I held up my hand. "That's enough," I interrupted. "They can't travel with me. They wouldn't be good fellows long if they did."
He struck the chair arm with his fist.
"You're as near impossible as you can be, aren't you," he exclaimed.
"Never mind; you're going to do as I tell you. I never gave you bad advice yet, now did I?"
"No--o. No, but--"
"I'm not giving it to you now. You'll go and you'll go in a hurry. I'll give you a week to think the idea over. At the end of that time if I don't hear from you I'll be down here again, and I'll worry you every minute until you'll go anywhere to get rid of me. Kent, you must do it.
You aren't written out, as you call it, but you are rusting out, fast.
If you don't get away and polish up you'll never do a thing worth while.
You'll be another what's-his-name--Ase Tidditt; that's what you'll be. I can see it coming on. You're ossifying; you're narrowing; you're--"
I broke in here. I didn't like to be called narrow and I did not like to be paired with Asaph Tidditt, although our venerable town clerk is a good citizen and all right, in his way. But I had flattered myself that way was not mine.
"Stop it, Jim!" I ordered. "Don't blow off any more steam in this ridiculous fashion. If this is all you have to say to me, you may as well stop."
"Stop! I've only begun. I'll stop when you start, and not before. Will you go?"
"I can't, Jim. You know I can't."
"I know you can and I know you're going to. There!" rising and laying a hand on my shoulder, "it is time for ME to be starting. Kent, old man, I want you to promise me that you will do as I tell you. Will you?"
"I can't, Jim. I would if I could, but--"
"Will you promise me to think the idea over? Think it over carefully; don't think of anything else for the rest of the week? Will you promise me to do that?"
I hesitated. I was perfectly sure that all my thinking would but strengthen my determination to remain at home, but I did not like to appear too stubborn.
"Why, yes, Jim," I said, doubtfully, "I promise so much, if that is any satisfaction to you."
"All right. I'll give you until Friday to make up your mind. If I don't hear from you by that time I shall take it for granted that you have made it up in the wrong way and I'll be here on Saturday. I'll keep the process up week in and week out until you give in. That's MY promise.
Come on. We must be moving."
He said good-by to Hephzy and we walked together to the station. His last words as we shook hands by the car steps were: "Remember--think.
But don't you dare think of anything else." My answer was a dubious shake of the head. Then the train pulled out.
I believe that afternoon and evening to have been the "bluest" of all my blue periods, and I had had some blue ones prior to Jim's visit. I was dreadfully disappointed. Of course I should have realized that no advice or "prescription" could help me. As Campbell had said, "It was up to me;" I must help myself; but I had been trying to help myself for months and I had not succeeded. I had--foolishly, I admit--relied upon him to give me a new idea, a fresh inspiration, and he had not done it. I was disappointed and more discouraged than ever.
My state of mind may seem ridiculous. Perhaps it was. I was in good health, not very old--except in my feelings--and my stories, even the "Black Brig," had not been failures, by any means. But I am sure that every man or woman who writes, or paints, or does creative work of any kind, will understand and sympathize with me. I had "gone stale," that is the technical name for my disease, and to "go stale" is no joke. If you doubt it ask the writer or painter of your acquaintance. Ask him if he ever has felt that he could write or paint no more, and then ask him how he liked the feeling. The fact that he has written or painted a great deal since has no bearing on the matter. "Staleness" is purely a mental ailment, and the confident assurance of would-be doctors that its attacks are seldom fatal doesn't help the sufferer at the time. He knows he is dead, and that is no better, then, than being dead in earnest.
I knew I was dead, so far as my writing was concerned, and the advice to go away and bury myself in a strange country did not appeal to me. It might be true that I was already buried in Bayport, but that was my home cemetery, at all events. The more I thought of Jim Campbell's prescription the less I felt like taking it.
However, I kept on with the thinking; I had promised to do that. On Wednesday came a postcard from Jim, himself, demanding information.
"When and where are you going?" he wrote. "Wire answer." I did not wire answer. I was not going anywhere.
I thrust the card into my pocket and, turning away from the frame of letter boxes, faced Captain Cyrus Whittaker, who, like myself, had come to Simmons's for his mail. He greeted me cordially.
"Hello, Kent," he hailed. "How are you?"
"About the same as usual, Captain," I answered, shortly.
"That's pretty fair, by the looks. You don't look too happy, though, come to notice it. What's the matter; got bad news?"
"No. I haven't any news, good or bad."
"That so? Then I'll give you some. Phoebe and I are going to start for California to-morrow."
"You are? To California? Why?"
"Oh, just for instance, that's all. Time's come when I have to go somewhere, and the Yosemite and the big trees look good to me. It's this way, Kent; I like Bayport, you know that. Nobody's more in love with this old town than I am; it's my home and I mean to live and die here, if I have luck. But it don't do for me to stay here all the time. If I do I begin to be no good, like a strawberry plant that's been kept in one place too long and has quit bearin.' The only thing to do with that plant is to transplant it and let it get nourishment in a new spot. Then you can move it back by and by and it's all right. Same way with me.
Every once in a while I have to be transplanted so's to freshen up. My brains need somethin' besides post-office talk and sewin'-circle gossip to keep them from shrivelin'. I was commencin' to feel the shrivel, so it's California for Phoebe and me. Better come along, Kent. You're beginnin' to shrivel a little, ain't you?"
Was it as apparent as all that? I was indignant.
"Do I look it?" I demanded.
"No--o, but I ain't sure that you don't act it. No offence, you understand. Just a little ground bait to coax you to come on the California cruise along with Phoebe and me, that's all."
It was not likely that I should accept. Two are company and three a crowd, and if ever two were company Captain Cy and his wife were those two. I thanked him and declined, but I asked a question.
"You believe in travel as a restorative, you do?" I asked.
"Hey? I sartin do. Change your course once in awhile, same as you change your clothes. Wearin' the same suit and cruisin' in the same puddle all the time ain't healthy. You're too apt to get sick of the clothes and puddle both."
"But you don't believe in traveling alone, do you?"
"No," emphatically, "I don't, generally speakin.' If you go off by yourself you're too likely to keep thinkin' ABOUT yourself. Take somebody with you; somebody you're used to and know well and like, though. Travelin' with strangers is a little mite worse than travelin'
alone. You want to be mighty sure of your shipmate."
I walked home. Hephzibah was in the sitting-room, reading and knitting a stocking, a stocking for me. She did not need to use her eyes for the knitting; I am quite sure she could have knit in her sleep.
"Hello, Hosy," she said, "been up to the office, have you? Any mail?"
"Nothing much. Humph! Still reading that Raymond and Whitcomb circular?"
"No, not that one. This is one I got last year. I've been sittin' here plannin' out just where I'd go and what I'd see if I could. It's the next best thing to really goin'."
I looked at her. All at once a new idea began to crystallize in my mind.
It was a curious idea, a ridiculous idea, and yet--and yet it seemed--
"Hephzy," said I, suddenly, "would you really like to go abroad?"
"WOULD I? Hosy, how you talk! You know I've been crazy to go ever since I was a little girl. I don't know what makes me so. Perhaps it's the salt water in my blood. All our folks were sailors and ship captains.
They went everywhere. I presume likely it takes more than one generation to kill off that sort of thing."
"And you really want to go?"