It was the most I'd seen her laugh in weeks.

"Did my baby bump give it away?"

Rolling closer I kissed her stomach. "I love your baby bump, Topolina."

She stared thoughtfully at me for a moment. "I need to tell you something. It's kind of eating at me."

My nerves bundled. "Let's hear it, Wife."

"I don't want to upset you on our wedding day, but I can't keep pretending. I lied to you before you left New York."

"About what?" I asked.

"I wasn't going to leave him a letter." She fell quiet and waited but my mind couldn't understand. "Timothy."

I looked at her a bit puzzled. "In New York? The night you were on the sidewalk?"

"I'm so sorry, Callum Andrew."

"I'm not angry, Everly Anne. But why would you have lied?"

"I was scared. I knew I wasn't strong enough to be on my own, but I tried because I wanted to prove that I could do it, mostly to you, not him. I just wanted you to see that you were worth me trying."

"So why did you leave?"

"Before we started the differential for your class, I had a head scan because I fainted two days in a row. Timothy thought at first it was only due to anemia, but then I had a seizure, and he sent me for full testing. When they scanned my brain it revealed an aneurysm that hadn't ruptured. The neurologist wanted to treat me, but Timothy was scared because there wouldn't be any way for me to feel the pain as a symptom if one ruptured, or if I had bleeding because of the procedure. He thought it was smarter to leave it alone since it wasn't posing a risk worse than what the procedure could cause. And I was okay for a while, but when I came back from Montauk he made me have another scan, and there was a second aneurysm. They did the procedure that time. And I was okay, but then I stayed with you, and blacked out one night but didn't say anything. And then another night, I couldn't see out of my left eye. It was all foggy. So I tried to leave. I didn't want you to come up to your mother's attic and find me dead on the floor. I was scared."

I exhaled pure frustration. "You could have told me this, Everly Anne. You should have."

"You needed to graduate and I didn't want you to lose focus. I swear I never would have told Timothy that I had been at your house. I would have never gotten you in trouble."

"I wouldn't have cared or blamed you if you had told him," I replied.

She touched my cheek. "I know." And then she kissed me. "Believe me I know."

I kissed her back tenderly. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because the same thing is happening."

The sun no longer felt warm against my skin.

I cupped her cheek. "Talk to me this instant. Tell me everything."

"It's not my brain. But I am pretending like I'm fine even though I'm not," she said. "I'm beyond scared. And I don't understand any of this."

"Any of this?" I said surprised. "What does that mean?"

"I mean why God would give us each other and then say we can't be together. Why he'd give us a child and then allow me to know-to feel everyday-the impending doom that looms over me and my expiration date. And then the . . . you know I can handle being scared of the little things. Not knowing how to change a diaper, or what certain cries mean. I can learn those things. But if he's born with CIPA . . . If I did that to him, I can't fix it. I can't make it better and offer him comfort. How could something we did with such love become so selfish, Callum Andrew? I don't understand."

I shushed and gathered her into my arms. "You're not selfish. I have a long list of the qualities you possess and selfish isn't anywhere to be found, I promise you."

"You don't know what it's like to live with this. He'll be so scared. He'll be so different and kept from the world. You don't know how lonely it is to carry this like a branding."

"Are you alone?" I challenged.

"I was for such a long time."

"Well," I began, "I'm CIPA free, Everly Anne, and yet I spent a good portion of my childhood feeling very alone. Teenage years were worse. It wasn't until I found you that it all changed." I held her tighter. "I have never, ever felt so close to anyone as I have the last year of my life. When you came back, all the lights turned on. And when you told me you were pregnant, I dreamt my life had hit the reset button. This is where it begins, Everly Anne. You're my starting point. Always have been. Always will be."

So softly the blunt truth slipped out. "I don't want to die anymore. I used to be okay with saying goodbye because there's never been anything for me here, but now, I don't want to leave you and our son. I've never wanted to live more."

I pulled back to admire her face. She shed invisible tears as I stroked the apple of her cheeks. "It's just like going to sleep, Everly Anne. And when you wake up, I'll be waiting for you."

"Promise?"