Too many jargon. My Google abilities were exhausted. >w< also,="" i="" didn’t="" add="" those="" (?)="" or="" other monologue inside="" the="" parentheses.="" visit="" animesuki="" forum="" for="" spoilers="" on="" mc="" and="">

1. Prologue

“Haa, it’s cold today.”

I inadvertently stated that monologue. The overcast sky somehow makes the mood even gloomy. On that subject, this morning’s news announced that there’s a 60% probability of raining in the afternoon… I left the client’s foyer and carried on towards the nearest station while turning up the collar of my coat. I arranged an appointment with a subordinate at s.h.i.+njuku Station at 2:45PM. Right now, the time is 1:35PM. It takes approximately 40 minutes to reach s.h.i.+njuku Station by train from the nearest station here. I’m a bit hungry, but there’s still time to eat soba from the street stall in the s.h.i.+njuku Station.

It looks like I’ll be able receive fairly big orders from the way the negotiation with the client went just now. With this, I’ll be able to achieve the operating budget for this term. I broke into a smile for a moment, however I abruptly felt depressed when I recalled that aside from my personal budget, the department’s budget isn’t yet at the level where I can feel relieved. I was reminded of the figure (sales figure) of the subordinate I’m meeting.

Though it was still halfway through February, she only needed approximately 30% more of the prospective quota.

Her accomplishment rate will eventually be 60% if she continues at this pace until the end of March. (I forgot to mention it, a term is actually a quarter of a year, from January to March). Though that fellow raises her figures to good conditions compared to other subordinates, it isn’t a situation where she can be left alone as it is. Today’s meet-up is to accompany her to an appointment from a trade that we barely obtained.

I arrived at the station and took out my Suica for admission. The remaining balance is 12,345 Yen (~102USD). Oh, what a good number limit.

There’s no particular pretext about it but there’s no repeated number and furthermore, it’s consecutive. I felt slightly lucky as I boarded the train bound for s.h.i.+njuku. On weekdays during early afternoon, I ride in the lead car. (This is because I usually tend to get on the lead car or the last car when travelling in daytime because the probability that it is not crowded is high.) The inside of the train is not crowded so I can sit down without a problem. Are the pa.s.sengers just around 20 people?

The next client’s contact person came to my mind. I was the one in charge of this client until a subordinate took over, and I think they were considerably pleased with me. That’s why I especially handed them over to a subordinate. That made the figures drop subtly for this fiscal year. I’m worried about it.

I want to understand the cause of the figures’ decline in today’s meeting one way or another. If we do not know its cause, it will be hard to come up with countermeasures. It’s difficult to believe that the client’s demand just abruptly decreased so I am certain that other companies are eating our shares. The question is the motive. Well, there’s no use worrying about it further since I won’t be able to get any answer here.

I’m somewhat a little sleepy. I absentmindedly gazed at the weekly publication’s advertis.e.m.e.nt poster with a hazy mind.

It didn’t require tuition fees and I can receive wages, those are the reasons that I entered the Defense Academy after graduating high school (During the latter half of 1980’s, the acceptance rate of the Defense Academy is not that higher than as of now. There was a need for a healthy physique and the absence of criminal records or criminals among the relatives, either. It was possible to enter the academy by having a so-called clean record and a bottom of the upper degree grades. It was at the time where the Bubble Economy was as its peak, which greatly caused the JDSF‘s popularity to plummet.) I finished in the Academy with upper middle results unlike in high school where I graduated with particularly excellent grades. And then I enrolled in an Officer Candidate School immediately. Because I was a graduate of the Defense Academy, I was a.s.signed to a military unit for half a year (Currently, common university graduates are required to similarly have nine months.)

This incident occurred the following year I was a.s.signed to an easy mission in a countryside’s garrison, while I was on duty.

It was a good fortune that the day off for New Year’s holiday accidentally piled up by chance for four days. I visited a high school friend’s residence in Tokyo in the beginning of the holiday, December 30, before coming home to my parents’ house.

I bought a car after all, so I returned home together with my new car during the holidays. A person boasting his new car is as bad as me who thought of wors.h.i.+ping it. When I arrived at my friend’s house the night of the 30th, we ate and drank at a bar nearby, then we decided to go back and left the establishment a while later.

A few minutes after we left the bar, we came across a scene where several men are accosting a woman. The woman is showing signs of refusal but the boys who look like delinquents obstinately picks-up the woman, it was that kind of scene. (Those days the word used to call them was ‘teamer’. They’re the type that’s commonly called like that, I think?) I plan on pa.s.sing by without minding it since I understand that it’s something that happens quite often in the city’s downtown. I’m a Self Defense Force member and not a police officer so if by chance trouble breaks out, I’ll be in trouble with the force if it becomes a newspaper case.

Nevertheless, I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or because he wanted to rescue the accosted woman so he would appear cool, but my idiot friend issued a warning (?) to the youngsters. Of course, they didn’t heed the warning and the teamers turned their suspicious gazes to the person who issued that.

I looked towards the woman and gestured ‘run away’ as I waited beside my friend. Not that he would need any help in particular. This guy practices judo since middle school and of course he naturally wears the uniform, too.

I calculated that I can thrown down two people at best if I ease up on them and escape, then decided the direction I’ll run to.

I deemed it satisfactory. No sooner than that, one of the teamers suddenly raised a yell in a shrill voice as he pulled out a knife and attacked my friend. That reminds me, the news reported that the dispute between teamers may lead to bloodshed. I a.s.sessed that this would be unfavorable, but it was too late.

My friend threw down the one who attacked first without a problem, but another one aimed at his flank. I gave a sidelong glance at my friend who collapsed as my mind raced desperately, persuading myself that this is a legitimate self-defense. I commenced a counterattack using the JSDF hand-to-hand techniques.

Just a little more than a year pa.s.sed since I was appointed. With the hand-to-hand military strategy forged by the training matches that lasted for four and a half years from Defense Academy and Officer Candidate School, and the strength training I did after being appointed, my body moved naturally.

In conclusion, my friend’s life wasn’t in any danger since there were no major internal organs affected when he was stabbed. Conversely, almost everyone from the other party including the one who stabbed my friend were in a state where they needed to go to the hospital. The police officers came running to subdue the offenders.

There were a lot of witnesses since we were at the downtown area at night. Naturally, I can’t just go escape since my friend suffered an injury. I, who was suspected because I was holding the weapon on the wounded person and was also the only one left uninjured, could do nothing but go to the nearest police station accompanied by the police officer.

―― JSDF officer on active duty a.s.saults civilians.

During those times, members of the JSDF were dealt away from the society. Moreover, the executives of the JGSDF thought a Second Lieutenant like me would be a good cannon fodder for the media. I pleaded legitimate self-defense during the trial while the woman of the matter gave her testimony so I was acquitted, however I had to be discharged from the force.

Half of my superiors were crying and saying ‘Sorry, we’re really sorry’ and even lowered their heads in apology, but the situation at that time made it impossible for me to avoid being discharged.

It was regrettable, but I did what I had to do in that circ.u.mstance. I left the JSDF through a voluntary separation. I didn’t commit the crime that was placed in my record and I was still young during the early 1990s so I wasn’t bothered finding a new job. I was especially motivated to hunt for a new job even if it’s an insignificant one, and landed on a trading company which mainly deals with mid-grade commodities.

Oh, nothing really developed between me and the woman I saved(?).

The article of the magazine advertis.e.m.e.nt hanging inside the train saying 「The Great Efforts of JDSF behind 3.11」 that I was dazedly looking at made some old memories resurface for a moment. The lingering regrets already vanished, but if I was able to stay in the force then during that earthquake and tsunami disaster, I would be… It’s not a lie that I feel that way. I think I understood it during previous resignation affair, I don’t have a particularly strong sense of justice.

If I really had a strong sense of justice, then the one who would have acted first would be me instead of my friend. I entered the Defense Academy not because I was driven by a strong sense of duty to help j.a.pan’s national defense. It was only because I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about the expenses if I went to a university and I would automatically land a job after graduation.

Defense Academy, Officer Candidate School, afterwards unit a.s.signment (that was a very short period which was just a little over a year) all under the j.a.pan Defense Agency (that was its name in those days), they were the symbol that I had a means of placing food on the table at that time. But I am an officer of the Self-Defense Force so I was also conscious of the nation’s security. Though it isn’t so significant right now.

I fell asleep while deeply considering those things. In any case, I still have time before we arrive at s.h.i.+njuku terminal.

“Please marry me!”

There is a young woman in front of my eyes. It’s my wife. But what the heck is happening? Ah, a dream? I already got married and 19 years should have pa.s.sed so my wife is quite old, too. I’m not young anymore and I even have fine wrinkles. Nonetheless, no matter how I look at her, my wife is in her 20s… it should be 27. It’s the scene of my proposal to my wife. At that time, I was 25-years old. It’s been 19 years since I proposed to my wife who’s 19 years older. How nostalgic. Even though I know it’s a dream, my young wife is beautiful. I feel like I’ve fallen in love again. The reason why I regard 27 as young is because I’ve exceeded 40 a long time ago.

“Yes…”

As expected, it’s really the scene from that time. The response is also identical.

She firmly looked into my eyes and smiled a little. Yes, yes, that’s good. I thought I’ll felt agitation in my stomach, but it was a dream so it was expected that I remained impa.s.sive. I’m an old man already so it can’t be helped.

It’s shaking.

“Eh?”

“Though it is indeed regrettable, it is necessary to remove the uterus for your wife’s recovery.”

My sight darkened as if I have been hit. The doctor in-charge, Itou-sensei, thinned his lips as he waited for my verdict.

She was diagnosed with uterine cancer and lost her womb after the operation.

She repeteadly said “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” while crying.

That was in the second year of our marriage.

*gatan* *goton* It’s shaking.

“It’s beautiful, thank you.”

My wife, who held up her hand with the ring over the electric light of the living room, was pleased. It was the so-called 10 carat diamond. I gave it as a present to my wife in our 10th marriage anniversary. It was the ring I bought with my secret savings I gathered from spending less of my allowance, and was increased by my winnings from mahjong against my co-workers and the boss.

(Really, this guy so charming. Thanks for marrying me.)

I closed my eyes, gaining a profound sense of satisfaction. This time, I’m already 36 years old. My wife is 38 years old. Still, isn’t saying ‘charming’ an overstatement? Nevertheless, I think she was the world’s most charming person.

*gatan* *goton* It’s shaking.

“I’m pleased to meet you, my name is *****… I look forward to working with you.”

The end of this guy’s sentence was stifled. For some reason, he was hanging his head so I can’t see his face. Even if I didn’t heard about this, isn’t this supposed to be s.h.i.+na’s interview? The subordinate I’m supposed to meet up with is s.h.i.+na. Maybe the dream is still continuing. How many years were left again? Around 7-8 years, I wonder?

*gatan* *goton* It’s shaking.

“Are you all the members for today?”

In front of me, the person with a face similar to G.o.dzilla’s son asked. Oh, it’s Yos.h.i.+take-san from the neighboring department. Yos.h.i.+take-san has a face like that but she’s actually a woman. There’s also Tasaki-san who looks like Jaiko. Why are there many women within our company that has such idiosyncratic faces?

“That’s right, there’s 19 including me.”

Today’s a voluntary leisure day for the company employees. Our company does not have the business trip system and doesn’t not gather for events such as year-end parties hosted by the whole company and the annual convention in particular either. These days, young people thought of business trips as annoying and had little interest on gatherings during holidays so this is a trial to test out the number of people who will willingly gather.

Our company’s fis.h.i.+ng club became prosperous, too. It’s reasonable that someone like me who grew up in a coastal area to treat fis.h.i.+ng as a hobby. It is only natural that I fish at the sea. Something like ‘catch and release’ such as ba.s.s fis.h.i.+ng isn’t acceptable. We fish so we can eat.

About ten years ago, I knew a two-years younger co-worker whose hobby was fis.h.i.+ng so I arranged meetings with him and we fished together several times. Thereafter, the topic of the fis.h.i.+ng came up the next business days naturally. The interest on fis.h.i.+ng gradually spread to other co-workers when we talked happily in the smoking room about it while showing them the photograph of both of us.

The fis.h.i.+ng club that began with merely two members was recognized by the company as an official club four years ago. The third Sunday of every month became a regular fis.h.i.+ng day. The attendance rate is fairly high with the exception of the members who have some appointments at the very same day. The company substantially pays for the expenses for clubs that are officially recognized. I was surprised when I got 1.2 Million Yen(~10000 USD) for the yearly budget.

It was put to use into matching caps that had the company’s logo and for the boat’s expenses.

“The~n, please pay attentio~n. There are two members partic.i.p.ating for the first time today. It’s the beginning of spring and the weather will be fine so we’ll go with marbled rock fish and black rock fish. Please sit down in order of the seats as shown in the sitting chart that was distributed to everyone yesterday. It’s fine to change later but those who gets seasick and those who have no confidence and prefers the place where it won’t shake should move to the center area. Well then, please get on.”

After it was said so, I promptly secured a position at my usual place at the port of MIYOs.h.i.+ (that is, the head of the boat). The G.o.dzilla son look-a-like from before sat beside me.

“s.h.i.+na-san didn’t come today?”

“Yes, I heard she will be on a family trip. She said they’ll go to Nasu.”

“Eh? It’s unusual for s.h.i.+na-san not to show up in a regular meeting.”

Certainly, it’s probably the first time that s.h.i.+na, who a high percentage of attendance on regular meetings, didn’t show up.

Well, it’s a trip so it can’t be helped.

Today was a big catch. For everyone except me.

*gatan* *goton* It’s shaking.

[email protected]: Today, it’s my birthday （・∀・) Yeah!

junya: Ooh!

junya: ha

junya: ppy

junya: birth

junya: day

junya: !!

[email protected]: I-it’s not like I want you to congratulate me or something!! /// [

junya:          o゜*。o

,／⌒ヽ*゜*

∧_∧　／ヽ 　 　）。*o

(・ω・)丿゛￣￣’ ゜

ノ/　 /

ノ￣ゝ　　　Congrats…

[email protected]: You don’t have to look for an AA like that, it’s slightly off and pgr. [

junya: …

junya: even though I did my best…

junya: 44 years old!

junya: congratulations!

[email protected]: Thank you~

junya: i’m so great (ノ´∀｀*)

[email protected]: I’m not 44, I’m already 45.

[email protected]: I’m really a middle-age man right now.

junya: it’s the perfect middle-age!

[email protected]: Aye, middle of the age, right?

junya: (*´∀｀) *cricket* *cricket*

[email protected]: May I also know your age?

junya: 30 years old. what about it?

This… is the chat from my birthday night last year.

I got along well and became strangely close to s.h.i.+na. As a new university graduate, she was a.s.signed under me to get accustomed to work for two years, after that she trained for official business.

I taught her about fis.h.i.+ng while she recommended 2channel and teach games to me, we also occasionally go out to drink together.

*gatan* *goton* it’s shaking.

*gatan* *goton* it’s shaking.

*gatan* *goton* it’s shaking.

It’s shaking.

*screeeeeeeeeech*

(What!?)

*cras.h.!.+*

(Whoa! I’m slipping… and thrown away!! Even other pa.s.sengers in the rail car are flying away!!)

*guwasha!!*

(This is bad, if this goes on…!!)

*baribari*

(I’ll be flung against the edge of the rail car!!)

(If I can just grab to a pole!!)

Just when I thought I’ll be able to hold on to a pole, the body of someone crashed into me.

I already grabbed on to it but it was derailed probably due to the accident.

Indeed, I am holding on to the pole with my left hand but I had to let go due to the person who crashed into me. I saw that it was a child at a glance and he seems to be after the same thing when he crashed to me.

Why is there a child here even though it must be still around 2:00PM?

It appeared like it’s the time when children commute from kindergarten.

Every person crashed into me, making me reflexively hold the child in my arms.

I took a big blow to my right shoulder.

It’s likely that I’ll be thrown somewhere.

Will it be anytime now?

Is it about time I’m going to be flung against the edge of the vehicle?

(Ugh!!!)

“Errgh!!!”

A strange voice came out.

I was propelled, piling up on the people who were already thrown against the edge of the vehicle.

It hurts. Seriously.

(Am I… going to die…?)

I can’t move my body. The person I hit (an adult) had his neck twisted in an odd angle.

I heard myself cry out together with the child I’m holding.

My eyes won’t come into focus.

“Miki…”

I managed to utter the name of my beloved family.

I am a little gratified because I was able to call out the name of my wife in my last moments.

In the middle of February 2015, I died on a train accident.

It will be a lie if I said I had no regrets, but I had no children and my parents are in good health even if they’re old. My wife has a work so she has the ability to support herself. As a matter of course, there’s also the proceeds from my life insurance so I can make a generalization that it was a good life. Though it is certainly short, I was able to live more than half of the average life span.

Yeah, there were the trivial regrets such as that high quality liquor I was planning to drink with my wife during the weekend and the matter about this term’s figures, but this is life so there’s no helping it.