The man is good at reading body language.

Yes, I know her. We met eight years ago.

I was a highway patrolman then. First on the scene at a certain accident....

I stare hard at his face, try to erase several years, and sure enough, it swims **

into view, just as it did in the backseat of Daddy's wiped-out Mercedes.

183.

I Rejoin Mick As Deputy Carson writes the ticket. When I break the news about his pricey ounce, he actually gets mad.

What? No way! That cost three bills. Add the fine for speeding, I'm out more than five hundred dollars.

"Shut the hell up, would you?

At least you're not going to jail...."

And I'm not going to juvie, and my parents won't be involved.

As the deputy hands Mick Moron his ticket, I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy, until his final admonition.

I.

know the last eight years cannot have been easy.

But hanging out with losers won't make your life better.

I've come to believe that people who survive accidents like that one are either just plain evil, or saved for a reason. Which are you?

184.

Most of the Time I don't feel evil. But saved for a reason? Like what?

I guess I'm pretty good at sex, but I don't think I was saved because the world needs more (even better) sex.

Maybe Deputy Carson is completely full of it.

Was I saved, or was fate simply too damn busy killing other people that day to catch up to me, too?

I don't let myself return to that backseat very often. It's the place every waking nightmare began. I know (think, anyway) that had that day gone any other way, nothing would be as it is now. Right? Right? I guess I really don't know.

185.

Kaeleigh PE.

Today Could have been ugly.

My leg is swollen, the cut raw and inflamed. Jean germs?

I was saved, believe it or not, by a bomb threat. They evacuated the whole school. Turned out it was just a prank.

Was I saved or was it only a fabulous coincidence, one that kept me fully clothed (hippie style) but shivering in the pale afternoon?

I don't think rescue is a big focus of fate, or whatever (whoever?) may or may not orchestrate history's page turns. I'd like to know that I have the ability to mold my own future, that if I work really hard, I can turn it all around. But truth is, I really don't know.

186.

Maybe Life Is Random No fate. No God. Just time.

The concept of God escapes **

me. Some all-powerful being, who rules sometimes gently, **

and often not so, all in the name of love? Who dreamed that up?

I see people who really believe in God, in hope, in charity.

Mostly, they look pretty happy and, on the surface, satisfied.

Christian. Like Christ. So why are so many Christians unlike him?

We don't go to church, but in my search for personal answers, **

I have explored the Bible some.

(Weird, I know, but when you get **

no answers at all, you reach.) The Old Testament is scary, **

filled with misery. That God was pretty creepy, all in all.

187.

but Christ's testament asks for patience, harmony. Not war, **

nor ostracism. Not hate crimes, lies, or offering plates filled to the brim.

I wonder if there's really a place in heaven for hypocrites **

who preach love, all the while kicking the downtrodden.

Still, I might have bought into the essence of Christ, except, **

according to the scriptures, he also asked for understanding **

and forgiveness, even of our enemies. And if he really expected **

that, I could not pass muster.

Some people I'll never forgive.

188.

It Was Greta Who first turned me on to the Bible.

Whenever my life takes a wrong turn, I look there for direction.

I went there often, she said, when I was no more than your age and the Nazis overran my country.

The Bible, she said, offered comfort.

But it couldn't save the Jews who were marked for execution. It took people to do that, and my people, Lutherans, were not afraid to interfere. Every life is precious.

The Bible, she said, gave no solutions.

But it did let us know God helps those who help themselves.

In our Danish eyes, Lutherans, Jews, and all in between were no more nor less than Danes.

Comforted, validated, they went to work.

189.

Once we got word the Germans were definitely coming for our Jewish brothers and sisters, we smuggled them to safe houses along the eastern coastline.

And, to make the original "fisher of people" proud, **

Mostly at night, but sometimes day, we put them on fishing boats and took them safely to Sweden.

We lost four hundred, but saved thousands from the camps.

They lost more than their Jewish friends.

At first the Nazis took little except food, but with the Resistance, they confiscated property, possessions.

The freedom fighters they caught went to the camps. Or disappeared.

Some were even martyred on the spot.

Many of us were just children.

I saw a friend gunned down in the street. But we were doing the Lord's work, and we reaped his mercy from that time forward.

190.

She Believes That Too Must be nice to have that kind of unshakable belief in a merciful higher power.