Gene Gutowski kept trying: "Kosinski wrote his own screenplay, and I was able to resuscitate it with Peter. Sidney Lumet would direct it. I had discussions with Hemdale in London, but they backed out at the last minute. At that time Sellers was not really bankable."

The director Hal Ashby was also interested in directing Being There Being There. Peter approached him while Ashby was doing postproduction work on The Last Detail The Last Detail (1973). Ashby met with Sellers in London in the summer of 1973, but the meetings were more or less futile because, as Ashby later admitted, "Neither one of us had the power then to raise the money for it." (1973). Ashby met with Sellers in London in the summer of 1973, but the meetings were more or less futile because, as Ashby later admitted, "Neither one of us had the power then to raise the money for it."

So he made one more dud, just to top it off. Like most of the others, The Great McGonagall The Great McGonagall (1974) was artistically well-intentioned, but it just didn't work. Joe McGrath directed the picture for Spike Milligan; the two old friends were great admirers of the eponymous and dreadful Scottish poet. "Peter insisted on coming and guesting in it," says McGrath. His role was that of Queen Victoria. "He played it all on his knees in a Victorian dress wearing roller-skates." (1974) was artistically well-intentioned, but it just didn't work. Joe McGrath directed the picture for Spike Milligan; the two old friends were great admirers of the eponymous and dreadful Scottish poet. "Peter insisted on coming and guesting in it," says McGrath. His role was that of Queen Victoria. "He played it all on his knees in a Victorian dress wearing roller-skates."

A series of absurdist vignettes strung together as a kind of bitter vaudeville routine-as the end credits note, the film was shot "entirely on location at Wilton's Music Hall, 1-5 Grace's Alley, Cable Street, London E1"-the picture was meant to be a showcase for Spike, who plays the talentless bard. One fine exchange occurs when Spike, as McGonagall, takes the witness stand, where he is asked his trade by a prosecutor. McGonagall answers: "For twenty years now, I have worked patiently as an unemployed weaver, and I am currently training to be a poet." "Who employs you, and what are your wages?" the prosecutor booms. "I am self-employed," McGonagall calmly responds, "so there's no wages.... It's not what you'd call regular employment." "What would you call it?" the prosecutor demands. "Unemployment!" McGonagall cries.

Victoria appears at the beginning of the film and returns later on wearing a black dress and white lace veil; she's seated at a piano playing jaunty jazz. The visual gag is mildly funny, and Sellers's comportment defies description, but then he turns around: Queen Victoria is wearing precisely the self-satisfied smirk of a cocktail lounge pianist acknowledging his nightly applause. It's worth the whole movie.

The Great McGonagall flopped, like everything else had of late. Peter later said, "I had six or seven years of one flop after another-so much so that I just didn't work. I was getting to the stage where people were crossing the road so they wouldn't have to embarrass themselves by saying hello." flopped, like everything else had of late. Peter later said, "I had six or seven years of one flop after another-so much so that I just didn't work. I was getting to the stage where people were crossing the road so they wouldn't have to embarrass themselves by saying hello."

His money was running out. After several quick moves around London, he ended up in a stark, almost Brutalist high-rise in Victoria; the building looked like the residential equivalent of the Bulgarian Ministry of Defense.

TWENTY-ONE.

The money wasn't gone gone, just dwindling. Unlike Daniel Mendoza, Peter Sellers wasn't heading for debtors' prison. But, like his great-great-grandfather, he did tend to spend.

He was on the run, as always. He went to the lush Seychelles in late December, but it turned out to be a little too too lush-it rained for ten days straight-so he flew to Gstaad for New Year's to do some skiing. He told the press that he didn't like the sport and gave it up after a week of trying, but his ski instructor and friend, Hans Moellinger, disagrees. Moellinger had known Peter for years: lush-it rained for ten days straight-so he flew to Gstaad for New Year's to do some skiing. He told the press that he didn't like the sport and gave it up after a week of trying, but his ski instructor and friend, Hans Moellinger, disagrees. Moellinger had known Peter for years: "I had met Peter with Roman in Gstaad. He was not a very good skier, so I gave him some lessons. (I'm sort of the ski instructor for famous people-Jack Nicholson, Yul Brynner, Prince Charles.... The oldest was Helena Rubinstein.) Roman was renting a beautiful chalet, where Jack, Peter, and a few others were staying for about two weeks. It was always a great time in Gstaad. The boys always expected me because I always brought along three or four girls. There was always a big hello when I arrived.

"He was not a good skier, but he kept listening. Skiing is a very easy thing to learn if you listen and are not nearsighted. It wasn't difficult to teach him. After one or two weeks he could do a snowplow, so we could do mountains, no problem." Peter's own claims to the contrary notwithstanding, he didn't give up skiing after his initial attempt, which certainly predated this particular New Year's excursion. On at least one occasion Moellinger even took him helicopter skiing on the riskier high-altitude slopes near Zermatt. Peter enjoyed it, but there was a problem: "He nearly had an accident. We went up to the glacier, about 3,500 meters high, and started with a traverse. All of a sudden he couldn't hold it anymore and went into a fall line situation and nearly went over a ridge. At just the last minute I threw him over so that he fell about ten meters before the rock." (A snowplow is generally the first thing one learns in downhill skiing-a way to slow down and maintain control by pointing the skis in a v-shape in front while bending the knees. A traverse-skis together with all the weight on the downhill ski-is just a way to glide across the mountain. The "fall line situation" to which Moellinger refers means simply that Peter started to go straight down the slope. Nobody but the most expert skiers ever attempts to head purposely down the fall line, so Moellinger caused Peter to fall to keep him from heading over a cliff.) (A snowplow is generally the first thing one learns in downhill skiing-a way to slow down and maintain control by pointing the skis in a v-shape in front while bending the knees. A traverse-skis together with all the weight on the downhill ski-is just a way to glide across the mountain. The "fall line situation" to which Moellinger refers means simply that Peter started to go straight down the slope. Nobody but the most expert skiers ever attempts to head purposely down the fall line, so Moellinger caused Peter to fall to keep him from heading over a cliff.) Skiing itself was not the only thrill of the Zermatt excursion: "We were staying at the Zermatthof. They're very conservative people, the Swiss. We celebrated one evening with champagne and two girls. We had an enemy in one of the hotel waiters. I don't know why, but he didn't like us-maybe because of the girl situation." So Moellinger and Sellers decided to pull a weird prank on the surly servant. In the middle of the night, they got one of the women to strip and sit naked on the bed, and then they called room service. The waiter's knock at the door was Peter's cue to begin loudly intoning, "Ohmmmmmmm." Moellinger remains amused by the result: "The waiter put the bottle down and walked backward toward the door-like in the old days with kings. He thought there was some sort of sex party going on."

As for the skiing, Moellinger says that Peter "did enjoy it very much, because he said so. I once taught Robert MacNamara [the Secretary of Defense during the Kennedy and Johnson Administration and later president of the World Bank], and he said that skiing was the only time he could really relax because he had to concentrate so much. Peter felt the same way. He liked the whiteness of the snow, the absolute quietness-especially in the high altitudes like Zermatt. It was very special to him-the only place he could relax. But with his heart problems we couldn't stay very long at a high altitude, so for him it was better at Gstaad."

Lots of things were better in Gstaad. Michael Sellers recalls the high-octane party he attended with his father at Polanski's rented chalet; Michael was around twenty at the time, which places the event in the neighborhood of 1974. "Someone produced some grass," Michael writes, "and Dad got me busy rolling joints-until someone arrived with cocaine. I was then equipped with a razor blade and asked to cut the cocaine on Roman's marble table."

Drugs aside, work went on.

"Clouseau never died," Blake Edwards said, in late 1974, of the idiot detective's sudden reemergence in the public eye after ten years of moribundity. "Over the years Peter and I kept him alive. He would call me up with Clouseau's voice on the phone at all times of the day and night, and we'd spend hours thinking up ideas, talking and laughing like idiots."

The film's executive producer, the British impresario Sir Lew Grade, reported a rather different regeneration. It was he, Sir Lew wrote in his memoirs, who instigated The Return of the Pink Panther The Return of the Pink Panther (1975) by approaching Blake with the idea of reviving Clouseau. Edwards was then living in London with his wife, Julie Andrews, having fled the States after their oddly melancholy and violently overpriced musical, (1975) by approaching Blake with the idea of reviving Clouseau. Edwards was then living in London with his wife, Julie Andrews, having fled the States after their oddly melancholy and violently overpriced musical, Darling Lili Darling Lili (1970), tanked at the box office and effectively, albeit temporarily, wrecked their Hollywood careers. According to Grade, Edwards's response was simple: He told Grade that he was under the impression that Peter Sellers would never make another (1970), tanked at the box office and effectively, albeit temporarily, wrecked their Hollywood careers. According to Grade, Edwards's response was simple: He told Grade that he was under the impression that Peter Sellers would never make another Pink Panther Pink Panther comedy or work with him in any capacity on any project ever again. comedy or work with him in any capacity on any project ever again.

But Grade placed a call to Peter anyway, met with him for several hours, and got him to agree. On one point at least, it seems, Edwards and Sellers were absolutely in tune with each other, particularly in the downer period of 1974. Clouseau, Edwards once said, "is a man who eventually survives in spite of himself, which is, I guess, a human condition devoutly to be wished."

It's another jewel heist. The "Pink Panther" diamond goes missing. Sir Charles Litton, the gentleman thief from the original Pink Panther Pink Panther, is the prime suspect.

Edwards asked David Niven to reprise his role as Litton, but he had already committed himself to film Paper Tiger Paper Tiger (1975) in Malaysia. Then Douglas Fairbanks Jr. was announced and dropped before the role was taken by Christopher Plummer. Catherine Schell costarred. (1975) in Malaysia. Then Douglas Fairbanks Jr. was announced and dropped before the role was taken by Christopher Plummer. Catherine Schell costarred.

Peter was by all accounts astoundingly cooperative during the production of The Return of the Pink Panther The Return of the Pink Panther, a fact Edwards later attributed to a certain penitence mixed with revived ambition: "If you caught Peter when he was on a downgrade, he'd be okay. He was manageable and rational. He wanted it to be successful so he could get back up on top again. I was able to negotiate almost for for him. There was a certain amount of risk taking, him. There was a certain amount of risk taking, but if it worked, the rewards would be enormous. Peter was extremely happy. He got quite wealthy from that project. We had a fun time-really enjoyable." but if it worked, the rewards would be enormous. Peter was extremely happy. He got quite wealthy from that project. We had a fun time-really enjoyable."

The Return of the Pink Panther begins with a magnificent credits sequence (by the British animator Richard Williams) in which the luridly coated panther's ass swings back and forth in a gesture of jaunty pride. But Sellers's Clouseau is even more cartoonish than the cartoon. For one thing, the accent has become extreme-a parody of Peter's own parody. begins with a magnificent credits sequence (by the British animator Richard Williams) in which the luridly coated panther's ass swings back and forth in a gesture of jaunty pride. But Sellers's Clouseau is even more cartoonish than the cartoon. For one thing, the accent has become extreme-a parody of Peter's own parody.

At the beginning, while Clouseau concerns himself with a street accordionist and his accompanying pet, thieves rob the bank next door. In the following scene, Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) is outraged. Clouseau explains: CLOUSEAU: I did not kneau ze benk was being reubbed because I was I did not kneau ze benk was being reubbed because I was en en-gezhed in my sworn duty as a police officer.... Z'ere was some question as to whez'er ze beggar or his minkey was breuking the lew!

DREYFUS: Minkey? Minkey?

CLOUSEAU: What? What?

DREYFUS: You said "minkey"! You said "minkey"!

CLOUSEAU: Yes, shimpanzee minkey! So I left them beuth off with a warning- Yes, shimpanzee minkey! So I left them beuth off with a warning-ge.

DREYFUS: The beggar was the lookout man for the gang. The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.

CLOUSEAU: Zat is impossible! He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout? Zat is impossible! He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout?

DREYFUS: How can an idiot be a policeman?! Answer me that! How can an idiot be a policeman?! Answer me that!

CLOUSEAU: It's very simple, all he has to do is enlist. It's very simple, all he has to do is enlist.

Dreyfus soon seeks the healing wisdom of a psychoanalyst.

Even more than A Shot in the Dark A Shot in the Dark, the comedy is grisly. Clouseau's loyal servant, Cato (Burt Kwouk), reappears-Clouseau calls him his "little yellow friend" with "little yellow skin"-only to get blown up by the insanely commonsensical Clouseau. The doorbell rings and Clouseau opens it, graciously accepts the burning bomb that a masked visitor hands him, calmly closes the door, comprehends, and tosses it away from himself-toward Cato, thereby blowing Cato into the next apartment, whereupon a little old lady bashes him on the head with her handbag.

A cigarette lighter in the shape of a gun finds its way to Dreyfus. He then picks up the wrong "lighter" and shoots his nose off.

On a more benign note, in one sequence Clouseau was shown to a terrible and tiny hotel room by an obnoxious concierge and manic bellhop. The three men could barely move, at which point the chambermaid walked in. Peter loved what he called "that strange, 'wild peasant' look" on Julie Andrews's face when she made her entrance as the rustic servant, complete with chunks of apple stuck into her cheeks to create an air of Alpine plenitude. At the end of the scene, when the maid began softly humming "Edelweiss," Peter was overcome by a fit of the giggles-the camera was still rolling-and had to run out of the room. Unfortunately, the scene was cut and the footage destroyed.

With its larger, seventies-era budget came a certain lack of old-fashioned narrative coherence; set pieces took the place of a coherent narrative. A critical commonplace has it that the Clouseau films got worse as the money increased, but that's not the case, though The Return of the Pink Panther The Return of the Pink Panther does work best not as a tightly wrought comedy but rather as a series of exemplary, often morbid moments. does work best not as a tightly wrought comedy but rather as a series of exemplary, often morbid moments.

Sellers and Edwards got along well enough that they were also planning to make Zwamm Zwamm, to be written and directed by Blake. According to Variety Variety, Zwamm Zwamm was going to be about a "comic space odyssey excursion... in which Sellers would play a space creature who comes to Earth." And as was going to be about a "comic space odyssey excursion... in which Sellers would play a space creature who comes to Earth." And as Variety Variety frighteningly added, "Pair would like Mickey Rooney to join 'em." frighteningly added, "Pair would like Mickey Rooney to join 'em." Zwamm Zwamm never got made. never got made.

Prince Charles was in Montreal when he saw The Return of the Pink Panther The Return of the Pink Panther. It was his favorite Sellers film to date, he wrote to his friend. In fact, Charles claimed, he'd laughed so hard that he wet the dress of the woman in the next seat.

Peter spent his birthday, September 8, in the Seychelles, where he was buying land for possible real-estate development. Miranda Quarry's present to him, delivered the following day, was the initiation of divorce proceedings. Peter later joked that his epitaph should read: "Star of stage, screen, and alimony."

By the beginning of November, he was back in London, lodging in a suite at the Inn on the Park in Mayfair. The high rise in Victoria was history; he'd leased a house in Chelsea near King's Road. (Miranda got the Wiltshire house as part of the divorce settlement.) He and some old friends-Spike, Michael Bentine, Prince Charles-got together the following week for a private dinner at the Dorchester to celebrate the publication of house as part of the divorce settlement.) He and some old friends-Spike, Michael Bentine, Prince Charles-got together the following week for a private dinner at the Dorchester to celebrate the publication of The Book of the Goons The Book of the Goons, a collection of Spike's scripts and drawings, photographs of the Goons in various guises, and a series of private letters and telegrams among the Goons themselves. The book reveals, for example, that in 1952 Peter had had letterhead printed for the law firm of Whacklow, Futtle, and Crun just to write an absurd letter to Spike. Spike, meanwhile, was representing himself as the solicitors Wiggle and Fruit to supervise the public auction of Harry Secombe, who was to be sold in lots at the Sutcliffe Arms at Beaulieu. Also from Spike, the Messers Chew, Threats, and Lid ("Chemists and Abortionists by Appointment") prescribed a remedy for Peter's constipation. Harry, meanwhile, sent a single-word telegram to Milligan: "Fire."

With The Return of the Pink Panther The Return of the Pink Panther approaching its release, but not yet certain of the fortune it would earn him, Peter signed a deal with Trans-World Airlines to make a series of commercials. At first he was to play three characters-an aristocratic Brit named "Piggy" Peake-Tyme; an open-shirted Italian playboy, Vito D'Motione; and a parsimonious Scotsman named Thrifty McTravel. Stan Dragoti directed the series, to which was eventually added a fourth character-a genial American businessman. His deal included provisions for him to appear in a taped TWA trade show short as well. approaching its release, but not yet certain of the fortune it would earn him, Peter signed a deal with Trans-World Airlines to make a series of commercials. At first he was to play three characters-an aristocratic Brit named "Piggy" Peake-Tyme; an open-shirted Italian playboy, Vito D'Motione; and a parsimonious Scotsman named Thrifty McTravel. Stan Dragoti directed the series, to which was eventually added a fourth character-a genial American businessman. His deal included provisions for him to appear in a taped TWA trade show short as well.

At the time, Peter himself was flying with Titi Wachtmeister. The daughter of Count Wilhelm Wachtmeister, who was the Swedish ambassador to the United States for a time, the perky blond countess was introduced to Peter two years earlier by Bengt Ekland, Britt's brother, at which point he and Titi began their on-and-off affair.

Titi was already well known in London. A top model in the late 1960s-"a blonde Jean Shrimpton" is how the London Times Times described her-Titi sparked some notoriety in 1970 when George Harrison tried to rename his nightclub, Sybilla's, in her honor. For some reason, the Crown Estates office found a nightclub named Titi's to be objectionable-their word was "vulgar"-and they insisted that Harrison drop the plan. He settled on renaming his nightclub in a much more wholesome but still-Swedish way-Flicka. described her-Titi sparked some notoriety in 1970 when George Harrison tried to rename his nightclub, Sybilla's, in her honor. For some reason, the Crown Estates office found a nightclub named Titi's to be objectionable-their word was "vulgar"-and they insisted that Harrison drop the plan. He settled on renaming his nightclub in a much more wholesome but still-Swedish way-Flicka.

On April 18, Peter was in New York attending-and performing at-a tributary dinner in honor of Sir Lew Grade at the Hilton. He was on television that night, too, on Julie Andrews's prerecorded special, Julie-My Favorite Things Julie-My Favorite Things, directed by Blake in London. "I must be the squarest person in the world," the whitebell-bottomed Julie realizes, so she seeks the advice of a psychiatrist-Peter as Dr. Fritz Fassbender from What's New Pussycat? What's New Pussycat?, only now, in combination with his dark 1970s glasses, Peter's wig makes him resemble less Prince Valiant than Yoko Ono.

JULIE: Aren't you the famous Fritz Fassbender? Aren't you the famous Fritz Fassbender?

PETER: Yes, of course I am! Heidelberg, Class of '39! Ph.D., LLD, SS... Yes, of course I am! Heidelberg, Class of '39! Ph.D., LLD, SS..JULIE: SS?! SS?!.

PETER: No, no, it's a lie! Liar liar, pents on fire! I vas only following orders! No, no, it's a lie! Liar liar, pents on fire! I vas only following orders!

Dr. Fassbender demands that she prove that she's really Julie Andrews. "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," Julie gamely responds, so Peter offers her a joint and says, "Have a dreg on zis and try saying zat again! Zupakelafragalidzniks.... Lizzen, Julie, you are getting hipper and hipper all ze time by ze minute! One more drag on this and you'll be practically Cheech and Chong!"

If Cheech and Chong served as the ideals of hipness in 1975, Peter himself was there there. Here is an entry from Kenneth Tynan's diaries that year:

"The phrase to remember is: 'The necessary tinge of wham.' This is how Peter Sellers (I think it was) summed up, tonight, the salient quality of Terry Southern.... Peter taught us how to get the best out of pot by spreading tinfoil across the top of a wine glass, prodding holes in it (and a gash) with a needle, then crumbling the pot over the holes, igniting it, and sucking the fumes in through the gash."

Another entry dated a few days later: "More reminiscences of the pot-smoking night with P. Sellers. As one sucks the smoke through the gash in the tinfoil, the hash embers glow, and the close-up view is exactly like that of a burning city seen from the air. This led me into an improvisation, accompanied by Peter, of a Bomber Command navigator talking to the rest of the crew as they go in through the flak to prang Dresden."

On May 5 Peter and Titi, accompanied by Michael Sellers, arrived at the La Costa resort in San Diego for three days of Return of the Pink Panther Return of the Pink Panther previews for select press and guests (including Fred MacMurray and Dick Martin). Sellers, Plummer, and Catherine Schell were each trotted before the horde of gorging reporters; what with the hotel rooms, cocktail parties, dinners, entertainment, limousines, and gift bags, the three-day junket cost United Artists over $125,000. On May 11, Peter was driven back to Los Angeles for several more days' worth of publicity work, after which he flew to New York to appear on previews for select press and guests (including Fred MacMurray and Dick Martin). Sellers, Plummer, and Catherine Schell were each trotted before the horde of gorging reporters; what with the hotel rooms, cocktail parties, dinners, entertainment, limousines, and gift bags, the three-day junket cost United Artists over $125,000. On May 11, Peter was driven back to Los Angeles for several more days' worth of publicity work, after which he flew to New York to appear on The Merv Griffin Show The Merv Griffin Show. Mervin devoted his entire ninety-minute program to The Return of the Pink Panther The Return of the Pink Panther.

While in New York, Peter, dressed and accented as Clouseau, was named an honorary detective by the New York Police Department. He and Titi hightailed it out of the city on May 22, bound for Heathrow.

"All I'm trying to do is get through the day-that's all," he told a British journalist before flying back to Los Angeles in July to appear on The Tonight Show The Tonight Show.

In August, there was a special premiere in Gstaad. Peter requested of United Artists that they provide a few round-trip tickets: one for Michael Sellers, one for Sarah Sellers, one for Victoria Sellers, one for Bert Mortimer, one for Peter Sellers, two for George Harrison, and one for Peter's as-yet-unknown date-unknown because, by that point, Titi was history. During their acrimonious breakup in July, Peter demanded that Titi return the 2,000 Cartier watch he gave her while Titi frantically attempted to retrieve a stuffed dog.

The Gstaad junket's locus was the Palace Hotel. Peter flew in along with his family and George Harrison, Lew Grade, Catherine Schell, Christopher Plummer, Henry Mancini and his orchestra, and, for some reason, John Boorman. Liz and Dick turned up as surprise guests at the gala dinner for 250 journalists.

Peter was seeing multiple women in August alone. One was the eighteen-year-old Tessa Dahl, the daughter of the novelist Roald Dahl and his wife, the actress Patricia Neal. Another was the model Lorraine Cootamundra, nee MacKenzie. "In the past ten days," a British tabloid gasped that month, "he has taken out Susan George three times and is also seeing Scandinavian beauty Liza Farringer, who is in her late 20s." By the end of the month he was high in the Rockies-Vail, Colorado, to be exact-for a lunch with the First Lady of the United States, Betty Ford, and her eighteen-year-old daughter, Susan, whom he was photographing for a lunch with the First Lady of the United States, Betty Ford, and her eighteen-year-old daughter, Susan, whom he was photographing for Vogue Vogue.

In September Peter hosted a party at his rented pad in Beverly Hills. Cary Grant showed up. So did Bill Wyman and Ron Wood of the Rolling Stones, Keith Moon, and David Bowie. The party turned into an impromptu jam session, with Peter doing his bit on drums. Bowie played the saxophone. Earlier that year, Moon had invited Peter and Graham Chapman to his Beverly Glen home, where the three Brits amused themselves with reenactments of old Goon Show Goon Show sketches. sketches.

September also had him in London, where he was a presenter at the glittering Society of Film and Television Awards. Princess Anne was the honored hostess. Peter handed Joanne Woodward her award; Hayley Mills gave one to John Gielgud; Jack Nicholson's trophy was proffered by Twiggy. By early October Peter was back in Los Angeles, where he attended Groucho Marx's birthday party along with Elliott Gould, Sally Kellerman, Milton Berle, Red Buttons, Carroll O'Connor, Sally Struthers, Jack Lemmon, Lynn Redgrave, Roddy McDowall, and Bob Hope. Peter was subdued. "Just to sit there and realize you are in the same room with Groucho Marx is a delightful experience," he remarked.

In October, Keith Moon took a short break from the beginning of his yearlong tour with The Who and booked a room at the Londonderry Hotel on Park Lane, in which he threw a rambunctious party for a group of select friends, including Peter, Ringo, and Harry Nilsson. The party got out of hand when a sizable chunk of plaster suddenly blasted into the adjacent room. According to Moon, he was just "trying to show Peter Sellers how to open a bottle of champagne without touching the cork. It involves banging it against the wall."

With Peter back in the movie game, and with so much time having elapsed since the unpleasant closing of Brouhaha Brouhaha-and with few people having remembered the unproduced The Illusionist The Illusionist-the producer Bernard Miles tried to convince him, again, to return to the theater. Richard III Richard III. Peter turned it down in favor of more films.

Clouseau was a cash cow, but not a perfect one. "God forbid that I should do a whole series," Peter said in May, while Blake Edwards was industriously preparing the script of The Pink Panther Strikes Again The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976). But money mattered to Peter, as it should have, given his previously (1976). But money mattered to Peter, as it should have, given his previously deteriorated fortune; by the time deteriorated fortune; by the time The Return of the Pink Panther The Return of the Pink Panther opened in Europe in September, it had already taken in $36 million in the United States alone, second only to opened in Europe in September, it had already taken in $36 million in the United States alone, second only to Jaws Jaws (1975). And so he soon agreed to another round of Clouseau. One early idea for the fourth (1975). And so he soon agreed to another round of Clouseau. One early idea for the fourth Pink Panther Pink Panther was that Peter would take four roles: in addition to Clouseau, he'd play (or replay) James Bond as well as playing Dr. Phibes and the fiendish Fu Manchu. was that Peter would take four roles: in addition to Clouseau, he'd play (or replay) James Bond as well as playing Dr. Phibes and the fiendish Fu Manchu.

But before the Panther Panther comedy had a chance to go before the cameras in early 1976, he made Neil Simon's detective spoof, comedy had a chance to go before the cameras in early 1976, he made Neil Simon's detective spoof, Murder by Death Murder by Death (1976). His role: Sidney Wang, a hideous parody of the already-appalling Charlie Chan. His costars were Maggie Smith and David Niven as the (1976). His role: Sidney Wang, a hideous parody of the already-appalling Charlie Chan. His costars were Maggie Smith and David Niven as the Thin Man Thin Man-esque sleuths Dick and Dora Charleston; Elsa Lanchester, with a nod to Agatha Christie, as Jessica Marbles; Peter Falk as Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade; James Coco as Milo Perrier (another, more strained, Agatha Christie joke); Eileen Brennan as the flamboyant Tess Skeffington; the unnaturally hilarious Truman Capote as their host, Lionel Twain; Nancy Walker as the deaf maid; and Alec Guinness as the blind butler. ("It's nice to hear guests again," says the butler. "Thank you," says Dora Charleston; "You are...?" "Bensonmum." "Thank you, Benson." "No, no, Bensonmum. My name is Bensonmum Bensonmum.") Peter prepared for his role by flying to Los Angeles-on TWA, of course-to see as many Charlie Chan pictures as Raystar, Ray Stark's production company, could find for him. Murder By Death Murder By Death went into production in the fall of 1975 and concluded just before Christmas. went into production in the fall of 1975 and concluded just before Christmas.

"He behaved very peculiarly," Alec Guinness said shortly before his death in 2000. "I think he was a little bit round the bend then. He had a ring with some sort of crystal in it that changed color with his mood," said Guinness, who found such things baffling. "One day he didn't turn up at all. Everyone sat around, sat around.... Then we all went home. David Niven went back to his hotel and saw Peter having lunch with someone. He was fine."

Guinness related another whimsy: "We all had identical caravans [dressing room trailers], set up in alphabetical order. Peter insisted on having a bigger caravan than everyone else. Eventually they did find him one-a hideous thing-that was six inches longer. David Niven and I saw him out with a tape measure measuring it."

Peter also got into a pissing match with Peter Falk-as Guinness described him, "that one-eyed actor." "Neither would come on to the set before the other one. The whole thing had to be timed with stopwatches so they would arrive at the same time." The dueling Peters simply couldn't deal with having to wait for the other to show up. "It was just a stupid game they were playing," Maggie Smith declares. so they would arrive at the same time." The dueling Peters simply couldn't deal with having to wait for the other to show up. "It was just a stupid game they were playing," Maggie Smith declares.

Dame Maggie also found Peter to be difficult, unpredictable, and strange. One evening, she relates, he corralled everyone in the cast and the key members of the creative team to watch one of his films; Smith cannot recall which one-only that it was very long and very dull. After it was over, Neil Simon turned and said, "I hate to sleep and run...."

Smith also remembers the day Eileen Brennan showed up in one of the snazzy outfits the film's costume designer, Ann Roth, had fashioned for her-a brilliant purple gown with matching boa. Peter flipped out on the spot and insisted that the deadly gown be stricken from the wardrobe and remade in another color. "Poor Ann Roth had to stay up all night making a new costume," Smith sighs. It ended up being apricot.

"David Niven finally cracked," Dame Maggie comments. "He became very irritated and upset and said to Sellers, 'How dare you behave this way?' It was so unlike David." Niven had always been so even-tempered, quiet, and polite that, according to Smith, "Peter did listen to him," however briefly.

His friends found him easier to bear than his costars. The actor Malcolm McDowell, with whom Peter shared the agenting services of Dennis Selinger, describes it well: "Peter's thing was, you never knew whether he'd be talkative or not because he was a manic-depressive. But I knew not to worry if he didn't say anything-just to ignore it, and eventually he'd come round, which he invariably did. I remember a private dinner in a restaurant called Julie's [in London], for Dennis Selinger's sister-she was 70-and all the clients were there. Roger Moore, Michael Caine, all those people.... I sat next to Peter, and he was completely silent through the whole dinner. And at the end of it, one of the ladies got up and said, 'Oh! I've lost my diamond earring!' Everyone started to look for it, whereupon Peter stood up and did a whole Inspector Clouseau thing. Everybody was in tears laughing. It was incredible, a mark of genius. It was the first time he'd spoken all night."

In February, Peter and his newest costars-Colin Blakely, Leonard Rossiter, and Lesley-Anne Down-began the production of Blake Edwards's The Pink Panther Strikes Again The Pink Panther Strikes Again, in which Clouseau inadvertently prevents the now-mad (and now-former) Chief Inspector Dreyfus from destroying the world. The critic Jim Yoakum observes that the fifth now-mad (and now-former) Chief Inspector Dreyfus from destroying the world. The critic Jim Yoakum observes that the fifth Panther Panther's storyline bears more than a passing resemblance to that of The Mouse That Roared The Mouse That Roared: a kidnapped, bearded scientist and daughter; a doomsday device; Peter's character succeeding despite himself.

His accent worsens further; now even his own name verges on unintelligibility. ("Yes, this is Chief Inspector Clyieuzaeauh.") The disguises go just as far: Clouseau purchases a new "Quasimodo Hunchback Disguise Kit" with an inflatable helium hump and ends up floating over the rooftops of Paris and past Notre Dame until he shoots off the helium release valve in his crotch and plops into the Seine. ("Feurtunately zere was sufficient air still left in my heump to keep me afleut until the rescyeau.") There's an anachronistically eerie moment when the evil Dreyfus causes the United Nations Building in New York City to disappear. It's violent insanity as a response to gross stupidity: DREYFUS: What do you suppose they will call the crater? "The Dreyfus Ditch"! (He laughs maniacally.) What do you suppose they will call the crater? "The Dreyfus Ditch"! (He laughs maniacally.) KIDNAPPED PHYSICIST: There shall be no crater. There shall be no crater.

DREYFUS: No crater? But I No crater? But I want want a crater! I want wreckage! Twisted metal! Something the world will not forget! a crater! I want wreckage! Twisted metal! Something the world will not forget!

But the laser beam Dreyfus sets off only makes the building disappear from the Manhattan skyline without a trace.

"What kind of a man are you?" the physicist asks Dreyfus. "A madman," Dreyfus replies.

The Pink Panther Strikes Back contains the most purely ghastly comedy sequence in Peter Sellers's career. The comic tone is beyond baroque: contains the most purely ghastly comedy sequence in Peter Sellers's career. The comic tone is beyond baroque: Dreyfus has a toothache. Clouseau, dressed with a frizz of white hair, a sort of Alpine Einstein, administers laughing gas to himself and to Dreyfus and extracts the tooth-the wrong wrong tooth-with a pair of pliers while, because of the excessive heat in Dreyfus's lair, Clouseau's latex-laden geezer makeup begins to melt off his face. To the sound of the two men's incessant spastic laughter, Clouseau's face dangles in great, pendulous globs from his nose. The laughter becomes shriller and more mirthless as Clouseau, physically disintegrating, frantically grabs handfuls of his face and packs them tooth-with a pair of pliers while, because of the excessive heat in Dreyfus's lair, Clouseau's latex-laden geezer makeup begins to melt off his face. To the sound of the two men's incessant spastic laughter, Clouseau's face dangles in great, pendulous globs from his nose. The laughter becomes shriller and more mirthless as Clouseau, physically disintegrating, frantically grabs handfuls of his face and packs them back onto himself. Following through perfectly on Clouseau's philosophical trajectory all through the back onto himself. Following through perfectly on Clouseau's philosophical trajectory all through the Panther Panther series, his disguise decays at the same pace as rationality. It's ugly to watch, as it was clearly meant to be. series, his disguise decays at the same pace as rationality. It's ugly to watch, as it was clearly meant to be.

"How's this?" Clouseau asks Dreyfus of his own badly reconstructed head. "Grotesque!" Dreyfus shouts, both of them laughing in agony.

Peter Sellers's innate ability to sustain such a complex and peculiar tone has rarely if ever been matched. Attempts by others to play Clouseau-Alan Arkin in Inspector Clouseau Inspector Clouseau (1968), Roger Moore as Jacques Clouseau in (1968), Roger Moore as Jacques Clouseau in Curse of the Pink Panther Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), Roberto Benigni as Jacques Clouseau, Jr., in (1983), Roberto Benigni as Jacques Clouseau, Jr., in Son of the Pink Panther Son of the Pink Panther (1993)-necessarily ended in dull failure. One of the world's foremost Peter Sellers fans, Maxine Ventham, makes a crucial point when she observes that "Clouseau would be unbearable-and (1993)-necessarily ended in dull failure. One of the world's foremost Peter Sellers fans, Maxine Ventham, makes a crucial point when she observes that "Clouseau would be unbearable-and is is unbearable when played by other actors-if he didn't have those sad, vulnerable, dark eyes peering out at the world." Look at Peter's melancholy eyes as Clouseau's face falls off in globs and you will see precisely what she means. unbearable when played by other actors-if he didn't have those sad, vulnerable, dark eyes peering out at the world." Look at Peter's melancholy eyes as Clouseau's face falls off in globs and you will see precisely what she means.

It wasn't a happy shoot. Lesley-Anne Down was not a happy trouper. Each day, she says, "There would be at least an hour of doing absolutely nothing. It would just be Peter being very silly. Little by little we would start working on an idea. And it would be just one shot. Very often, that's all we would get in a day-one shot. A film that had a schedule of eleven or twelve weeks ended up taking twenty weeks to do."

"He had terrible feuds with other people," Herbert Lom recalls with a certain distaste, "for instance, Blake Edwards. They were not on speaking terms. He used to send messages to Blake about the scene, and Blake used to send messages through his assistant to Peter, and we all stood around looking at the ceiling till they stopped playing their game." Moreover, Lom adds, "Blake showed me telegrams he had received: 'You are a rotten human being.' 'You are a shit and I can afford to work without you.' 'I don't need you to get work. Love, Peter.'

"Peter wouldn't tolerate Blake, who needed to direct direct everybody. But Peter wasn't going to be directed by Blake. He didn't like him as a person. Peter thought at the time that Blake was a shit, and he wasn't going to be bossed around by a worthless human being, and all that kind of crap." Their relationship was like a screwball marriage-comedy and combat in equal measure-and it was based on mutual need. everybody. But Peter wasn't going to be directed by Blake. He didn't like him as a person. Peter thought at the time that Blake was a shit, and he wasn't going to be bossed around by a worthless human being, and all that kind of crap." Their relationship was like a screwball marriage-comedy and combat in equal measure-and it was based on mutual need.

Still, Lom insists on one point: "I never found him to be difficult. never found him to be difficult. Never Never."

For his part, Blake Edwards offers a stark account of Peter's troubles: "He talked to God, what can I tell you? He called me up in the middle of the night and said, 'Don't worry about how we're going to do that scene tomorrow. I just talked to God, and He told me how to do it.'"

"I'm very protective of Peter," Burt Kwouk insists. According to Kwouk, the reason is simple: "Respect. Respect for what he was. There's too little respect in our business. There are very few actors who are not troubled people." Asked if Peter Sellers was more troubled than most, Kwouk answers, "I happen to think that he wasn't. He wasn't any more fucked up than I am." For Kwouk, the difference was this: "When you're somebody like Peter Sellers, the media latch onto it and make it much bigger than it seems. That's what the media do. What the hell, they've got to make a living.

"He was a complicated man. Some of us loved him, some of us hated him. Of course Of course. That's true of everybody everybody. There were people who didn't like Jesus Christ. They nailed him to a cross, for chrissake. The business of being a human being is what it's all about. It's not about being a movie star, not about being an actor, not about being world famous. It's about being a human being. We all go to the toilet every morning, whoever we are."

In the south of France in July, in London in August, in Los Angeles in September, and with a side trip to the Seychelles sometime in between, Peter, fifty, was beginning to keep company in the form and figure of Lynne Frederick, a wild little thing of twenty-one. An actress (she appeared as Catherine Howard in Masterpiece Theatre Masterpiece Theatre's Henry VIII and His Six Wives Henry VIII and His Six Wives) and girl about town (by the time she hooked up with Peter, the precocious Lynne had already enjoyed affairs with both the thirty-seven-year-old David Frost and the fifty-year-old West End gaming club operator Julian Posner), Lynne was a striking beauty, confident beyond her years. And ambitious.

Sellers himself described her as having what he called an "extrasensory instinct" that told her precisely what he needed at any given moment. She, in turn, provided it. She was four months younger than his son.

On December 15, 1976, The Pink Panther Strikes Again The Pink Panther Strikes Again received its Royal World Charity Premiere at London's Odeon in Leicester Square. A single invitation was sent to Mr. Peter Sellers, who was insulted at being unable to invite his chosen date, specifically Lynne, since royal invitations cannot be altered, even for close friends of the royals. "If Lynne is not allowed to be there I'm bloody well not going myself," he said. And so he boycotted the British premiere of his own film, to much stir in the British press. received its Royal World Charity Premiere at London's Odeon in Leicester Square. A single invitation was sent to Mr. Peter Sellers, who was insulted at being unable to invite his chosen date, specifically Lynne, since royal invitations cannot be altered, even for close friends of the royals. "If Lynne is not allowed to be there I'm bloody well not going myself," he said. And so he boycotted the British premiere of his own film, to much stir in the British press.

Now it was Prince Charles's turn to be offended. Charles was aghast at his old friend's behavior and the scandal it caused. It was still bloody: "I was bloody annoyed that he didn't turn up," the Prince declared at the time. "I wish I could take my my girlfriend to functions, but I can't. I'm going to tell him how I feel when I see him." girlfriend to functions, but I can't. I'm going to tell him how I feel when I see him."

Peter, Lynne, and Victoria left for Gstaad two days later.

After eleven months passed, a reporter was curious. "Are you still in the doghouse with Prince Charles?" Peter was asked. "Don't know," Peter replied. "Haven't seen him since."

Malcolm McDowell was already acquainted with Lynne Frederick. "I'd just worked with her on a film called Voyage of the Damned Voyage of the Damned (1976) so I was rather.... I would have warned him off, had I known. But you can't, can you?" (1976) so I was rather.... I would have warned him off, had I known. But you can't, can you?"

At a party, McDowell recalls, "Peter actually said to me, 'I will walk into a room of forty women, and there is one woman in that room that is poisonous for me, and I will walk straight up to her and ask her to marry me.'"

The wedding took place in Paris on February 18, 1977. They soon flew to their new summer house at Port Grimaud near Saint-Tropez.

Lynne's mother, Iris Frederick, a Thames television casting agent, was pointedly not not invited to the ceremony. "I wouldn't have gone in any case," Iris declared to reporters. "I will never, invited to the ceremony. "I wouldn't have gone in any case," Iris declared to reporters. "I will never, ever ever talk to him. There is the age difference, but more important, there is Mr. Sellers's track record. He has three failed marriages behind him. Three women can't be that wrong." She and Lynne had stopped speaking three months earlier and remained estranged for quite some time. talk to him. There is the age difference, but more important, there is Mr. Sellers's track record. He has three failed marriages behind him. Three women can't be that wrong." She and Lynne had stopped speaking three months earlier and remained estranged for quite some time.