It had been twenty-four hours since she'd disappeared. Fear gripped me at times, but the anger kept me going, driving me forward to find her. During the day, my family had been there for me. One by one, they had come over to sit with me and attempt to calm my fears. My brothers and James hadn't been able to keep the information to themselves and had to bring the girls over with them. I couldn't be angry that they hadn't kept their promise to not tell the ladies.

I'd racked my brains for hours, trying to figure out why someone would do this to her...and to me. Was it one of my enemies, or were they truly after Angel?

There were so many people who would want to bring us harm. It boggled my mind.

My family was putting their lives on the line for Angel, someone they barely knew, because I'd asked. Without their saying it, I knew they were watching me, worried I'd go Rambo and try to rescue her myself. Although it did pop in my mind from time to time, I knew it wasn't wise.

There were several things we knew for certain: Sarah Roxanne Parker had created a post late Sunday afternoon, about seven hours before her disappearance. The post was about being happy and how quickly life had changed. Her location had been turned on, and anyone in the world could have tracked her because the post was set to public. It was a mistake many people made, not knowing they were giving their location to every stranger who bothered to look.

Besides Facebook, online connections were minimal. We were unable to check her messages without risking tipping off the people responsible for her disappearance.

She had very few enemies or people who could be cla.s.sified as a threat, but I had too many to count. The suspect on the top of the list was her mother. There were no other people Bobby could identify as possible a.s.sailants.

After hours of trying to track her cell phone, he had been able to determine that they were located in the northern part of Orlando. They would have a better idea after I received another message.

Although she'd had a sketchy career, she was a decent person. The people she'd worked with were sleazeb.a.l.l.s and sc.u.mbags, and any of them could have played a role in her disappearance.

We didn't have much to go on, but I a.s.sembled the guys. They were ready to roll at any moment. The waiting was driving me f.u.c.king crazy.

A few hours ago, I'd received a text with instructions for the drop. I'd receive a text tomorrow at noon with details.

Sitting at the kitchen table, I sipped on whiskey and dragged on a cigarette as I plotted my revenge. Bobby was working on an exact location and a possible cast of characters as Flash kept tabs on her social media and any other possible information that could be leaked from her account. My job: just hang tight.

Who the f.u.c.k could hang tight in this situation? I couldn't sleep. I couldn't relax. The only thing I could do was smoke and stare at the second hand of the clock while it moved as if it were in slow motion. Tick. Drag. Tick. Drag. Tick. Sip. Tick.

Getting drunk wasn't the answer. If something happened, I couldn't take the chance of being s.h.i.tfaced and wallowing in self-pity. It would put her life at risk as well as my family.

As I stubbed out my cigarette, my phone moved against the table like a Mexican jumping bean. I checked my text messages.

Anthony: You up?

Me: What the h.e.l.l else would I be doing?

Anthony: I'm coming over Me: You don't have to. I don't need a babysitter.

Anthony: STFU. I'll be there in 10.

I poured another half gla.s.s of whiskey, needing an extra dose to deal with Anthony's grumpy a.s.s at a time like this. After a few sips and about six hundred ticks later, there was a knock at the door.

"Yo!" I yelled out, too exhausted to even get up and answer the d.a.m.n door.

Anthony walked in, stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, and stared at me. "Dude, what the f.u.c.k is wrong with you?"

"I don't know what the h.e.l.l you're talking about." I swirled the whiskey in my gla.s.s, watching the liquid hug the edges.

"You leave your door wide open, you're drinking in the dark, and you don't even get your lazy a.s.s up to answer the door. It's not like you to be so careless, Thomas."

I tore my eyes from the gla.s.s and glared at him. "You don't even f.u.c.king know me anymore, Anthony. I'm not the same person that I was when we were growing up."

He glanced at me for a moment before heading for the cabinet to get a gla.s.s. He sat down, pulled the bottle across the table, and poured.

"Here's what I know," he began, and took a swig. "At your core, you are the same man. I can't imagine what you went through while working for the DEA. I know it was some hardcore s.h.i.t. But you need to listen to me, little brother."

I sighed, rubbing my eyebrows to relieve some of the tension that had settled there. "You'll never understand," I muttered, digging my fingers into the inside corners of my eyeb.a.l.l.s as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"I don't say much. I watch everyone. I take it all in. Store that s.h.i.t away for a later date. I'm not the chatty one like Mike or the aggressive one like Joe, but I know everything that happens in this family. It doesn't matter what went down while you were with the Sun Devils. It doesn't matter what heavy s.h.i.t happened. It does not define you."

"Some sins are unforgivable, Anthony." I shook my head, feeling the weight of my actions on my soul.

"There's nothing that's unforgivable in the eyes of your family. You're still the same man you were when you left for training." He sloshed the whiskey in his cup before taking a swig, his eyes not moving from mine.

"I'm not. I have blood on my hands, Anthony. I'm not better than the criminals in the MC." I closed my eyes, breathing in slowly.

"We've all done s.h.i.t we regret. You're a victim of your circ.u.mstances. Stop beating yourself up for what happened while you were doing your job. They put you in that position. You needed to stay alive and did what you needed to make that happen."

I opened my eyes, looking up at him. I knew his words were true. What had happened wasn't my fault. Protecting my family, surviving, and getting out alive were the reasons behind everything I had done during the time I'd been a member of the Sun Devils MC. Even though my mind knew it, the guilt ate at my heart.

"Anth, I feel that what happened to Angel is G.o.d's way of punishing me." I felt the anxiety clawing at my insides. "There are things I can never tell you. Things that happened that only James knows about, and we both live with the guilt each day. I'm not the same happy guy who walked out the door over a year ago. Some of my joy has been replaced by darkness, the sins of my past unable to be extinguished by my deeds of the future."

He wrinkled his nose and snarled. "That's such a crock of s.h.i.t. No one defines you but yourself. Your deeds of the past do not weigh on who you are as a man. f.u.c.k what other people think of you. The only people who matter in your life are your family and friends. I know you'd jump in front of a bullet for any of us, and we'd do the same for you. That's the measure of a man, not the s.h.i.t they did to stay alive."

I stared at my brother as he reached for the whiskey bottle and topped off his drink. "When did you get so wise?"

"I'm just old. f.u.c.k. I'm older than I care to admit. Forty is creepin' up on my a.s.s, and it scares the h.e.l.l out of me." He blew out a breath and pulled the gla.s.s to his lips before taking a slow sip.

"You still have years until you hit forty," I scoffed.

"Whatever. I know who you are, Thomas, and so does the rest of the family. You're a good man. Case closed."

I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to be able to make him understand.

No one ever would.

The only people who knew my dirty deeds were James and Flash, and in many ways, they were just as culpable as I was. James put the bullet in Rebel's head, but we buried the body and covered up the crime.

I'd helped the Sun Devils take out members of rival clubs.

I'd helped secure drug shipments and create distribution channels.

I'd been there for every shady deal and criminal act.

I wasn't innocent.

I'd spend the rest of my life repenting for my sins and trying to reverse the bad I had done.

"What's the plan for tomorrow?" he asked, setting the gla.s.s on the table and resting his head against the wall.

"I'll know more around ten. I'll get details at noon, and we'll move from there."

"You want us here at ten?"

"You can stay here if you want. I probably won't sleep, but the guest room is yours." I rolled my gla.s.s between my fingers, watching the liquid move inside.

"I'll stay here in case you need me, Thomas." He crossed his arms over his chest as he yawned.

"Thanks, Anth. I know you have your own s.h.i.t going on."

"Family first," he replied, his mouth set in a firm line.

"Yeah," I mumbled, reaching for the whiskey.

He placed his hand on mine. "No more for tonight. You need your head clear tomorrow."

I glared at him. "Fine," I blurted, a little irritated, even though he was right.

I couldn't allow my momentary panic to risk the lives of Angel and the rest of my family tomorrow. That would be something I'd never be able to live with-the darkness would swallow me whole.

"What's been on your mind? What's going on with that woman you're so hung up on?" I needed to change the subject, even if only for a moment.

"f.u.c.k," he groaned, a heavy sigh escaping him. "I don't even know where to start."

"We have time to kill." I gave him a small smile, trying to give my mind a break from the possibilities that kept creeping inside. I couldn't get the image of Angel suffering to stop playing through my brain.

"She hides me," he said, closing his eyes as he spoke. "Her family hates me, and for that, she keeps me in the shadows."

"Why would she do that?" I asked, gawking at him.

He slowly opened his eyes and stared at me. "It's complicated. We come from very different worlds. I'm not accepted by her brothers and her parents."

"I take it Ma and Pop haven't met her?"

He shook his head and reached for his gla.s.s, wincing as he swallowed. "Nope. I'm not bringing her around the family unless there's a future with her."

"So, you're not sold on her?"

"That's the f.u.c.king problem. I am. I've never wanted anyone the way I want her. I've never given myself so completely to someone like I have with her. I've never been faithful, but it's only her. I f.u.c.kin' can't win. She shuts me out and disappears. Just when I think I'm over her and ready to move on, she comes back and my walls come crashing down."

"She has you by the b.a.l.l.s, Anth."

"I refuse to let it continue. Either she fights for us and moves beyond what her family thinks or I need to put an end to it. Women like her are the reason I've sworn off love."

"Brother, you've sworn off love because of the plethora of p.u.s.s.y falling at your feet," I said, forgetting my panic for just a second before I sobered.

"That too," he replied, a laugh rising from his chest as his body began to shake. "It still falls at my feet, but I step over it now and steer clear."

"Yeah. I find that hard to believe."

"I swear it's some f.u.c.kin' sick cosmic joke, Thomas. The first woman I want to be with treats me like s.h.i.t. She yanks me around by my d.i.c.k, pulling me in and then tossing me out. She f.u.c.kin' makes my head spin."

"Sounds like you're in love."

"Um, no." He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "I'm in l.u.s.t."

"You keep telling yourself that, Anth."

"Women are impossible."

"It never gets any easier."

"You love her, yeah?" he asked, as a smile spread across his face.

I'd sworn off love besides my family, but she'd crept inside and become part of me. Being without her was like floating through life missing an anchor. She was my tether to a world that was filled with the possibility of happiness.

"Yes," I confessed with a shaky voice. "I've never loved any woman the way I love her."

He scrubbed his hands across his face and pulled in a breath. "f.u.c.k women. Nothing but trouble, I tell you."

"Yeah, you're f.u.c.ked," I replied, laughing at the look of sickness on his face. He couldn't deny any longer that he loved the one woman who'd tried pushing him away. "You need to decide if she's worth the fight."

"One thing at a time. Let's focus on getting your woman back and then I'll figure out how to get control of my b.a.l.l.s again."

I laughed, standing from my chair and slapping him on the shoulder. "You never get it back."

"f.u.c.k," he hissed, grabbing his gla.s.s and finishing off the last drop of whiskey in his cup.

"I'm going to jump in the shower and try to get some sleep." The clock said two, and I knew the crew would be here in eight hours and ready for action.

"I'm going to just crash on the couch and watch a movie until I fall asleep."

Walking to the sink, I saw Angel's cup still sitting next to the teakettle. I'd been unable to move it, to wipe away the last trace of her from before she'd disappeared. Placing my cup in the sink, I stared outside and thought about her.

Let her be okay.

This wasn't the time for us to end.

She deserved better than to go out this way.

I had to step up to the plate and rescue the girl I'd dragged into this life. If I had left her behind, her life would have been s.h.i.tty, but she wouldn't have been in danger.

"Okay," I said to Anthony, my eyes starting to sting from the tears I refused to let win. I wouldn't cry and wallow in pity. I needed to ready myself for an a.s.sault on whoever was responsible for her abduction. I'd make sure they wouldn't come out alive. "Night," I said, waving as I walked out of the kitchen and climbed the steps to my bedroom.

I tossed and turned all night. My mind was a clouded and tangled mess of emotions. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I rested my elbows on my knees.

I needed to get my head on straight.

Angel deserved a clear mind and me at my best.