Mandie looked horrified.

"I've been to many youth gatherings," Kate said. "Most nights I have gone home with one of my brothers. Maybe you won't meet the right boy for many years. I am twenty-two years and still have not met a suitable boyfriend."

This news did not cheer Mandie. "And you're so lovely," she said. "If a pretty maid like you cannot find a husband, then there is no hope for me."

Kate laughed. "Cum, I will ask my brother to take both of us home. Or if he has invited a girl to ride with him and doesn't want us interfering, I will walk you home. I am not afraid of the dark."

"You are ever so kind," Mandie said. "My sisters always said so."

Before they could take one step toward the door, Kate saw him. Tall and muscular with coffee-colored hair and frosty blue eyes, Nathaniel made his way toward her.

He smiled at Mandie. "Hullo, I am Nathaniel King."

"Jah," Mandie stuttered nervously. "We all know who you are."

"Kate, you are flushed," he said, concern in his voice. "Do you want me to take you out to the fresh air? It would not be good for you to get sick just as you are feeling better."

"No, denki, I am gute." She fell silent, suddenly too nervous to say anything else.

Nathaniel cleared his throat and forged ahead. "Do you have a ride home tonight? Elmer says he cannot take you."

Kate thought her knees might give out at any minute. "No, I don't."

"Do you want to come with me?"

"That would make me very happy," she said, remembering to breathe. But then the concerto playing in her head went flat. "Oh, dear. I cannot go. I promised Mandie I would walk her home."

"I can take Mandie home too," Nathaniel said.

"Oh, thank you," Mandie said. "I won't make a sound, I promise."

"You do not mind?" Kate asked.

Nathaniel leaned close. "I would drive the entire grade school to Lancaster if I could sit next to you in the buggy."

Chapter Six.

Mandie did not draw breath from the time she settled into Nathaniel's buggy until she entered the door of her white clapboard house. Sitting behind Nathaniel and Kate for the ride home, their passenger related story after story of her insensitive sisters, rebellious brother, and stern father. The sheer rapidity of her speech combined with Mandie's colorful vocabulary proved truly astounding.

Amused and occasionally shocked by what came out of the girl's mouth, Kate and Nathaniel frequently glanced at each other and tried to keep from bursting into laughter. Mandie would begin a story only to diverge from her subject to tell three more stories that related to the first story because the first story couldn't possibly be understood without knowing the other three or four stories that should have come first if she were thinking straight. Kate finally stopped listening altogether and simply nodded her head as if she were paying attention.

When Nathaniel reentered the buggy after walking Mandie to her door, he said, "That girl will marry someone who plans on being away from home often." They both laughed, exhausting everything they had bottled up on the ride to Mandie's house.

Nathaniel continued chuckling as he prodded the horse into a slow walk down the road. "Now," he said, "we will take our time."

The goose bumps took Kate by surprise. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"You are cold," Nathaniel said. After stopping the horse, he reached over and lifted a quilt from the back of the buggy, gently wrapping the colorful blanket around Kate's shoulders. Her skin tingled as his thumb accidentally brushed against her cheek.

"Is that better?" he asked.

Kate nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

A cool breeze skipped through the flowering trees along the lane, and the sliver of a moon peeked over the roof of Mandie's barn.

Nathaniel breathed in the scent of cherry and apple blossoms. "It was a gute time, jah? I have not been to a singing in more than two years."

"And yet you did not do so much singing."

Nathaniel chuckled. "No, I would rather listen to you sing. When you sing, the angels bid me closer to God."

"I cannot boast of myself," Kate said, glad that Nathaniel seemed to grasp what she had been trying to make Aaron understand. "My talent is not my own but one the Lord God has lent me. I fear if I bury it in the ground I am a slothful servant."

Nathaniel studied her face.

"I want to use the voice God has given me for His glory. That is the reason I went away to school-to learn how the Lord wants me to use this gift."

"But you have not found your answer?"

"No," Kate said, her voice breaking. "I have tried to do His will, but I can't help but think I have displeased Him."

"Surely not," Nathaniel insisted.

"Then perhaps He has given up on me."

Nathaniel shook his head slowly and hesitated before he spoke. "I don't believe God gives up on anybody. He didn't give up on me."

"On you?"

"Jah, I was a hard case." Nathaniel's mouth twitched into a half smile. "The day after my baptism five years ago, my dat had his stroke. I could not understand how the Lord God would allow that to happen after I had pledged my life to Him. I did not talk to God for days, so angry I was. I believed God had abandoned our family. Mamm and I still must do almost everything for Dat. He cannot walk or talk or feed himself."

"Jah, I am sorry."

"The day we brought Dat home from the hospital, Deacon Miller came to help me build a ramp for the wheelchair. My soul was so bitter, I could barely hide my hostility. The deacon saw what others had not and assured me that God had not forgotten me. 'Nathaniel, your heart is ready for God when you are in your darkest hour,' he said. 'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?' I don't know why, but it was as if I heard that Scripture for the first time. That night, I asked God to help me see His love more clearly, even to see how my pain was evidence of that love."

Nathaniel wrapped the reins around his hand. "Grief is a stern teacher, but I am confident I could not have learned some lessons in any other way. For that, I am grateful. Grateful to God for loving me enough to stretch me and push me and crush me, to refine me in the furnace of affliction, to force me to stretch my faith beyond what I could see.

"God loves me more than I can possibly comprehend. He watches over me. He watches over all of us. But if the way were easy, how could we grow into who He wants us to be? How could our faith become unshakable?" He glanced at Kate then shook his head. "I am doing too much talking."

Kate tried not to let the tears slip down her cheek. "Not at all. What you say is very wise. I believe you, Nathaniel. I believe that you believe it."

"The blessed apostle Peter never wondered if walking on water was too hard. He jumped right over the side of the boat. Only when he took his eyes off Lord Jesus did he sink."

"But why will God not speak to me?"

Nathaniel shook his head. "I think when God is silent, He wants us to prove in our hearts that we are willing to follow Him no matter the cost. If all answers were crystal-clear, how could we show our devotion to Him?"

"There is a song I learned at the academy," Kate said.

"Sing it to me."

"Ach, no. It is a sin."

"Is it a sin for the sparrow to chirp in her nest? I will allow no wickedness in my buggy, you can be sure. I want to hear the song."

Hesitantly, Kate opened her mouth. She had never felt so nervous singing for anyone in her life. "I believe in the sun even when it is not shining; I believe in love even when feeling it not; I believe in God even when God is silent."

The breeze subsided as her voice floated into the sky, and even the night birds seemed to be listening.

She looked at Nathaniel. His eyes were closed and the reins had loosened in his fingers. Breathing deeply, he slowly opened his eyes. "Jah, I fear I sin by taking so much pleasure in your singing."

"I told you I should not sing."

"Kate," he said, "God will make known to you how He wants you to use this gift." He placed one hand lightly over hers. Kate held her breath. In one piercing look, he seemed to comprehend her deepest fears. "I do not know when, but I know you will find your answer, Lord willing. 'Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him.'"

Kate felt the truth of his words in the deepest part of her heart. Their eyes locked, and the profound silence between them seemed to draw her heart overwhelmingly close to his.

Withdrawing her hand, Kate tried to lighten the mood. "In the meantime, my brother is appalled that my rumschpringe has lasted six years and I keep returning to that worldly academy to seek fame and fortune."

The intimate moment gone, Nathaniel seemed to snap back to his happy-go-lucky self. "I can think of worse things to do during rumschpringe," he said. "Some boys buy cars or get in with a wild group of friends, and some girls get into trouble with the Englisch boys."

"Jah, I suppose you are right," Kate said. "What of your rumschpringe? Did you get into trouble?"

Nathaniel laughed. "I like to think I did not behave as foolishly as some. No, I knew very young that the Ordnung was the way God wanted me to live. I spent my rumschpringe reading."

"Reading?"

"Jah, three whole years of book after book, hiding them from my dat."

"What kind of books?"

"Science books, histories, medical journals. He didn't approve of some of my reading material. He didn't especially like my choice of novels, either."

"What novels?"

"Ach, whatever the librarian recommended. Dostoyevsky almost scared me off reading altogether. Hard to understand and very gloomy. The Count of Monte Cristo was exciting but made me sad to think how people could be so cruel to each other. My dat hated the horror ones. I read one where a shark ate something like five people, and I couldn't sleep for three nights after finishing it." He shook his head with a twinkle in his eyes. "But I am talking too much again. You will start to call me Mandie."

Kate laughed. "Only behind your back."

He silently gazed at her then lifted his hand as if he were going to touch her face. Then he seemed to think better of it and patted her awkwardly on the top of her kapp.

Tightening up on the reins, he said, "Will you allow me to see you again on Tuesday? I would rather not wait for the next gathering."

"Jah," Kate said. "That would make me very happy."

Kate's heart soared to the moon and crashed to the earth at the same time. Nathaniel was without a doubt the most appealing, most pleasing man she had ever met. How happy she would be to have him as her boyfriend. But realistically she knew she should not be so careless with her attentions. If she went back to Milwaukee, would it break his heart? Would it break hers?

Chapter Seven.

Kate made sure the ribbons of her bonnet were tied tightly under her chin and broke into a full sprint down the long lane to the mailbox. Hungry for news from her friends and professors in the outside world, her favorite daily activity was checking the mail.

The cavernous metal box stood on a reinforced fence post facing the road, begging for letters. Many years ago Dat had come home with the thing, so proud that he had found it for a deeply discounted price at Weber's Market. The children used to tease their dat that their postal box could hold a set of triplets if the mailman one day felt inclined to deliver some.

Today, in its lonely interior, the mailbox held a single letter with a familiar return address. Finally, her first letter from Maria since arriving home three weeks ago. Kate ripped it open.

Dear Kate, How are you? I'm sorry I didn't write sooner. I hope you are feeling better. You sound good in your letter. I am glad you are happy at home. My arm is okay.

The doctor says six more weeks in the cast. Alex crawls all over now, and I am on my toes all the time keeping up with him with only one arm. Yesterday Alex crawled so fast that he bumped into the table leg and got very angry. He just puts his head down and goes. He is so cute and we are much better without Jared coming over to bother us.

But this is the bad news. Jared is still in a coma. I've been to the hospital three times, but the doctors won't tell me anything because I'm not family.

Try not to freak out. This is not your fault.

Jared's mother keeps calling me. On Monday she came to my apartment and wanted to see Alex. I told her no. I was afraid she would take him. She said she is Alex's grandmamma so she has a right to take him.

I wish you were here to tell me what to do. Mama is in Chicago, and I can't go there without losing my job. I will wait to hear from you.

Maria Kate sagged against the fence post and clutched the letter to her heart. The morning after the horrible encounter, she had been so terrified and confused that she'd hopped on the first bus to Apple Lake.

Jared in a coma? How could that be? Guilt wrapped tentacles around her throat. She knew she had hurt him badly.

He'd stormed into the apartment, kicking the door open with those big boots he always wore. Kate could still remember the screaming. Some of it must have been her own.

"Don't think you can break up with me! I'll kill you first!"

It only took two blows from his bony fist to send Maria to the floor, where he would have kicked her to death if Kate hadn't hurled a book at his head. Swearing, he closed in on Kate and grabbed her by the neck.

Even two hundred miles and three weeks away from that terrible night, Kate put a hand to her throat and relived the panic of slow suffocation. Struggling fiercely to free herself, she had been seconds away from passing out when Maria attacked Jared from behind and he turned his rage on her. And so it went on for what felt like an eternity, when in reality it could only have been a minute or two as the two girls tried to fight off the violent drunk who was a good half foot taller than either of them. At one point he lunged toward the screaming baby, but Kate had flailed her arms wildly, sometimes hitting her target, and backed him away.

Knowing how ashamed her people might be if they found out, Kate still did not hold back. In one frenzied surge of terror, she threw herself into Jared with all her might, knocking him off his feet. His whole body went slack as he slammed his head into the corner of the kitchen counter. He slumped to the floor, and she landed on top of him, dazed and spent. As soon as she got her wits about her she jumped away, but he didn't move or open his eyes. Blood had slowly pooled on the floor around his head.

Kate studied the letter again as her chest heaved up and down, and she began to shiver uncontrollably. Would Jared die? She had never even considered the possibility. Was this God's punishment for her wickedness?