Not yet.

Hopefully someday.

29.

ROSE.

"Rosebud, I'm so happy you made this decision."

"Dad. It's only two cla.s.ses."

"But it's a start. That's all that matters."

"I'm not promising anything, Dad. If people stare. If I feel uncomfortable. I'm gonna quit."

My father sighs, his face sinks and all. "Bud. You never cared about people staring. You got in front of hundreds of people at a time. You used to love the stares."

"Dad. They were watching, not staring. And it was because I was good. Now it'll be 'cause I'm a freak."

"You're not a freak, Rose," Holly says, grabbing my last suitcase. "You're a geek. Don't worry, Mr. Duncan, I'll make sure she doesn't quit."

"Thanks, Holly."

"And if people stare, it's only because she's so freaking beautiful."

"Oh shut up." I don't want to hear Holly's stupid praises. "I'll be all right, Dad. Don't worry."

"I love you, Rosebud." I give my father a big hug goodbye, then he hands me my cane. "Just in case you get tired walking."

"Thanks, Dad." They'll definitely stare if I use the cane. I'll have to make sure I don't get tired. With only two cla.s.ses to get to, I'm sure I'll be fine.

After my father leaves, Holly gives me a hug. "Thank you, thank you for moving in with us."

"Yeah, well, thank you for talking me into it. I guess I am kind of looking forward to school again."

"You know it. You'll probably be kicking yourself for not taking a full load."

"I doubt it, but yeah. So where's Griffin? I feel bad moving in when he's not here. You sure he's okay with this?"

"Of course he is. He's just as excited as I am. He's probably out with Cali. Sundays are their day together. They'll be back soon, I'm sure. But hey, so you're not alone, why don't you come to Donny's with me when I go into work?"

"I don't think so, Holl. I think I'll just unpack and get my room in order. I'll be fine. Really."

"If you're sure. Listen, I gotta take a shower, but let me get this in your room for you." She picks up the suitcase she set aside before.

"Holly. I can do it. Please. I can do everything you can do, really." Then I admit, "I just can't dance anymore."

"I don't believe that, but...one step at a time."

One step at a time. That's how Ben and I were supposed to take our relationship. Until he decided to take no steps at all. It still makes me sad to think about him, but he made the choice to disappear from my life. For whatever reason. I'll just have to respect that.

However...

Ben may have something to do with the reason I decided to come back to school. Maybe if I run into him, he'll tell me why he just stopped calling. I mean, after I checked online for any major accidents in the Cherry Hill area and, G.o.d forbid, the obituaries, I realized it most likely wasn't that. Then, I thought maybe it was another girl, but that would have meant he'd met her on the way up to visit me. But truthfully, as much as I worried about him being with another girl when I first started liking him, I got to know him enough to know that he'd be honest about it. I never met a more upstanding guy, so since Christmas Eve, I've had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I don't have Johnny's phone number, and I don't even know his last name, so I can't call him. But since Dad gave me his old truck to get me around down here, I'm thinking about stopping at his house to see him. Maybe he'll know something about Ben.

It takes me about two hours to set up my new room. I like it. It's bigger than my dorm room, and I don't have to share it. I'm just a little worried about the parties Griffin likes to throw. They're not particularly wild, Griffin doesn't run like that, but he does have quite a few friends, and it makes me nervous to think of so many people coming into the house. Since Halloween, I've only been around my parents, my sisters, Holly, and Ben. And Johnny that one time.

When I venture down into the kitchen, Griffin and Cali are at the counter.

"Rosalie." Griffin always liked my full name. "I wanted to come up and say hi, but I thought I'd give you time to get situated." He hugs me and kisses me on the left cheek. "How are you?" he asks happily.

"I'm good. Thank you so much for letting me stay here. You sure you don't want more than a hundred a month?"

"I'm sure. If the utilities go up, we'll talk about it then. No worries."

"Hi, Cali." I feel bad, I haven't even acknowledged her yet.

"Hi, Rose. It's good to see you. I'm glad you'll be living here."

"You don't mind?" She is Griffin's girlfriend. She might mind.

"Of course not. It'll be nice. I'm here whenever I'm not working or going to cla.s.s, so it'll be fun hanging together."

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to it."

"Is that your Chevy C-10 out there?"

"Yeah. The ugly orange thing out there? Unfortunately, that's mine."

"Nothing unfortunate about it. It's a '65. It's a cla.s.sic. I love cla.s.sic cars and trucks."

"That's right. You have that little yellow thing, right?"

"Right. That little yellow BMW 2002."

"And that's not the year," Cali says.

I laugh. "That's right. It is a BMW, isn't it?"

"It's ugly, right?" Cali says.

Griffin shakes his head at our lack of reverence for cla.s.sic cars.

"Rosalie?" Griffin asks. "Have you had time to check where everything is?"

"Not really. Just my room and the bathroom."

"Well feel free to open every cabinet, every drawer. What's yours is mine, and we split the grocery bill, so you can eat or drink anything in the house."

"Great. Thanks."

"Though you don't look like you eat very much. You lost a lot of weight."

"Not really. Lost more muscle than anything."

He just nods. "Hunter Hill has a gym. It's free."

"That's right. Maybe I'll use it." Last year when I was here, I never had time to use the gym. My dance schedule took up any free school time I had. I guess now I'll have the time.

"You want coffee, Rose?" Cali asks. "I'm getting one."

She gets up from her stool and goes to the coffee machine. "Griff's got all kinds of flavors."

"That's due to Holly," Griffin says. "She's girling up my house."

"Yeah, I think I will have a cup." I go by Cali and get a mug from the cabinet where Cali got one and fix myself a pumpkin spice coffee.

"We're staying in to watch a movie," Cali tells me. "Wanna watch with us?"

I don't want to be a third wheel, but I don't want to start off by turning anyone down. Before the accident, I would have taken them up on an offer like this, had I had time, so I say, "Sure."

And then I think about Ben and wonder if I'll see him on campus tomorrow. Even though I'm nervous as all heck, I sure hope so.

30.

BEN.

I'm back at school.

Not sure for how long, though.

I'm here because there's still a chance. And I need to know there's still a chance.

So I'm following protocol to stay on the team.

I'm staying a full-time student.

"Ben?"

I look up from my desk. "Holly."

"What's going on?" She sits at the desk next to me in Environmental Science on Monday morning.

"Rose is worried sick. She thinks something bad happened to you. What the f.u.c.k?"

"Holly. Not now."

"I thought you were one of the good guys. Man. The least you could have done was text her. Tell her you were okay."

"Holly. Please. I don't want to talk about this right now."

"You suck, Ben."

"Thanks for trusting me, Holl."

Despite the words, Holly stays seated next to me throughout the period and even walks out with me.

"So you gonna talk?" she starts as soon as we're outside.

"Yeah. Just not about what you wanna talk about."

She hikes her book bag's strap high on her shoulder in a move that tells me she's angry. "Again...you suck," she reminds me.

"I gotta go, Holly. I'll catch you later." I ignore her angry commentary behind me as I walk away.

If I'm going to explain to anyone what's going on, it's not going to be to Holly. It's going to be to Rose. But I just can't burden her with this quite yet.

Three days later, I miss my first Musicology cla.s.s. There's somewhere else I need to be.

And then I don't show up the following week either. For any of my cla.s.ses. Because right now, I just can't deal with school, baseball, anyone. Even Rose. Especially Rose.

31.