"Just shaken."

Kate surveyed the accident scene. A bulky car sat next to the crushed front wheel of the buggy, which was partially pinning Rollie's hind leg. Elmer cut the harness loose, and the injured horse flailed then managed to jump up and away from the wreckage. Kate looked at Rollie's leg. It was bleeding a bit, but he seemed capable of walking on it.

Nathaniel took Kate's hand and led her away from the buggy. Mary sat on the ground, grimacing in pain as she held her right arm in her left hand. Sadie stood beside her, still crying. "Onkel Elmer," she cried, pointing to Elmer, who had blood trickling down the side of his face. "Mamma, Elmer is hurt!"

"Hush, liebe. Elmer will be all right," Mary said.

Nathaniel's mamm stood a short way off, trying to calm baby Luke, while Elmer stayed beside the distressed horse, whispering words Kate could not hear.

Nathaniel squeezed Kate's hand and went to Elmer's side.

Sadie pulled on her mamm's dress. Kate knelt beside them as Mary held her arm and gasped in pain.

"It's broken...I know it's broken," Mary said. "How will I ever do the canning?"

With a determined look in her eye, Miriam handed the baby to Kate. "Go and sit under the tree where it's cool. I'll see to your sister."

Kate managed to get both little ones to the grass inside Nathaniel's gate. She eased Sadie to the ground and sat cross-legged, cradling the baby, before pulling Sadie onto her lap. Both children were still crying, too frightened and shaken up to calm down. Kate wanted to bawl right along with them.

She looked to the road. Nathaniel was in a discussion with one of the policemen. Miriam and a paramedic tended to Mary, while another paramedic knelt by the car and talked to an old man who sat in the driver's seat with the door open, his legs resting on the pavement.

"Shh, shh," Kate said over and over. "Everything will be all right." But with the deafening sirens, the glaring police lights, and the surrounding chaos, Kate found it impossible to console the children.

Music had always been her first and last refuge from a sometimes-insane world. So she did the only thing she could think of doing.

She started to sing.

"'Be still, my soul,'" she sang softly. An old German hymn, not one from the Ausbund but one Maria had sung to comfort her baby. "'Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently thy cross of grief or pain.'"

To her amazement and relief, both children stopped crying almost instantly and looked at her with wide, curious eyes.

"'Leave to thy God to order and provide; in every change, He faithful will remain.'"

The noise around them grew distant as she persevered, her voice clear and strong enough to drown out the confusion.

"'Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heav'nly Friend, thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.'"

The children stared at her in rapt attention as she began another verse. "'Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake to guide the future as He has the past.'"

Then something caught her completely off guard.

With every breath she took, a radiating warmth flowed into her body until, by the time she finished the second verse, she was filled to overflowing with light. The powerful warmth surged through her arms and legs, infusing her with a strength she had never before experienced. Kate looked down at her hands to see if she was, in truth, glowing, so on fire did she feel. The sensation encompassed her entire being, and for the first time in her life, she could see clearly. The clouds parted from her mind. Her struggles, her life, her self all came into view with perfect clarity.

"Leave to thy God to order and provide."

"Kate, thou art careful and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful."

"Be still, and know that I am God."

The fabric of her life had stretched and frayed until she almost didn't recognize herself. But in this moment Kate knew what God wanted for her. She had been born to the simple and Plain life and could not twist tightly enough to fit into a world that wasn't hers. She had been hoping God would fit Himself somewhere into her plans, instead of letting Him mold her into His own treasure.

Kate closed her eyes and began to hum. In a rush of insight and emotion, she saw herself singing to a baby-her baby-songs that would tell the baby she loved him. She heard the melodies she would sing to mend a skinned knee or comfort a wounded heart. There were no concert halls with crystal chandeliers or velvet upholstery, only the priceless love of children and her husband and her love for God and His love for her. She would put her hand in God's and walk through the valley of the shadow of death to bring precious souls into this world. To be a mother-the highest, holiest, most sacred calling she could have or aspire to.

Here was her answer. Right here, here in this wonderful, compassionate, flawed, and struggling community was where she belonged, possessed of the love of a good man and ready to give her all to her future family.

Filled to the brim yet lighter than air, she wanted to shout in jubilation, to rush to Nathaniel and tell him what she had discovered. To share the gift she had been given.

He must have sensed her gaze, because he glanced up and his eyes locked on hers. Even amid the swirling confusion, he didn't look away. His frown disappeared, and he studied her in puzzlement.

Did she look different? She felt different, as if she had traveled a thousand miles and a hundred lifetimes in a few short minutes.

The world around them ceased to exist, and they stared at each other across the tumult, communicating thoughts that could not be put into words. His eyes never strayed from her face, as if he were trying to read every line to understand what he saw there. She held her breath, almost unable to bear the intense rush of ecstasy she felt when his eyes were upon her.

"I love you." Her lips formed the words she was too overjoyed to speak.

Nathaniel must have understood. In spite of the circumstances, he smiled at her with his whole face.

The moment evaporated as suddenly as it had come. A policeman tapped Nathaniel on the shoulder, and the connection broke.

"Elmer has blood," Sadie said, distressed to see her uncle in such a state. A single tear made a trail down her cheek.

"Do not fret, leibe. The doctor will take care of him."

Kate watched as Nathaniel tried to convince the unsteady Elmer to sit down. Elmer's eyes were glossy and stared absently, but Elmer would not budge. He persisted in whispering words of comfort to his frightened horse. Nathaniel motioned for a paramedic to look at Elmer's bleeding head. Kate couldn't see the wound under Elmer's hair, but judging from the blood on his shirt, he would need stitches.

Another paramedic came to Kate and the children sitting on the grass. After rifling through his bag, he put on some latex gloves and gently sponged the blood from Sadie's nose and face with a damp gauze pad. He examined her carefully and decided she wasn't seriously injured before stowing his supplies and walking away.

A police officer helped Mary stand and led her to a waiting ambulance.

"Kate, can you take care of the kinner?" Mary said.

Kate nudged Sadie off her lap and slowly stood with the baby tightly in her arms. Grabbing Sadie's hand, she made her way to the ambulance.

"I will take them home with me."

The splinted arm hung helplessly at Mary's side, but she caressed Sadie's cheek with her good hand. "Be good for Kate and Mammi. I will be home soon."

Nathaniel and another paramedic guided Elmer to the ambulance. With concern, Kate hugged Elmer and kissed him on the cheek before he sluggishly climbed inside and sat with his head in his hands.

"I will go with them to the hospital," Nathaniel said. "Elmer needs stitches, and they think he has a concussion."

"Oh, thank you," Kate said. "I will send Dat as soon as I get home."

"The police will right the buggy and pull it to my yard to fix later," Nathaniel said. "Mamm will take the horse to our barn until your dat can pick it up."

He saw that Mary and Elmer were both comfortably settled in the ambulance before he turned to Kate. "They will be all right, I promise."

Nodding, she slipped her hand into his and squeezed tightly. "I'm glad you are going with them." Then she added, "Tomorrow, after services, I must see you."

Anticipation flitted across his face before he climbed into the ambulance with Kate's two siblings. "The day is yours," he said. "All yours."

Chapter Twenty-Five.

Even from her bedroom at the back of the house, Kate could hear the car slowly driving up the driveway. The gravel crackled noisily beneath the tires, heralding the arrival of an automobile rather than a buggy.

Sluggishly she rolled out of bed, her body throbbing with the fresh ache of the accident. Her family would not be back in time from the hospital to make it to gmay, and Kate had stayed home to rest, fearing that if she attended church, she would snooze through the entire service. She felt physically miserable.

But her heart soared in delirious happiness, and when she shared her good news with Nathaniel, his joy would double hers. She would not be able to keep herself from floating off the ground.

Early this morning, Mary had gone home with a glossy white cast up to her elbow. Moses fetched the children from Kate's house, and then a friend drove Mamma, Dat, and both younger brothers to the hospital to be with Elmer. They wouldn't even think of Kate accompanying them after her ordeal of the day before. She'd fallen asleep just before sunrise.

Elmer got seventeen stitches and an overnight stay in the hospital for observation. The doctor wanted to be cautious about the head injury, Moses had told them.

Kate sighed. The trip to the emergency room alone would keep the family awash in hospital bills for months. She feared they would have to rely on the church emergency fund for some of the cost. But at least Elmer and Mary were going to be fine.

Being careful of her sore shoulder, Kate slipped her emerald-green dress over her head and quickly smoothed her hair under her kapp. She didn't bother with shoes. Whoever her visitor, he would have to endure Kate with bare feet. She shuffled down the stairs and to the front door, aching from head to toe and fingertip to fingertip. Better take some Tylenol before going back to bed.

Kate opened the door wide enough to peek her head out. Buggies already rolled down the road on their way to gmayna. A familiar rusted red truck sat in front of her house, its driver leaning against the hood with his arms folded across his chest, just waiting for Kate to emerge from her house. He caught sight of her when the door creaked, and he flashed his dazzling white teeth in her direction.

"Carlos!" she squealed. Disregarding her achy body, Kate half tiptoed, half ran to Maria's brother, who opened his arms to receive her. She stopped short of touching him. Hugging an unmarried Englischer was decidedly improper for an Amish girl.

He threw his arms around her, lifted her off the ground, and twirled her in a circle. Laughing, he set her back on her feet, held her at arm's length, and studied her closely. "You didn't think I would let you off the hook for a hug just because you are dressed like that, did you?"

Kate rolled her eyes but let the joy at seeing him show on her face.

"You look like a pilgrim from my fifth-grade Thanksgiving pageant," he said.

"A pilgrim?"

"Just giving you a compliment. You look pretty no matter what you wear."

"Cum, cum to the house. I will make you some coffee."

"We don't have time." He wrapped his hand around her elbow as if to guide her somewhere. "I've come to take you to Milwaukee."

"Milwaukee? Carlos, I am not ready to go back." Kate shook her head and shrugged his hand from her elbow. "I am not planning on going back at all, truth be told."

Carlos didn't seem to hear her. "Jared's dead."

Kate held her breath and closed her eyes. In that moment, the avalanche of remorse almost buried her alive.

I killed Jared Adams. Oh, Nathaniel, I should have told you. What will you think of me now? Why has God done this?

Kate stared at Maria's brother until she composed herself enough to speak. "When?"

"Last week."

"How is Maria?"

Carlos took Kate's hand in both of his. He pressed the back of her hand with his thumb. "She needs you."

Kate swallowed hard.

As the Lord wills.

"Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still.

Kate drew her breath in spasms, as if she had just finished sobbing for an hour. "Send Maria my love, but I cannot go with you."

"But you've got to."

"God wants us to live the lives He has granted us. I belong here. The people I love are here. The life I want to live is here."

"Jared's parents want Alex. Twice they've tried to take him from the day care-so far unsuccessfully, but if they find someone willing to hand him over, Maria may never get him back."

"How can they do that?"

"Maria is so nervous they're going to snatch Alex, she refuses to take him back to day care. Without day care, she can't work, and if she loses her job it will be harder to keep custody. Can't you come take care of Alex? For a few weeks until the custody hearing?"

"Hearing?"

"Jared's mother is fighting for custody of Alex. We need you to testify. Your testimony could save him."

Kate thought of Maria, struggling desperately, feeling alone and forsaken. How could Kate turn her back on a friend? "For just a few weeks?"

"The hearing is September first. Four weeks away."

Kate glanced up as the Yutzy family trudged down the road to church. Barbara Yutzy waved and stared at Kate and her visitor before fixing her eyes to the ground and quickening her pace. Several other families passed the house, some in buggies, others on foot.

Kate took a deep breath and made her decision. "I will come with you, Carlos."

Carlos smiled and gave Kate a cursory hug. "Good girl. Get packed. We need to leave in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes? Nae, my parents need to know where I am going. We cannot leave until they come home. And Elmer. I cannot leave without seeing Elmer."

Carlos glanced at his watch. "I can't spare the time. I have to be back to work at noon, and that barely gives us enough leeway as it is."

"Can you come back for me later in the week?"