It was thirty seconds of bliss.

I wanted more.

"If you keep making noises like that, Ti," Bear groaned, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I sucked my bottom lip into my own mouth, tasting where Bear's tongue had just been. "I can't promise that this is just going to stop at a kiss."

"You said if I told you what happened at the MC, then you could make me forget," I reminded him. "I want to take you up on that," I said, knowing what I wanted but unsure if Bear would be willing to give it to me.

"No blow, Thia. I already told you..."

"No." I interrupted him. "Make me forget, just like this," I said. Growing bold I reached out and touched his lips with my fingers. Bear groaned and surprised me when he sucked my fingertips into his mouth. My nipples hardened as if they'd been touched by a cold breeze. Bear pulled me flush against his hard body and groaned, the deep vibration resonating with parts of my body I didn't know could feel things. "I don't want drugs. I want you to be my drug. Make me forget, Bear. Please." I begged. "Take it all away."

Bear looked down and for a minute I was sure that he was about to tell me that he regretted kissing me and couldn't do what I was asking him. He was a biker. What they did wasn't a secret around the county. I know he was used to experienced women, club whores. Why would he want to kiss me? "Tell me why you are still wearing these and I'll kiss you again," he said, tugging at the waistband of my shorts.

"I don't know how you are going to react. Everything seems to make you mad," I said honestly.

"I can't promise you I won't be angry, but I can promise you that I won't be angry at you," Bear said. "You understand that, Ti?" He searched my eyes. "None of this is your fucking fault. You get that?"

I nodded. "I'm afraid," I admitted. I hate being afraid. Growing up I was the fearless one. The one who took care of everyone else. "It's like saying the words out loud is me acknowledging that this nightmare is real, and I don't want it to be real. I don't want any of it. And the worst part is that I feel so weak and this isn't me. I'm not a weak girl. I've always been the strong one."

"Tell me and I'll kiss you again. Maybe it will make you forget, maybe it won't. Maybe it will help give you back a little bit of that strength." Bear chuckled, rocking into me with the hardness between his legs that almost had me jumping back until he said, "Or maybe it will just add some more torture to my rock hard cock."

Before he made it seem as though his erection was just a natural reaction. Now he was making it clear.

He wanted me.

The lightness in his voice, a tone I hadn't heard him take in the last twenty-four hours helped to loosen the tight cogs around my brain and I reluctantly told him the truth. "I keep them on because I don't want to see the bruises. I don't want to be reminded of what he did." My voice cracked with my admission. I hated the weakness in my voice. "I'm not ready to face it just yet."

Bear's nostrils flared, but when he caught me staring at his lips he reached out and grabbed my face, leaning down he pressed another kiss to my lips. This time harder and he was right, he was angry, but he fed the anger into his kiss, into every nip, suck, and dance of his tongue that I lost myself in his lips, in him, and within a few seconds there was nothing around us. No fire, no bay, no ghosts of terrible things.

There was just the two of us and our angry hungry lips.

"More," Bear said, pulling away, kissing the corner of my mouth where it had just started to scab over. He trailed his lips to my collarbone softly brushing his lips over every inch of skin, leaving a trail of fire in his wake I didn't even know was possible. He paused. "Tell me more," he said as I leaned in and he leaned back. I frowned at the lack of contact.

"I was in a room with Chop. You look like him you know," I started. "Not exactly, but in a way I could tell right away that he was your father."

"I've heard that before," he muttered. "But let's get one thing straight. He's been my old man since I was born, but he's never ever been a fucking father to me."

"I can't imagine he was," I said.

"Keep talking," he ordered softly, trailing kisses down my arms and then over the few inches of bare skin between my tank top and shorts. I looked for my thoughts but couldn't find them with his lips trailing their way toward a part of me that was throbbing with a need that was unlike anything I'd ever felt.

"Room with Chop," Bear prompted.

"Right. Um... the prospect had already given him the ring. Your ring. He was mad. He threatened me. He...he hit me." I sucked in a breath remembering when he'd thrown me to the floor. Bear must have felt my tension and hesitation because he stood back up and captured my mouth in another kiss. Each one more mind-numbingly perfect than the last. He opened his mouth to me and his tongue found mine. I couldn't resist the urge to lightly suck on the tip of his tongue. He moaned into my mouth and the kiss deepened and grew heavier and faster. I tried to mimic his tongue's movements but there was no rhythm, no pace except frantic need.

Sparks ignited in my very core, making me feel empty. I rubbed my thighs together, needing to feel something more. Friction. Anything. Just something more.

Bear hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts and pulled them down my thighs. "Wait!" I said, reaching for the elastic.

Bear grabbed my wrist when I tried to yank my shorts back up. "Ti, let me help you," he said, looking back up to me and in that moment I saw the Bear from the Stop-N-Go seven years ago, the Bear I trusted. I released my grip on my shorts and he pulled them down to my feet and I stepped out of them.

I closed my eyes, waiting for whatever it was he was going to do next, but opened them again when I heard him say. "Stay here." Bear jogged back to the apartment, appearing less than a minute later with a damp washcloth in one hand. He knelt down in front of me. "I don't..." I started, but I had no idea what I was going to say.

"I'm not going to fuck you," Bear said. And when he leaned in and swirled his tongue around my belly button in a move that had me bending my knees involuntarily, literally weakening from his touch. I swore I heard him mutter. "Yet."

"Keep going," he prompted again, sliding lower down my stomach, licking and nipping everything on his way, however he avoided my breasts entirely, leaving my shirt completely intact. He slipped his fingers into my underwear and I braced myself for what he was going to find. Most of my injuries were dull throbs, but everything he'd done to me down there throbbed like it was hours ago, not days.

"He bit my nipple. Drew blood. Then he flipped me over onto my stomach," I said, reliving the way his teeth had felt as they bit down into my flesh over my shirt.

"Did he fuck you?" Bear asked, lifting up his head so he could witness my answer.

"He said he was going to wreck my body, tear me apart and send you back the pieces," I whispered.

Bear growled and pulled off my panties. "What are you going to..." I started, but stopped when Bear pressed the cool washcloth between my legs.

"Did he touch you here," Bear said, dragging the washcloth through my folds and across my opening, cleaning me of the dried blood.

Of Chop.

I nodded. "With his finger, he scraped me. Inside. With his nails." Bear dipped his head between my legs and dragged his tongue across my clit and through my folds, pushing it up into my opening and pulling back out again. I started to shake and for the first time in days it wasn't because I was going into shock.

Or maybe I was.

Trembling because of one long lick of his hot wet tongue across my core and I wasn't sure how much longer I could remain standing. The heat from the fire and the heat radiating within me was too much. It was too hot. It was too...oh my god, he did it again.

"Holy fuck," Bear growled. Leaning in again he asked, "Did he touch you here?" Right against my clit as ran the cloth between my legs again, but this time he nudged my thighs apart and reached further, pushing the cloth between my ass cheeks and I winced at the contact.

Bears eyes shot up to mine.

"Just with his thumb and then he tried to use his... he was going to...but he didn't get far. There was an explosion and then I was in a car or something with a guy name Gus. But it hurt. It hurt so bad," I admitted. "It was like he was using a power drill on the base of my spine." Bear lowered himself, his big hands braced on the inside of my thighs, spreading my legs wider to make room for him. I pushed against him, feeling suddenly ashamed and embarrassed, but he didn't let me.

"Ti, let me see. Spread your legs for me. Open up and let me see what he did to you. Let me take from you what he did and make it better." Reluctantly, I opened my knees and Bear sucked in a gasp.

"You're bruised up. But it's healing," Bear said, shocking me when again his tongue took the same trail the cloth had taken, first dipping into my folds. I thought he would stop when he got further but he didn't, he trailed his tongue between my cheeks and lapped over the sensitive bundle of injured nerves, cleaning me in a way the cloth couldn't.

"Bear, you don't have..." I said, trying to pull him up by the hair. He swatted my hand away and pressed a kiss over the tight and damaged bundle of nerves.

Everything inside me clenched and the sensation took me by such surprise that I clamped my thighs around Bear's head, releasing him when he chuckled into my core. I groaned and then clamped my hand over my mouth.

"Did you tell me everything, Ti?" he asked against my clit before sucking it into his mouth. My hips jumped toward him but he held me firmly in place.

"Yes," I answered, breathlessly.

Bear stood up suddenly and I fell back into the chair in surprise. "Then we're done here," he said, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, his voice raspy and scratchy. He doused the bonfire with water from a red beach bucket and shot me a look of complete disgust before heading across the grass, back toward the garage.

He left me in the dark, alone, half naked, humming in the places his tongue had been, and wondering what the fuck just happened.

He hadn't healed me at all. He hadn't made me forget.

No, if anything, he'd just broken me more.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

Thia Mosquitos the size of small birds buzzed around my ears like small vultures circling the air above its intended prey. I don't know how long I sat out there, but by the time I figured out how to move and trudged back to the garage, Bear wasn't there.

He didn't come back that night, or the next morning. It was for the better, anyway. The door knob had been replaced at some point but it wasn't locked anymore. I wasn't a prisoner. He wasn't keeping me there anymore.

He was telling me to leave.

He WANTED me to leave.

He didn't have to tell me twice.

I hated Bear. And not just because he left me in the dark without a backwards glance but because I didn't want to hate him. I didn't want to like him either, but like an idiot I let down my guard and invited myself to be his joke once more.

What happened the night before was never happening again. My life might have been some cruel joke, but I wouldn't let myself be made into one at his expense.

I took a shower. A real shower without the barrier of my shorts. The soap stung as the water rinsed it down my body and into my crevices, but it didn't last long and after a minute I was able to wash and dry without feeling like I was suffocating.

I wiped the steam off the mirror, my stomach flipped when I heard the door to the apartment open.

He'd come back.

I hated myself for hoping it was him.

He didn't deserve my hope.

"Thia?" A female voice called out, slowly opening the bedroom door. "Oh, there you are." Ray appeared with a bright smile. "I brought you some fresh clothes," she said, setting another shirt and pair of shorts on the bed.

"Thank you," I said, moving toward the stack. "I really haven't had much of a chance to tell you how much I appreciate..."

"Don't worry about it. Trust me, I know it's not easy to be the new kid around here," she said, her voice full of sincerity. "I had someone to help me back then, and now I'm just glad that I'm here to help you." She looked at the floor and then to the ceiling like she was suddenly trying to fight back tears. "Anyway," she said, shaking away whatever had crossed her mind, "I was just wondering if you wanted to come up to the house for a bit? Have some lunch? I see that you really haven't eaten most of the food I've been bringing you, so maybe you just need a new setting for a while? A little reset?" I stood there without answering because I didn't really know what to say. I needed to come up with a plan, not have a lunch date, but I also didn't want to disappoint her. "Maybe you can help me not strangle the kids?"

Searching my brain for reasons why that wouldn't be a good idea, her words suddenly registered with me. "Kids?" The girl didn't look old enough to have one kid never mind kids with an 's' on the end. I'd seen her almost every single day in one way or another for brief periods of time, but this was the first time I felt like the fog had cleared long enough to actually be able to think about her as more than the bringer of clothes and food.

Ray's hair was so light blonde it was almost white. It was long too, hanging straight over her shoulders, ending just under her breasts. Her one shoulder was covered with colorful, yet feminine tattoos that turned into a quarter sleeve. While Bear's tattoos gave him an even harder edge, they seemed to do the opposite for Ray, the light pinks and blues made her look soft. More feminine. She was definitely young, maybe my age or a little older, but had an odd air of maturity about her that made me think that she could be nineteen or she could be thirty. "Get dressed, you're coming. They love terrorizing newbies," she said, patting the pile of clothes.

I held onto my towel, wrapping it even tighter under my arms. "I'm not really a kid person," I lied. I'd always loved kids and I was practically a mom to Jesse, but she didn't need to know that.

Ray winked like she could see right through me and I knew there was no way she was letting me out of lunch. "Good because neither am I," she said, throwing me a shirt off the pile. "But within the last year I've acquired three of them, so hurry, before the two oldest ones knock the house off its pillars."

Ray was in the living room when I emerged from the bedroom. She looked me up and down and tossed a pair of brown flip-flops onto the ground in front of me and I shimmied my feet into them. They fit perfectly, and so did the shorts. Although the black tank top she'd given me was a little tight over my boobs, but it was clean and comfortable and I was grateful to have clean clothes. "How do you get your hair that color?" Ray asked as I followed her out of the garage and into the wet heat. She crossed the lawn the same way Bear had the night before when he'd taken me to the fire pit.

My traitorous skin tingled, the hair standing on end when I remembered how he first pressed his lips to mine. When he washed me gently, when he used his tongue...

"You in there?" Ray said, nudging my shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry. Just zoned out," I admitted. "I don't do anything to get my hair this color. When I was born my dad said it was fire engine red but as I grew up the blonde started to take over. From the age of five to twelve it was practically pink, I'm just glad it's faded a little bit. Kids at school didn't think it was so awesome," I answered.

"Yeah, kids can be assholes," Ray said. "I'm so glad those clothes fit you. At least someone can get some use out of them right now. I tried squeezing my ass into those shorts this morning, but it was a no-go situation, they were so tight I think I damaged my lady parts trying to button them," she said with a sigh.

Ray was seriously beautiful and in the light of the sun her bright blue eyes looked like huge glaciers. If she'd gained weight, it was probably for the best, because she wasn't overweight by any stretch of the imagination and I found myself envying her curves.

The main house was a three-story stilt home that at night looked dark and menacing, but in the light of day was anything but. It was old and in need of some repair, but it was beautiful, sitting proudly in the center of a large grassy piece of property like a manatee emerging from the surface of the river.

The smell of paint grew stronger as we passed THE fire pit that I avoided looking at entirely. "We're having the house painted, what do you think? I'm having trouble choosing a color." She pointed to where a ladder was leaning up against the side of the house. A pretty dove grey color had been painted into a large square against the faded siding with several other smaller squares around it, all in varying shades of greys. Some more blue, some with a lavender tint. "I did that this morning, but I keep going back and forth. I think these kids are rotting my brain." The second she opened the back door the screams and squeals of kids assaulted us.

It sounded like home.

When I still had one.

"Mama! Mama tell Sammy to stop!" Squealed a cute little girl with blonde pigtails who jumped into Ray's arms, nearly knocking her back into the wall.

"Sammy stop chasing your sister." Ray warned the little curly haired boy who ran circles around her feet all the way to the kitchen.

Big windows lined the far wall next to the front door. The kitchen, living room, and dining area existing in all one big, light and open space. "Come in, come in, it's a work in progress in here too, but we just finished putting in new wood floors. Sammy dropping his paints was the end of the old carpet, but it was for the best, it had already lasted ten years past its shaggy expiration," Ray said, setting the little girl down on the floor. She took off again, her little feet running midair before her feet even hit the ground. Immediately Sammy started his chase all over again screaming, "Maaaaaaxxxxxxxy come here," after her as they took off down the hall in a tornado of yips and yells and laughter.

"Don't wake the baby!" Ray called after them in a whisper yell that was impossible for them to hear across the house.

Just when I was wondering if Ray had left the kids in the house by themselves when she had come to the apartment I heard a throat clear and spotted a little old woman with white hair sitting at the dinette set in the center of the kitchen. Next to her was a pitcher of some sort of green drink and an empty glass filled with ice which she was lazily tracing her index finger around the rim. A digital monitor was leaning against the wall, and on the screen was a tiny sleeping baby wrapped in a pink blanket.

That's why Ray was being so critical of her weight.

She'd just had a baby.

"Grace, I swear to god if you let them eat all the popsicles again, I'm sending them home with you," Ray said, opening the lid to the trash can.

"I admit to nothing," Grace said, licking her thumb and turning the page of her newspaper. Ray reached into the garbage can and picked out a box of popsicles, rolling her eyes as she shook the empty box before tossing it back into the can.

"Are all these kids yours?" I asked and upon hearing my voice Grace finally looked up.

"Yep, the whole lot of them," Ray said, plopping down onto the chair across from Grace and pointed to the seat next to her. "It's a long story but, technically Max is King's, and Sammy is mine, but we're all a family now. Nicole Grace was born last month." She might have been complaining about the kids but the way she looked down the hall where the little girl and boy had just disappeared down made me think that Ray was more than happy with her current family situation.

"Am I off duty now?" Grace asked, grabbing the handle of the green pitcher and looking to Ray like she was asking her permission.

"Go ahead," Ray said with a roll of her eyes.

Grace smiled and poured herself a glass. She took a long sip making an exaggerated 'aaaaaaahhhhh' sound. "That's better." Shifting to her side with her legs crossed and an elbow propped up on the table she turned to me. "Mojito?" she asked, raising her glass and shaking it, clinking the ice from side to side.

"No thank you, ma'am," I said.