Chapter 1777: Love and Affection, A Wavering Heart

Kaito has a high level of trust in Illness. She has been taking care of him in various ways as his exclusive maid since immediately after he arrived in this world, and combined with her calm and gentle personality, Kaito strongly recognized her as a gentle and mature lady.

Because of the trust she has acc.u.mulated in his heart, Kaito feels secure in the state he is now, lying on Illness lap, and once Illness had told him that you can sleep, drowsiness appeared exceptionally quickly.

Despite being pet.i.te, Illness is by no means lanky, and the moderately soft feel of Illness thighs. As a hand naturally started gently stroking Kaitos head, closing his eyes for a moment, Kaitos consciousness quickly drifted away, and after a while, the sound of regular breathing became audible.

Watching this, Illness softly smiled and continued to think in a daze.

(Avoiding my own feeliiiiiings and continuously looking away can be a probleeeeem. This could probably be an opportunity to take a moment and reflect on thiiiiiings I held affection for Kaito-sama at first siiiiiiight. Theres no doubting thaaaaaat, and even noooooow, my feelings havent diminiiiiiished, and have instead grown strongeeeeeer.)

Illness loves Kaito from the bottom of her heart. Theres no doubt about this, and this is something shes absolutely convinced of. While it may sound extreme, loving Kaito is a matter of course for Illness at the moment, and it cant be the cause of her confusion.

However, considering the recent movements and fluctuations in her heart, she can see that theres more to it than that.

(Come to think of iiiiiiit, this might have started because of loooooove. I suppose the way things had been with us had beeeeeeen a bit different from the usual order. Theres no point in pretending now huuuuuh I am in love with Kaito-samaaaaaa. The recent fluctuations in my feelings were probably because of thaaaaaat.)

Yes, Illness didnt fall in love with Kaito; what she held for him in the beginning was affection Afterwards, as she continued to interact with Kaito, she came to know more about what he was like on the inside and fell in love. While her circ.u.mstances arent quite impossible, the somewhat different sequence from a typical romantic relations.h.i.+p has brought confusion to her mind.

(Affection is something one giiiiives, love is something one desiiiiiires I see, the reason I feel I have become selfish recentlyyyyyy is because I have fallen in love and started to desire for it huuuuuuh.)

When she a.n.a.lyzed her situation calmly, the answer came down to her heart. At first, just giving Kaito her affection was enough for her. She was satisfied with offering her wholehearted devotion thinking that as long as Kaito was happy, there was no need for her to be by his side.

However, as she continued to interact with Kaito, rather than just watching him being happy, she started wis.h.i.+ng to share that happiness with him and as was the case in this tea party shes come to realize how comfortable it is to share feelings of happiness with her beloved Kaito.

She cant go back to the way things were before. Illness already started desiring a future together with Kaito and because she herself was aware of this feeling

(Just as Shalltear-sama mentiooooooned, just as devotion itself is my true natuuuuure, I have no hesitation in dedicating myseeeeelf. In a seeeeeeense, even though the form may be differeeeeent, its something Ive been doing all aloooooong, so one could say Im accustomed to iiiiiiit. Howeveeeeer, after having realized this todaaaaay, I sure am very bad at desiriiiiiing. One could say Im just not used to iiiiiiit, but my heart just cant seem to settle doooooown.)

Theres no hesitation or reluctance in doing something for Kaito. She can do it as naturally as breathing. However, when it comes to expressing her own desires to Kaito and desiring something from him, she finds herself pondering and hesitating about various things.

Expressing her desire to stay with Kaito even after the tea party wasnt just a spur-of-the-moment idea; it was something she had been contemplating even during the tea party no, it was something she had been contemplating for a long time, debating whether or not to verbalize it, and finally, it was a request that she managed to squeeze out.

(The fact that Kaito-sama is excessively kiiiiiiind might also be one of the factoooooors. I cant help but have expectatiooooons. Even though I think I shouldnt be making such selfish requeeeeests, I cant help but feel that if its Kaito-samaaaaa, he would accept me with a gentle smiiiiiile. For such petty thoughts to repeatedly pop into my miiiiind, its really troubliiiiiing.)

After wryly smiling with such thoughts in mind, looking at Kaito sleeping peacefully on his lap, Illness smiles lovingly from the bottom of her heart.

(Whats most troubling is thaaaaaat, as a matter of faaaaaact, he has been accepting everything so faaaaaaar. Its a complicated situatioooooon, but the fact that I find this complexity enjoyableeeeee Its quite curious, isnt iiiiiiit?)

Staying close to the peacefully sleeping Kaito, Illness gently brought her face closer, and planting a light kiss on his cheek, she whispered softly.

[Im still inexperienced in loooooove, and I do feel apologetic for thiiiiiis, but please, just wait a little moooooore. Once I can firmly organize my feeliiiiiiiings, at that tiiiiiime, I will convey them to you properlyyyyy Im still a coward who can only convey my feelings when youre asleeeeeeep, but someday, surelyyyyy Kaito-samaaaaa I will love you from the bottoooooooom of my heart.]

? ? ? : [I see, even though shes aware of her feelings of love, she hasnt sorted them out yet. Well, that girl has a logical side, so things probably wont progress until she has thoroughly thought it through to the point where shes fully convinced of it. But at this rate, it shouldnt be that far Senpai? Arehh? Hmmm Makina, do you know what happened to Serious-senpai?]

Makina : [She became delicious.]

? ? ? : [I see Well, shell be back in the . So, what was it this time?]

Makina : [Kos.h.i.+-an!]

? ? ? : [Was it that you used her body to make kos.h.i.+-an or had she turned into kos.h.i.+-an No, her turning into kos.h.i.+-an is strange in the first place]

(T/N: Kos.h.i.+-an = smooth-type red bean paste)