Haruma-3

When Suzaku Reiji’s companion left the hallway, she left the staffroom door wide open in order to glare daggers at Chigusa, and from to time she let out this incomprehensible noise that sounded like “Reijiii, Reijiii,” as if she were some kind of two-headed monster. Ohh, so that’s what a growl sounds like, I thought, although somehow it looked like she was upset about leaving early. I thought leer and growl were only ever used in Pokémon.

Still, appealing to go home was a thing, huh?

I was just like this girl… whatever her name was. Oh well, let’s call her Gyarumi-chan. I ought to take a leaf out of Gyarumi-chan’s book and pressure Chigusa to go home. I tried everything: paced the hallways, cleared my throat, stamped my feet and skulked around.

But there was no way Chigusa would notice. I wondered if maybe I should kick up a fuss and be all like “Johaaaaannes, Johaaaaannes” in a subdued, needling tone… As I was caught in indecision, I heard a voice beside me.

“Hey.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gyarumi-senpai playing with her cell phone. Did she just talk to me, I wonder? But if her “hey” is short for “Hey, I’ve got no reception/batteries/mobile data!” then I’ll make a fool of myself by responding… I thought, adopting a wait-and-see approach, only for Gyarumi-senpai to look up from her screen and scowl at me.

“Huh? You’re ignoring me? That kinda p.i.s.ses me off.”

I exhaled. “Sorry.”

Well now, so she was talking to me after all, huh? I thought for sure she was an Ikuzo kinda gal, but then again, there’s no way of knowing. I mean, the average high school girl wouldn’t know Ikuzo (1). Not to mention Gyarumi-senpai appeared not to know what everyone else knows: look at the person you’re talking to.

As she opened her mouth, Gyarumi-senpai thrust her chin in Chigusa’s direction. “Hey you, are you close to her?”

“No, I wouldn’t say we’re close,” I answered with complete and utter sincerity.

“Suuuuure.” Gyarumi-senpai snorted, unconvinced. Then a nasty smile came over her face. “But y’know, you’d be soooo much better off forgetting about her.”

I c.o.c.ked my head and asked why just through my eyes. At that point, Gyarumi-chan launched into an eager rant, her nostrils flared.

“I heard some seriously bad things about her. Like, she’s a total b.i.t.c.h.”

Well, yeah.

“She just pretends to be cute.”

Could not agree more.

“She’s a pain in the a.s.s about money.”

That too.

“Plus, y’know, she’s been making eyes at our Reiji, see?”

Well, no.

After these past few days with Chigusa Yuu, I had a pretty good grasp of her many character faults. The bad rumours Gyarumi-senpai had uttered just now were eighty per cent true. Wait a minute, Gyarumi-senpai, those rumours warped into personal opinions somewhere along the line, didn’t they…?

However, that last bit about making eyes was something I couldn’t accept. By that, I mean that Chigusa Yuu would never suck up to anybody. She had way too high an opinion of herself.

For that reason, the idea that she was making eyes at Suzaku-senpai or whatever was probably some groundless rumour the other girls in the background cooked up out of jealousy and resentment. Those other rumours were kinda impossible to refute.

“Come to think of it, Suzaku-senpai is pretty popular, huh?”

I had no interest in Suzaku Reiji himself, but the idea that someone could be popular enough to inspire catfights was impressive in my book.

“Well, yeah? What else is new?” Gyarumi-senpai chuckled as she stuck out her rather ma.s.sive chest with pride. I had no idea what Gyarumi-senpai was so proud of. Was Reijiii shared property among all the girls?

“You going out with him?”

“…Not really. We’ve been trying to get his attention, but Reiji is kinda, y’know, dense? Well, that’s how everyone feels at the moment.”

Her entire att.i.tude changed in a flash: her shoulders sagged and she wouldn’t meet my eyes.

I sighed. Now I got it. Her insistence to wait before going home was yet another attempt to get his attention. Judging from how she talked, it seemed there were other girls plotting to go out with Suzaku Reiji. Unfortunately for Gyarumi-senpai, her efforts would fail to bear fruit… That chest of hers had certainly ripened, though…

In any case, the idea that Suzaku Reiji was a hit with the ladies was something I could understand. He was genuinely good-looking. He was tall and had a lean body. Despite his good looks, he wasn’t frivolous, and even the way he spoke had a soothing effect.

I made an interested noise. “How impressive.”

Looks count for everything when it comes to people. I even judge the boys in my cla.s.s by their looks. It pains me! But I can’t help but judge! It’s like a jolt goes through me.

As I was gazing at Suzaku Reiji, Gyarumi-senpai burst out: “Huh? Don’t tell me you’re the type who’s jealous of Reiji or something? Very funny! But creepy. Suzaku is a freakin’ phoenix—there’s no way you can compare, y’know?” She cracked up laughing as she pointed at Suzaku-senpai and then at me.

These days, there’s a trope about gyaru being nice to otaku and social outcasts, but in no way does it reflect reality. Anyone who believes that trend is real because of manga and light novels should ditch the books and go outside.

In my opinion, the reason that trope exists is because my fellow men have realised that, in the real world, both pure girls and mysterious girls are actually nasty b.i.t.c.hes, and they have turned the relatively unknown life form known as a gyaru into a new archetype accordingly.

Well, that means that, in the real world, pure girls, mysterious girls, geek girls—and, of course, gyaru—are all cold, nasty b.i.t.c.hes to social outcasts. No exceptions.

“Hey, speaking of making eyes, what do you think of Kuriu-sensei?”

“Kuryuu? Oh, her… Not that Reiji would ever go for her…” said Gyarumi-senpai, although there was something resentful in her tone. “Whenever she gets involved with us, she gets really feverish. It’s annoying.”

“Feverish?” I frowned at her choice of words. It didn’t match my image of Kuriu-sensei.

If you ask me, Kuriu-sensei was the kind of person who brought to mind words like calm and gentle and laid-back and big-breasted. But feverish…? Please tell me, Gyarumi-chan! I asked Gyarumi-senpai with my eyes, but she only started playing with her curls as if she was struggling to express herself.

“She’s, like, full on or something?”

Her vocabulary, like, sucked!

But still, I kind of got what she was trying to say. Zealous, overprotective, meddling—something like that? I got the gist of it. Thank you, Gyarumin.

That was where my conversation with Gyarumi-senpai came to an end. With a disgruntled sigh, Gyarumi-senpai started playing with her cell phone once more. It seemed as if she had gotten bored of me. I deeply apologise for not being a good time waster.

As a result, I now had nothing to do either, so I gazed at Chigusa from a distance, channelling “the boy who stares at the trumpet in the display window (2).”

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) Yoshi Ikuzo sang “I’ll Go to Tokyo” (1984). His stage name is a pun for “Yoshi, ikuzo!”, which translates to the go-getting phrase: “All right, let’s go!”

(2) “The boy who stares at the trumpet in the display window” is an iconic j.a.panese commercial which ran during the ‘80s. You can watch the ad here: https://youtu.be/U3NxJd4kQws?t=3m