Kim Shinwoo.
I was ten years old at the time.
Back then, although I had to attend elementary school, I only went to school about three days a week.
The reason was that my mother didn't want other people to see me, her child who could see ghosts.
I once wondered if it was possible for me to fill my lacking attendance, but whether my mother pressured the teachers or not, they didn't interfere with me unnecessarily.
Then, what did I do at home?
At the time, since I knew nothing about how the world worked, I used to converse with ghosts. Ghosts weren't just the frightening kind, there were also ordinary-looking ones.
Another reason was that I actually knew some of the ghosts.
"Dad! Hongs Mom from next door wants me to tell you something!"
"...Huh?"
My mother didn't like it when I talked about ghosts, but my dad still listened to my stories occasionally.
That day, I told him because Hongs Mom really asked me to tell him.
"Suicide...? Hmm, shes saying it wasn't suicide, but it was because Hong's Dad pushed her."
Since I was someone who had little interaction with others and could see the dead, I wasn't particularly concerned about the idea of death. Therefore, I spoke brightly.
However, Father's expression quickly darkened.
And then, the next day, he bought me a big game console.
My father, who didn't know much about this technology, only bought one game CD. However, he boasted that it was the latest game.
"You can play this game while you're at home. Don't talk about other things, okay?"
"......Hmm."
"Your mom doesn't like it. You got it, right?"
"Alright."
The game was called [Retry].
Although it was recently published, it wasnt highly rated. However, for me, someone who didn't even have a chance to access the internet at the time, it was like a whole new world.
I overcame various difficulties while adventuring across the continent. It was quite challenging, and although my comrades often died, I didn't care.
After all, I could see dead people again. And they weren't even real people, just some code in the game.
However, seeing the protagonist Aria sad, I felt a strange emotion well up inside me.
When I realized that I could no longer use my dead comrades, for the first time, I felt a sense of loss about death.
My impression was that it was uncomfortable.
Then one day, while I was playing the game, my mother returned home after finishing work.
Since she wasnt really fond of me, I wondered if she would scold me for playing games.
However, when my mother saw me playing with the game console, she unexpectedly smiled brightly.
"Oh, you look just like the ordinary kids! Its nice to see you like this!"
Ah, I see. If I kept playing games, my mom would like it.
So, I continued playing games day and night.
While the game itself was fun, the more I played, the more I would see my mother happy and I liked it.
The ghosts didn't bother me unnecessarily.
Normally, ghosts wouldnt suddenly appear out of nowhere like in the movies.
They would gradually show themselves.
For example, I might hear a crying sound that shouldn't be there from a corner of the room.
Or suddenly, knocking sounds might come from the window, or footsteps might echo in the house when I was alone.
They gave me some signs in advance, hoping that I would find them.
However, I could forget all of that when I was focused on the game.
I could concentrate without any distractions.
That was what I believed.
[Shinwoo.]
A voice came from the balcony, accompanied by the wet sound of dripping blood.
Splosh.
Splosh.
The sensation that I felt when I saw the ghost climbing up the window, leaving bloody marks behind, was different from usual.
It wasn't just terrifying; it felt like something rough was pressing down on my throat.
I was even surprised enough to let go of the gamepad I was holding.
[Shinwoo.]
The one who crossed the balcony was Hongs Mom. She crawled towards me with twisted bones, which had deformed when she fell from the apartment rooftop.
[Shinwoo, why didn't you deliver my message to them?]
Her eyes were filled with deep resentment.
I couldn't look away as I realized that they were directed at me.
I couldn't hold onto the game anymore.
[Shinwoo, Auntie1 is in pain, you know?]
Splosh.
Splosh.
Aunties grotesquely twisted hand reached straight for my throat.
[Shinwoo! Why! Why! Why! That bastard is still alive and thriviiiiing! That bastard killed Auntieeee!]
"Sto ahh!"
It was the first time.
For the first time in my life, the ghost's resentment had definitely directly touched me. Was it a sensation similar to being pinched with scissors?
[Why are you not pitying Auntie? Auntie wanted to live too! Is it okay to ignore Auntie while playing this nonsense game? Huh? Huh? Huh?!]
"A-Auntie"
[Hong, too! His father, too! Do you know how damn shitty it feels to see that bastard still alive when I'm dead?]
"St-Sto"
Beep, beep.
Whirr!
"Mom's home."
If my mother hadn't come home in time, and if Hongs Mom hadn't hurriedly fled, I could have died.
So, with tears streaming down my face, I grabbed onto my mother's pant leg and cried.
"M-m-mom! Mom! Hong's Mom from next door! S-she w-wants me to tell you that t-the p-person who killed her is Hongs Dad! Hiccup!"
Unlike usual, I cried uncontrollably, even hiccupping, soaking my mothers pant leg with tears.
After finishing my jumbled words, I slowly looked up at my mother.
And then.
"......"
She entered the room without uttering a word, wearing a disgusted expression and a cold gaze as if she couldn't tolerate me any longer.
After that, I was left in the care of my shaman maternal grandmother.
My grandmother told me that if I casually communicated with ghosts, they would only come looking for me more.
So I started ignoring them because I didn't want to experience such danger again.
It was at that moment I realized that death was much more frightening than I thought.
Hence, even though my mother never came to see me, my father visited me often.
Whenever my father stopped by, a ghost that looked like a factory worker followed him.
Every time I met him, the numbers increased, and gradually, the ghosts hands were trying to reach my father's neck.
Worried about this, I talked to my father about it.
Then, my father, too, never visited me again.
I ended up all alone.
I had my maternal grandmother, but she was always busy and kept discussing about my spiritual eyes frequently something I disliked hearing about.
That was how I became a high school student with empty spots for my family left unfilled.
First year of high school.
When I briefly tidied up my room, I suddenly noticed an old game console.
As if by instinct, I immediately wiped off its dust, checked the CD inside, and connected it to the TV.
The game started with a familiar sound.
It was the game my father had bought for me.
It was the very game that made my mother happy.
So, once again, I became immersed in [Retry].
For a fleeting moment in our brief lives, although it was only for a very short time, the game had brought harmony to our family.
* * *
"Your story... saved me."
"...Huh?"
Aria didn't understand what I meant at all, but I gave her a slight smile.
It had been a long time since I could naturally let out a smile, not the slightly stiff ones I had every day.
It felt as if the icy ground had melted in the sunlight.
"So, please don't say that your story was insignificant. Don't make me, who has been saved by it, miserable."
"... I don't understand."
Aria spoke as if she had just been shocked, dumbfounded by my words.
"But somehow it feels comforting."
Aria slowly drew closer while staring at me. Then, as if feeling a little embarrassed, she slightly lowered her head and asked me.
"You're not the Professor Deus I knew, nor are you even Kim Shinwoo."
"Right."
Yes, I was not the Kim Shinwoo she knew from the first round.
"But you look very similar. So, um..."
"......"
"Can you help me say goodbye to him?"
This was what she managed to utter after mustering all of her courage.
It was something I had been waiting for, for so long.
Therefore, I nodded gently.
Just like that, Aria nestled into my arms.
"Professor, I really love you."
She looked like she just wanted to stay within my arms forever, like a child.
"I love you so much; if I could give you everything, I would. I love you more than I value myself."
Aria's voice sounded tearful, perhaps she started sobbing again. I felt a lump forming in my chest.
"Even if there were some intentions behind them. Even if you used me as your tool."
"......"
"Still, I loved you. I always wanted to give you what you wanted. I wanted to listen to what you said, to follow your words and rely on them."
I chose not to question whether her feelings could truly be labeled as love.
Whether it was an intense emotion that stemmed from being brainwashed at a young age, or it was the innocent yet unattainable first love of a girl.
Ultimately, the decision to define this was up to Aria Rias herself.
"If it weren't for you, no one would have saved me. I wouldn't have even made it this far."
"......"
"Thank you for saving me."
I gently hugged her back.
As I lightly stroked her head with one hand, she felt that touch and buried her head deeper.
"So..."
In order to gather the courage to move one step further.
"So..."
With a trembling voice, Aria even came close to biting my shirt in an attempt to restrain her emotions, just before saying something she didn't truly want to let out.
"Good bye."
Farewells were a sorrowful event.
She was the one who first taught me that within the game.
That was why I could empathize with the pain she was experiencing now.
Thus, in place of Kim Shinwoo from the first round, I hugged her a little tighter.
That persons last words.
- If you get another chance, at that time.
When I first heard this after seeing Aria's condition, the first thing I thought was, Do not look for me.'
Even though we had reached this point, I still didn't understand the meaning behind those words.
He might have regretted it in the end.
Or he might have cursed her with a heart tainted by hatred.
Maybe he might have tried to sabotage the second round me out of jealousy.
However, did that really matter?
I released Aria from the restraints that were binding her in place of him.
"If there is one thing I wish for you"
Just one wish
The one thing I wished for Aria Rias was something I had already said multiple times.
It might have meant something different from what the first-round me meant, but if I quoted it.
"If you're a student, you should live like a student."
"...Ah."
"Attend lectures, take exams properly, hang out with friends, get in arguments with them, fall in love, and experience various things that you can only do during this time."
"But..."
But what about the burden that she had to bear?
What about her sense of responsibility, now that she knew about the world's impending doom?
I gently brushed Aria's forehead as she looked up at me with questioning eyes.
You were the protagonist of the story because I saw the world through you.
However, this place was now reality.
"Now that I have come here myself. You no longer have to bear that burden."
I kissed the forehead of this lovely child.
It was a farewell gift, a celebration of birth.
To comfort her for the hardships she endured.
It was a gesture that implicated such meanings.
"You've worked hard, Aria."
Now
It's time for you to break free from the role of tragedy, and for you to now live as an ordinary female student.
"Congratulations on reaching the ending."