Now I was torn. Part of me wanted to protest that it was me in the photo-so there. But I didn't want to deal with the fallout once word got out that I was dating James Frechette. Brian Ford, as well as every other producer in the place, would be leaning on me for interviews and inside scoops. And everyone else would be weighing in on my love life. They already had too many opinions on my relationship with Phil.

Mike drifted away, but Arthur was still darting looks between the computer screen and my face, like some C.S.I. scanning device.

"Lots of people have doppelgangers," I commented. "Especially half-Asians."

He sniffed. "Contraire to what that lunkhead may think, gay men are renowned for their observational skills. I do know that a little makeup can make some very significant changes, as well as a good push-up bra." Then, thankfully, he left.

I saw Phil the next night. He had to work late-as usual-but we met at his place for dinner. Phil grilled salmon and asparagus on their balcony BBQ. I was grateful not to have to pay my share of yet another meal out.

"Everything smells delicious," I told him. Phil was wearing a striped shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and his nice forearms showing. However, what I really found attractive was the fact that he was cooking.

"How come you're such a good cook?" I wondered.

"Survival. I like to eat well, and I don't have tons of cash. How come you're not? What did you eat at university?"

"Yogurt and cereal. And Montreal has lots of cheap restaurants." Learning to cook had never been my priority, but now I felt guilty. "Can I help?"

"Sure, if you could make a salad, that would be great."

I went to the kitchen where Dave was standing by the kitchen counter and eating some leftovers from a container, while looking in the fridge.

"Damn, PD didn't buy me any frozen perogies when he went shopping. I'm complaining."

"Excuse me? Phil works ten hour days and has to buy your groceries too?"

Dave's eyes narrowed. "I work hard too. It's just the way we split the household chores."

"What do you do?" Dave didn't strike me as the Happy Homemaker.

"I'm the organizational genius."

"So-in other words-you tell everyone else what to do. Nice." I pulled out some spinach and apples from the fridge and started on the salad.

"Hmmm, what are you guys having? It looks good."

Phil walked in carrying a platter with the fish and veggies. "We're having dinner for two. Only two."

Dave bitched a little, but eventually left. We took our plates out on the balcony to enjoy the summer evening.

"Everything is delicious," I told him.

Phil smiled at me, but I noticed how tired he looked. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he wasn't talking too much.

"We can skip the after-dinner walk if you want," I told him. We had talked about going along False Creek and finding some gelato.

"Yeah, maybe. We could watch a movie on my laptop."

"That sounds nice."

"Did you want popcorn too?" he asked.

"I'm pretty full. Thank you though." Suddenly, I realized that this was the ideal date that I had described to April. It wasn't surprising that she was trying to help Phil.

Since Dave and Elliott were home, we went to Phil's bedroom. He had minimal furniture. We sat on the bed, leaning against the black iron frame, with pillows behind and his laptop in front. For some reason, it wasn't a sexy situation though.

Phil had been pretty well-behaved throughout the dating game. He was publicly affectionate, but never pushed me privately. I moved a little closer, and he put his arm around me. The movie was a foreign film about a man's life after the tsunami in Thailand. Phil's trip had inspired an interest in the countries he had visited.

However, being this close to Phil and in his bedroom was giving me ideas. He was very attractive and the warmth of his body through his shirt was bringing back some sweaty memories.

I was worried that what happened with Jimmy had softened the way I felt about him. So, what if I fooled around with Phil a little? That would make things right and equal. Not to mention being an awesome pleasure for me. Actually, I could keep making mistakes with one and then making it up to the other. This kind of logic underlined why sex was a problem for me.

I put my hand on Phil's thigh. He jerked his head around, then smiled and leaned over to kiss me. He tilted his head and as his lips touched mine, I felt a little thrill coursing through my body. Phil's kisses were bliss-his mouth warm and soft, and the pressure perfect.

I put one hand on the back of his neck and moved the other up his jeans towards his cock. I wasn't really sure how far we would go, but everything was feeling great. We were kissing and touching when Phil stopped. He put his laptop on the bedside table.

"What's going on here, Kel?"

"Duh, we're making out."

"Why are we making out?"

"Because it feels good, Philly. Now let's stop talking." I tried to kiss him again, but he put out a restraining hand.

"Does this mean that you'll be doing the same thing with Frechette on the weekend?"

"No." Shit. Why couldn't guys just shut up and do what I wanted them to do?

"And that would be because...?"

I didn't say a word. I didn't have to. Phil was going to get this in five seconds.

5, 4, 3, 2- "No, don't tell me." Phil was all snarky and sarcastic. "Let me guess-four days alone with him in Toronto, and you couldn't control yourself. The asshole didn't even win the Calder, but he sure got the consolation prize."

"I didn't have sex with him," I said miserably.

Phil scowled at me. "You know, Kelly, this was all your idea. You wanted to 'get to know each other' and not have sex so you could make up your mind. It's been over a month now, so what's it going to be?"

I shook my head. "I actually haven't spent that much time with either of you." I had only seen Jimmy for three weekends, and Phil worked a lot of hours. I got to see him at hockey and maybe one or two other nights a week. It wasn't really enough time to settle anything in my mind.

"I don't know yet. I really like being with you, Phil." Honestly, I was more confused than when I started.

"But maybe you wanted to do a little comparison shopping? To see how I stack up in the sack." Phil's voice was dangerously calm. In one smooth movement, he pulled me down onto the bed next to him.

He kissed me, and this time his mouth was hot, wet, and passionate. He moved down and kissed this special spot at the base of my neck that made me moan aloud. He raised himself up and ran an expert hand down the side of me-not even touching any erogenous zones-and lit me up like a neon sign.

"Oh God." I tried to pull him onto me, but he shook his head.

"There's no way you've forgotten how hot things can be between us. I know a lot more than I did back in high school, and I can't wait to show you. But I'm playing by your rules, so I'm not making love to you again-until it's for keeps."

Then he abruptly let me go and got off the bed. He put on his shoes and looked down at me-still lying on the bed and breathing hard.

"Let's go. I'm taking you home now." He turned and left the room.

I got straightened out and ran after him. "Phil, wait."

We were in the parking garage before I finally grabbed his arm. "I'm really sorry. I know I shouldn't have-"

Phil interrupted me. "You know what? I prefer those ground rules where we don't waste one second talking about the asshole. All I have to say is that if you make the wrong decision-it's your own fault. You need to have a little self-control and not let your body rule your mind."

I should have been angry, but I knew he was exactly right.

22.

Compare and Contrast

On my 22nd birthday, I walked into the office to find a huge arrangement of exotic flowers on the reception desk. I pulled out the card and looked at it.

Happy Birthday, Kelly. See you tonight.

Love, JF "Who's JF?" Arthur asked from behind the bouquet.

"You read my card already?"

"Of course I did, the envelope was not sealed, this bouquet is gigantic, and it came from Thomas Hobbs, which is the most expensive florist in town. That means something huge and romantic. Are you going to tell me, or do I have to start guessing?"

"Please no, not in front of everyone." This place was worse than high school. The combination of flowers and Arthur's loud voice had attracted people to the lobby. Full-scale eavesdropping was in progress. "I'll tell you later."

Arthur gave me a disbelieving look but went back to work. I toted the flowers over to the boardroom so I could actually see anyone who arrived. The arrangement was so heavy that I was going to have to take a cab home.

Just before noon, Phil walked in. He was wearing his on-site work clothes, which were casual and dusty. He flashed me his cocky grin, and I smiled back. He had never ever forgotten my birthday. When he called to book a dinner with me, I had to regretfully decline since Jimmy had put this on our schedule back in May.

"Can we go for lunch?" he asked. "It is a special day."

"Okay," I smiled at him, "but not a long one, I've got stuff to get done today." I knew he didn't have much time either. Phil had been working a lot of hours, and he looked a little tired.

"Here," Phil pulled a posy of purple pansies and lime green nicotiana from behind his back. They had a pale purple ribbon and tissue around them.

"Awww, pansies are my favourite flower," I told him. "How did you know that?"

"I double-checked with your dad when I ordered them."

Arthur breezed into the lobby. He seemed to have a sixth sense for any drama going on.

"Hellooo! I'm Kelly's friend, Arthur Kim." He held out a hand.

As they shook, I introduced them. "Arthur, this is Phil."

"Oh, Phil. Your fiance who wasn't really a fiance? It's a pleasure to meet you." If he inspected Phil any harder, he'd be doing a body cavity search.

I buzzed Annalise, who covered my lunches, and then excused myself to put the flowers in water. Arthur followed me.

"Is there no privacy? Are you coming in the ladies room too?"

"Of course not, that would be the last thing my image here needs."

As a florist's daughter, I put the posy in water right away with a dash of Sprite stolen from Mindy's desk. Although Dad should have included a packet of preservative. When I came out, Arthur was still waiting. Did he not have work to do?

"Hmmm," said Arthur. "The flowers aren't as spectacular, but Phil is extremely hunky. If I was JF, I'd be worried. But perhaps JF has other qualities you find attractive."

"Do you not have work to do?" I asked.

"Is it James Franco?"

"What? Get real. Look, I'm going to lunch now and we can dish later. Sometime next year would work for me."

Arthur leaned in and whispered, "Why don't you pull that doppelganger story on me again? I think if I searched your closet, I'd find the exact yellow dress of the gorgeous girl that James Frechette took to the NHL Awards. And a matching push-up bra."

"No comment," I said and walked away.

"I knew it," he hissed after me. "And someone's social life seems to be picking up, big time!"

When I got back to the lobby, I plunked the flowers on my desk. Once we were out of the building, Phil took my hand and led me down the sunny street to the Japadog street cart. The usual line-up was mercifully short. We both ordered Terimayo dogs and drinks, then walked to a little cement parkette near the waterfront.

"Never let it be said that I don't know how to treat my special girl," he remarked as we sat down on a bench and started eating. I was glad that he wasn't being all jealous and resentful about dinner. Phil's mood swings were extreme lately, but I had blamed them on myself. Today seemed to be a good day.

"Are you kidding? I love Japadogs!" I took a big bite of its teriyaki, nori, mayo, and sausagey goodness.