The Big Stage

February 2010 Six months later

"Kelly, we need you," Betty called to me from her office. The Olympics had turned our broadcast centre into a madhouse, with twice as many people stuffed in here and broadcasting going on 24/7. I was being used as a point person, helping all the out-of-town people find their way around the studio and the city.

"I'm here." I zoomed over. Everything was urgent.

Betty consulted the big whiteboard where she kept all the assignments and schedules. "Well, Germaine's crew is stuck at the speed-skating venue in Richmond, there was a technical problem and it's going late. I need someone to take her place. I was thinking you could do it."

"Me? Really?" I was getting a chance to go on air?

"Don't get too excited. It'll probably end up being under thirty seconds. But you'll get to go to the event too." She ran a finger over the magnetized event names. Betty was supremely organized. "Let's see-curling or women's hockey? I sent Jack to U.B.C. for something else, so he could do the hockey. You can meet the crew at the curling venue."

Damn! So fucking close. I tried to smile, but my lips seemed to be getting stuck on my teeth. "Okay, great. Thanks so much for this opportunity."

She began to laugh heartily. "If you could see your face, Kelly. Of course I'm sending you to women's hockey."

"Excuse me, Ms. Tough. Coast 2 Coast Sports would like to talk to you about the game."

"Oh my God! Tank." Deirdre's eyes and mouth both went wide.

I gave her a huge hug. She was still wearing all her equipment and she felt damp and clammy.

"Look at us. Living our dreams! I'm playing for the Olympic team, and you're a hockey reporter."

"Well, kind of. It's going to be my first time on air."

"And I get to bust your broadcast cherry-fucking A."

"Let's not say stuff like that when I interview you, or it could turn out to be my last time." I looked around, but my cameraman wasn't here yet.

"You really want to talk to me?" she asked.

"Sure, I get to choose, and you scored two goals."

Deirdre's huge personality would make an impression on the audience. You always had to be thinking about what made great TV, even if we had to mute some of her language.

"Every fucking player did," Deirdre said. They had defeated Sweden 13-1.

"No kidding. Where's the mercy rule when you really need it?"

"Every goal counts in the Olympics."

"We should meet tonight," I told her. "I want to get caught up and hear all about Calgary."

"It's amazing. And Tank, you could totally play on the CWHL team there. They're really flexible about games too. They understand that everyone has to work. The club players pick up the slack if we've got national team stuff, so we keep a big roster."

"Sounds great."

Now that the Olympic building boom was over, Phil was on borrowed time. Eventually he was going to be transferred back to head office in Calgary. We had some back and forth discussion, but the bottom line was that as much as I loved him, I needed to put work first. However, once I finished the internship program, I was willing to apply for jobs in Calgary. And Phil was equally open to asking for more work in Vancouver, or even applying to engineering firms here. We were both at the right age to focus on our careers. Once we were established, our options would open up and we could be in the same place.

Since I had a media pass, I was allowed into the Athlete's Village to meet Dee that evening, but the security was pretty tight. Once I got through the gates, there was a real party atmosphere. I got invited to two parties just trying to find her building.

I finally asked a security guard. "Excuse me. Can you tell me where the Canadian hockey team stays?"

He motioned me towards a big tower on the west side of the village. Deirdre was living large.

Being among all the athletes made me remember all my dreams as a girl. I shivered as I imagined what it would be like to play for Canada. But now that I had this great job, maybe I'd get to go to my share of Olympics anyway.

"Kelly?"

I almost crashed into three large guys in Team Canada jackets. Ty, Mac, and-Jimmy. My insides took a dipsy-doodle, but I managed to stay calm.

"Hey, guys. How are you?" I hugged Ty, but awkwardly avoided hugging the others.

"We're great. What are you doing here?" Ty wondered. Jimmy stared at me, but he didn't say a word.

"I'm meeting someone. She's on the women's hockey team."

"You're headed the wrong way. We're in this building," Mac said. "I'm pretty sure that the women's team is over there."

Ty picked up my lanyard and had a look. "What's this? You're media?"

"Yes. I work with Coast 2 Coast Sports Television," I said proudly.

"You should call Maddy," Mac suggested. "She's here with her parents, and she'd love to see you."

"Okay, I will. Does she have the same cell number?"

Mac nodded. I realized that everyone had the same cell numbers except me.

Jimmy still hadn't said a word. He kept staring at me with his lips slightly parted. This was beyond awkward, so I decided to get going.

"Well, I better meet Dee. Great to see you guys, and good luck tomorrow." They were playing Switzerland.

I walked swiftly towards the building that Mac had pointed out. Just before I reached the door, I heard footsteps behind me and I knew who it was without even looking.

"Kelly."

I braced myself and turned around. Jimmy looked good as usual. He was wearing one of those Team Canada bomber jackets that everyone wanted. His hair was shorter, his face was stern, and he had a new maturity. I calculated that it was nearly a year since we'd seen each other.

"I'm glad you got the job you wanted." He motioned to my media tag.

"Thank you. The classes I took really helped. You got the cheque I sent, right?" As soon as I was able, I had repaid the tuition money with a money order-that way he had to cash it. It was my way of evening things up, although I could never repay everything he had spent on me.

His eyes widened, and his mouth drooped. His expressions were always so easy to read. "I'm really sorry about everything that happened. Not just that night when-you know, but the way I pressured you and tried to change you. It's what I do to myself, and I felt like you were an extension of me."

"It doesn't matter anymore. But you might want to get that looked at," I suggested.

Jimmy nodded. "When you left, it was the playoffs and all this pressure-I finally spoke to the team sports psychologist. He sent me to talk to someone." He looked over his shoulder; Ty and Mac had walked on without him. "Nobody knows, of course, but it helped."

"That's good. I'm glad for you."

He smiled down at me. I was struck by the fact that while I still found him attractive, I wasn't drawn to him in that insane way I used to be.

"Yeah, there were so many times I wished I could tell you about all the stuff I fixed. Your leaving was a big wake-up call."

I was sure it shocked him to find out that something on the life list might have to be un-ticked. But I was beyond anger. "I've thought about everything that happened and realized I made mistakes too. I should have stood up for myself more. I think everyone was right-we were too young."

"I can't believe you're taking responsibility. I figured you hated me."

I laughed. "I try to move on." I had been bitter and angry, but that was short-lived. Negativity wasn't my default mode. "Well, it was good to see you again. I know you're going to have a great series."

He began as the thirteenth forward, but his ice time was already increasing. People were really noticing him.

As I turned to leave, he blurted, "Are you back with Phil?"

"Yes." It sounded so simple in this context, but what would be the point of explaining the whole ballet Phil and I had done to find each other again?

His forehead creased. "I guess you wish you made a different decision way back in the summer."

I considered this and then shook my head. "I know it ended badly, but still-you and I had some incredible times together." Our love had been so intense and all consuming. Could it have lasted even without Jimmy cheating on me? Maybe it would have burnt out some other way.

I continued, "Besides, it sounds crazy, but I feel like when I got hurt so badly-well, it made me appreciate everything more." I never took Phil's consideration and support for granted. I knew exactly how lucky I was to have him in my life.

But my words had affected Jimmy. He looked really upset now. "I've worried so much. About how you are and what you're doing. You don't know how many times I wanted to erase that stupid night and what I did."

I put a hand on his chest. "Stop, Jimmy. It's okay. I'm fine now. Bad stuff happens and we learn from it. Clearly, we're both better now."

He put his hand over mine and squeezed. "You're such a good person."

"I'm not. I'm normal." I pulled my hand away. I could see he was starting to idealize me again, and that wasn't healthy. "It's great that we saw each other and cleared things up. But I have to meet Deirdre now."

"Yeah, I have to go too." But he didn't move an inch. He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. "Thank you, Kelly. For everything." He carefully emphasized each word.

"You're welcome," I replied. I had no idea if he meant my forgiveness or our time together, but I knew there was some hidden meaning. However Jimmy's intense feelings weren't something I had to worry about ever again, and that realization made me feel lighter.

"Bye, Jimmy."

I headed towards the building without looking back.

"Get up, you lazybones. I didn't take the day off to spend it watching you sleep." Phil poked me in the side. We were lying in his king-sized bed.

"Want to sleep," I muttered and buried my head in the pillow. Now that the Olympics were finally over, Betty had given me two days off. I had only worked every day for the past three months. But it was completely worth it. I had gotten more experience during the Olympics than most interns would get in two years. And I had made a number of media contacts for the future. My career possibilities were very bright.

"I know exactly what you need. Put on your running gear. We're leaving in twenty minutes."

I rolled over and opened one eye. Phil was sitting on the edge of the bed, and his naked torso was so attractive. I leaned over and kissed the nearest part of him. "Is there breakfast?"

"If you get up right now and get ready, I will make you breakfast," he promised.

Twenty minutes, later we were on the road. I was drinking tea and munching on a toasted bagel, but I was wide-awake.

"Where are we going?"

"Home," he replied. I realized we were headed towards the North Shore.

"I'm not exactly ready to see Greta," I complained, pulling down the visor mirror of the VW Tiguan. I had on running gear and a ball cap, and I hadn't even showered. Greta was back to full health now and as domineering as ever. Except now that I knew her marshmallow core, I wasn't scared of her anymore. However, I wouldn't mind dropping in on my parents, and I knew my mom would be delighted if Phil came by as well.

"I meant home in the general sense. The area we grew up in."

"Speak for yourself, I haven't grown up yet."