"Uh, Mom? It's me. We got a phone message today that I think you should know about sooner rather than later.

Let me play it for you."

I hold the receiver up to the speaker. When the message finishes, I wait out the silence.

Finally she says, Thank you.

I'll put some people on it.

People? Mom has people?

I mean, I knew she had a staff, connections even. But "people," as in people who handle stuff like a crazy long-lost relative?

147.

Wonder If I Should Be Scared Or at the very least, a little nervous.

Wonder what it would take to make **

Mom decide to put her people on me.

I know a secret or two myself. What if **

I threatened to go public unless she bought **

me a car, paid for my insurance, took **

two hours of her precious time to help me **

get my license? Hey! Great idea. Or not.

Really, how far would I go if she said no?

148.

How Far Will I Go To enjoy this little game?

Daddy will be home soon, at least I assume he will be.

It might be fun to watch him pick up the message, squirm. Freak. Go ballistic.

But just imagine the fun if I erase the warning, wait things out. See if my loser grandmother actually rings the bell one day. Surprise!

Guess who's coming to dinner, **

Daddy o' mine. Wow. Decisions.

Decisions. Kaeleigh would want to tell, but she's crawled on off somewhere. To erase or not to erase, that is the question.

While I think it over, I'll make **

an easier decision. Another Haagen-Dazs bar? Why not?

Ex-Lax awaits. Chocolate melting into my mouth, I go over to the counter, watch the red light flash three times, extinguish it.

149.

In the Dark of my room, I try to sleep, but thoughts whirl through **

my skull, cerebral tornadoes.

Life, I'm fairly sure, is about to change. But for better or worse?

Any guess is as good as mine.

What would happen if all our dirty laundry was hung out on a line **

where the entire world could see it?

Would Daddy still be a judge?

Would Mom still run away?

Kaeleigh and I be taken, **

forced into foster care? Would our lives be less filled with misery?

Or would it just be more of the same?

My eyes grow heavy, less with weariness than with remembrance.

A certain night blurs into focus.

150.

Mom Was Gone Again Can't exactly remember why, only that we didn't expect her to come home until very late.

It was dark in our room.

Velvety black. Someone had closed the curtain. Kaeleigh was scared.

I tried to tell her not to worry, but just then, Daddy burst through the door.

I closed my eyes tight, made myself no more than a shadow. Something about him was different. I didn't want that something to find me.

I cracked my eyes just a slit as he sat on Kaeleigh's bed, pulled her into his lap. He smelled of Brut and Wild Turkey. His peculiar potpourri.

I.

love you so much, my little flower. Daddy needs something from my girl, my sweet rose.

Will you give it to me?

I wanted to be his little flower, would have given my daddy anything.

What did he want from Kaeleigh?

She laid her head on his chest. "What?"

151.

"I.

want you to see something, something that proves how much I love you. This is only for you, Kaeleigh girl.

He lifted her gently, sat her down on the bed beside him.

Then he opened the snaps on the fly of his flannel pajamas.

It stood up, stiff as a stalagmite.

See how much Daddy loves you?

Show me you love me, too. Touch it.

He closed her hand around it.

I know it sounds bad, but I wanted to touch it too. I didn't know what it meant, only that it made Daddy happy. I wanted to make him happy too.

That's right. That's right.

His voice rocked in rhythm with his body.

Oh yes, my Kaeleigh loves me. My little flower...

152.

Kaeleigh Didn't Know What any of it meant either.

But we both knew **

somehow it was important, because when Daddy **

finished, he burrowed his face into Kaeleigh's hair **

and wept. Confused at his tears, and at the sticky stuff icing **

her hands, still Kaeleigh pleaded, "Don't cry, Daddy.