The lady narrowed her eyes knowingly before answering, "Lead the way."
They both excused themselves and left Xue Jinxu's room together. They sauntered the whitewashed corridors of Imperial hospital in awkward silence. The air between them was stifling, taut and, in every step, even became more suffocating than it already was.
Teng Man Rui could not hide the strong traces of guilt on her face. She kept her head down, while allowing Zhu Li Qiang to walk a few steps ahead of her. She was clenching her fists and had been dreading this awful confrontation. She felt she had sinned against Zhu Li Qiang.
Perhaps, realizing that he couldn't take it anymore, and upon reaching the garden, Zhu Li Qiang invited them to sit on the winding marble bench that was lining the lush flowering plants alongside the garden's edge. Some b.u.t.terflies flew past them, oblivious of the tension between the pair.
For the first few minutes, neither one spoke.
Zhu Li Qiang was made aware by Teng Man Rui's bodyguards that he hired to protect her of what had happened the other night between the lady and a man they could identify as the young master s.h.i.+. His men reported to him that they had secured the lady from the place, but the lady requested for one of them to go back, to send the man that was in his own house at the time, to the hospital. Upon his approval, one of the men went inside, and found an unconscious man, s.h.i.+vering and drenched all over, similar to the lady's condition when they found her, sprawled on the bathroom floor, and was deliriously burning with fever. In the end, the guard had called an ambulance which took the man to the hospital in their stead.
Zhu Li Qiang knew about it. He could somehow understand that the lady only did what she did out of sheer concern. It's true, after all, that the young master s.h.i.+ was terribly sick. However, he was still extremely hurt, nonetheless, especially because Teng Man Rui had not said a word about that incident either. Not to explain her side to him, not to clarify her side – nothing.
He sighed while thinking about it.
'Do I have the right?' He thought glumly. They weren't official yet, and even from the start, the lady came clean with the status of her heart. Where's his place in the picture?
Few more minutes pa.s.sed without them ever speaking. They were both imprisoned in their own bubble. The one that would break the silence seemed to be the one who would also break whatever they have no matter how thin and frail it might be as of the moment, same as a sheet of ice in a frozen river in winter. The blow would be irreversible.
Teng Man Rui simply felt that she had no face left to confidently show to Zhu Li Qiang. After all the kindness and patience and understanding he shared with her, in dealing with her, regardless whether or not her heart would learn to reciprocate his feelings, this would be her actions in return?
They were overtaken by events. Yet, both of them could not start the conversation.
"Are you thirsty?" Zhu Li Qiang started. IT was way, way off the topic they wanted to touch, but then, tackling it head-on wasn't too ideal at this point. There was too much to lose. In his case, his chance to be with her.
"I'll get some bottled drinks from the vendo machine."
"Anything will do." Teng Man Rui answered without lifting her head nor looking at him. She kept her head bowed down. She was embarra.s.sed.
'I'm not worthy of receiving Zhu Li Qiang's kindness or love.' She pressed her lips together. She was tormenting her own self with disgust. 'Why can't I s.h.i.+ft all my affection to Zhu Li Qiang instead? It's so frustrating.'
When Zhu Li Qiang returned, he handed the bottled energy drink to the lady. "Here. Drink up. It's good for the body."
"Thanks." She unscrewed the cap and drank obediently. "It's refres.h.i.+ng."
"Zhu Li Qiang…"
The guy nervously took one of Teng Man Rui's hands and caressed it between his hands. "Teng Man Rui, I understand what happened the other night."
The lady lifted her head for the first time, and looked at his eager face. She took back her hand rather roughly.
"You don't understand." The lady answered back.
"Zhu Li Qiang, I'm setting you free from my influence, from any attachment with me." Voice shaking, she relayed her deepest sentiments. "G.o.d knows I tried my very best to work it out with you."
"I like you."
"A lot."
Teng Man Rui bit her lower lip, trying to control her emotions.
"But…"
"I love him. I still do."
Two teardrops fell from her eyes. "You don't deserve such cruelty from me. You're too kind."
"And I don't deserve your kindness." More sobs came from the lady. She was breaking down completely.
"I know you look up to me, but even that – I don't deserve it. I'm tainted, and dirty. I'm… I'm not innocent anymore… I'm a s.l.u.t!"
Down came stronger sobs and wails. Her face was flushed red, and her eyes were swollen and puffed up. She was clenching her fists too tightly that her nails dug into her palms. She loosened her palms oly to cover her face with it.
Zhu Li Qiang wrapped her in his embrace. He couldn't understand the entirety of the woman's outbursts but somehow he got the main point. "Did he take advantage of you?"
The woman was frozen in place, but did not answer. "Nothing happened that night, I swear. But Zhu Li Qiang!! Wake up!!"
"I'm not pure anymore. I've been tainted! You have to turn your head and look elsewhere for someone who's more fitting of you."
"The more you treat me too highly, the less I feel about myself."
"I'm not perfect, Zhu Li Qiang."
She laughed wryly, full of self-mockery. "I even asked one of your men to send him off to a hospital. How are you taking it? I bet you're deeply hurt. I'm constantly hurting you. You have to stop all this and just leave me be."