As a new father that is one of the first things a man must do, right?

Its usually like that in the dramas filled with the teary conversation that has so much happiness the whole screen looks like it's covered in flowers and rainbows with dramatic violin music playing in the background...but this is real life and all I feel is deep and profound awkwardness and a mild pit of fear.

Well, actually don't most young adults dread calling home?

Listening to the person who gave you life drone on and on about how she's getting old and needs grandchildren or how you've not been visiting home or whatever...

I had the opposite problem, how do I tell my mom that her son had knocked up a spider demon and was now the proud father of seven children, four hatched three on the way, or that the lord of h.e.l.l was her in law or the simple fact that three of my kids were still in their eggs in a little garden in h.e.l.l.

How do I even begin that conversation?

"Hi mom I know its only its been a month since I was home but I am now the son in law to a power-mad goat man with more issues than I could ever say and I now have seven kids four hatched three on the way and they are very cute even with their fangs and red serpent eyes and their mother is in an induced coma because there was a possibility that the kids would eat her once they hatched oh yes she is a spider demon. Did I Mention that my their grandfather is LUCIFER?!"

Nope, that would give her a heart attack, subtlety was needed here

"Hi, mom you are a grandmother to the future lords of h.e.l.l!"

Wait, do I even want to tell her my kids are half demon?

Well its not like its a secret and if I kept it hidden family holidays would become a real pain since my kids really enjoy showing off their abilities, we'd all be seated at the table and Weizhi would probably sneeze lightning or Li Liàng would devour the whole turkey in a single bite...

Fun fact- she has an Unhingable jaw and an unusually healthy appet.i.te...that will really get the awkward family conversations going.

Oh well, let's just get it over with...

So dialling the phone I called home,

"Ah, so my son finally remembers he has a mother!"

"Hi mom, hows home?"

"We're all fine, I don't know what you did to your cousin though? the poor thing has been getting nightmares,"

"Oh,"

I had completely forgotten that Li Shen needed therapy.

"Actually that's why I'm calling..."

"Li Jun, what did you do to Li Shen?"

"I didn't do anything! Weizhi probably did,"

"Who is that? How dare he bully my nephew!"

"Err...you see..."

"I'll give him a stern talking to is he your roommate? Pa.s.s him the phone!"

"Okay..."

I handed Weizhi the phone,

"Say h.e.l.lo Weizhi,"

Well, he couldn't talk but he did squeal adorably before going off in baby garble, Xie long drowsily got in on the action followed by Li Liang and Li Liming creating a whole orchestra of squealing and laughing babies as they fought over the phone.

I quickly took it back,

"Li Jun, whose kids are those?"

"...mine..."

This was it the moment of truth, yes mother I had gone against your teachings and this was the result!

Oh, let the heavens smite me for I have been bad though, to be honest, I'd already been sent to h.e.l.l, in my opinion, I have paid for my sins so please do not beat me with a slipper…

"What do you mean?! Is this a joke?!"

"Mu-..."

"I mean what foolish girl would target you?!"

"Wow..ouch..."

"It's the truth son. I am your mother trust me I know,"

I chose to ignore the painful blow my existence had just received focusing more on the fact that she had not suffered a coronary at my big reveal, good job me!

I had handled this situation well!

"Well… mother, you are now a grandmother...congratulations?..."

"Son you know you aren't very bright, are you sure you're not getting scammed?"

"Believe me, we look exactly alike."

"Well, two kids is alright to start with-"

"Seven."

"Pardon."

"Seven kids mom I have seven kids."

She was quiet for a moment, perhaps reliving the horror that must have been my birth-then multiplying the experience by seven...

Ah, the legendary female empathy so rare a man to witness... yes mother, she had seven kids aren't you happy? our family's increased by a solid seven hundred per cent,

awesome right?

"At the same time??!!!!…that poor girl..."

Good thing I didn't mention the eggs...

"Is she alright are you taking good care of her? I raised you to be a fairly decent man so you better not be playing those video games of yours while she slaves away on a hot stove-"

"Yeah, yeah... I'm watching the kids because she's still... resting, yeah resting in the hospital! The old goat man helps around sometimes-"

"Who?"

"My father in law, you two should meet. He's a real character."

"Of course we will, we are family,"

"Great come over in two weeks and eh, expect a big surprise mom."

"So long as you didn't knock up the daughter of a mob boss I don't think I'll be shocked,"

"..."

Oh mom, If only you knew!