"So I've made it to friend status, have I?"

Nudging me with her elbow, she says, "I think so."

Back at Rose's house, I sit at the huge white table in her kitchen while she fixes us ham and cheese sandwiches.

"Rose. Can I ask you something?"

Her hand stills while she spreads the mayonnaise on the bread. "Um...oh...kay."

"You seem to be getting around well...physically...and I can't tell for sure, but emotionally, you seem like you're getting better. Why aren't you going back to school in January?"

She finishes preparing the sandwiches, slides a plate in front of me, pours some iced tea into two gla.s.ses, and sits down across from me. "I'm afraid," Rose says, running her finger along the rim of her plate.

"Of what?" After I ask, I take a bite of my sandwich, and with a mouth full of ham & cheese, I exclaim, "Holy h.e.l.l, this is awesome." I swallow before continuing. "The ham. It's...wow."

Rose laughs. "Yeah, well...it came from our farm."

"What?"

"We live on a farm. My dad raises farm animals. That there sandwich was probably Missy."

I push my plate away. "What?"

"I'm joking."

I pull the plate toward me.

"We don't name them."

"Wait. What?"

"That's my father's business. We provide meat to the local butchers." She must notice the expression on my face, because she says, "It's all organic, if that helps. I'm sorry. Should I have not told you where the ham came from? I thought you knew it came from pig."

"Uh...yeah...I guess it threw me for a moment."

"If it bothers you, I can make you something else."

I laugh now. "No. I'm not a vegetarian. I eat meat. I just never knew anyone who knew their ham before they ate it."

"You sure it doesn't bother you?"

"I'm sure." I get back to my sandwich then, "Why are you afraid, Rose, to go back to school?"

She runs her hand along the back of her neck.

"You don't have to answer that." Maybe it makes her nervous to talk about it.

"I don't know why I'm afraid." Her fingers tap the edge of her plate. "Maybe I do. I don't know."

I continue eating while she contemplates why she's afraid.

"It's gonna be all different. People will look at me differently. I don't know. I've never worried before what people thought of me, but..." She doesn't finish her thoughts.

"I think that's something you aren't going to be able to work on by staying hidden on your father's farm."

"Would you like another sandwich? Or...a piece of cheesecake?" She effectively ignores my comment by appealing to my stomach.

"Cheesecake's perfect. Unless, of course, you killed something to make it?"

"Oh my G.o.d." She laughs. "I scarred you for life, didn't I?"

"You did. By making me eat poor ol' Porky."

She shakes her head but continues to laugh. "We just used Chicken Little's eggs. Oh, and my mom made cheese from Lady's milk."

She's got to be joking.

"Lady's our cow. And no, Mom didn't make her own cheese, but she did get the eggs from our chickens."

"Your last name isn't Ingalls, is it?"

"No. It's Walton."

"You think you're quite funny, don't you?"

She hands me the slice of cake she just cut.

"None for you?" After I ask, I realize there are only two bites taken out of her sandwich.

"Nah. I'm good."

"This is...amazing."

"Yeah. Mom's a good cook."

"You don't cook?"

"No. I'm not sure you even put eggs in cheesecake. Beth's the one who takes after my mom."

"Who's the oldest out of you and your sisters?"

"Beth. Then it's me, Patti, and Terri. We're all just about a year apart."

"Wow. That must have been crazy when you guys were younger."

"Dad says the hardest was when we all hit p.u.b.erty."

"Oh I'm sure. Four teenage girls in the house? G.o.d bless him."

I love the sound of Rose's laugh. It's something I'm getting very used to. Plus it's good to know she's reached the point where she can laugh again. I hope she reaches the point where she can feel confident again, and no longer afraid of whatever it is she's afraid of.

"Are your sisters in school?"

"Beth graduated, but she still works with my dad on the farm. She got a degree in agriculture, so...it's actually what she wants to do. Patti and Terri are still in school. Patti goes to County. Terri's up in Syracuse."

"Cool. So..." I take the last bite of my cheesecake and get up to put my dishes in the huge white sink.

"You don't have to do that," Rose says as she gets up to stop me from making my way over.

"I don't mind." I walk around her and do it anyway. She's standing next to me with her plates. As I take them from her hands, I ask, "So what do you do for fun around here? Is there a movie theater nearby? We can go to a movie."

"Really? Um...I haven't been to a movie in so long."

"Then let's go."

"I...I...well, I just got home yesterday. Maybe I should...maybe another time?"

I try to hide my disappointment. I'm not so sure I succeed.

"There's a drive-in theater not too far from here. Maybe we can go next week?" she asks.

"A drive-in? They're still around? I thought they died out in the sixties."

Rose grins. "No, silly, there are still some around."

I step close to her and run my hand up her arm, "So...can I take you next Sat.u.r.day night?"

Her hand grazes my chest before she snaps it away. "I'd like that."

"Good. It's a date."

"Do you have far to drive?"

"I do. About two and a half, three hours, but I got my music."

She finds the hem of her shirt, plays with it, but sticks her hands in her pockets instead. "You sure you want to go to a movie at night next week? By the time you get home, it'll be late."

"I'm a twenty-two-year-old guy. I sleep during the day."

"You're not sleeping now."

"Because I have a reason to be up."

Rose tucks in her lips and blushes. "Are you one of those sweet talkers?"

"No, actually, I'm not," I say seriously.

"Oh."

"Listen, I know you just got home yesterday. I wasn't thinking about that when I asked if I could come up. I'm sorry if you're tired and need..."

"No, no. I'm happy you came. I didn't mean it like that before. I meant, I just shouldn't go to a movie tonight. I'm sure my mom would be more comfortable if I stuck nearby. That's all I meant."

"Hey. You don't have to explain." I take her wrist and lift her hand from her pocket. Her hand is small and warm in mine. "I should let you get settled and I have a long ride home." I'd drive for days, though, if it meant being with her. "But next week...the drive-in...you and me."

She smiles, squeezes my hand, bites her lip, and nods. "Yeah. That sounds nice."

When a twenty-two-year-old boy stands twelve inches away from a beautiful girl, it takes all his resolve not to whisk her in his arms and kiss the s.h.i.t out of her. Right now, I'm testing that resolve.

"Wait a minute," she says, unwittingly helping me along. "Before, you said you were twenty-two. I thought you were twenty-one."

I raise my brow.

"November. You said your birthday was November something, but today is only the...oh my G.o.d, Ben, today's your birthday."

"Yeah, well."

"Happy Birthday." She tugs my hand and kisses my cheek.

"Thank"

"Why...I mean...I can't believe you came all the way up here on your birthday. Why?"

"I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather spend it." Lame. Pathetic and lame. True story, though. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be...because I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with.

19.

ROSE.

At Sunday morning's breakfast table, Mom is wearing a goofy grin. She wants so badly to ask me about Ben, and I'm trying to ignore her, but I don't know how long I can hold out. Last night she tried to ask, but I excused myself in the middle of dinner, feigning fatigue.

I don't want to talk about Ben. Yesterday was wonderful. Being with Ben was comfortable and fun, but I'm not sure I want to take things further. He'll be going back to school, baseball, getting back to his life. I'll be here, feeding the chickens and picking up p.o.o.p. The only thing on my mind will be what Ben is doing and who he's with. He's an athlete with a life. Ben might be showing interest in me now, but it's probably because he's bored. Whether it's schoolwork, practice, baseball, or two-legged girls, he'll have plenty to keep him busy once he's back in school.

"So...you like Ben?" My mother asks anyway.

"He's okay. He's just a friend."

Beth narrows her eyes, and I subtly shake my head for her to keep quiet.