canada, Australia, and start making meat and veg stew with a new formula, and-"

He was cut short by a very close Whhhheeeee Splot. Another sh.e.l.l. There was a silence broken only by a chorus of mosquitoes.

"You alright, Harry?" I said.

"I'm just feeling meself to see if that was a direct hit...no, there's no holes in me so I'll continue in the service."

"Milligan? Bombardier Milligan?" the voice of our new AI Sgt. King: "It's no use keeping silent, I'll find you, the smell will give you away."

I give a weak 'I'm here, Sarge', trying to throw my voice in another direction.

"Ah, I want you to make out a roster for the Command Post for twenty-four hours."

It's along midnight, I'm not wanted for any duties, so I must find a place to kip. Eyes now accustomed to the gloom, I see ahead of our trench a group of farm outbuildings. With blankets and kit I lumber across to them. Inside I find a manger. The roof is intact save a few slates that rattle when the guns go. A manger? Well, if it was good enough for him... him... There are a few bales of straw around, soon I am lying snuggled down. I'm a bit worried about being above ground with Jerry lobbing over hara.s.sing fire, but I gradually fall asleep to the sound of 7.2s. There are a few bales of straw around, soon I am lying snuggled down. I'm a bit worried about being above ground with Jerry lobbing over hara.s.sing fire, but I gradually fall asleep to the sound of 7.2s.

OCTOBER 22, 1943.

I glanced at my watch, 0700 hours, the sun is shining like a spring morn. It had a cheering effect, so I gave three cheers. I arose from my straw bed and was soon at the cook-house for breakfast. The mosquitoes return to the attack. We eat with gas capes draped over our heads. "Where'd you kip?" said Edgington. I pointed. "Over there."

"Jerry slung over a dozen in the night."

"I didn't hear them. Did they have silencers on?"

"Poor old Bill Trew, he was havin' a c.r.a.p in the field, the first one landed behind him. He set off and ended up in the ditch, with his trousers still down."

"I heard that Captain Richards of 17 Battery has got the MC."

"What for?" I said.

"I dunno," said Edgington, "it arrived with the rations so he pinned it on, and our Johnnie Walker's been mentioned in despatches."

"Oh, what did he do?"

"Drinking a whole bottle of Scotch under heavy mortar fire, and never spilled a drop."

We all realised as we drank our tea that the guns were silent.

"Is it a strike?"

"No," says Bombardier Fuller. "There's Jerries in the area supposed to be ma.s.sing for an attack, and so we don't give our position away, we been ordered to stay silent."

"Oh," I said, "are we talking too loud?"

"He's up there," said Bill Trew, emerging from under his gas cape long enough to point to a hill about 4,000 yards away.

"You mean he can see us?" I said.

"Yer," says Trew.

I gave a cheery wave at the hill. "h.e.l.lo, lads," I called.

It was amazing, Jerry could see us but wasn't doing anything about it, a strange uneasy feeling; antic.i.p.ating a Stonk* by Jerry, we set to and dug a funk hole into the side of the ditch.

Concentration of Artillery fire. Concentration of Artillery fire.

A plume of black smoke is ascending from the Jerry position.

"He's still got f.a.gs then," said Edgington.

We made a floor out of bits of wood that kept us off the mud. At the same time we were also involved in digging an alcove for the telephone exchange; also along the ditch was the Command Post, Cookhouse, Officers' Mess and Battery Office. It looked very much like a World War 1 trench. An incredible find by Edgington, a huge cupboard that we wedge into our funkhole-we sit inside with the door closed to avoid the mozzies.

At about 0930 the guns open up again and we could see our sh.e.l.ls bursting on the hillside behind Sparanise. The siting of our guns was obviously good, behind a bank of trees that hid them from view, but we gunners walked about the fields in full view like the silly sods we were.

I set about drawing up a Duty Roster for manning the Exchange. Normally, they would stick some poor sod on from six till midnight, then some poor sod from midnight till six, leaving signallers milling around scratching their b.a.l.l.s and with nothing to do. So I drew up a schedule that spread the load more evenly.

I invented this roster and it continued on for as long as I was with the Battery.

COMMAND POST SIGNALS ROSTER.

24 24thNight 25 25th Night Night 26 26th Night Night 27 27th Night Night 28 28th Night Night 08.30.

11.30 11.30.

Radford Radford 8 8.

Milligan Milligan 1 1.

Sherwood Sherwood 4 4.

Hart Hart 7 7.

Birch Birch 10 10.

11.30.

2.30 2.30.

Fildes Fildes 9 9.

Wenham Wenham 2 2.

Thornton Thornton 5 5.

Radford Radford 8 8.

Milligan Milligan 1 1.

2.30.

5.30 5.30.

Birch Birch 10 10.

Pinchbeck Pinchbeck 3 3.

Gordon Gordon 6 6.

Fildes Fildes 9 9.

Wenham Wenham 2 2.

5.30.

8.30 8.30.

Milligan Milligan 1 1.

Sherwood Sherwood 4 4.

Hart Hart 7 7.

Birch Birch 10 10.

Pinchbeck Pinchbeck 3 3.

25 25th Day Day 26 26th Day Day 27 27th Day Day 28 28th Day Day 8.30.

Wenham Wenham 2 2.